When Kyulkyung knocks on the door of the recording studio to call Yebin for dinner, the way she pushes open the door without hesitation comes from her experience, the knock is more of a formality. And true enough, Yebin sits hunched over the table in the huge swivel chair, her dimunitive form already made smaller from how much she had curled in into herself. The way her pen taps on the wood surface and the barely there humming Kyulkyung hears are clear indications of Yebin not knowing she is there at all. So she strides fowards and tugs at the backrest of the swivel chair, smirking mischeviously when Yebin makes the sound of a dying whale and flails her arms. 

"Mummy save m-! What do you want Kyul?" 

Kyulkyung really bursts into laughter after hearing first Yebin's shout of horror and then her exasperated huff. The shorter girl pouts and turns back to her notebook, muttering choice words that Kyulkyung knows Nayoung would have skinned her alive for under her breath. But then again, Nayoung loves them all too much to skin them alive. As she leans forward to get Yebin's attention again, Kyulkyung's eyes soften when she notices what was written on the once white, pristine pages. There are blotches of ink here and there, words that are crossed out crudely, others neatly. And then some blur together while others stand alone, surrounded by white. But Kyulkyung makes sense of the words anyways because Yebin is just so predictable. Eyes like the sunset that shines off brazen gold. Hair softer than the clouds I will never get to hold. Your smile makes me forget myself and your voice reminds me to breathe. 

"Ever the poet, aren't you?"

And the book snaps shut almost immediately as Yebin busies herself with shutting down the computer. Kyulkyung can only watch with sad eyes because she knew too well who she was writing about. Everyone did, except the muse herself. She recalls how Minkyung smiled at Yebin this morning when they were all gathered in their dormitory living room and how Yebin had returned it with one that was much too bright for 7am in the morning.

Your smile makes me forget myself.

"C'mon Kyul, let's go eat dinner. It's not good to keep the others waiting."

And the book disappears into Yebin's hoodie pocket as she leaves the room, a sleepy smile already on her face. Kyulkyung can only sigh as she follows in her wake. They walk down the stairs in a comfortable silence, already hearing the low murmur of the remaining girls chatting from the bottom of the stairs. Kyulkyung makes a beeline for Nayoung side the moment they step into the spacious room and Yebin can't help but feel a small stab of jealousy. Even though their leader doesn't show her affection much, everyone sees the way she shifts a little to the side to accommodate their sole Chinese member and then shifts back so that their knees were touching. Nayoung also doesn't say anything when Kyulkyung interlaces their fingers together but continues to watch her groupmates with a small smile on face that looks just a little happier. 

 "Hello? Earth to Yebin eonnie?" 

Yebin blinks and Siyeon is waving a hand in her face. She smiles apologetically and joins  the younger girl on the floor, sandwiched between herself and a certain giraffe. Or goddess. Because even under the glaring white light of their practice room, Minkyung's eyes still shine like the sun and the moon and the stars. And Yebin wonders if she knows that how she views her. Then Minkyung is nudging her to eat with a mouth full of whatever was in front of her and Yebin knows she does not. 

It's Eunwoo who finds her alone in the recording studio later that night after everyone had gone back home after dance practise. The door opens just a bit and Yebin raises a single eyebrow at her friend who pokes her head into the room. Then Eunwoo sighs with resignation and steps into the room.

"Is Siyeon here? She told me she wanted to run to the store after she was done with some composing." 

And if Yebin was a weaker person, she would have laughed at how obvious her friend was being. Because the moment Eunwoo had realised that Siyeon was not in the room, the radiance in her eyes had all but vanished. Yebin smiled and shook her head, quickly turning back to her work so that Eunwoo would not see the mischevious spark that dances across her eyes when ever she tells a white lie. She feels rather than hears Eunwoo's sigh and for one moment, Yebin considers telling Eunwoo that Siyeon had just taken a break from composing and had gone to the toilet. So she sits and waits patiently for Siyeon to come back and for that happy spark to return to Eunwoo's eyes. There's a click as the door opens and then a muffled yelp and Yebin does not need to turn around to know that Siyeon had buried herself into Eunwoo's shoulder. 

"Eonnie! You really came?" 

Her excitement is so palable at this point, Yebin can feel it at her skin. She stifles a small giggle as Eunwoo struggles to form a response from how Siyeon has practically wrapped herself around her. Yebin turns around now and outright laughs at Eunwoo, whose red face probably came from the close proximity of Siyeon and her lack of oxygen.

"Get going, lovebirds. I wanna compose in peace." 

There was no bite in her words and she gives the two of them the brightest smile she could muster for a timing so late. Because it's not hard to be happy when Eunwoo and Siyeon are together. And Siyeon  must have understood as she grips Eunwoo's hand tightly in hers and waves goodbye, tugging the girl out of the room behind her. Yebin lets the smile remain there for a second longer before allowing it to drop as she turns back to the words written on another page of her notebook. The jealousy she knows she shouldn't feel is burning in her entire being, hot and searing. Pulsing in tandem with her heart beat.

When you hold me close, can you feel my heart under my skin?

Siyeon drags Eunwoo out into the streets and then slows down, teasing the panting girl playfully. 

"Did we have to run? I was going to ask Yebin to join us. You know how late she stays in Pledis when she's composing." 

Eunwoo frowns at the younger girl as she sticks out her tongue in return, continuing to walk away from the building she practically grew up in. 

"I doubt it, eonnie. She was writing about Minkyung eonnie again." 

And all the words Eunwoo planned to say next dies in . Because they all know. So she wordlessly reaches fowards for Siyeon's hands and wraps them in her hers, pulling her towards the store. Siyeon knows a lot of things, she was one of the smartest ones in Pristin for God's sake. And she knows Eunwoo still feels insecure about their relationship sometimes, she was told that before by one Zhou KyulKyung. But she also knows that Eunwoo's too shy to say anything so she does. 

"I love you, eonnie. Please know that nothing will change that."

The grateful yet bashful smile that Eunwoo flashes her almost makes Siyeon want to pull her into a kiss in the middle of the the street. Almost. But instead, she commits the way Eunwoo's eyes sparkle like Cancer and Scorpio and Cassieopia under the yellow glow of the streetlights, how the corners of tilt to an angle that was just right to memory and pulls her that much closer. Only for her. The redness on Eunwoo's cheeks only intensifies and Siyeon gives it a tiny peck. The reply is soft and Siyeon barely hears it but she does.

"I love you too, Siyeon."

It's almost 4 in the morning when Yebin makes her way back to the dormitory. She was seriously considering crashing in the studio but dropped the idea altogether when she remembers that she had a bed. Thank  God they had no schedules today so all Yebin wanted and could do was drop face first into her pillows and sleep till the sun sank into the ocean. She opens the door quietly, wincing when the electronic lock whirls and clicks to allow her entry. Then she is trudging through the door and hallway, fully prepared to get to her room when she notices a soft glow coming from the kitchen. She peeks and almost all her tiredness evaporates. Because Kyla is sitting there alone, crying. 

"Illa-ya? Are you reading bad comments again?" 

Yebin's voice somehow manages to sound stern yet gentle to their youngest girl and Kyla almost falls off her chair in surprise. She shakes her head vehemently but Yebin is already closing down the page that she knows has hate for their maknae written all over it. She narrows her eyes at Kyla, who looks so guilty that Yebin feels her heart break all over again. 

"What did we tell you about this, Illa?"

"That I shouldn't read them. But, but I was just taking a break from studying, eonnie. And then I went online and suddenly there were so many I couldn't not read them!"

Kyla looks so young then that Yebin pulls her into a hug that belies her size and feels Kyla melt into her arms. 

"Kyla,"

Yebin doesn't usually call her that, only Sungyeon does and so Yebin knows that she has Kyla's attention.

"When we tell you that you are beautiful, what do you think? How do you feel? Be honest."

And Kyla shuts again, chewing at her lips. Yebin waits patiently as she props her head in her hands and smiles at her. 

"Honestly, it's like you guys are trying to make me feel better. I know the eonnies mean well and I'm very grateful that you guys have supported me thus far, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't getting so much hate, would Pristin be a more loved group? Ultimately, it's not your opinion that matters, it's the publics. And if the public doesn't like me, than what am I?"

Ah...Yebin thinks to herself, this kid has already grown up without any of us realising. So she taps her chin and asks another question.

"Then what about your own opinion?"

"My own opinion doesn't ma-"

"It DOES!"

If Yebin closes her eyes, she could almost imagine Kyla as herself, fresh off Show Me the Money and suddenly unsure about everything she was, had worked for. The members are asleep, her brain helpfully supplies and she lowers her volume to a level more suited for the time.

"It's true that the public matters but look, we're already doing pretty well. And they can't see what we see, because we don't care how you look, Illa-ya. Every time I see you, I only see a girl who has the heart of an angel and is more hardworking than anyone else. Plus, you are gorgeous, those s can ing fight me on this."

The sudden curse word shocked Kyla so much that a giggle bubbled out of and that single giggle turned into so many more that by the end of it, both girls were wiping tears from their eyes. Kyla sighs as she leans into Yebin.

"Thanks, eonnie. You always know what to say."
 
"And you, Illa. Please speak your mind next time, we'll always be there for you."

Yebin sleepily mumbles as she exits the kitchen with a single hand raised in farewell even if they were going to see each other in another 8 hours. Kyla nods even though she knows that Yebin can't see it. Yebin also doesn't see the sad eyes that follow her all the way to her room. Kyla sighs as she hears the door to Yebin's shared room click shut. 

"Eonnie, you should speak your mind when Minky eonnie is around too."

When Yebin gets into her room, the first thing she does is to slip out of her hoodie before falling onto her bed and knocking out almost instantly. If she had stayed awake a little longer, she would have heard the muffled thump her notebook made when it hit the floor, bundled in her hoodie. She sleeps through breakfast and all the noise that comes with the 9 other girls eating together. Sleeps through a certain member coming into the room to pick up the clothes that needed to be washed. Yebin dreams of gleaming gold and fluffy clouds and someone kissing her forehead with so much love, her heart clenches. But it's just a dream, her brain reminds her so Yebin wakes up, disoriented and promptly drops back asleep.

Minkyung sighs as she drops the last load of clothes into the machine, a familiar grey hoodie hanging from her shoulder. It felt heavier somewhat and as she pats the pocket to see what on earth Yebin has forgotten to put back this time, her fingers close around smooth cardboard. She pulls the notebook out and recognises it immediately, Yebin always has it with her after all. Curiosity piqued, Minkyung throws the hoodie into the washing machine and starts the cycle, settling back onto the floor to read the thoughts of her younger friend. She feels her stomach swoop down in hot jealously when she reads about eyes of brazen gold and hair like the softest clouds. Then she flips to the back and sees her name. Confused, she turns back and realises that there was a letter spanning almost 3 pages written to her.

Dear Minkyung eonnie,

Hi, it's Yebin :) I'm not good with expressing myself out loud so I thought I would write you a letter instead because Siyeon says that I only can wax poetic about you. So let's start from the very beginning. I remember when you first walked into Pledis, I was sitting in the corner, playing with Kyul some game that suddenly seemed so irrelevant. Because you were there with Nayoung eonnie and you had the shyest smile on your face, like you weren't sure you were in the right place. I wasn't sure if I was in the right place then. Pledis always felt like hell but when you came it suddenly felt like heaven to me. When you first came to talk to me, I was speechless. Remember how I couldn't look you in the eyes and only responded with grunts and single-word answers? Yep, that was me not knowing how to talk to you. Sungyeon says the word for this is 'besotted' and it means to be strongly infatuated with or to be head over heels in love with someone. But I don't really think this is infatuation, I've been feeling these warm fuzzy feelings for you for 3 years already and they only grow stronger every day.

If you're sad, I'd cry with you. Remember when you were eliminated in Produce? And you couldn't find me and Kyul for almost half a day? I was holed up in some storeroom crying my eyes out but I wasn't sad for you, because I know you'll only bounce back stronger than ever. My Minkyung eonnie is not one to give up. Instead, I was sad for the people who wouldn't get to see your shine. I pitied the stupid producers who couldn't see talent when it was dancing right in front of them, right in their face. I hated those who voted you out just because you didn't appeal to them as much as the others. To me, you shine brighter than any of the other trainees around and I don't care if you say that you still have a long way to go because to me, you are already perfect. And it's your humble attitude that made me fall for you all over again. You didn't care about your tears, when you saw me, you only wiped away mine. Eonnie, I really wanted to wrap you in the longest hug you've ever had then because I didn't know how else to let you know how I felt. I don't know how to tell you how relieved I was when I was eliminated not long after you were. A competition without you inside doesn't mean anything to me. And I know if you were reading this, you would whack my head and scold me for taking my trainee life so lightly, after all, any exposure and experience can only lead to good things, right eonnie?

I came back with the biggest smile on my face because I could see you again, train with you again. And I felt so right, like a puzzle piece that had been forcefully fitted into the wrong part of the puzzle finding its rightful place at last. Life went on and suddenly we were Pledis Girls and there were so many new songs to practice for, so many new songs for us to put our own spin on. You told me you wanted to show the world what we've been preparing for since we all started training here and I took your words to heart. Even now, as we prepare for our next song as Pristin, I'm still trying my hardest to help you show the world what we've been training so hard for. During our practices for Wee Woo, you always helped Nayoung eonnie encourage us little ones. I didn't buy a single of your lies when you told me you weren't tired and I know you wanted to show the world what it had been missing but when you look at me with those deep eyebags, my heart broke. Eonnie, they were bruising under my fingers, you wouldn't know because you were deep asleep. But it was also when I realised that your hair was really soft too.

Eyes like the sunset that shines off brazen gold. Hair softer than the clouds I will never get to hold. Your smile makes me forget myself and your voice reminds me to breathe. I was writing about you, you inspire most of my writing anyways. Remember how I said Siyeon told me I could wax poetic about you? Well, she wasn't wrong. But I am also a coward who only dares to wax poetic about you in this book, my words will never see the light of day. I'm sorry that I love you because there's so much that I want to say and do for you but I know I will never dare to. You are my secret muse, Minkyung eonnie. And I know that it is really selfish of me, but please let me be selfish, just this once. I really hope you never leave me because I don't know how to find another one. I love you so much, Minkyung eonnie. But I also want you to stay by my side forever. So this is my letter to you that you will never get to read and maybe one day, when we're all old and grey and Pristin is no more, I'll give it to you. But until then, I'll continue to love you with my whole heart and soul in secret. 

From Kang Yebin ; To Kim Minkyung

"Minky eonnie, why aren't you switching off the wa- Holy ! Are you crying?" 

Minkyung looks up from where she sits on the tiled floor to meet Sungyeon's wide eyed gaze. She lifts one hand to her cheek to confirm the tears there and quickly wipes them away as she stands up. 

"Sungyeon-ah, where Yebin?" 
 
"Her room but eonnie, the clothes!"

But Minkyung was already running in the direction of Yebin's room, leaving Sungyeon to take care of the huge pile of wet cloth that would have to be sorted and dried. Kyla walks past munching an apple and Sungyeon's eyes lit up. 

"Kyla, come help me with this?" 

Minkyung skids to a halt outside Yebin's door, past most of the members shooting her mystified looks from the living room. She puts one hand on her chest, the other clutching the notebook so hard, she was sure it was already crumpled. That was when she hears Yebin's voice rising in panic from inside the room.

"Where's my notebook, I can't find it. Siyeon help me!"

Then Siyeon's voice, low and soothing.

"It's probably around somewhere, calm down. Maybe check the washing machine? Minky eonnie told me that she wanted to do the overdue laundry this morning."

And Minkyung hears Yebin scrambling for the door before it was wrenched open and she meets Yebin's hysterical face. 

"Eonnie, did you see my- Were you crying?" 

Minkyung watches the panic bleed into worry and feel tears start building up behind her eyes again. She lifts up the notebook and Yebin's face pales. She barely remembers Siyeon but feels someone slide past them out of the room.

"Oh, thanks for bringing it back to me. I was wondering where it went."

Yebin's voice catches in and she forces herself to remain nonchalant as she reaches for the book. But Minkyung jerks her hand backwards and Yebin's heart may have stuttered to a stop in her chest. She looks up the couple of inches she loses to Minkyung and sees so much emotions in her eyes that Yebin stumbles back. Minkyung has never looked at her like that before, has never looked at her how she looks at the older girl whenever she knows Minkyung wasn't looking. So she swallows the lump in and tries for a small smile that she knows can't hide the fear she's feeling.

"Can I have my book back, please?"

Minkyung shakes her head and Yebin wills the tears away. Her hand drops in defeat and she returns to staring at her feet. Then Minkyung's hand is holding hers and she is being tugged into the room, the door clicking shut behind her. Minkyung opens the notebook and Yebin suddenly feels very, very nauseous. Because she was looking at the last three pages. 

"Why didn't you say anything to me? At least a hint would be good."

"Well now you know. Is that all you came here to tell me?" 

Yebin can hear the chill that practically seeped from her tone. She wasn't comfortable with the cards of her heart splayed so openly on the table like this. It's one of the main reasons why she wrote and doesn't speak. And now with Minkyung holding her heart in her hands, Yebin no longer knows how to feel. 

"You idiot, I like you too."

And her world feels like she's just walked into the sun and into the depths of space all at the same time. All Yebin can manage is wide eyes that stares unblinking at Minkyung. She shifts uncomfortably and Yebin knows that she is not imagining the red that dusts her cheeks. 

"Eonnie, you're beautiful."

She blurts and then her eyes widen even more after Yebin realises what she just said. But Minkyung laughs and Yebin feels her heart jump to life in her chest right at that moment. 

Your voice reminds me to breathe.

"I know, I read that in your book."

And now Yebin's cheeks flush a deep red that had Minkyung taking one more confident step closer, with a smile that was equal parts endearing and seductive. Suddenly, she was too close and Yebin was practically breathing her air. 

"I think you're pretty too, Yebin."

And they hear a squeal coming from just outside the door, promptly followed by 7 other voices shushing the poor individual.

"Sorry, we'll leave now."

Minkyung chuckles as she hears the shuffling of feet move further from the door. Then, when she turns back to Yebin, her smile is almost predatory.

"Shall we?"