They’re used to the blaring screams of a faceless crowd in a distance, lights all ablaze on stage and bright lights against a dark canvas, a replica of stars in the midnight skies.

The music moves with them, moves in them, moves them. But at the end of the thrill of those nights, all they wanted was a place to rest their bones, nerves, and heart for the night, hoping the next day would free their tangled fears and expectations.

A free schedule is a luxury to be honest. And honestly, Jimin wanted nothing more than to share the night with someone he’s been pining after a hard day’s night.

It’s not his body that’s tired. It’s his heart and mind that tells his body to shut down if it can.

And when Seulgi, wearing tattered pants and a tattered heart against her black sweater, drops by in the boys’ dorm just to see him – only to see him – Jimin becomes dissatisfied. He wants more. More of her and more from her.

He doesn’t give her a choice to pass by like a fleeting breeze.

They end up in his shared room with Hoseok and Taehyung and the two know better than to destroy a moment that the lovers have been longing for.

Jimin keeps silent, standing in front of her, as he waits for her to break the ice.

“I missed you. So so much.” Her voice cracks and there were tears pooling in her eyes. She looks down and releases a shaky breath.

Jimin breaks for her because that’s all he ever wanted to hear – her voice that did not conceal her longing for him.

And although he has full knowledge of the many girls, ladies, and women fans that long for him, she is tangible, real, and there. Her face, body, emotions, heart. They are there.

So he holds her, gently first, to verify her existence and as he breathes her in, he knows he’s not dreaming.

So he holds her, tighter this time, because he doesn’t want to let go of her.

Jimin doesn’t tell; he shows. Shows her how much he desperately misses her too.

He lays her down with him and just holds her.

They’re used to the blaring screams of a faceless crowd, lights all ablaze on stage and bright lights against a dark canvas, a replica of stars in the midnight skies.

It refreshes Jimin to have a familiar and beautiful face up close, too close to him and if he could get any closer than close, he would. He presses oh so tender kisses to the skin on her forehead, as if to make a mark that he is hers, and she to him. This makes her cling more, the heat from his skin melting all her frozen limbs and nerves, and she’s only wanted to ever be this close to him. And if she could get any closer than close, she would.

He lifts up her face so he can taste her soft apple lips again. She presses her lips to his cherry plump ones, and it was all too sweet, like they’ve tasted heaven.

They softly knock their heads against each other as they breathe in each other’s mouths.

Jimin chuckles as he pulls away hesitantly, a blend of soft and coarse rumble on his throat.

“I missed you too. More than you think.” His small eyes press into lines as he smiles sweetly at her.

She was unable to say another word as she becomes distracted with the way he looks at her – captivated even.

“Are we doing a staring contest?” Jimin jokes as he softly pecks at her lips to bring her back to reality.

Seulgi blinks away her dumbfounded thoughts.

“Don’t worry, we could do it all night long if you want.  I wouldn’t mind.” He comes back at her with a laugh in his voice.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…it’s been too long since I haven’t—we haven’t seen each other. I might have forgotten what you looked like.” She mindlessly says as she picks at the collar of Jimin’s shirt.

He frowns as he ponders at the last time they’ve been together before this and his heart lurches when he realizes it’s been too long and how Seulgi says she might have forgotten what he looked like—that wasn’t a nice joke. The fact lodged through his heart and he felt guiltier than ever.

“What’s wrong?” Seulgi worriedly pries.

His brows meet in the middle as he takes Seulgi’s hand into his and intertwines their fingers.

“I’m sorry.” Jimin kisses her knuckles in apology making her in a sharp breath at the sudden affection and he continues.

“I haven’t been good to you. To us. I—“

I should have known better than to keep us grounded with each other.

He thinks. They’re both in the right age but their timing isn’t, as they are at the prime of their careers and dreams. It’s a miracle to Jimin that s gave them their full support as they welcomed her with open arms, never thinking of her as a burden, and unquestioningly entrusting Jimin’s heart to her. (Since for the most part she was one of the many reasons why he doesn’t give up on his dreams. And these dreams involve her too.)

“Jimin?” Seulgi taps her interlocked fingers against his. His eyes were closed, lips still on her fingers, breath shaky.

They look at each other’s anxious eyes and they clearly know what’s running in their minds.

“I don’t want us to fall apart…not now. Not ever. But I hope you can forgive me. Please. Give me more time to prove it.” He tightens his hold on her hand to emphasize his sincerity. Seulgi kisses it back to accept his apologies.

It is now Jimin’s turn to drink all of her image in, engraving in his heart and mind her precious existence.

And the more he looks at her, the more he realizes that she’s worth it. He knows he’s insufficient for someone as beautiful as her – inside out – but it’s through the hard way that he’s learned how to reach for her.

He remembers the first time he laid eyes on her. He knew he was in for trouble, but he did not, could not hold back.

His appreciative thought about how they came to be is short-lived as Seulgi starts to speak up about her own perceptions and reflections of how they are now. And it was quite the contrast of how sure Jimin felt about the two of them for a little while.

“I’m scared Jimin. What if we don’t – and things will be different in the future – will you still be there?”

Will I still be there with you? Will you let me stay?

Jimin’s thoughts run and run wondering about the future. But he backtracks for a moment – the journey of their relationship flashing before his mind. What was his life before her? What does she mean to him now? And what would it be like if she wasn’t there with him for another year? Two years? Ten years perhaps?

It’s a narrow road for the kind of relationship he envisions in this kind of world he’s living in – one where he can hold her freely anywhere, meet with her anytime, with no one breathing down their necks and where tight schedules weren’t so much of an obstacle.

Is this the start of the different kind of future that Seulgi is thinking of? That even in the present they could not find their way to each other no matter how much they want to?

“Will you let me stay? Will you let me stay long enough to get us through this? We can go beyond it in the future, won’t we?” Jimin pleads without realizing that he was doing so, but his last question isn’t just for himself. He’s asking her too because if she wanted them to, she’d do the same wouldn’t she?

Seulgi thought of it, looking back, way back to how it all started. How they started.

How everything was a fulfilling rollercoaster ride of doubt, bliss, and wonder when they started falling for each other.

It was surreal and natural all at once, finally knowing how it feels to be in love and treasuring how special Jimin was to her heart for making it possible to learn to love someone as precious as him.

Everyday felt like Christmas, Valentines, and birthday parties as cliché as it sounded.

Love was a celebration. But she never thought that love hurt too.

Loving him but not seeing him as often hurt.

Loving him and being criticized for it hurt her.

Loving him but doubting how they truly feel…it hurt.

It hurt a lot, that love wasn’t as perfect as she thought it could have been.

And the hurt probably outweighed more than the love she wants to give and receive.

She thinks of everyone affected in this and how it would be better if they weren’t meant to be.

We can go beyond it in the future, won’t we?

She only answers him with silence and Jimin can sense that this isn’t going anywhere.

“Then just stay with me tonight. Just for tonight. I won’t ask for anything else after this.” He breathes heavily as he stares at her forlorn eyes.

Seulgi is sorry, showing it in the kisses she gives him and stays as close as possible to him like it’s the last time they’ll ever be like this.

But at the end of the thrill of those nights, all they wanted was a place to rest their bones, nerves, and heart for the night, hoping the next day would free their tangled fears and expectations.

There will be more fears the next day, turning them into restless hearts inside restless bodies.

They both can’t help it. They’re too in love that it hurts just as much.

It’s tragic how love takes so much time to build up but when it comes crashing down, it only takes closed eyes and broken hearts to end it in a split second.

Hence, they close their eyes and let it all go for now.

aaaah, i know, i write too much seulmin angst (but seulmin and angst are synonymous, no? xD)

i will try another pairing next time but this piece has been long overdue, i can't believe it's been almost a full year since i've written this, like this was written back in january but i've only ever had the heart to finish it now.

i think i had to go through three low phases this year just to finish this and this week has been my lowest as i've just lost my grandma who i've been staying with for the past two months. :(

but anyway, i only thought of finishing this after i remembered i still have a 'serendipity by jimin' inspired seulmin fic (see here) which kinda feels similar to this because it's also based on their reality and i thought, why don't i just turn this oneshot into something like a prelude to that fic? maybe not a prelude but like a more zoomed in/ in-depth view of how their love comes to a pause ( 'pause', take note, not an 'end' ;) ) during one of the scenarios in that fic ^^ it's not done yet. i wouldn't know when i'll be able to finish it even though it's kinda halfway through, so i hope this sad little piece of fic will do for now><