The trip back to their apartment is dead silent. No one says a thing, no one tries to lighten up the atmosphere, not even Jongdae. It isn’t that they don’t want to speak because they don’t know what to say but because they don’t seem to find the right words and the last thing they need is making it worse for Baekhyun.

A sobbing Baekhyun who’s still fervently covering his face with his hat and hands, looking down and avoiding any type of contact.

One by one they get inside and by the time Junmyeon closes the door, Baekhyun is already out of sight. The sound of a door closing lets them know where he went. The rest of them look at each other, their eyes darkening in a mixture of sadness, bitterness, and annoyance. Sehun’s the first to speak, his voice tinged with hurt.

“I don’t get it… I really don’t get it” His arms are crossed in front of his chest, his nails sinking into his skin as he speaks “They call themselves his fans and that they love him, that they’d do anything for him, that they adore him and so on yet they hurt him like that?”

Jongin bites his lower lip. Of all the people in the living room, he’s probably the one who understands the feeling the most. They both shared a dating scandal and Jongin’s constantly criticised for his hairstyle, thing in which he has absolutely no saying. Dating and physical appearance.

So that’s all it takes for fans to leave them? The thought is heart-breaking and it has him chewing on his lower lip. What pisses him off the most is that it isn’t even true, Baekhyun isn’t ugly without makeup, Baekhyun isn’t horrible without makeup, Baekhyun isn’t any less beautiful, he’s just as blinding whether he’s wearing makeup or not.

Junmyeon sighs and brings a hand up to rub his temple “There’s no explanation for that nor can it be justified but it happened, Sehun-ah…” By seeing his angered expression, he adds “We can’t do anything about that but we can focus on helping Baekhyun so let’s do that, okay?”

Minseok nods “He already knows how disappointed we are in them so I don’t think that’s what he needs or wants to hear”

“I’ll go cook something for him, that usually cheers him up” Kyungsoo whispers and goes to the kitchen, his hands clenching into fists as he remembers how Baekhyun refused to eat months ago because of that stupid diet. He almost starved himself while working out, all for them and even if Kyungsoo knows not all their fans are like that, it still brings him down to know some of them are.

“The rest of us, let’s think of something else” Junmyeon suggests and goes to sit in one of the couches, the others following suit.

Jongdae pats Chanyeol’s shoulder a couple of times before squeezing it “Go make sure he isn’t doing anything stupid”

Chanyeol’s expression denotes how heavy his heart is feeling and it makes Jongdae grimace.

~*~

Baekhyun is staring at his reflection, his eyes slowly traveling from his forehead to his nose, his cheeks, his lips, chin and finally back at himself. He eyes his face once again, frowning when he sees his freckles, gripping the sink when they reach the mole on top of the corner of his mouth, and he feels angry tears threatening to leave his eyes when he notices the red blotches around his nose and the small, barely noticeable pimples on his forehead and around his cheekbones.

Don’t take your makeup off.

We don’t like that.

He unconsciously runs his nails down his face, not even feeling the sting of the scratch.

We don’t like you without makeup.

He tries his best to avoid sobbing as his hands desperately look for the BB cream, foundation, concealer and beauty blender in the pantry behind the mirror. He starts applying all of them, he knows it’s either foundation or BB cream and a concealer but he doesn’t give a , if using all of them shuts the voices in his head up, then he will use all of them and make them happy.

Don’t take your makeup off.

The beauty blender makes sure to cover all of his face with the different products, even if Baekhyun is furiously tapping it against his skin in a way that would make anyone squint their eyes in discomfort. We don’t like that. He makes sure to cover every imperfection, absolutely everything, no more freckles, no more unnecessary moles, no reddish nose, no shiny T-Zone, no disgusting pimples. Nothing.

Once he finishes he lets everything drop on the sink so he can look at himself again. He takes a step back carefully and raises his head very, very, slowly, as if he’s afraid to look at his own face. No, scratch that, he’s afraid to see his other face, that’s not his natural face, that’s his blemished, perfected face. Another face that even if it’s still his, isn’t his at the same time.

Keep your makeup on.

We like that.

How foolish of Baekhyun to think that his precious ones will love him without any alteration. How stupid of him to have been happy with his bare face. He can’t be happy with that, that’s disgusting, people he loves don’t like that. We like you with makeup, yeah… With makeup.

Doesn’t matter if it’s unhealthy for his skin, doesn’t matter the future negative outcomes, doesn’t matter if it hurts him… All that matters is what they want, isn’t it? If that’s what his beloved ones want then Baekhyun, being the loyal and dedicated person he is, will give it to them so he can see them happy.

He keeps staring, his gaze focusing everywhere so nothing escapes his eyes, so he can fix whatever he needs to fix.

Someone knocking the door interrupts his thoughts though. He ignores it, if he doesn’t reply, the person will eventually leave and he’ll be able to keep beating himself up.

Unfortunately, Chanyeol’s not that type of person.

He keeps knocking for minutes and he won’t stop until Baekhyun opens the damn door. After what seems the hundredth time of trying, the door opens up slightly. As expected, Baekhyun’s not showing his face and he’s hiding behind the door “Is there something you need?”

Chanyeol sticks his foot between the door and the frame in case Baekhyun tries to shut him out “Yeah, I need to be with you”

Baekhyun’s fingers tighten around the doorknob and he sighs when Chanyeol adds “And don’t even try pushing me away because you know it’ll have the complete opposite effect” He’s about to say something but the taller guy beats him to it “Don’t tell me ‘I need some alone time’ either because we both know it’s a lie”

A quiet, insecure chuckle can be heard and after a couple of seconds, Baekhyun opens the door to his room and lets Chanyeol in. He closes it with his foot and when he turns the lights on, his heart sinks. Frowning, he goes to the bathroom and rummages until he finds the makeup remover, cotton balls and cleansing towels “Chanyeol?” Said guy ignores him and leaves everything on the nightstand before walking towards him, stopping dead in his tracks once he’s in front of him so he could stare deeply into his eyes.

“You’re beautiful”

“Yeah, because I’m wearing makeup” Baekhyun replies with a fake smile. Chanyeol eyes stay on him as he shakes his head slowly.

“You’re beautiful with or without makeup” That seems to hit the smaller guy like a truck. His smile falters in a second and his lips curve down, disbelieving “You are beautiful with or without makeup”

Baekhyun looks up at him, his eyebrows furrowed “I’m no---”

“You’re beautiful with or without makeup”

“Chanyeol, I’m---”

“Beautiful with or without makeup” Chanyeol interrupts, his expression serious but warm. Baekhyun opens his mouth to say something but Chanyeol cups his face and gently pulls him closer, keeping his head up so the smaller guy doesn’t look away “You’re absolutely stunning with or without makeup”

I wanted to remove my makeup first before coming~

Noooo

You don’t like it?

We don’t.

Haha, you guys are heartless!

His eyes become teary and it breaks Chanyeol’s heart even more. He’s been through enough, he’s had enough, Baekhyun doesn’t deserve this, he deserves to be happy, cheerful, to smile and laugh and enjoy life “I… I---”

“You’re beautiful with or without makeup” Chanyeol reassures and takes both of his hands to give them a reassuring squeeze. Then he gently pulls him towards his own bed. Chanyeol sits first until his back touches the wall and then guides Baekhyun until he’s sitting on his lap. Baekhyun lets him, not really in the mood to put up a front anymore. It’s Chanyeol, he trusts Chanyeol, he loves Chanyeol, Chanyeol can see his vulnerable side, if it’s Chanyeol, it’s okay, he’s safe.

However, the moment he reaches for the cleansing towels, he feels his chest closing and his breath hitches.

Don’t take your makeup off.

Don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t take your makeup off, don’t t