Without anyone knowing, without even me knowing
I don’t know when but you came into my heart
Tears fell yesterday and tears are falling again today
With my head down low, I’m looking at you
 

I look at you for the last time after we are declared divorce. I hold your soft hands for the last time, trying hard not to cry, to ignore the pain piercing my heart. I ruffle your soft hair, the one that I caress every night when you’ve fall asleep. I hug your tiny and delicate body so tight; because once you left this place I won’t be able to hold you again in my arms.

“Hyung...” I still hug your body tight. You softly response to me, definitely I’ll miss your voice a lot. “Yes Jae?”

Pressing the urge to cry, I just want to feel your soft plump lips for the last time. “May I kiss you for the last time hyung?” Luckily you nod your head. I slowly kiss your forehead, your beautiful eyes, your cute nose and last your lips. I fondle with his lips softly, I want to savor this moment.

After little moment, I look at him again closely. “I hope you’re happy hyung, and about the baby-“He cuts my words.

“Don’t worry, me and Johnny will take care of him. Like what the judge said, you can visit him once a month. Good bye Jae.” With that you left me standing and watch your back slowly disappear. Finally, the tears that I’ve been holding all these time, fall from my eyes.

“I’m sorry hyung, and I love you.”

Love has come without you knowing
Without any reason, you’re in my heart
All alone, I repeat these words as I cry
Do you know?

I sit on the sofa and look around the house. Our wedding picture, standing tall and dull, like our marriage. To be honest, I am happy to be your husband. Tough short, but I really enjoy my life with you. Yes, we weren’t married because of love, ours was an arrange marriage. But hyung, there are things that I keep inside my heart.

Like when I saw you for the first time, I was captivated in your beautiful eyes.

Jaehyun sits next to his parents and wait for the guest to come. He turns to his mom “Eomma, should I really do it? I mean, we never met and then bamm, we get married?”

Jaehyun’s mom hold his hands and smile “Trust me Jaehyunnie, he is the perfect match for you. I know you don’t like this idea, but we promised your grandfather that we’ll wed you with the Lee’s son. So please Jaehyunnie.”

Not long after that, the Lee’s are coming. After the introductions, Jaehyun can’t take his eyes off from the smaller man. Deep inside Jaehyun say ‘Oh my god hyung, you really are beautiful.

If only you know hyung, that you’ve been here, inside my heart, since the first time we met, will you change your mind? Do you know, that every night in your sleep, I caress your hair and whisper my love to you hyung? Do you know how hurt my heart is when I found out you’ve been dating with other man secretly?

I guess the answer for all is NO. You never know it hyung. Your action and my ego that make me force you to have with me until you’re pregnant with our baby.

The one word that you draw inside of me

The one word that is always hidden inside of me

I’m looking at you, I’m always by your side

But I can’t say the words I love you

Hyung, how can you be so mean? The moment I found out that you’re pregnant, you give me the divorce paper.

Jaehyun is beyond happy when he finds Taeyong’s health report and it’s stated that Taeyong is pregnant. He quickly dials his mom’s number and tells her the good news. Then Jaehyun hears the front door is open. He rushes to go out and hugs Taeyong.

“Jae, we need to talk.” Taeyong doesn’t respond to his hug and his tone is cold towards Jaehyun.

They sit on the sofa in the living room, and then Taeyong gives an envelope to Jaehyun.

“What is it hyung?”

“Just open it.” Taeyong refuses to see Jaehyun. When Jaehyun takes the paper and read it, his heart shattered.

“D-divorce paper? Hyung?” thousands of thorns pierce into Jaehyun’s heart when Taeyong nods his head.

“I can’t continue it anymore Jae. It feels so suffocating living with you. You do know that I’m not willing to marry you in the first place, I have someone already and –“

“And you’re still seeing him.” Jaehyun cuts Taeyong’s word. “I will not sign this paper. You and your baby are mine hyung!” Jaehyun tries hard to suppress his anger.

Taeyong looks at him shockingly “How come you find out that I’m pregnant?”

And with that they have fight.

Hyung, don’t you feel my heart when I hug you? Don’t you feel how it beats wildly when I hug you? Don’t you feel my affection from all my action? I always be by your side, no matter how cold you are to me, but then that day you make my heart beats in pain. Does Johnny always tell you how much he love you hyung? I know, I never say that I love you out loud, but I guess my action, my gaze and all that I do for you screams out loud that I love you.

Always be by my side, only you be by my side

Those words are still inside of me

All alone, I repeat these words as I cry

Do you know?

Hyung, I really wish you change your mind and run back to me, your shelter, and your pillar of strength. To you, only Johnny is the place where you’ll back to. Am I that horrible hyung? Ever since you gave me the divorce paper, you refuse to share room with me, and I used to whisper from your room’s door every night.

Here is Jaehyun, standing in front of Taeyong’s room with tears streaming down his face. He puts his hand and leans on the door. “Hyung, you’ll always be by my side, I only want you hyung. I love you. Please I beg you, please stay here.” Jaehyun knows, even though he shouts his feeling towards Taeyong, it won’t change anything. Taeyong still want to get divorce. Jaehyun can only whisper his love, his wishes, his everything from outside.

“God, please I beg you. Please let him be by my side.”

I look at our wedding rings with blurry eyes. Tears are streaming from my eyes hyung, will you wipe the tears away? Will you put on the ring on your finger again hyung? It’s only few hours after we are declared divorce, but I already miss you like crazy.

Look at the kitchen hyung, it looks so empty without you there cooking or baking something. I look at your room, the one that you’ve been staying these 3 months. The white bed sheet, the walls, the table and chairs, all full with your memories with him, not me. I lay my head on your table and I see your drawer, you even left your things hyung. Do you really that desperate to erase me from your life? But, you bring one thing from me that can’t be erased, our baby.

The one word that you draw inside of me

The one word that is always hidden inside of me

I’m looking at you, I’m always by your side

But I can’t say the words I love you

Words that my heart says

I love you more than myself

I want to love you

I pick one of your favorite shirt and inhale it. It has your smell hyung. I remember this shirt was the one that you wear when I saw you kissing with Johnny. Am I not sacrificing enough for you hyung?

Jaehyun can’t sleep these 3 days. Taeyong is sick and his fever keep on coming back and forth. He sees Taeyong is in pain, he caresses his soft hair and when he hears Taeyong mumbles, he is also in pain.

“Johnny… Johnny…” Taeyong mumbles in his sleep.

Jaehyun cries “Hyung, can you please call my name once?”  

Do you see me every time I talk to you hyung? I try my best to be the best man, even more than Johnny, but you never see me once. I see that you never wear or use my gifts; do you hate it so much? The watch that I gave on your birthday, the perfume that I bought when I went to Paris for business and the other things. You just keep it in the drawer.

I can’t do anything now hyung, since the beginning you’ve rejected me, so I’ll stay quiet and wait for you. Maybe there will be miracle, maybe one day you’ll return to me. I’ll wait for you and our son hyung.

“Taeyong hyung, I love you.”