Chanyeol was walking home from school, headphones on. It was a slow, mindless stroll. The cool crisp fall wind was blowing and Chanyeol was taking his time to enjoy the view. It was nice feeling the cool breeze feathering his face, trying to blow a little of his stress away. Definitely a good time not to not think about anything right now. He was in no hurry to get home, enjoying whatever time that he can get to rest. 

Though he really need to catch up on his never ending homework. 

A notifcation lit up on the screen on his phone, causing him to be distracted from his thoughts. 

Soo:  "Yeol-ah, are you joining us in the game?"

Baek: "Yeah, join us please. We miss you. ( ́ ◕◞ε◟◕`) " 

Soo: "Didn't you just saw him during lunch just now, Baek ( - _ -)?"

Baek: "Yeah, but it's different because he looks so much cooler in the game. No?" 

Soo: "Stop being an idiot. He ain't even replying us."

Chanyeol could not help but smile. It was little things like that that got him through the day. Even though a little game would not hurt right? The academic force must have been strong with him when he decided that he could not afford the gaming time since he actually had procrastinated the work from the day before and had a ton waiting for him. The game would only just have to wait then. 

Me: "Nah, I'm cool. You guys go ahead. I got homework."

Baek: "WHAT?!?!?!??!! ARE YOU CHANYEOL????????"

Baek: "How can you do this to us?"

Baek: "We waited for you to play the game. The Game."

Baek: "Only for you."

Baek: "But you betrayed us. Now how are we supposed to be friends???"

Baek: "HUH?"

Baek: "PARK CHANYEOLLLLLLLL."

*Soo exited the group*

Chanyeol guffawed out loud. He almost almost hear the disbelief and whining from his friend. They never failed to make him feel better. After the exams, he promised to make it up to them. But for now, he stared at the road leading him back to the way of hell. 

Ugh. Thinking about it made Chanyeol’s head throbbed harder. Another pile of homework to do since entry tests to university were creeping in on them. The teachers had started to freak, hence the workload on them. It was really tiring for everyone but Chanyeol felt it had it the worst.

What Chanyeol needed most now was sleep. But sleep equates to the horrible nightmares that he had been getting all this while, causing him to dread sleeping even though that was his favourite hobby. His health was taking a toll from all lack of sleep and homework. He rubbed his eyes groggily, exasperated.

It started a year ago. The night of his 17^th birthday. Ever since that night, he was consistently dreaming of this dark place, that simply reminded him of hell. Probably where he would end up in when he died from all the stress that he have from the work that he had to do. Thinking back of the place just made Chanyeol feel the stress creeping back up his shoulders all over again.

Chanyeol could almost sense the familiar throb in his head, thrumming rhythmically with every step he took. It was a way his brain announcing, “Another migraine coming right up.” Chanyeol wanted to laugh at his situation because, really, what else can he do?

His nightmares were progressively worse, especially now it was a month to his next birthday. Chanyeol does not understand what does it signify but a hunch told him that it was not something that he should look forward to. Him being drenched in perspiration and the endless muscle ache in his calves should been telltale signs.

“Argh.” Chanyeol moaned, feeling another stab of pain in his head, his fists clenching tight. His vision out entirely and he was brought to the familiar setting of heat and darkness. Chanyeol looked around, dumbfounded. This was the first time it happened during the day and when he was outside. What is going on? He was awake this time.

How did this even happen? 

Looking around, Chanyeol could barely make out some mountains and weird infrastructure. It was hot as hell in here. Heck, this could be hell for all you know. Chanyeol shuddered, feeling a slight chill down his spine. His eyes already accustomed to the heat fanning against his cheeks and Chanyeol hates the heat.

The sudden awareness hit him in the gut. The lull of the heat felt familiar, as if he had known this his entire life. It rolled over him, coddling him like a huge blanket of comfort during a rainy night, making him feel safe. The weight of recognition tugged uncomfortably at his heart.

It felt like family.

A sudden clap of thunder scared Chanyeol out of his wits, and that usually signalled the end of his dream. Chanyeol would normally jerk up in bed, drenched in sweat. He squeezed his eyes shut and prepared himself to finally wake up and return to his familiar poster bed and figurines. Chanyeol peeked one eye open and found himself still stuck here in the wilderness. He was confused.

Shouldn’t I return home now?

In between the dark outline of mountains, he could make out the figure of a phoenix rising, screeching as it rose up the sky. Its fiery wings glowed brightly, illuminating the darkness. Chanyeol quickly bent down , his heart pounding fast. He huddled into a small ball, trying to shield himself from whatever that was about to come, preparing to be burnt to shreds. 

The phoenix in question extended its wings, causing little sparks to flicker towards Chanyeol. The phoenix cocked its head, eyeing at Chanyeol, seeming as confused by Chanyeol’s appearance. Chanyeol blinked in confusion. It seemed like the phoenix had almost wanted to Chanyeol with its wings. What on earth is going on?

This was no longer a dream anymore, Chanyeol realized. This was too vivid to be one.

Chanyeol could feel his throat constricting, thick, as if someone poured glue down his throat. He was struck by the reality of this dream. Deep down, Chanyeol knew that he was supposed to be here, to find out whatever he was meant to do here. But what was he supposed to find out and what had its significance got to do with all these dreams that he had been getting? How was he supposed to know if nothing was given to him to find out.

White, blinding pain sliced through his vision, leaving him momentarily blinded. Something within him responded to the call, the warmth of this place. A part of him knows that he belongs here and led him here. He turned to look up, only to meet the eyes of the phoenix which seemed to realize that he was aware.

Suddenly, the heat of the fire was no longer soothing, but it was buzzing and fiery. It only got more robust. The phoenix let out a shrill screech and drew closer to Chanyeol. Its wings did nothing but made the heat worse, as it fanned its enormous wings, closing the distance between them. Chanyeol cowered down in fear….

And he took huge gasps of air, wheezing. He kneeled hard on the pavement, his legs giving up on him. He was too disoriented to stand up anyways. Chanyeol swallowed hard, his stomach churning from the dizziness. Beads of perspiration soaked through his ivory uniform, as if he had run a marathon. Chanyeol took small puffs of breath, trying to breathe this massive block of fear that sat uncomfortably amid his chest.

The pungent burnt smell flesh from that place still lingered in this air. Chanyeol was close to heaving his late breakfast on the walkway. He slowly paced his breaths “One, two...” until the familiar sign boards and roads came back into focus. Fortunately, his vision cleared up as quickly as it came. No longer the dark place and hot place smothering him.

The cool autumn breeze caressed his cheeks teasingly, a whisper so soft graced his ears, “Soon, child.”

Chanyeol broke into a sprint. All he wanted to do now was to go back. To the comfort of his bed and his mother's nagging. He wanted this to be nothing but a bad dream so he could just wake up and announce this as another one of his nightmares.

What he did not notice, being deep in his denial, was the row of flames flickering teasingly behind him.

∞

It was time for Chanyeol to come home.

Why isn’t he back yet? You fidget nervously.

You barely saw a figure sprinting into the house but not before you saw the pavement was slightly singed like someone burnt through them. What was stranger being that it led to your house. You sprinted downstairs to Chanyeol’s room.

"You rushed down just in time to have the door slammed shut to your face.

Why was there was a burnt smell coming from Chanyeol’s room?

Was that smoke you saw from his shoes?

You stomped to the living room and settled yourself on the couch. You could feel your face twisting into a nasty frown and you could not help being grumpy. You had waited so long for Chanyeol to be back and all he did was to slam the door in your face.

Chanyeol panicked while pacing around in his room. What happened just now had to be a bad daydream or something. “It could not have been real. I need to sleep this off. It will all be fine.” Chanyeol hopped onto his bed, settled down in between his thick comforter, reassuring himself.

“Chanyeol-ah, come help me with dinner.” A firm voice rang out.

Chanyeol groaned. “Coming,” He all but dragged himself to the kitchen. Chanyeol feared his mother more than his own death.

 “You better go and talk to her.” Mama Park nudged Chanyeol in the direction of the living room when he arrived in the kitchen. “She waited all afternoon for you to come back.”

Chanyeol could not believe that his mother was pushing him to die. You would not want to disturb an angry animal, fearing that they would bite you. Okay, you were not an animal but you definitely had bitten Chanyeol more than a couple of times. Nonetheless, he knew that he had to pacify you when he saw a looming figure in the living, a dark aura of grumpiness clouding.

Chanyeol called out, ruffling your hair. “Hey, gorgeous. Wassup?” You felt the heat creeping up, tinting your skin in flickers of pink. It might have been the run from just now, you thought. Denial much?

You were even more convinced that it was the adrenaline that was the cause of your tiny heart flip.

“Stop teasing her,” as she placed a fruit platter before you, fussing how thin you looked and something about kids these days. You smiled at her appreciatively, hugging her tightly. You were more than grateful that someone was fussing over you and even more so, that it was Chanyeol’s mother.

A gagging sound on your left reminded you that despite being a year older, he had the mental age of ten. Two resounding smacks had landed on two different places, his arm and his forehead. That should teach him a lesson. The mark glowed bright pink. You might have used a little too much force but pink was a nice colour on him anyways.

“What the-, “Chanyeol grunted, holding his forehead.

“Mind your language, or else, your weekends are mine.” His mother tutted before leaving to complete the tasks on hand.

“You don’t love me,” Chanyeol whined pitifully, with a pout. He turned back and cried even louder. “But I’m your biological son, Mum.” Was that tears you saw in his eyes? You rolled your eyes. You swore if he put his heart to it, he could go into acting and come out as one of Hollywood’s biggest star.

Mama Park just ignored her son totally, causing you to snigger obnoxiously.

“So, why did you call me just now?” Chanyeol turned back to you, pouting, after he realized that he was not going to get the attention he needed from his mother. His warm breaths tickled your arm as he snuggled closer to you after you settled down in the couch.

His eyes fluttering shut as he leaned his full weight against you. His cologne and warmth oozed comfort and you can’t help but let out a small sigh. During times like this, you realized that Chanyeol is a gentle giant. His heart is huge as his height, always having more to give.

This was not the first time he had initiated skinship but it was the first time that you felt your heart thumping so fast. You swallowed slowly, anxious that Chanyeol might hear your heart beating so loud and so fast. 

“Did you miss me?” dragging out the e playfully, causing his smile to be wider than ever. The intent to tease was clear in his beaming smile, but you were in no mood to play.

“Shut it, yoda,” you pulled his ear.

The both of you settled into a comfortable silence. With Chanyeol, it was always a given that noise would accompany him wherever he went. Like how a painter filled up his canvas, he filled up the blank space between him and anyone with words, trying to minimize the void or any awkwardness he felt.

It was times like this you appreciated a different Chanyeol that he came to show you. There was no need for words because there were no voids to be filled between the two of us.

Like how you fit right into his arms.

“Are you okay,” you muttered softly, concerned over Chanyeol and his dark eye circles. It was already glazed over zombie eyes that really had you worried. It got worse since he was studying really hard to enter into a local university and get a scholarship but you seemed to see him dazing out more than usual.

“It’s just the usual, you know?” Chanyeol whispered back, his fingers grazed your skin lightly, trying to distract you from the topic. “School, band and homework but I’m fine.” Chanyeol tried to assure you by nodding vigorously. You nodded back, bobbing your head heartily. Both of you broke into peals of giggles. Dork.

“Really?”

“Really.”

It made you happy seeing Chanyeol happy because you wanted to be the reason for his smile. The haunted look on Chanyeol's face left a bad taste in your mouth. You could not help but wonder what was the reason why he was so tired lately.   

∞

Dynamic Duo's Guilty was turned up to the max volume. You could hear Chanyeol strumming his guitar, harmonizing while he sang. It was not that bad. Chanyeol could sing. But it was only 4 freaking am and the rest of the world needs their sleep. "Can he shut up for God's sake?" You hissed. You could only cover your ears with multiple pillows, wishing Chanyeol's insomnia would go away for good. 

You would never know how his friends at school tolerated him and his multiple personalities.

You saw only two friends came by, twice, in the years that Chanyeol had been studying in his current school. Once, it was during Chanyeol’s birthday party and the other one was when Chanyeol was sick and they delivered his homework. You did not like strangers but you did not mind their company, though you were too shy to let Chanyeol know. He would have teased you till no end but all you wanted was for Chanyeol to be able to invite his friends to his house.

You vaguely remember the names, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. They stayed across the street so Chanyeol went over quite often. Both the boys were similar in terms of height and very good looking but they were two very opposite individuals.

Baekhyun was what you call lively on a nice day. Well, he seemed more like an overexcited puppy 90% of the time. You could see how he was friends with Chanyeol. They were too energized and animated when they were in the same room. It was almost like placing too highly energized bunnies together. They fire each other up, like a conference of energy. Oh boy, when they start on computer games, you feared for your ears.

They were always pushing your humanely limits of acceptable noise level.

Kyungsoo was the quietest person you have seen, with the occasional veiled jokes, shaking shoulders and death chokes. He was always the one to calm the two other noisy twats. With his fist or that adorable round eyes that meant serious business when the two took it a notch too high. Despite it all, he. Was. An. Excellent. Cook. The kimchi pasta that he made the other time for Chanyeol was to die for. You almost stabbed Chanyeol in the ear just to have the last mouth.

They recently started a Youtube channel together, making music together. Their band name was Sweet Lies. You tried your best not to roll your eyes when you first heard the name. Chanyeol was so proud of the band's name, given that he was the one who thought of it. 

“Sweet Lies. The three of us so stunning in terms of musical talent, visuals and honey vocals. Let us give you everything you thought you always wanted, ignoring all signs of warning and danger.” Chanyeol smirked. Nonetheless, they did garner a hoard of screaming fangirls at their gigs now.

You rolled your eyes in disbelief but you could not deny the talent nor the packages of food and letters that were delivered to your homes. The ugly head of jealousy reared wildly and it did not settle well with you. You almost tore the letters up before you realized what you were doing.  

You were appalled at your own actions but you were definite that you were just training Chanyeol to be a more humble person and not give in to the attention. Definitely not because you were irritated with how Chanyeol got giddy with attention, giggling over the love letters those girls left at their mailbox. Or how he fumbled about when two girls approached him to sign for them, while praising how handsome Chanyeol was. 

Nope. You were just trying to gain more karma points by breaking Chanyeol's ego into peices.

∞

There was this familiar smell of smoke again. Chanyeol was not home and Mama Park was not cooking anything. Remembering that day, you were tempted to ask Chanyeol about the smell of smoke in his room everytime you past by. He knew that your fear of fire, so he would not do anything to invoke your fear on purpose. Well, it wasn't exactly what we call fear.

Your first memory of fire was from your family.

It was not the candles on the birthday cakes. Neither the fire from the barbeque pits.

Something, or rather, someone started a fire and eventually, all you could remember was the scorching heat and the thick smoke clogging your airway before waking up at the hospital. You lost everything and everyone you knew. Yet, you could not bring yourself to cry or mourn over the people who were supposed to be your family because you drew blank in your head when shown their faces.

Who were they? You questioned.

It was a miracle that you only suffered minor injuries and a memory loss. That very miracle was diminished as quickly as it appeared. The police started suspecting that you, a ten year old, was responsible for the fire. The nonchalant mask you had on only egged the police into believing that you might have been a suspect. It was only until the stress of questioning and facing silence that they finally gave up.

It took you months of counselling and therapy before you could speak once again. You refused to acknowledge the disappointment and suspicion in the policemen’s eyes when you met their eyes, confirming that you had no memory of what happened that very night. Not even hypnosis or therapy could bring you back to that very night and you sincerely prayed to always live that way.

Even though it was a traumatic experience, you honestly thanked whoever who scared you bad enough that you never recovered your memory. It was a good idea because you would never want to remember. You would not even dare to try search for answers to the questions you were not ready to ask yourself.

It took years to recover from that horrendous night. Even now, you still get random flashes of heat and nightmares, as if your mind is trying to force you to go back to that very scene. To search for your long-awaited answers. Denial had you curling up into a small ball, forcing yourself to block out every minuscule detail. Not without leaving scars like a trail of ashes in its wake as it burned along with your nightmares.

Loss and departure were no strangers having to bounce around families. You quickly learnt not to be attached to anyone. At a tender age of ten and having your heart broken because you were someone that nobody wants was even a worse torture than being interrogated by the police. They only wanted to be your guardian because of the money that you would have accessed to once you reached 18. 

The social workers had one last chance left, or you had to be sent to the orphanage for good. Since you were always running away from your foster homes, it meant the chances of adoption was low as well. Nobody wanted a ten year old kid that was defected. Nobody wanted a rebellious kid. 

Chanyeol's mother took you in unconditionally, once she found out that you were all by yourself, when she was contacted by the social workers. You were closed off and rude, convinced that she would eventually sent you back. You already gave up on having a family. The only family you had had passed away. Gone.

Chanyeol's mother was the one who brought you back together, bit by bit. You were filled with tears of gratitude, thinking about her patience and willingness to tolerate all your tantrums and rebellious. She was hired to take care of you when you were little but quit when you were old enough to not have a nanny. Despite not being very wealthy, she was always giving. Giving you the attention you need, giving you the crave and giving you enough space to trust her. It helped that Chanyeol was relentless in being your friend, trying different ways to get you to warm up to him. 

He was always getting you to play with him, read to him and eat with him. All you ever did was to slam the door in his face. Chanyeol took it upon himself to befriend you, despite the numerous failures. One night changed everything.

It was Chanyeol's birthday. He was finally 11 years old. Chanyeol was excited to have his birthday cake and most importantly, to blow out the candles. There was something about fire that he loved. The way it dances in front of your eyes, as if it was doing a little dance to celebrate your special day with you too. It also illuminates everything when it was dark, making Chanyeol feel safe and at home. 

Naturally, Chanyeol wanted you to celebrate his birthday with him. You were part of his family now and someone special to him, so he wanted to share his special day with you. To cheer you up, Chanyeol had decided that you would be the special one to blow out the candles. He would never let anyone do that. But Chanyeol would not mind if it was you. 

"Come. Please," Chanyeol pouted cutely at you, shuffling his legs nervously. "It's my birthday today."

Who could resist?

Chanyeol pulled you out of the room. You were not very willing, but given that you did not slam the door in his face. It was a good sign already. 

"Hurry, mum bought ice cream cake," Chanyeol yelled into your ears, while he jumped about excitedly, rushing to off the lights. 

"1."

"2."

"..." 

You slapped the cake away. The happy birthday song had not been sung but the mood had already been ruined. You did not mean to damage the cake but the fire on the candles freaked you out. You ran back to your room, as fast as your legs could take you. The room spinned around so fast, you felt like throwing up. You crouched behind your teddy bear, a gift from Chanyeol's mum, willing yourself to calm down. 

You were so sure that Chanyeol's mum would now kick you out of their house. It was Chanyeol's birthday afterall. Feeling bad, you peeked out, opening your door a little. 

"Why does she not like me?" Chanyeol sniffled, rubbing his snot away like the big boy he was, despite having big fat tears rolling down his chubby face. 

"Give her some time, Yeol," his mother his hair lovingly while staring at you softly. "She will love you, the way you love her."

After day, you learnt to trust Chanyeol and his mother, bit by bit, while picking up pieces of yourself as you went on through the years. For her, you were willing to try. You were not totally broken, yet you were not totally fixed. The knowledge left you in a dark place. Chanyeol and Mrs Park only waited quietly at the side, a sturdy support that you knew you could rely on. They waited patiently for you to come to them.

The nights of having to forcefully wake up from choking dark smokes and acrid burnt smell. Mrs Park held you tight, her warm arms cuddled you as you cried out in pain, holding pieces of you together. 

You got better. The fear of people had you being homeschooled but you eventually managed to get into a university with a full scholarship. Now, you were just waiting for Chanyeol to finish taking his entrance test so thta both of you could enrolled in the same university together. You cannot wait to experience school life, since it would be your first.

More importantly, it was with Chanyeol.

∞

"Yeol. Shall we go to Coldplay?"

"Yeol?"

"Okay." 

"I already got the tickets."

"Wow, I found the only reason I love you now."

"Mummmm, she hit me again."

∞

a/n: it was a bad chapter ; ~ ; but i hope yall enjoy the first chapter. please give me feedback and what you would want me to improve on because im pretty bad at this. Would beta'd it as a whole. have a great day/night nonetheless. ily sweetheart out there. Peace out x