Friends? Friends.

Dara is in love to her best friend since who knows when. And when she finally got the courage to confess, will everything turn out well for her?

Or will she had to eat a gallon of chocolate mint ice cream like those heartbroken girls from the movie she tends to watch.

I do not know what came to me when I decided to meet with him on one rainy Friday.

And I guess I am seriously out of my mind when I called my friend to have a drink before the meeting. Well, yes, I only had like a can of beer and that’s it, but it is really something for me since I vowed not to drink any alcohol beverage in my entire life.

“You can do it.” My friend—Bom said. Her round brown eyes are staring at me as if she is trying to channel her inner super courage into me.

“I don’t know.” I slurred. Suddenly, uttering a word is so hard for me.

“It’s now or never.”

It’s the truth. I mean, when will I be able to have courage like this again?

Oh wait, how the hell did I even get myself into this situation?

A dare.

That’s where it all started.

A dare to myself.

It was a very messy college life. I’m tired and I feel like everything is so dark and chaotic. Deadlines are killing me, toxic block mates are testing me and there are the high expectations of my family. I can’t technically blame them since I am like, the first one (ever) to graduate college. My older sister dropped out and my brother is still a toddler trying to crawl on our living room. So the burden is on me. Yep, I’ll be the other ‘bread winner’ of my serene family—next to my dad.

And there is nothing wrong with that. I am more than happy to serve them. Mom and dad suffered a lot just to get me through college, and now I am going to make them proud.

I had this belief.  Give and take. Do something in return.

So I told myself during the first day of my fourth year in college; if ever I’ll be able to graduate on time, I’m going to confess to him. I am going to tell Kris that I love him. Damn with the consequences. Just let me graduate on time.

And heaven heard me I guess, since my graduation picture are now immortalize at our beige colored wall—attached in a golden frame that my mom insists on buying. She would wipe the smooth surface of it every now and then and I can’t do anything but to shake my head. There’s not even a speck of dust on it! I swear if given the chance, she’ll hang it in a tarpaulin outside our house or maybe have a billboard of it.

Thank goodness we don’t have any extra money for that. Because I know mom would definitely do it. She is that extreme.

Anyways, so yes, since I was able to graduate on time…now it’s time to do my dare.

And I am so not feeling chill.

“Everything will be fine.” Bom gripped my shoulders and shrugged me.

I nodded.

“Just remember. Don’t expect anything.”

I guess it is the common mistake that everyone does in lieu of confessing their love to someone. I know that it is the usual mentality—like we all think everything will turn out well and our special someone will gather us on their arms after confessing but that is so not true.

We all expect and will end up hurt because of it.

No matter how many times we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t expect—but we are only humans. It is as if, we are all programmed to expect. We can’t help it. The least that we could do is, expect the unexpected or go with the ‘negative’ expectations. So when things doesn’t turn out well for us, it won’t hurt that much (maybe), and if we are lucky enough and they will reciprocate our feelings, then let us all do the chicken dance and celebrate.

Now, I’m expecting the worst.

Damn rain.

I don’t even have an umbrella because the inner I became so lazy to find my umbrella back at our house. I swear, aside from our remote control, hair tie; an umbrella is the most find-me stuff at home. I am even thinking if my little brother ate it, because the last time I checked—he tried to eat my sister’s hair tie.

His family owns a small café; I would stay there for hours whenever I have free time. Their hot chocolate, cinnamon doughnut and cappuccino is to die for. Their place is popular for students given that it is near in two High School establishments.

I tried to shield myself from the drizzling rain with my palms held up over my head, and as if it will help. I jogged my way towards their Café and sighed with content the moment I arrived.

There were a few students lounging inside and I was welcomed by the aroma of coffee. It was nice.

I took a deep breath before walking towards the counter where I saw him sitting.

“Hey.” I greeted.

And he looked up from his laptop screen.

And smiled.

There he is.

Kris Wu.

I’ve known him since kindergarten. He has this permanent frown on his face that surprisingly went well with his facial feature. He is tall. And his gummy smile will never fail to make my heart flutter. We grew up together. He is quiet most of the time but has this different persona when you actually got to talk to him through text or emails. In person he’ll mutter a few words to you but in text and emails, he is a whole new different person. He can send you random stuff and rants. He’ll chat with you for hours. I guess he was never the type to be good in expressing himself in person.

He loves to cook and experiment. He doesn’t like coffee and prefers drinking tea. He has two dogs named Princess and Pitchy. He dreams to travel around the world. He doesn’t like eating anything spicy. And he is a great-loyal friend and a loving son.

I watched him grow into dazzling man. The type that will make girls cry. But amazingly, after all this years—he is not involved in any romantic relationship. I am dying to know why but I am too scared to do so.

He is gentle.

Not too patient but he knows how to wait.

He is honest.

Simple.

And I guess those are the few things that made me love him.

More than a friend.

“Hey” I greeted.

He looked up from his laptop screen and smiled.

“There you are! Oh? Let me guess…no umbrella?” He quirked a brow to me and I nodded. I just realized that my hair is slightly wet and my shirt has tiny water marks on it. Ugh.

“Go sit there, I’ll bring you hot chocolate and strawberry muffin—my new recipe.”

“Okay.” I went to the table for two beside the glass windowpane, I love the serene atmosphere of the place and I smiled when I recognized the music being played in the background. It was the soft sound of a piano piece titled Mariage d’amour.

I gave him a list of pieces that he can play in the café. Most of them are instrumentals. Even though we don’t share the same taste in music most of the time, since I am on the dark orchestra side and he is on the slower and light one—we still enjoy listening and talking anything about music. We try listening to new music together and exchange opinions about it and it soon became one of our favorite bonding activity.

After a few minutes, he came with a tray full of assorted breads.

“You really want to give me diabetes.” I said as he sat down in front of me.

“These are all new recipe and I would like you to have a taste and give me your opinion. We are still planning which bread should we include on the current menu.”

“Okay...” I exhaled. There is a feast at my table. Even though I am planning on watching my diet, who cares right? This is free food that we are talking about. Free food!

I tried the strawberry muffin first. It looked just like any muffin out there but I know it will taste good. I mean, anything that Kris makes tastes awesome…okay, I am just being bias. But for real, he is a great baker or cook or whatever you want to call him.

I didn’t even bother using a fork, I just grabbed the muffin and took a big bite. He is used to my big appetite anyways.

It is not too sweet, and the texture is soft and I can taste a hint of cinnamon amidst the strawberry flavor of it. It has enough amount of filling on it plus I can chew some small chunks of strawberry. It was delicious.

“It’s good.” I gave him a thumbs-up right after I finished chewing.

I stared at the other bread in front of me. Some are too pretty that I feel bad eating it. He also gave me slices of cake and my mouth watered just by the sight of it.

“You don’t have to finish all of them; you can have them at home. I’ll also wrap some for your parents.” He said and he took the breads that I wasn’t able to eat since I am already full. I sipped my hot chocolate and I can feel my energy bursting through the roof. I would have preferred a coffee right now except that I don’t need caffeine on my system since I am already nervous as hell for some reason.

I looked at the counter where I saw Kris packing breads and putting it on a paper bag.

It is now or never.

I took my mini notebook inside my bag.

It is really now or never.

Oh gosh, I can feel my heart thumping out of my chest.

Okay. I need to calm down.

Damn, I can feel my hand sweating.

And I feel like I need to puke and go to the bathroom.

Inhale…Exhale.

Inhale…Exhale

I repeat it for like five times and when my phone vibrated on my pocket, I gasped.

I almost dropped the rectangular object because my hands are sweaty.

I saw a message from Bom and I can’t help but to smile.

Pssst. You’re an amazing person and if he doesn’t see you that way then there’s always staying as friends and more fish in the sea!!! Remember, you have us always okay?

Said the text message.

I swooned. I really appreciate her positivity and support in times like this. She knows exactly what to do to cheer me up. I took note how I’ll give her a call later.

I gulped and took my mini notebook and stared at it for a while.

It took me few minutes last night to write down the things that I wanted to tell him. More like, for him to read. I may have gathered enough courage to confess my feelings for him, but not enough to say it out loud that is why I resorted to writing everything down. It is not long by the way; just some short phrases.

1^st page

I like you

….and it’s been a while.

2^nd page

I guess I’m too scared to say it out loud that’s why I just wrote it down.

3^rd page

I am not expecting anything in return.

I just want to let it out.

4^th page

So, no awkward moments please?

5^th page

Friends?

6^th page

Thank you J

I was supposed to give him a four pages letter but then I realize that—it will take time for him to read it and who knows what I’ll do…run... maybe even before he got to finish the whole thing. And I just wanted him to know that I really like him. That’s it. I’m contemplating whether I should write “I Love You” but I guess those words are too heavy. I decided to take it slow.

I took a deep breath.

I could already see him walking back at me and I do not know what to do. Part of me wanted to run while the other is being brave. Okay, I think I’m going crazy.

My mind is flashing me images of what could (potentially) happen.

One. He will hate me.

Two. He will hate me and he won’t talk to me ever again.

Three. He will hate me and he will take back all the food he had given me for today.

Okay.

I am really going crazy.

I’m gripping my notebook and I don’t know whether to keep it again.

But just like I said before, it is indeed now or never.

Plus, this is also a dare to myself. I must practice keeping my words.

Yes, I can do it.

No expectations.

“Here you go.” Kris huffed as soon as he took his sit.

I gulped.

I am already not thinking straight and I need something to calm me down. I grabbed my phone from the table and saw my earphone peering out of my bag.

I immediately plugged it and went to play a random song.

“Read it. Turn the pages.” I said in a low voice and I can’t even look at him in the eye.

And no, I don’t have any plan to watch him read my notes.

I pressed the earphones against my ears firmly out of frustration.

I am too nervous and I am already regretting eating a lot a while ago since I can already feel it going up on throat.

Oh dear, no…not today.

I gulped. Hard.

I am still not looking at Kris. I can hear the pages being turned and my feet are itching to run. My mind is screaming me that this is the end. Yes, I am that much of a drama queen. Don’t blame me.

A chuckle.

That’s what got my attention.

Slowly, I lifted my head and turned off the sound from my phone—I just realized that I am not even listening to the loud music since I can’t even remember what song was being played.

And when I get to look at the man in front of me, I saw him smiling.

Okay?

I didn’t mutter any words towards him.

“I knew everything since elementary.” He said.

I knew

Elementary

Since

Elementary

He knew.

He already knows.

Elementary.

Oh gosh.

And my mind out.

“Oh.” Was all I was able to say.

He nodded his head. His smile never disappearing.

I gulped even though I can feel that my throat is already dry,

“Thank goodness.” Okay, I don’t know where that came from. I feel high to be honest. I reached out for my notebook slowly—trying to avoid any unnecessary movements and placed it inside my bag.

I guess when you are too nervous or lost you will do the most random things out there. As for me, I can’t even think anything but to bang my head against the hard surface of the table. If it would be just like any other day I would have hissed and maybe tear up a little but it is different now.

“I feel like a ton was lifted off my shoulder.” I mumbled and Kris laughed.

And after a minute, I turned to look at him. There is something in his look that made me calm.

And surprisingly, I am thankful that I was able to confess.

His eyes bore through me and I just know that somehow…everything will be fine.

I smiled.

“No awkward moments?” I asked him. My chest is now feeling lighter than before.

I feel fine.

“Of course.” He said, once again there was the smile that can mesmerize anyone.

I am happy.

“Friends?”

I thought it would hurt too much to asked or say those words towards him…but I can’t trace any pain in my chest as of the moment. It could be the adrenaline or something, but I guess I am just thankful that he is still in front of me, smiling. The panic inside my mind was long gone. Everything is going well. I am feeling well.

“Friends.” He answered.

No expectations.

Courage.

Two things that helped me a lot with everything that had happened one rainy Friday.

I said that I’m fine and my unrequited feelings will never bother me. But that is a lie.

And there is nothing wrong with feeling hurt.

We are all bound to experience it.

We are all entitled to feel it.

I cried.

And cried…

And cried….

I ate a tub of chocolate mint ice cream with Bom.

We watched random cat videos on Youtube.

I listened to a lot of heartbroken songs.

And there is nothing wrong with all of that.

It is my way of coping.

I realized that some things will never go the way you wanted it to.

Kris is still my friend. We are still talking…I feel like nothing has changed.

And that is all what I need right now.

I thought he will run away from me.

Ignore me.

But he didn’t,

And I am thankful.

And that is all what I need right now.

And I guess there is just one thing that I regret with that one rainy Friday.

That is: I wasn’t able to ask him of his feelings…if ever there is hope.

If I should wait.

But truthfully, the fact that he knew about my feelings years ago and didn’t ignore me or showed any awkwardness towards me…is enough reason for me to wait. And if ever, regardless of his answer; I will still be here.

Yes, I’ll still wait.

I will wait.

Author's Note: Let's just say, this story is my 'reality'.