On Thursday afternoons, rain would continue to shower until a figure, waiting by the shed, would remain there. Jongin would clutch onto the umbrella for dear life and stare at the window with a burn, when suddenly the figure disappears and the umbrella, finally unclenched by numbing fingers.

Jongin was a notorious trouble maker. While Kyungsoo was a notified watcher and a hater of the extreme. And yet above all Jongin's wild tendencies, he kept Kyungsoo at bay with all the familiarities of calm by his side. Although he always wondered why, even though the rain was one of the possibilities of danger, Kyungsoo would not bring an umbrella. And Jongin would.

During break time, Jongin wandered into Kyungsoo's class with curiosity. It was Thursday and it was raining.

Spotting a seat that was vacant, Jongin blended in the class with ease. But a minute or two, people were already filling up and staring at him with wariness and questions placed on their faces. Kyungsoo, however, walked to him and asked with a familiarity, "What are you doing at my class?"

"Waiting for you." The answer was very much at ease. No second thoughts. Just the bared truth.

Kyungsoo exhaled, sitting down next to him. Not saying any other word that contradicts Jongin's presence. Only silence. A comfortable one that Jongin was willing to hold on to.

*

They first met with Jongin clutching onto Kyungsoo's shirt and a punch almost ramming Kyungsoo's soft cheek.

It wasn't the nicest meeting ever but since then Jongin always wondered why he never punched Kyungsoo that day. And eventually began to question why he needed to punch Kyungsoo that particular day. But he decidedly did punch Kyungsoo one day. It wasn't the best feeling he ever got. It was pathetic actually. He was pathetic.

"Remember when you punched me?" Kyungsoo laughed while eating ramyun and Jongin, who was slurping the same food, spit a few. Kyungsoo instantly shoved a few tissues on Jongin's mouth. "Clean that up or I swear I'll--"

"You'll what?" Jongin arched an eyebrow and smirked a little when Kyungsoo was a lost for words. He grabbed the said tissues and wiped the spared noodles on his shirt and said, "It's your fault. Remembering the past all of a sudden."

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and began to continue eating and ignoring Jongin's curious gaze. "Back then I was so scared why you didn't punched me and when you did, I cried so hard." Kyungsoo laughed while Jongin tried to hide the embarrassment. "You thought I was pathetic."

"I did."

"You didn't even denied it," Kyungsoo bore his eyes on Jongin's. And Jongin laughed.

"Your parents were the scariest though."

"You deserved it though."

After laughter died down, there was a little silence that came afterwards but Jongin was alright with it. Because being in Kyungsoo's home with ramyun warm in his hands and a humming tv that was ignored throughout his stay, was already enough.

"But you know what's more scary than my parents?" Kyungsoo spoke with a question, drifting into the confined space Jongin was softly breathing in. In a minute of momentary silence, Jongin was beginning to drift into a sleep he wasn't aware of when he kept listening to the sound of Kyungsoo's breathing. But Kyungsoo's stern posture said otherwise.

"What?" Jongin hummed with a smile, humor still in tact.

"You coming to my house with more bruises each day."

*

"Why do you always fight?" Kyungsoo once asked when they were at a desolated park. The night, a shadow of midnight blue and the stars, a vast sea expanding into the horizon.

They were sitting at two empty swings, and Jongin remained reluctant to answer as Kyungsoo gazed at him with a question left hanging in the air. Sighing and feeling the air punching his gut, Jongin answered with a gaze directed above, "I don't know."

Jongin, afraid to shift his gaze since he was expecting a disappointed look, was surprised to hear laughter erupting from Kyungsoo's lips. "And I don't know why I keep on lying to your parents about this."

"Because we're friends," Jongin declared. It was more of a convincing statement rather than a declaration. "And that's what friends do."

"Then I'm a terrible friend," Kyungsoo said after awhile.

Jongin threw an arched brow towards Kyungsoo's way, a wonder in his mind. "And why's that?"

"Because I keep telling myself that I will tell your parents," Kyungsoo argued, his eyes focused and intent on his own promise. "That you keep being involved into reckless fights."

"You wouldn't."

"Already did."

*

For a week, Jongin never spoke to Kyungsoo. Truth to be told, Kyungsoo did told Jongin's parents. But it never stopped him from escaping the walls baring his house.

It was unexplainable. The thrill of punching the thin air and ramming the deserted outskirts of the unknown. But what was upsetting was that Jongin was still weak. Weak enough to be beaten to a pulp the next day. He thought he was already stronger than he was before. He thought that no one would get to punch him anymore. No one. And he wouldn't let his pathetic self try to fight the weak no longer. He wouldn't stoop so low anymore to beat Kyungsoo, just to feel some invincibility like the people that beat him before. Jongin would never go back there.

So when he was already at the doorway of Kyungsoo's front door and was knocking on the harsh wood, a surprised Kyungsoo opened the door.

"You're hurt again--"

"Please don't tell," Jongin begged. "Please. Just this once."

Kyungsoo sighed. A heavy one. But a small smile still formed on his lips. "Let me treat your wounds first."

Jongin was surprised at how eager he was to go inside and to be treated by delicate fingers that deserved to be cared for, unlike Jongin's bruised knuckles. And before he knew it, Jongin let it out, "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For punching you when we first met."

"And?"

"There's an and-? Ouch--"Jongin yelled as Kyungsoo roughly poured an acidity that felt more painful than any of his scratches on his skin. "Alright. I'm sorry I ignored you for a week."

Kyungsoo nodded. "Would you stop fighting then?"

The feeling of gentle hands treating rough ones only tightened Jongin's heart when beating after beating kept thundering under his ribcage. "I don't know."

*

Throughout the lessons Kyungsoo diligently listened to, Jongin was asleep. So when Kyungsoo nudges him to wake up, everyone in the room already left. And the rain was still an intense force, crashing with such intensity.

"Should we go home?" Jongin offered the question.

"Go home first. I'm waiting for someone," Kyungsoo denied the offer.

Jongin was curious as to why his childhood friend grew to be akin in waiting in the enveloping danger around the building. Kyungsoo was the searcher of peace and safety. While Jongin crave for the sensitivity of danger. And the rain was definitely shifting to the danger part as thunder began to echo throughout the structure.

As Jongin was intent on waiting for Kyungsoo with an umbrella in his hands, he stayed at the entrance of the university. But Kyungsoo already had an umbrella, with someone under it with him.

*

Jongin was for most of the week, gone and out of sight from university. He let himself be succumbed by cigarettes and artworks that screamed for freedom. He usually visits museums and dance studios. But most of all he hides this vulnerability to fighting and hurting himself in the process. He would come home with bruises and yells inflicted on them. His parents, tired of him acting like a rebel, and Jongin, tired of playing the act for quite a while.

Going into one class after leaving a lot of absences, Kyungsoo spotted him and instantly was standing in front of him with worry creasing his milky white skin. "You're hurt again." And there it was again. Those familiar concerned eyes that kept gazing at Jongin. "Where were you?" Was the first of the many questions that were yet to come from Kyungsoo's plush lips.

"You know," mumbled Jongin, wincing at how the cut on his lips hurt a bit. "Finding danger around the corner."

"When will you ever stop fighting?"

"I don't know." Jongin bowed and shook his head, staring at the white tiled floors. "Maybe until I get stronger."

"You're already strong Jongin."

Kyungsoo's hands found Jongin's, and this was what he was waiting for. For Kyungsoo to heal all of his wounds. To stop the ebbing pain with a touch of familiarity and words of comfort and safety. It has always been like this since Kyungsoo found Jongin in his doorsteps with an apology that came with the wounds. It was a familiarity Jongin was not ready to let go.

"Let's go home?" Jongin asked with a smile, for home was with Kyungsoo. Home was in reality, two houses away from Kyungsoo. But Jongin preferred calloused hands fitting with safe ones, momentarily squeezing pressure as a sign of comfort and understanding. That was home.

"I can't." Was Kyungsoo's reply. "I'm dating someone Jongin. You should go home first."

But home is being with you, were the words that got stuck from Jongin's throat. So he had to suppress it and only answer Kyungsoo with an, "Okay."

*

Rain reminded Jongin of fruitless fights and his face scraping the harsh ground. Sometimes it'd be knuckles punching his jaw, his stomach and it'll leave him doing the same thing. But bruises and blood stained cheeks doesn't mean the rain would eventually stop.

Dragging himself towards the familiar streets towards his house, he stopped two houses before his. Jongin stayed there, with no umbrella, the downpour drenching his crumpled shirt and washing the blood out of his skin.

He kept reminding himself that no longer was his bruises an excuse to be at home, to be where warm hands heal the pain, to be where Kyungsoo was. Jongin was no longer needed, he kept reasoning out.

"Jongin?"

Hearing his name, his eyes gave out. He thanked the cold rain for disguising the continuous tears from flowing. As Jongin kept his head low, his tears hidden with the rain, Kyungsoo was already in front of him. Kyungsoo's hand was holding a bag of groceries and the other one was holding Jongin's, the umbrella already forgotten on the cold hard road.

"You're hurt again." The voice was laced with worry and such sadness that Jongin's tears won't stop. "Let's go inside."

Jongin let Kyungsoo lead both of them inside his house. It was the same routine whenever Jongin got into a fight; Jongin would wait for Kyungsoo to heal the pain and Kyungsoo would not ask for a reason from Jongin.

As Kyungsoo grabbed a towel to dry the water from Jongin's hair, Jongin embraced the small figure. He concluded that every time he had a chance to sniff Kyungsoo's scent, it smelled like home. Like the smell of after rain. And Jongin never wanted to let go of it.

"Jongin?"

"Five minutes." Jongin's voice sounded soft and weak, it's as if his voice was the one wounded instead of his body. "Please."

Kyungsoo nodded, letting Jongin hold on tighter because within the scent of home, there's a different scent. Like an intruder barging in someone's home. And Jongin lets a sob out.

*

For three months, Jongin counted the bruises tainting his body. He wondered if the patches and bandages hiding his wounds would hide the pain he felt whenever he saw the distance that marked his and Kyungsoo's friendship.

Jongin initiated the distance first when Kyungsoo introduced his girlfriend with such proud and awe. Jongin wanted to remove the bandages itching under his skin because suddenly there was a burning sensation within his wounds. He felt compelled to smile and shake hands with the stranger since Jongin is Kyungsoo's best friend. But standing there with eyes flickering once or twice to spot the difference between their relationship to Jongin's, he said with sincerity, "You both look good together."

And to which Kyungsoo grinned with a scarlet evident on his cheeks, "Thanks."

Jongin would count the smile as a bruise. Since then, it had been hard to smile at something. It's as if the wound blocked and forced his system to forget how to smile. And eventually his laughter died down as well. What he never forgot was how to fight and block the punches and kicks.

There was only one time he remembered he went to the hospital. It was in grade school when he first got his first punch which led to a lot of crying and a little bit of bleeding. That time felt the most vulnerable moment for him. Exposed and hurt for strangers in white coats to diagnose. But now that his system was accustomed to physical attacks, there was no more reason to visit the hospital.

Until the words, "Kyungsoo's in the hospital--" abruptly changed Jongin's perspective.

And maybe the reason why Jongin's never been in the hospital since then was because of Kyungsoo.

*

It's been a week since Kyungsoo's been admitted to the hospital. With no sign of waking up, with no reason as to why it had to be him and with the amount of time Jongin regretted that he left Kyungsoo's side.

Seeing Kyungsoo with bruises and blood trickling all over his skin, was a familiarity to Jongin. And it made his lungs claw for air.

It was an accident they said. How a car swerving with unsteadiness almost killed the person Jongin held for dear life. And how he longed to interlace his hands with Kyungsoo's. But his girlfriend was always by Kyungsoo's side. While Jongin stayed outside, trying to forget his bruises that have already healed.

A week turned into two weeks and that duration of time told Jongin that it had been so long he fought with someone. And he wanted for it to remain that way. No fighting. No bruises. Just healing. A lot of healing.

He returned to the university, with no Kyungsoo. He studied and made up with lost time. It was a lot of healing but Jongin was not alone. Kyungsoo was healing too.

Although classes almost ate a lot of Jongin's free time since he had to finish what was left and it was a lot, judging from his absences in classes, he would still visit Kyungsoo and wait for his eyes to open.

There was no more sense for danger. As much as possible, Jongin avoided anything that had to do with wounding himself physically. He would return at his house with a woken mind and body and hoped that Kyungsoo would be the same.

On Thursday afternoons, Jongin would stay longer than usual since rain would crash louder and Kyungsoo's girlfriend would leave earlier than usual for her part time job.

When Thursday came and Jongin finished all of the make up classes he had to attend to, there was an urgent instinct that followed when rain drizzled. He walked out of the university with light speed and remembered each crook and nook of the streets that would give way to the hospital.

It was a happy thought when Jongin would remember the arguments he and Kyungsoo would have as they trudge along the busy streets with laughter and giddiness echoing. A mixture of strangers laughter and two identical ones. Sometimes silence would also reign through their short and long walks. And Jongin thinks it's fine. If it means Kyungsoo's there by his side, with cheeks flushed from the rain, eyes wide and alert, and lips parted. If only Jongin could smudge the partition with his, then maybe those wide eyes would only grew wider and those flushed cheeks would turn into a scarlet Jongin was willing to reciprocate.

But it was only a happy thought. And happy thoughts were never welcomed by the sudden crash of rain. And would never be welcomed by silhouettes walking down towards Jongin with another sudden intensity that it almost knocked him out. But the scrapes of skin meeting the harsh ground only reminded of Kyungsoo's bruises. And blood. A lot of blood.

"Stand up."

Jongin wanted to really start anew. To wake up with a new start and a new skin with no hidden wounds. But the throbbing pain on his leg only made the wounds reopen. And bleed again.

Spitting the blood out of his system, Jongin looked at the silhouettes staring down at him. And he had to laugh. Because this part of his life would never go away even if Jongin wanted to. He would forever fight for a strength he knew he never needed.

But Jongin had to try. "I don't want to fight."

All of them laughed as cynically as possible. Even Jongin wanted to laugh at how pathetic he was turning out to be. But he needed to stop. He needed to heal. And he needed Kyungsoo.

Taking blow after blow at a dark alleyway near an abandoned shop, Jongin could see a glimpse of the hospital Kyungsoo was staying. He could see the clouds going darker as his vision disintegrates from the blood trickling down his face. His left cheek was pushing the ashen ground and his arms, a limp by his sides. As kick after kick battered both of his sides, he remembered that Thursdays were the only days he had Kyungsoo for himself.

Exhaling the cold air that formed with the rain, Jongin stood up with a fist gnawing silhouette after silhouette. But it wasn't enough. Jongin was hurt and weak. And he was desperate to leave. So as he took another fist around his stomach, he clutched and embraced the cruel pain that followed.

"This is pathetic," the guy on the left said, bored. "Let's go." And maybe before, Jongin also thought fighting the weak was boring. Pathetic even.

Receiving another punch in his guts from the onlookers glaring his way, hope began to flicker in Jongin's eyes as each one of them left with the lack of interest. Letting out a groan and a growl of frustration, Jongin laid there for a mere second and quickly levied himself for support from the walls of building after building. He knew he looked terrible when people stared at him with a glint of wariness and concern, but Jongin ignored them. Because time was running out.

Arriving at the steps of the hospital, nurses and doctors came to Jongin's aid, a question on their faces and hands ready to assist him. However, what he needed was not those hands but Kyungsoo's.

"Sir please, you're hurt," a gentle voice smoothed the roughness of Jongin's ragged breathing. "We'll treat you--"

Jongin furiously broke away from the nurses arms, while curious and worried patients and staff workers looked at the scene where Jongin continuously flee away from.

As he ran with the only strength he had left, Jongin stopped at Kyungsoo's room. Jongin didn't knew what came to him when he had the urgency to knock at the door. He was running out of time, nurses and doctors were searching for him, his mind was in a terrible haywire at the moment and the only thing he wanted was Kyungsoo's hands on his.

But there was no answer.

Jongin waited until he heard running footsteps and frantic voices coming his way. He immediately went inside the room and slid the door to a close. The room revealed Kyungsoo, still asleep.

Jongin never wanted to appear before Kyungsoo in this state ever again. With Jongin's bruises that reminded of Kyungsoo's accident, with Jongin's cuts that reminded of glasses slicing Kyungsoo's skin, and with Jongin's warm and calloused hands touching Kyungsoo's cold and soft ones.

"Wake up hyung," Jongin whispered, as he rubbed smooth circles on Kyungsoo's palm. "Please."

"He's here." Voices outside said. With the door opening to which shocked the silence, Jongin stared at the hand that he was holding. It moved. Kyungsoo's hand. Moved.

"Hyung?"

"Sir, please go outside," the nurses pried Jongin with such strength that it forced him to stray away from Kyungsoo's hands. "You need treatment."

"I need to stay with him," Jongin begged. "His hands are moving."

"Sir you need to calm down and head outside for treatment," the doctor insisted.

"I know him," Jongin yelled. "I need to be with him."

"We'll look at the records later but for now--"

Everyone was now looking at Kyungsoo's twitching body as the shifting of sheets became evident enough for the nurses and doctors to ignore Jongin. When Jongin was the first to move towards Kyungsoo from the silence that only came a second, nurses immediately rushed and dragged him out of the door.

"Please, I need to see him--"Jongin tried to form the words when he felt something pierce his skin. A metal piercing that could only break his wounded skin to feel numb. "I need to know---if h-he's--alright--" His words were a blur, his vision was a velvety fog and his last piece of strength was sliding down on the white tiled floor.

*

The next day that followed was a blur. The window by Jongin's side said so. The rain created a misty fog that covered the vague structure of buildings forming on Jongin's glassed window.

It kept raining even after Thursday.

Jongin looked terrible. It was a state he was finally not proud of. Even if the urge of going to Kyungsoo's room filled his desire to go to him, Jongin remained where he was. Because Kyungsoo was still asleep, they said. Moved momentarily and then went back to sleep.

So when he saw the rain finally came to a light drizzle that eventually stopped, Jongin went out of the room and headed to Kyungsoo's.

The door, slightly ajar, revealed Kyungsoo awake. His girlfriend, crying and embracing his figure. And his parents smiling and caressing Kyungsoo's skin. Jongin stopped. He scanned the bandages on his injured body and touched the patches placed on his cheeks. There was no more room for collateral damage.

And then he finally realized that what Kyungsoo needed was not the cuts and bruises Jongin have, but healing. A lot of healing and the after rain itself. Not the harsh rain. Definitely not that.

"Jongin?"

And this time there was no cold rain to cover his disguise.

Kyungsoo smiled with worry in his eyes and continued, "You're hurt again."

a/n: i'm on break finally yessssssssssssss