When he woke up that morning, there was a suitcase laying on the blankets of the other bed. Sitting up at the edge of his own bed, he stared at the strange thing for at least five minutes, eyes still full of sleepiness. Understanding struck him like a lightning, but he didn't flinch. He ran a hand through his messy morning hair, yawned and then stretched his body. Having a new roomate wasn't a big deal itself, but giving that he never had one before, he didn't know how he should act at all. Pushing the concern to the side, he stood up and headed to the bathroom. There was more important at the moment, like his damn math test coming up for his first period. For that too, he wasn't prepared at all.

Once he was ready, uniforms on and tie in place, he lifted his backpack and placed it on his right shoulder. The shower was so refreshing on his tired body that he stayed under the water jet a bit too long and resulting, he was late and had no time left to rob something at the cafeteria. Bye chocolate muffins. Dashing out of the residential, he nearly tripped over the small steps of the entrance and earned disapproval looks from the students passing by. Well, they could think what they wanted, he had nothing left to lose anyway. 

He passed the classroom door few seconds before the ringbell and took his place somewhere at the front, feeling intense glares piercing his uncovered neck, as usual.

-

Their new classmate was standing in front of them after the incredible mess caused by all the flying sheets. At the end, a wise mind took advantage of the situation and decided to throw several tests through the window, yelling that some were finally missing and that it was really unfair for everyone if this mocking test was registered. The teacher couldn't do much more than admitting it and planning another test for the next week, exceeded by the loud agreements. Their attention then returned to the newbie who was staring at his shoes in embarassment after all the useless agitation. He wasn't handsome the manly way, something cuter maybe. From the fresh haircut to the brand new backpack and the polished shoes, everything about that boy smelled like money, lots of money, and it was pretty bad for him. But something made him want to protect this spoiled child. Maybe it was his chubby pinkish cheeks, maybe it was his dark brown charming eyes, or even his shy smile as he made his self-introduction, he didn't know, and it didn't really matter because he certainly wouldn't protect someone else when he couldn't even protect himself. He hesitated for a few seconds before taking a look over his shoulder. As expected, B.I was looking right at the new comer with a strange grin on his face. A shiver ran down his spine as he knew way too well what it meant.

-

That evening, when he came back to his room, the number 26, third door on the right on the second floor, he knew it was the time to face the reality. He'd tried to avoid the encounter all day long, forcing himself to stay focused in class, working extra time in the study room and even attending the bodytraining lesson that he always skipped in order to relax and have a good time in his room. It was late so every clubs were closed and every extra lessons were finished. His roomate must have arrived in their room by now. Worst, maybe he was waiting for him to exchange the first greetings. Holding his breath, he turned the doorknob and pushed the door to come in, anticipating the discomfortable conversation that was to begin.

But darkness and emptyness welcomed him as if he was an old lasting friend.

-

The encounter finally happened three days after the failed attempt. He'd forgotten his sport shoes that morning, so when his watch showed 8 P.M and the time for the dancing lesson came, he had to rush back to the residential to get them. At his surprise, he found the newbie in his, or their, shared room. So here was his new roomate .. He should have guessed it by the time as he hadn't seen any new faces except this new rich kid, but we have to believe that he's simply and purely dumb, or that he didn't want to accept the evidence. He slowered his steps and awkwardly made his way to his wardrobe to open the closet and find what he was aiming for. He was ready to get out as fast as he came, still not knowing what to say or what to do toward the boy even if his brain was working two times faster than usual, when a small cough stopped him. Turning his head to the source of the noise, he mentally thanked the other one for the initiative.

" I think we didn't get to greet each other properly .. Chanwoo, Jung Chanwoo. Nice to meet you." the boy said, while looking everywhere but at him. So shy. He found it cute, so he smiled.

" Koo Junhwe. If you don't mind, let's talk a bit later, I'm late for my lesson." The one called Junhwe said half-lying. He had no intention of continuing this sort-of-beginning of a conversation. He closed the door with a slight sigh right after his roomate had silently nodded as an answer.

From that day, Junhwe and Chanwoo's relationship, if it can be called a relationship, didn't really evolve against all expectations. They didn't talk much even if they were in the same room at the residential, they didn't even talk when they were eating together in the cafeteria in the morning, and in addition, they acted like complete strangers in classes. Simple and casual sentences were exchanged when they would talk but nothing more, mostly because the older would cut it short by pretending to have something to do or simply because he ignored the younger when it was arranging. He saw that Chanwoo wasn't doing well in integrating himself, but he couldn't do anything about that. Arriving in the third and last year of high-school didn't help, being roomate with Junhwe didn't help, and hiding the small bruises didn't help either.

That freaking B.I was on it again.

-

Serious things began at the end of November. They were back to school for already three months and nothing seemed out of the usual routine. Their math teacher still gave them mocking tests and he still failed them, the chocolate muffins in the cafeteria still had the same so delicious sweety taste and his ex-friends still stared at him with disbelief. Everything was normal, except the fact that his rommate started to look weaker and weaker as days went by, more fragile and even quieter if it was possible. Of course, his classmates were all aware of what was going on, but nobody had the guts to interfere. Why would they anyway ? Nobody was friend with the " new kid " and the situation was beneficial to all of them. Where do you thing all the stolen money was going ? The bullies would offer you anything you want if you achieve small tasks for them, it was simple and effective. And he was well-informed, because he was one of them. 

Chanwoo remained the lonely kid in their class, just as lonely as Junhwe now. In those conditions, the loners always end up getting close to each other like seen in the TV dramas, but in their case, it was the opposite. Day by day, they drew more and more apart meanwhile sleeping in the same bedroom. But well, sleeping wasn't the appropriate word. Every night, it was the same layout. Junhwe would come back around 10 P.M after his evening shower, finding Chanwoo laying on his bed and looking at the ceiling with empty eyes. At the sound of his light steps, the other would be snatched from his thoughts and greet him with a mutter before standing up and going to the bathroom to take his own shower. Junhwe would switch off the lights and take place in his bed, eyes round opened and ears listening as silence filled the room. The sound of the water dropping on the floor would cease after merely fifteen minutes and Chanwoo would come back in their room after twenty. The soft ruffles against fabrics would help him to keep track of what the other was doing. Then, his roomie would be putting on pajamas before sliding under the blankets, in the complete darkness to prevent himself from disturbing the not-really-sleeping Junwhe. What a sweet kid. After that, the latter would wait for an hour, listening to the gentle and steady breath which slowy but surely, and always, turn into faint sobbings.

Some nights, Junhwe would woke up suddenly after a nightmare, but it was always the same. He would then felt nauseous, drips of sweat covering his temples and fear twitching in his chest. He saw it too well, too clearly ; Chanwoo's body covered with wounds from the beating up, laying nearly lifelessly on the hard asphalted ground of their favorite impasse in the school. His angelic face was unrecognizable after receiving a bunch of punches, and himself, who couldn't do a thing but watched it happen from the side, under the snipper-like stares of his fellows. He knew they wouldn't go that far in reality, but the threat was still present and he wasn't prepared to see those dark visions becoming true.

With time passing by, he found himself thinking about Chanwoo more and more, starting to worry for him and always following him with his eyes without the other noticing. He liked the way the kid put his backpack on both of his shoulders, the way his tie was slightly loose around his neck and his habit to chew his botton lip when he concentrate. He was attached to him but he couldn't said it out of the blue, not when their relation was almost inexistent.

So on this November night, when he saw Chanwoo's right cheek swollen and his bottom lip split next to the corner, eyes full of contained tears as he was sitting on his bed as if it was nothing, it drove him mad. He threw his bag on his bed and walked up to his roomate.

" If you don't talk, I can't help you. Don't you think I'm tired of seeing you like this every single night ? " He said as he grabbed the younger's shoulders. " Do something for God's sake, open your little mouth and speak up ! " He nearly shouted, feeling all his fustration coming up from nowhere. Chanwoo was then all taken-aback by the sudden burst of anger. He didn't understand a thing, nor why Junhwe was angry all of a sudden, but what he knew made him chuckle sarcastically.

" And do you think you are in position to ask me do to so ? " The other asked, facing him with a challenging look. " You're being called by a nickname by everyone in our class if I'm not wrong ? You were in his little squad, June."

The last word, his nickname, pierced him like a million daggers as he choked on air. He didn't expect him to know about his past, and when did he learnt about it ? He'd tried his best to hide it from him ..

" Do you really think I want to chat with you as if we were friends ? Take off your dirty hands of me, I don't need your fake pity. I'm sure you're having fun seeing me in this lamentable state. Does it turn you on, seing other suffer like crazy ? " And it was his turn to shout, he had kept it inside of him for too long.

Junhwe just took it all without making a single move or a single sound, and when his roomate had had done with his little crisis, he ran out of their room after slamming the door so loudly that some curious heads popped out of the other rooms on the same floor. He needed something to release the rage bubbling in his veins, something to calm him down. By the way, he'd never seen Chanwoo being furious or even upset in those entire three months, but instead of finding it dumbfounding or surprising, he thought that it was quite y, and charismatic. Damn it. When he pushed the entrance door, the winter cold hit him in the following seconds as his eyes looked up to the unexpected dark sky. In his rush, he'd forgotten about the late hour and sighed heavily. However, the low temperature of the outside helped him to cool down as he rested his back on the cold front wall of the building, his thin shirt not really helping to keep a high tempered body. Closing his eyes, he tried to chase the stream of memories coming back in flashes.

" Hey guys, who's in for a karaoke after school today ? " He asked as they made their way back to the middle school after eating their lunch in the nearby fastfood.

" Sounds fun, I'm in ! " had shouted Jiwon, jumping around and laughing like a mad man, energetic as always when it came to everything but homework and studies. Jinhwan and Hanbin, who were holding hands few meters behind, nodded in silence while smiling. They were already forming a lovey-dovey couple at the pretty age of 15 and Junhwe was dying of jealousy. He'd always been attracted by the ethereal beauty of the elder and had planned to confess his love to him by the next Christmas, but he'd been outpaced by his friend and had resigned himself to let the other go without a word, keeping his secret well hidden. After weeks of meditation and regrets, he finally accepted the situation and started to react like usual, pushing his feelings to the side. Four of them were already in so they were only waiting for Yunhyeong's and Donhyuk's answers. The latter agreed, but Yunhyeong chuckle bitterly.

" Sorry guys, I'm running out of money. I just bought the new video game which everyone is talking about, it's really as amazing as people said but it cost its price. I regret nothing though."

Their friend tried to joke around, but they all heard the sadness breaking his voice. His friends quickly gave up the karaoke with small laughters but an idea blossomed in his mind when he saw one of their classmate. This kid had more money in his pockets than the sum of all their savings put together, but he was so arrogant about it that everyone wanted to punch his pretty face to make him shut up. So he did it. He walked before his friends, hands in his pockets and stopped for a millisecond in front of the boy. His clenched fist was fast to hit the other's jawline, sending him on the ground as he looked down to him.

" Give me your money and I won't tell anyone that you stole it. You know what I'm talking about right ? " He tilted his head to the side to emphasize the threatening atmosphere and grinned dangerously. His friends had joined him by the time, encircling the victim. The fact that it came up so naturally to them was freaking scary.

Rule number one when you want to become a bully ; make them believe that you know compromising details about them. The guilty ones will follow your orders blindly.

" We should use nicknames now, don't you think ? We're like celebrities at school for giving out free cinema passes and paying for everyone whenever we go eating outside of the school. We're a gang, and gangsters have nicknames. " said Jiwon jokingly when they were at Yunhyeong's to play with his new video game. But they all choose one seriously, liking the idea of having a new personnality through new names. He became June as Jinhwan became Jay, Hanbin and Jiwon opted for B.I and Bobby while DongHyuk and Yunhyeong simplified their names into DK and Song. Happy, they bumped their apple juice bricks while laughing.

And it was how it all began.

-

On the next day, as he knew they had no lessons in the morning, he made his way to the well hidden place behind several unoccupied and deserted buildings. B.I was sitting on the top of the bench covered with tags, Jinhwan standing next to him while the three others were playing throw-and-catch with a too familial looking opened backpack. Books, notebooks and flying paper sheets continiously flew around before being scattered everywhere on the wet ground. Laughers mixed with weak protests were to be heard. As his steps drew him nearer to the small group, the time stopped when B.I's eyes locked with his. The leader usual expressionless face transformed into an evil one. This grin was the scarriest he'd never seen, for sure. Clenching his jaw and his fist, swallowing back his fear and trying to calm his crazy heartbeat, he stopped on his way to snatch the backpack back from Yunhyeong's hands and threw it to Chanwoo.

" Go away. Don't talk. Just go. " he said to his roomate, back facing him as he looked right into B.I's eyes again. The sounds of soles against the gravel becoming softer, he let out a relieved sigh. The hardest was to come.

" Long time no see, Koo Junhwe. Why are you honoring us by your holy presence all of a sudden ? "

" Don't joke around like that. Just leave him alone. " he replied, feeling the others' gazes piercing his body from all sides.

" Or what ? You're going to leave for another school, beat us up ? It's the first time that we get to talk since last year, Junhwe. You left the gang without a word, not even a goodbye nor a "I don't want to do it anymore", you just left like a coward and acted like we were nothing to you. You ignored each one of us. We made the promise to always protect each other, to never hide a secret nor to hurt each other !  You betrayed us by cutting all our links and never telling us why. What happened to you ? Why did you do that ? " the leader spat, voice low but yet agressive.

His eyes switched to the side for a brief second, crossing Jinhwan's elusive ones during that small moment. He restrained a self-mocking laugh and hated himself for his past stupid behavior, the one that cost him his place in the gang, eyes closed to avoid the forming tears. He missed them. He missed them so much that it hurt, but he couldn't come back, not when the secret he hid didn't concern only himself. He was on the verge of replying, mouth already opened when the harsh voice cut him.

" Spare your saliva, I don't want to hear your falses excuses now. I'm in a bad mood. We're moving guys. " B.I said, as he stood up and jumped down from the bench. Once he landed on his feet, he came up to Junhwe and pushed him with his right shoulder. As in his memories, B.I was slightly smaller than him and he mentally thanked everything in what humans believed for that short but intense moment when both of them standed side to side again after more than a year. One by one, they looked at him and passed by him without a word, without a touch, so when Jinhwan's delicate fingers brushed his in a slow motion, he didn't react the way he should have. He grabbed this little hand and turned around in a rush. The smaller lifted up his head with a terrified expression and froze on his feet. 

They looked at each other, speechless, when their host came to open the door. They were told that it would the party of the century to celebrate the end of the school year and release pression before the upcoming tests so obviously, for nothing in the world they could miss it. A piece of paper was given to them by a classmate and they folllowed the instructions to find the address, and by the same time, the house. So here they were after the track game, standing in a row in front of Jinwoo, the ultimate sweet guy of their high-school by two years their senior. He laughed at them after seeing their weird expressions and invited them to enter, telling them that he was only the host and that he had let Minho planned and prepared the pool-party all by himself. As expected, the place was intensely crowded and people were already a bit tipsy, dancing and boucing in the middle of the huge living room or in the garden. The small group efficiently blended in the festivities knowing that it certainly wasn't their first attempt ever.

The party was a big funny mess. The boys who'd been drinking everything they were served ended up being separated after a couple of vodka shot and June, after his ninth, started to feel dizzy. Nothing was really clear in his mind, but he knew he had to take a chance the second he saw the tiny figure in the crowd. Slipping through the bunch of people to reach his friend, he gently wrapped an arm around the smaller's shoulders when he was close enough.

" Where's B.I ? " he asked, bowing a little to reach the other's ear. His nose was softly caressing the milky white skin of Jay's cheek and he loved it way too much. A small chuckle answered him and he knew that Jay wasn't somewhere near the definition of "sober" either.

" Don't know. Last saw him in the pool with Bobby .."

Nice timing. 

" You'd like to do something fun then, Jinhwan ? " The other nodded frankly and Junhwe showed all his teeth while smiling. " Would you mind following me then ? "

With no difficulties, they found their way to one of the bedrooms and he locked the door conscientiously behind them. Cupping Jinhwan's face with both of his hands, he laid down a first kiss on his lips, waiting for a reaction. Just a small chuckle. So he kissed him again, and again, and longer, and his hands slid under his tee-shirt, brushed against the soft skin .. They didn't went far that night, but it was already too far in the end. They didn't went all the way, but they did touch each other 'there'. They were laying side to side on the bed, breath still unsteady after reaching the . Junhwe was looking at the ceiling when Jinhwan rolled to his side and burried his face against his arm. The dizziness was all gone, and what was left was a strong sensation of guilt. He felt like throwing up due to his own actions, but the sobbing mess at his side dissuaded him from moving even an inch. Jinhwan was madly in love with Hanbin, with no doubt, and he'd destoyed it all because of a simple whim. He was the worst.

Junhwe let his hand go before anyone could have seen it and apologized quickly, turning on his heels. Alone, Jinhwan was left behind, tears rolling down his cheeks as he was losing himself in his thoughts.

This was their dirty secret, the secret they kept locked in the deepest part of their memories. The reason why Junhwe left the gang, the reason why Jinhwan didn't let Hanbin touch him. The reason why they were broken.