4. You have to remember that even the people as bright as the sun could also shed some tears too

 

Yewon is the embodiment of sunshine. She is always happy and there was never a day that she is deprived of positivity to share. Ever since she was a little girl, Yewon loved to make people smile. A cheerful girl from a cheerful family, Yewon never failed to radiate positivity from her existence. Just her mere existence was a miracle to everyone who was having a bad day.

 

However, that didn’t mean Yewon was incapable of crying.  

 

To her, she needed to be the first to smile so that the world will smile along with her. That was her belief. So even though she is having a hard time, she believed she still needed to smile.

 

She was Kim Yewon, after all, the sunshine of Pristin and the HIghs.

 

~-~-~-~

Pristin had just gotten home from the Music Bank filming. Everyone was clearly exhausted after every activity they had for the past weeks.

 

“Damn, I’m beat.” Siyeon dragged her feet as she entered the dorm, her shoulder bag hanging haphazardly from her hand and scraping the floor.

 

“Language, Park Siyeon.” Minkyung scolded the younger girl, since she knew Nayoung would probably do it anyway. She wanted to save the leader the job of using her voice to scold Siyeon. The said girl just bowed apologetically in response.

 

Yewon was still smiling, happy from the events from earlier. Despite having gone to at least 50+ stages since their debut, she still isn’t used to the cheers her group got from the audience. Just the mere thought of making people happy from music was enough to lift her spirits up so despite the tiredness seeping into her body, Yewon was still happy.

 

She let the members go in first, since she knew that they were very very tired and needed to rest. When she turned to her right, she saw her Jieqiong unnie struggling to keep her eyes open as she all but dragged her stuff in the dorm.

 

Yewon felt sorry for the older girl. She had been in two consecutive flights for the past few days because of a variety show filming back in China and back to Seoul just in time to perform for the Music Show. Her usual light was also dimming. The usually cheerful 98 liner self proclaimed Squirtle was very quiet and very exhausted.

 

“Here, unnie. Let me help you.” Yewon, with a big smile on her face, offered a hand to Jieqiong, who looked at her with tired eyes from under her cap. She smiled gently at Yewon and placed the lightweight bag in Yewon’s arms.

 

“Thank you, Yewon-ah. It means so much to me.” Jieqiong pulled the younger girl in a hug, to which Yewon smiled and returned. She led Jieqiong in the dorm, offering her free hand for support since she could sense the Chinese girl could practically pass out right at their doorstep due to exhaustion.

 

As Yewon led Jieqiong to the girl’s shared room with Sungyeon, she didn’t catch Nayoung’s soft gaze on the two of them.

 

~-~-~-~

Nayoung was the last to take bath, since she granted the girls the privelege to take one before her. She knew her team was exhausted from the countless shows they needed to attend(not to mention the young one’s schoolworks at that!). Every week was filled with Music Festivals, Radio Shows, Music Shows, Variety Shows and whatnot, making Pristin very busy and hectic. They barely had time to hang out these days and whenever they have a free day, they usually spend it lazing around in the dorm.

 

As the tall leader dried her hair while exiting the bathroom, she saw Yewon sitting at the sofa and watching some kind of variety show that Pristin could possibly attend in the future. She raised her eyebrow in confusion. Wasn’t she tired? Wasn’t she in need of sleep? Nayoung knew that the girl was also studying in SOPA along with Siyeon, so why, of all people, would Yewon be staying up very late?

 

All those concerns were washed away a little when she heard Yewon giggle at what one of the hosts said. She found herself smiling too. Nayoung eventually snapped out of it and acted as an assertive leader once again.

 

“Yewon-ah. It’s already late. Why aren’t you sleeping yet?” Nayoung said as she made her entrance to the living room and the way Yewon jumped slightly didn’t escape her senses. The girl turned to her and greeted her with a wide smile.

 

“Oh! Hi, Nayoung-unnie! I was just gonna finish this episode and I’m heading off to bed.” Yewon said with a bright smile. “Do you want to join me, unnie?”

 

Nayoung pondered for a moment. She presumed the episode is almost halfway through, so a little cooling off before heading off to bed would be nice, right? After making up her mind, Nayoung sat beside Yewon, who was still smiling at her.

 

It was rare for Nayoung and Yewon to be alone together, since the former was always seen hanging around with Jieqiong or Minkyung and the latter was usually with Sungyeon and Kyla.

 

Nayoung looked over to Yewon and examined her. Pristin’s sun was still smiling, however, Nayoung could sense a little hesitance in the smile. Yes, it reached Yewon’s eyes, but to Nayoung, it didn’t exactly guarantee that the girl was 100% happy as of this moment. Nayoung wondered if something was wrong with her. She never saw Yewon cry, so she doesn’t know.

 

As if on cue, the 99 liner caught her staring. Yewon looked back at her with a tilt of her head. Cute.

 

“Is something on my face, unnie?” She started to pat her face to see if there was something on it. Nayoung just smiled lightly before ruffling her hair.

 

“There’s nothing on it, Yewon-ah.” She smiled. As soon as they turned their heads to the tv screen, the credits were now rolling.

 

“Ah! Awww the show is over! I didn’t even focus on the ending.” Yewon pouted.

 

“Don’t worry, Yewon-ah. I’ll be sure to grab a copy of the re-run from manager oppa or manager unnie when I have the time.” Nayoung patted the girl on the shoulder in sympathy. When Yewon heard this, she immediately perked up and looked at Nayoung with hopeful eyes.

 

“Really, unnie?” she smiled widely.

 

“Yeah. But in order for me to do that, you have to go to bed and sleep. Look at your eyes. They’re very tired.” Nayoung’s concerned voice echoed in Yewon’s ears and she immediately nodded in agreement and as if on cue, a yawn escaped her lips.

 

“I guess you’re right, unnie. Good night. I’m gonna sleep now.” She hugged Nayoung for a brief moment before heading off to their shared room with Yebin and Eunwoo.

 

As Nayoung observed Yewon’s retreating figure, she discovered that there are so much things that she doesn’t know about some of her members.

 

Was Yewon really 100% happy?

 

~-~-~-~

 

Morning came and Pristin had the day off, so like their usual days off, majority of the members lounged by the sofa. Nayoung was peacefully reading a novel she had bought when she heard a light commotion from outside the room. Learning her lesson from the incident with Yebin and Eunwoo, she went outside to check what was happening.

 

“Please, unnie! We promise we won’t go to the amusement park like last time. PLEASEEEE...” Pristin’s leader caught sight of Siyeon begging Minkyung to let her, Kyla and Sungyeon leave and hang out in the convenience store.

 

“No, Park Siyeon. Do you agree with me, Kyungwon?” The sub leader asked Kyungwon, who was lazing around the sofa. The younger girl gave a thumbs up, making Minkyung smirk at Siyeon and say “No.”

 

“Aww... please unnie!” She whined as she clutched Minkyung’s arm and proceeded to do aegyo. Nayoung, with a slight cringe and a strong desire to stop Siyeon from doing worse aegyo.

 

“You can go-“ Nayoung didn’t get to finish her sentence when Siyeon cut her off.

 

“Really?!” Minkyung felt her ears ringing from Siyeon’s loud voice.

 

“Yeah.” Nayoung smirked at Minkyung. “As long as Minkyung will accompany you.”

 

“What?! Unnie-“ Minkyung was about to protest but was cut off by Siyeon.

 

“Yay!!!! Thanks, unnie! I love you!!!” She then turned to drag a whining Minkyung and the two maknaes to go out.

 

Nayoung shook her head and looked around the dorm.Yebin and Kyungwon were once again having a death match in the video game they were playing on the PS4. Jieqiong was presumably still asleep in her bed and Eunwoo was in the room playing some games on her phone. Her eyes immediately focused on Yewon, who was sitting on the dining table scribbling something on a paper, presumably another composition of hers.

 

She approached the younger girl and placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Hey, doing another composition?” Nayoung said gently. She saw Yewon hurriedly covering her work and looking up at Nayoung with a smile. Nayoung didn’t miss one of the lyrics written.

 

‘...also cries...’ it said. It piqued her interest, however, she pretended not to notice anything and proceeded to smile gently at Yewon.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Yewon smiled back at Nayoung, who took a seat beside her.

 

“Is it the one you were composing with Eunwoo?”

 

“No. This is another one. I’m the only one working on it.” The sunshine answered with a smile.

 

“Can I see?”

 

“Nooo. It’s embarrassing. I haven’t perfected it yet.” Yewon stuck her tongue out to Nayoung, pulling the composition away and hiding it between her arms.

 

“Okay, okay.” The leader raised her hands up in defeat while laughing slightly.

 

Nayoung masked her knowledge of snippet of the lyrics she had just seen by asking the most reasonable question to someone who composed something.

 

“What is it about?” The leader saw Yewon’s eyes lose its spark for a microsecond, before breaking into one of her signature smiles again.

 

“It’s a secret. Unnie! A S-e-c-r-et. By the way, I’m just going to bed and take a nap.”

 

“What? But it’s just 10 AM though?” Nayoung was shocked to hear that coming from Yewon.

 

“I’m really sleepy, unnie.”

 

“Okay. Get some rest then.” With one last smile, Nayoung watched over as Yewon shut the door to her room. Back to her own thoughts, Nayoung wondered about Yewon’s well being.

 

It is said that musicians get inspiration for their songs usually from personal experience. So, in Nayoung’s logic and judging from the snippet of the lyrics earlier, does this mean that Yewon wanted to cry? Does this mean Yewon was carrying a burden that neither of the members no about? Does this mean that not all her smiles were real?

 

It wasn’t before Kyungwon and Yebin had invited her to play co-op with them that she snapped out of her trance.

 

She’ll find out about it sooner or later.

 

~-~-~-~

“Ah! Aim for the head, Kyungwon! Our team is losing!” Yebin yelled at the short haired girl beside her, almost hitting her with the controller. It was 11:30 AM and the three girls have been playing non stop since then. Nayoung also found herself enjoying the game too.

 

“Shut up, bean! I have my own strategy.” Kyungwon smiled but it was quickly shattered when an enemy killed her character with a headshot.

 

“Your strategy’s getting our team killed, BEANSTALK!” the two Kangs proceeded to exchange banters to each other, and if it wasn’t for Jieqiong exiting the room with a glare at the two Kangs and Nayoung raising her voice a few octaves in scolding them, they would’ve woken up the already awake neighborhood with their loud voices.

 

When 12:00 PM came, Minkyung and the maknae line came back from the convenience store, carrying two plastic bags. Nayoung turned to look at their figures and paled as she glanced at the plastic bag. She could make out the outlines of chocolate candy wrappers peaking out from the spaces of the bags.

 

“Okay, I’ll be cooking lunch, unnie. I bought some ingredients for the all time favorite Kimchi Fried Rice and braised beef. You’re gonna love this.” Minkyung said before disappearing in the kitchen.

 

~-~-~-~

The girls were having their lunch, chattering amongst themselves and catching up on the time they lost from being busy bees for the past days. Nayoung glanced at Yewon from time to time and saw her laughing with the other members of the maknae line.

 

She felt Kyungwon nudge her side, causing her to look questioningly at the 97 liner.

 

“You know, I’m kind of worried about Yewon.” Kyungwon whispered to the red haired leader, silent enough for Yewon not to hear.

 

“Why would you say that?” Nayoung asked back and stuffed another piece of braised beef into .

 

“Can Nayoung unnie and I be excused for a minute?” Kyungwon said to the group, who merely nodded before turning back to continue their small talk. Yewon sent a lingering look at them before going back to the conversation.

 

Kyungwon led Nayoung to the living room which was out of earshot.

 

Nayoung looked at the girl with a worried expression.

 

“Okay, spill.”

 

“Yeah... Well...”

 

~-~-~-~

Kyungwon woke up early at 7 AM and crept out of the room. She silently padded to the living room. The sub sub leader intended to be the first one to play the PS4. She terribly missed playing video games and her hands were itching to embrace the controllers already.

 

As she approached the living room, she saw Yewon sitting on the sofa, snoring softly. She had different colored pens scattered around the coffee table where she usually did her stuff and an unfinished mug of coffee placed on the opposite end of the coffee table. The younger girl’s head was lulled to the side and was slightly ajar. Kyungwon looked at the girl in pity and approached her.

 

She neared Yewon to wake her up, however, something on the coffee table caught her attention. It was lyrics to a song that Yewon had been working on during her free time. Making sure that the 99 liner was still asleep, she plucked the piece of paper from the table and examined it.

 

It contained a  lot of erasures and wasn’t even close to 25% of the song, however there was something that caught Kyungwon’s attention the most.

 

‘Not all smiles are happy...

Not all frowns are sad...

Although the moon gets light from the sun...

sometimes the sun also cries’

 

Kyungwon’s eyes widened when she saw the last three words of the verse. It sounded like an interlude to a tragic piece of music. It somehow reminded her of an angsty song. This made her very worried. She pulled out her phone and snapped a photo of the snippet. She had to show this to Nayoung.

 

‘The sun also gets hurt. Isn’t Yewon the SUN? Then that means... she’s... hurting?’

 

The rest of the paper was still left blank with lots of space to spare for a few more verses. She placed the paper back to its original position and approached Yewon slowly, sitting beside the girl.

 

“Yewon-ah.” She called with a soft voice as she shook the girl softly. After a few more tries, Yewon’s eyes fluttered open and came into contact with Kyungwon’s concerned brown ones.

 

“Oh. Hey, Kyungwon-unnie. It seems like I slept again while having coffee...” she said with an embarrassed ruffle of her own hair, looking at Kyungwon with an apologetic smile.

 

“Did you even get enough sleep?” the older girl said with a hint of concern.

 

“I think so... I got seven hours worth of sleep last night. Still sleepy though.” She responded. A few seconds later, Yewon gasped as if she had been struck by realization. She quickly scrambled out from Kyungwon’s hold to snatch her composition from the table.

 

“Did you read it?” She squinted her eyes on Kyungwon suspiciously.

 

“Huh? No. I didn’t even know it was there.” Kyungwon lied, praying to God to not make Yewon see through it.

 

“Are you sure?” yewon asked again. Kyungwon found the squinted eyes cute and dangerous at the same time.

 

“Yeah... cross my heart.” When Yewon broke into a smile, Kyungwon sighed in relief, but quickly composed herself so as not to make Yewon notice.

 

“Okay! That’s good!” The sunshine smiled at Kyungwon before patting her shoulder. She pocketed the composition before standing.

 

“Shall we help make breakfast, unnie?”

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Let’s.” Kyungwon agreed. Her video game escapade would have to wait.

 

She figured Yewon needed someone to distract her from the sadness(Kyungwon presumed Yewon felt this way) that was seeping into her heart.

 

Her eyes were trained at Yewon who was humming to herself while cutting vegetables to stir fry. She couldn’t shake off the worry she had for Yewon.

 

~-~-~-~

Nayoung sighed and held her head in her hand, pacing along the living room. She had the inkling about this, though she didn’t want to jinx it. She turned to Kyungwon and placed a hand on her shoulder. The younger girl also showed her the lyrics she took a photo of.

 

“I’ll talk to her later. Thanks for confirming this, Kyungwon.” She smiled slightly before urging the other girl to go back to the dining table to join the others.

 

The two quickly blended in the conversation, with Kyungwon glancing at a smiling Yewon from time to time in concern.

 

 

~-~-~-~

A few hours after lunch, Nayoung made up her mind to take Yewon out in order to talk to her. As a leader, Nayoung needed to make sure everyone is feeling alright, whether it be physically or emotionally.

 

She entered her room and saw Yewon on the top bunk, wearing her headset and the paper lying on the top of her lap as she bobbed her head occasionally to the rhythm. Nayoung wasn’t exactly good at comforting people and had a lot of doubts if this will work fine, but sensing the sadness behind Yewon’s smile a couple of times was enough to make Nayoung spring into action.

 

“Yewon-ah.” She called, placing a hand on Yewon’s and tapping it gently. The younger girl immediately paused her music and looked at her unnie, smiling.

 

“What is it unnie?” The girl asked with so much innocence that it hurt Nayoung to think that she might have problems of her own that she doesn’t address.

 

“I just wanted to take a walk in the park. Would you like to accompany me?” Nayoung asked the girl. She smiled slightly when she saw Yewon smile widely and nod her head, hopping out of her bunk and putting on a hoodie.

~-~-~-~

“So... is there anything you want to talk about, unnie?” Yewon asked Nayoung. They were sitting at the bench located in Pristin’s favorite park, the park Nayoung always headed to whenever she had problems of her own.

 

“Yeah... Umm... I don’t know how to say it so I’ll just be straightforward...” Nayoung sighed and looked at Yewon.

 

‘Not all smiles are happy...

Not all frowns are sad...

Although the moon gets light from the sun...

sometimes the sun also cries’

 

Nayoung thanked her sharp memory as of the moment as soon as she perfectly recited the snippet of the lyrics the 99 liner had written. She glanced at her companion to gouge out a reaction.

 

Yewon’s eyes widened, her jaws slackening. When she snapped out of her daze, she looked down at the grass sadly, fiddling with her hands.

 

“So... you saw it, huh?” Nayoung heard the girl’s voice cracking slightly and it broke her heart.

 

“Yeah... but that’s beyond the point, Yewon-ah... I believe in the saying that musicians often base their compositions on personal experience... and applying that idea here... I can’t help but think that... this applies to you. Yewon-ah, tell me...” Nayoung took Yewon’s right hand in hers and looked at her intently. “Is something bothering you?”

 

What happened next was very much unexpected for Nayoung. She expected Yewon to smile and shrug the question off or laugh it off with a question. She expected Yewon to tell her not to worry. However, that’s not what happened.

 

Tears slid down the younger girl’s cheeks and dropped on their joined hands, making Nayoung’s heart clench even more. She wanted to bombard the younger girl with questions, however, Nayoung thought again and just came to the conclusion to just wait for Yewon to speak instead of forcing her to.

 

“I...” Yewon sniffed. “I’m sorry... unnie. I really am. I’m just... I’m overwhelmed by everything.” Yewon sobbed. Nayoung scooted closer to the girl and dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.

 

“I’m overwhelmed by the camera flashes every time we have our fanmeets or when we arrive to the music shows we attend every week. I’m overwhelmed by the fanchants during our perfomances. I’m... I’m overwhelmed with everything... everything is new to me. Being a member of Pristin is so different than being a member of Pledis Girlz... it feels like a new life. A new beginning. But sometimes, I think back and it’s like I get sad that I won’t be able to visit my family often... or I won’t be able to sleep as much as I want to anymore... Don’t get me wrong, unnie. I am not very sad... I can’t explain this feeling. It’s like... a lot of emotions are filling up my chest... happiness, sadness, pressure, relief... everything...” she trailed off as she buried her face in Nayoung’s shoulder as the older girl held her “Is this normal, unnie?”

 

Nayoung saw last year self in Yewon. This was exactly what happened during the time she was announced as the 10th rank in Produce 101. Everything Yewon said was what she felt. Happiness, Sadness, pressure, Relief... She completely understood how her fellow Pristin member felt. Since Yewon (including Sungyeon and Kyla) was not part of Produce 101, everything was new to her from head to toe.

 

Debuting as an idol is like living a life that is distinct from what you lived on as a trainee. Everything is going to be different. Every newly debuted idol, Nayoung believed, has felt this way at some point of their lives, especially if by the time of their debut, their popularity had spiked up by a big amount.

 

Nayoung knew how Yewon felt.

 

“Yewon-ah...” she called gently to the still-sobbing girl, and waited for a few seconds before continuing “I’ve also been there. Minkyung’s been there, Kyungwon’s been there, Yebin’s been there, everyone’s been there... at one point in our lives, we are going to experience feelings that are spiralling out of control. As you have said, it’s like happiness, sadness, pressure, relief and a billion other emotions are being crammed inside your chest... Yewon, it’s completely normal. Feeling pressure is normal, getting hurt is normal, but it is how you deal with it which will matter at the end of the day.” Nayoung smiled at Yewon. She tucked a strand of hair behind the younger girl’s hair before continuing.

 

“You are doing amazing. I am very very proud of you. You bring happiness to our team. You make us smile and you are very precious to us.  You are our sun.” Yewon smiled at this. “But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t cry or shed some tears now and then...” Nayoung looked Yewon in the eyes and smiled one of her rarest smiles. “Yewon-ah, the moon may get light from the sun, but the sun is also able to shine because the moon encourages it to do so. We are always going to be here for you. Whether you’re happy or sad... angry or upset. Just tell us and we are going to be there to listen to you. Always remember that.” With that, Nayoung finished her speech, patting Yewon on the head, who smiled despite the tears still clouding her sight. Nayoung wiped her tears with her handkerchief.

 

They engaged in small chatter, since it was by rare occurences that Nayoung and Yewon went out together.

 

“Oh yeah, unnie. How’d you know about my composition when I didn’t even show it to you?

 

~-~-~-~

Nayoung and Yewon got home at 6:47 PM and was greeted by Jieqiong and Yebin on the door.

 

“Dinner’s almost ready, unnie, Yewon-ah. Change out of those clothes and come down immediately.” Jieqiong said before disappearing into the kitchen to help set up the dining table.

 

Nayoung nodded to Yewon before disappearing off to her room to change first. Yewon smiled before approaching Kyungwon, who was on the sofa watching Minkyung and Siyeon playing on the PS4.

 

Kyungwon was surprised when she felt two arms wrap around her from behind, making her look at the person. Her eyes softened when her gaze landed at Yewon. She smiled a little.

 

“Thank you, unnie.” Yewon mumbled against the taller girl’s shoulder.

 

“For what?” Kyungwon asked.

 

“Oh please, unnie. I know you were the one who told Nayoung-unnie about my composition.” Yewon giggled, which made Kyungwon flush in embarrassment.

 

“Whatever. You still owe me for lying to me that you didn’t see my composition.” Yewon pouted, and Kyungwon found it both adorable and scary at the same time.

 

“Eh..??”

 

~-~-~-~

After dinner, Yewon approached Nayoung and Kyungwon and pulled out her pen and the music composition.

 

“Unnie! I have an idea for the additional lyrics!” Yewon smiled excitedly.

 

The two older girls looked at each other and shrugged with a smile, urging Yewon to continue. The younger girl clicked the pen and started scribbling.

 

 

‘Not all smiles are happy...

Not all frowns are sad...

Although the moon gets light from the sun...

sometimes the sun also cries...

but it’s also because of the moon that the sun smiles once again.

 

The next morning, Nayoung had to calm all the girls down from crying and flooding the house with tears when Yewon explained the verse of her new song.

 

 

A/N: Hey readers! I’m back with another chapter. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to update as of late. School’s been busy recently. Anyway, I have presented a 4.3K worded chapter(I broke the record of the previous one). Tbh, I think this is kind of a slow paced chapter compared to the previous ones and I'm a little unsatisfied with how I wrote it. I hope you still like it though. Lol... One last chapter before this fic ends. Thanks for reading! Till next time!!! ^_^