In high school, Minkyung surprised Yebin in several ways.

She surprised her with her ability to change her demeanor effortlessly. From cool and refined, like a perfect daughter to take to the charity ball to impress colleagues, to wild and reckless, like a girl only seen on the silver screen. She could have anyone she wanted charmed with a mere snap of her fingers.

She surprised Yebin with her late-night calls, proposals of crazy adventures, showing up below Yebin’s window and helping her climb down without waking up her parents because Yebin always tagged along for the ride no matter what.

Minkyung had a knack for surprising Yebin until Yebin could no longer be shocked by anything she pulled.

But this. This was by far the biggest surprise Yebin has ever had to face in her entire life so far.

Because surely, the last thing Yebin had expected to see when she opened the door to the bedroom was not the fact that Minkyung was in there alone with Kyungwon.

It was the fact that Minkyung was in there kneeling over a short table, jet-black hair falling over her shoulders, and a straw to her nose tracing a line of white powder on the surface of a mirror.

That box Yebin had found under her bed the other day lied unlocked and opened on the table.

Yebin only remembers standing at the doorway long enough to see Minkyung tilting her head back to face the ceiling, eyes closed in euphoria and letting out a roar of laughter – one that Yebin had grown to love – before slamming the door close in shock.

She remembers stumbling out of the apartment in a daze, shoving a body or two out of the way, and calling a taxi back to her place without turning back.

#

Yebin can’t look her in the eyes. So she keeps her gaze on the floor, picking with a loose thread on the hem of her shirt. 

“This discussion won’t go anywhere if you don’t say anything.”

“Well you can start off on that ‘little party’ you had the other night…” Yebin mutters.

She hears Minkyung sigh. “I’m sorry, okay? It’s just something my friends and I get together to do every once in a while. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, it was something you didn’t need to know about.”

“It would’ve been nice to know that you and your friends meet up to do drugs and get high.”

“Why? It’s not that important, Yebin. What would you have done, stop it?”

“No!” Yebin spits out. She grows aware her increasingly agitated tone and takes a deep breath. “Hell, it would’ve been nice to know that you ing snort coke.”

Because while Minkyung was a lot of things, Yebin’s always thought she was not someone who did drugs – a fervent abstinence tracing from their high school years that most likely had to do with Minkyung's parents. She could only keep so many secrets from them after all. But how naive of Yebin to think that in the year they were apart, Minkyung wouldn't change. It was a rude awakening; a blow that jolted her out of ignorance and into reality. Yebin should've figured it the day she saw all the saline bottles and nasal inhalers in her bathroom drawer. 

And it kills her when she realizes she shouldn't really be surprised. 

“I don’t feel obliged to tell you something like that.”

“Why not?! What the hell am I to you?” Yebin looks at her in the eyes this time and feels something within her ignite into a full-blown inferno. “How many times have you been high while you were around me? Do you snort a line every morning to get you through the day? The night we slept together, did you do a line before I came over too? You and Kyungwon get high before screwing each other, huh?”

Minkyung’s jaw tenses at Yebin’s onslaught of anger and assumptions. Something in her snaps and Yebin can see it in her eyes. Minkyung holds up four fingers.

“Too many to count,” Minkyung puts a finger down, “maybe I do,” and another, “maybe I did,” she takes a step closer, “and yeah, maybe we do. It's ing amazing, you should try it sometime.” The last finger goes down with a deadly glare. 

Yebin scoffs. The poison in Minkyung's tone stings, but Yebin's too outraged to let it stir her. 

“Are you addicted or something? What the is wrong with you, Minkyung?” her voice breaks and feeling the hot tears streaming down her face, Yebin hates herself for cracking this early. “Maybe if it was weed, I’d be less surprised. But coke? How stupid are you!? What’s next, are you going to start tripping on acid too? Shooting up heroin? Or have you started experimenting with that already?”

Yebin lunges to grab her arms and have a look, pulling up Minkyung’s sleeves so harshly she almost rips the fabric. Minkyung tugs out of her hold with a huge step back as she pushes Yebin’s hands away.

“I knew you’d treat me like this,” Minkyung mutters, “like I’m some drug addict. I don’t need this from you right now.”

While Yebin’s voice grows in volume, Minkyung stays even-toned and calm and it’s got Yebin’s blood boiling beneath her skin.

“Because you are! And what you need is help!”

“I don’t need anything, Yebin!” Minkyung fires back, “I don’t need you shaming me and I certainly don’t need your pity. I don’t need you here. This is exactly why I didn’t tell you, I knew you’d be a about it!”

The aggravation in her voice has Yebin stumbling back in surprise. Although this isn’t the first time they’ve argued, Minkyung has never raised her voice at her before.

“God, we once and suddenly you think I have to tell you everything,” Minkyung grumbles under her breath.

Yebin’s shoulders drop in final despondency. She’s run out of things to say.

With gritted teeth and fire in her eyes, Yebin stomps out of the apartment without a word and leaves with a forceful slam of the door.

#

Yebin stares wide-eyed at her ceiling. Days have passed since her and Minkyung's argument, but Yebin doesn't feel any less worse than she did before the confrontation. It doesn't help that they've been avoiding each other like the plague. Yebin never wanted this. 

Nayoung’s warning, and hell, even Soonyoung’s warning, runs through her head over and over again like a never-ending marathon where the finish line is always out of reach.

Approach with caution… Just be careful and understanding… It’s best if you keep an open mind…

Yebin thought facing the situation head-on would help her escape her sleepless nights, but if anything, it has worsened her insomnia. It’s beginning to affect school too and Yebin’s already skipped one too many classes, unable to drag herself out of bed every morning. 

She’s conflicted on how to feel; a part of her is still angry that Minkyung never told her, but in a way, she has a point. Why should she have told her? It’s not like they’re together. Minkyung doesn’t need to tell her anything if she doesn’t want to. And it’s not exactly information you’d tell anyone either.

And so a part of her is guilty. It feels like a beast running through her body, wracking all the thoughts in her head to wrecking mayhem at the pit of her stomach.

Suddenly, a wave of fear hits her like a hurricane on a coastline. Fear of losing Minkyung – in more ways than one.

Yebin shoots out of bed and grabs her jacket.

#

“I’m sorry.”

Yebin pushes past a bleary-eyed Minkyung and into her living room. The apartment is completely dark, save for the moonlight glowing through the window.

It seems like Yebin has a knack for showing up at people’s doors on short notice – or in this case, without any notice at all.

“Yebin, it’s past midnight,” Minkyung murmurs tiredly as she rubs her eyes.

“I know. And I’m sorry. But I haven’t been able to sleep and this has been eating me inside for the past few days.” Yebin paces the living room as she speaks, “I shouldn’t have let anger get the best of me. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I was just mad and surprised and I wasn’t thinking straight. And I’m sorry!”

She comes to a stop in front of Minkyung. She can’t see much in the dark, but Yebin can see her mussed up hair, her out of place bangs, and the evident exhaustion. But she could only wonder how someone could possibly look so pretty after being abruptly woken up.

“You came running all the way over here to apologize?”

“Yes. I should’ve tried to understand you and give you a chance to talk but…”

“Can you give me the chance to do that now?” Minkyung asks, as if all the tiredness suddenly departed from her body.

Yebin and Minkyung stood in the dark, neither bothering to turn on a lamp.

The world is silent and undisturbing, as if it quieted down for their conversation to give them privacy. Yebin feels entirely secluded and vulnerable. But it's not uncomfortable. 

“I got into it casually. It’s the only drug I do, aside from occasionally. It’s been a couple months.” Minkyung’s tired voice sounds softer in the dark. “When we fought, I lied to you because it got heated. No, I don’t do it every morning, just once or twice a week at the most. And I never do it if I know I’m meeting up with you. I’ve never been high around you. The only time was when you showed up surprisingly that one day to ask about the night we slept together. I did a line about an hour before you came. I wasn’t expecting you at all. I was still feeling a bit of it. That’s why I seemed a bit off that day...”

Yebin recalls seeing Minkyung jittery as she paced the kitchen. She had wondered if something was up, but never considered Minkyung was on drugs.

“I never told you because I feared what you’d think and how you'd react. It's a side of me that I didn't want to show you. I’m really sorry you had to see what you saw the other night, with the people smoking in my living room and...me in my room. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see any of that.”

Yebin’s heart breaks for her as she feels her eyes start to water. 

“I’m just worried, Minkyung, how could I not be? What if something were to happen to you?”

“I have friends who I could reach if anything were to happen. But nothing will happen, please don’t worry,” Minkyung murmurs. “I’m okay, Yebin. I don’t want you getting scared for me when there’s nothing to be scared of. I know what I’m doing and I’m working on getting better.”

“I could help–”

“No, it’s okay. I got this,” Minkyung reassures her. “Please trust me.”

Yebin feels a soft hand on her cheek and a thumb wiping away a tear that falls from her eye.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that you were going to be my first time,” Yebin whispers in the dark.

For a moment, Minkyung doesn’t respond and the silence is so deafening that Yebin shuts her eyes.

“I reacted the way I did because I was surprised. You deserve a better first time than a drunken hook-up with me, Yebin.”

At that, Yebin opens her eyes to find Minkyung staring at her and this time, there's nothing ambiguous; she's distressed and apologetic and Yebin almost falters at the hurt she can see and feel. 

“Don't say that. I didn’t see it like that at all… You’re not just a nobody. I’m glad it was with you, no matter the circumstances. And I really believe I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.”

“...Why me?”

Yebin heaves a long sigh. “You mean a hell of a lot to me, Minkyung. Always have," she swallows, "always will.”

“Yebin…” She tucks hair behind the shorter girl's ear because she can't think of anything to say, unable to understand what she has done to deserve someone who Minkyung feels is so out of her league. 

“Can I ask you something? I need a straightforward answer,” Yebin murmurs carefully. “What’s Kyungwon to you?”

Even in the dark, she can see Minkyung swallow.

“We used to fool around…but not anymore. Not since you’ve arrived. She’s nothing more than a friend to me,” Minkyung pauses, “she’s not like you.”

And Yebin feels like breathing out a sigh of relief, but hope appears like a lighthouse in a foggy sea and Yebin can’t let the opportunity she’s been waiting for all this time slip away.

“Do you remember that time I confessed to you in high school?” Yebin asks with a chuckle.

“Of course. That surprised me. I didn’t know you liked me like that.” Minkyung smiles.

“Well...I still do. The feelings haven’t gone anywhere. If anything,” as Yebin’s voice gradually quiets to a whisper, her eyes wander from Minkyung’s eyes, to her nose, to her lips, “...they’ve grew. A hundred more times than before. I love everything about you, Minkyung. And I’ll chase for however long it’ll take me until you let me in or turn me away. Whatever happens, I’m not going anywhere.”

Words she had kept caged in her mind fall all too easily from her tongue as feelings Yebin had been dying to exp