Sometimes it feels new.

 

Each day she breathes in, watches when the sunrises and sets, like it’s the first time that comes over and over again.

 

That sometimes mornings don’t feel the same as every day it’s always been.

 

Waking up in her arms, seeing her still closed eyes and auburn hair that flitters across her face.

 

Taeyeon swears Jessica is only more beautiful than the day she met her. Than their first date and each that followed.

 

Twining their fingers together and Jessica sighing peacefully in her sleep. Taeyeon lighting up each time she sees the ring on Jessica’s finger, her fiancee, her soon to be wife.

 

Seeing Jessica stir, she leans over to kiss her forehead, Jessica bursting into a smile before her eyes open, drowsily looking into Taeyeon’s.

 

“Morning love.”

 

“You wish.” Jessica smirks, Taeyeon giggling.

 

“Oh who has the dirty mind now.”

 

Jessica gripping Taeyeon’s hands, rolling over to sit across her waist. “As if you weren’t thinking about it.”

 

“My thoughts are pure and innocent thank you.”

 

“You and me know a very different Taeyeon. Where’s my fiancee? What have you done with her?! I demand answers.” Jessica laughs, Taeyeon pulling her down, falling into a gentle rhythm their lips dancing together. “Good morning to you too.”

 

“Now that you mention some morning love..” Taeyeon grins, Jessica giving her one last kiss before moving to get out of bed.

 

“We have to decide on a cake and your dress today. Also, you need to get out of bed, so you can go see your sister.” Jessica looks back, Taeyeon knowing it would come up, sighing as her head drops back against her pillow. “Tae, oh honey come here.” Jessica sits back down on the bed, Taeyeon resting her head on Jessica’s lap.

 

“I haven’t seen her for so long. what do I even say to her?” Taeyeon looks up at Jessica, seeing the struggle in her eyes.

 

“She’s still your sister, Tae she’s missed you just as much. Tell her you missed her too.”

 

Sighing, Taeyeon wraps her arms around Jessica’s waist. Whatever Jessica says she know won’t make it much easier, but she’d hold her tight and calm her heart.

 

“She’ll see the wonderful woman her sister has become. Just like I have.” Jessica smiles, her hands through Taeyeon’s hair.

 

Taeyeon believes it, looking up at Jessica, even if it doesn’t help her feel at ease, but so slightly hopeful.

 

Some things Taeyeon gave up on ever having.

Life itself, when living in the body that was never meant to be her own. Love, before she met Jessica.

Family, when her mother told her she’d only see a son back in her house and forbid anyone to so much as mention her by a name that didn’t make her stomach drop and heart cave in.

 

Till her mother came and wept an apology for each day she kept family away from her.

 

And her sister, the girl who she last saw ten years before, when she was only so little and too young to understand why her sibling would have to leave her life.

 

Every piece that came back and offered her happiness. But Hayeon, she stands outside her old family home, a place with memories most she’d never like to tread again, left wondering if her sister could forgive her, much less remember her.

 

With Jessica by her side she still shakes, trying to focus on the hand grasping hers, when the door comes open and the wild possibilities her mind has ran through since the night her mother asked her to come and see her family again.

 

Locking eyes with a girl almost an image of herself an unforgettable one even after years passed and she grew up beyond imagining.

 

“Hey.” Taeyeon barely manages to whisper, Hayeon leaping at her into a hug that almost knocks the air out of Taeyeon.

 

Taeyeon stood still for a moment, almost thinking to pinch herself as whether it’s even real. Wrapping her arms around Hayeon, tears falling down her eyes and holding her tight.

 

“I’m sorry.” Taeyeon whispers, crying as hard as Jessica has ever seen her, not in misery or pain. The most bittersweet joy.

 

“My big sister is home. That’s all that matters.” Hayeon smiles, wiping away her own tears.

 

Walking through her old home again, Taeyeon barely believes her eyes. When she was nineteen and gathered the bravery to tell anyone was the last she’d seen of it, shoved out in the middle of the night where her family wouldn’t care what happened to her on those streets.

 

“You alright?” Hayeon asks, Taeyeon stopped outside her old room.

 

“Doesn’t seem right to call that mine.”

 

“Do you wanna look inside?”

 

“No, I don’t need more of the past right now.” Taeyeon smiles, the name on the door like a stranger to her now.

 

“I uh.. Kept thinking about what I’d say. When umma said you’d come back, all I can think is that you’re nothing like I imagined.” Hayeon admits as they walk to her room, Taeyeon’s first instinct to feel her heart drop, ready to be broken. “You’re so beautiful.” Hayeon smiles, Taeyeon barely containing herself. “I used to think about how different you’d be but you’re so much prettier than every image I thought of.”

 

“You’ve grown up yourself you know. God, you were so small when I last saw you, now you’re taller than me.”

 

“Well that wasn’t too hard to do.” Hayeon grins, Taeyeon bursting into laughter.

 

“Yeah even heels don’t help that much. Really, look at you, all grown up. You’re incredible.”

 

“Thank you, I just wish you’d seen.. More.” Hayeon sighs, looking around the room, even just looking she sees how much Hayeon has changed.

 

“I’m sorry I never came back. I thought about.. Coming back as..before. I couldn’t do it.” Taeyeon feels herself start to tear up again. “I could’ve.. But I wasn’t strong enough.”

 

“Taeyeon!” Hayeon surprises her with her raised voice, Hayeon leaping to hold her. “I wanted to see you a lot, not any way other than this. As you. I’m only mad it took umma this long to stop and see you.”

 

“God you’re smart aren’t you.” Taeyeon grins, eyes still red.

 

“I spent a lot of time thinking about this. Wait till you see my grades, those will tell you otherwise.”

 

“Umma says you get straight A’s.” Taeyeon grins, Hayeon laughing.

 

“I work hard.”

 

“Mmm, good. I was wondering if I’d have to whip you into shape.” Taeyeon says, Hayeon pushing her playfully.

 

“When.. when I was trying to think about what to say to you, I kept thinking about how I knew you and I was terrified that.. I didn’t.” Hayeon grips Taeyeon’s hand tight. “I don’t know anything about you.”

 

“Hayeon it’s not..” Taeyeon starts, Hayeon gripping her hand tighter.

 

“I don’t know anything about you. But I’d like to, if you’d let me.” Hayeon smiles, bittersweet. Taeyeon nodding teary eyed.

 

“Fresh start?”

 

“Fresh start.”

 

Jessica doesn’t find it the most comfortable place to be. Sat staring down Taeyeon’s mother over tea and in complete silence.

 

“So.. how’s the wedding coming along?” she asks, Jessica staring up from her cup.

 

“It’s good. We settled on the cake.”

 

“That’s good… you’re both well then?”

 

“Never better.” Jessica answers, even wanting to smile thinking about Taeyeon she keeps herself stoic in front of the woman.

 

“Good.. good.” she nods, leaving them back in silence. “Does.. does she have a dress picked out?” she asks, Jessica looking at her, curious.

 

“Just mine, Tae hasn’t decided on one.” Jessica watches, Taeyeon’s mother lighting up almost excited.

 

“Could you wait here? Just a moment.”

 

Jessica stares, watching as Taeyeon’s mother practically shoots off. Coming back a moment later an unmistakable white dress in hand.

 

“This was mine, more than thirty years ago now. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever worn,” she smiles, her hand along the white fabric. “Maybe Taeyeon won’t like it, but would you give it to her?”

 

Looking over the dress, Jessica cracks a smile through her tough facade. For a gesture one that even Jessica can respect of her, even for all the distaste she holds for the woman.

 

“No,” Jessica answers, Taeyeon’s mother staring wide eyed, ready to break. “You should give it to her, it wouldn’t be right coming from me.”

 

“I’m.. not sure she wants me having anything to do with this. I don’t deserve to even see her again.”

 

Jessica hesitates, looking over her. “You’re right. But Taeyeon is taking a chance, whether you deserve it or not, she wants you in her life. Don’t plan this wedding, but show her you want to be there.” Jessica hands her back the dress, exchanging a glance between them.

 

“I see why she loves you.”
 

“Please, I’m irresistible.” Jessica smirks, even managing to get a laugh out of Taeyeon’s mother.

 

Talking with Hayeon, they almost talk till the sun begins to set, picking up from square one. Even with ten years lacking, picking up like they didn’t miss a moment at all. That nothing was missed between them when they laugh together.

 

“Your fiancee is pretty, is she a model?” Hayeon asks, Taeyeon giggling to herself.

 

“Jess, she’s a journalist.”

 

“A journalist, that’s cool and she’s okay with..”

 

“Hayeon, we’ve been together for awhile now. That was.. Early.” Taeyeon sighs, not having much joy recalling the nervousness she felt when she told Jessica that fateful night.

 

“I’m sorry, I just, there’s a lot of questions.”

 

“I know, it’s alright. Jess treats me right though, never worry about that.”

 

“Good.. cause I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happy. At least not like this.”

 

Taeyeon nods, in all her time spent before, nothing had left her feeling happy, not how living as herself did. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happy. Not back then.”

 

“It’s nice to see you smile. Now you’re getting married! It’s gonna be amazing.”

 

“I uh.. Wanted to ask you something about that actually.” Taeyeon grins, Hayeon holding still, eyes wide. “I wasn’t sure about, any of this but I know it’s for you. If you wanted, to be my maid of honor.” Taeyeon asks, Hayeon sitting still, eyes wide open and jaw dropped quiet for a moment before she makes Taeyeon’s heart almost skip a beat when she leaps excitedly and screams like it’s the single most exciting moment in her life.

 

“Yes! Yes Tae!!! Of course I’ll be your maid of honor oh my god!” Hayeon hugs her excitedly, Taeyeon stiffly hugging her, Hayeon’s excitement beyond what she optimistically expected. “Thank you, thank you! This is gonna be amazing.”

 

“Okay, okay, let me breathe please.” Taeyeon groans, Hayeon realizing she’s been hugging Taeyeon as tight as she can.

 

“Sorry, I’m so excited.”

 

“Thank you Hayeon, really.”

 

“Tae.. this is gonna be the best wedding ever, we’re gonna make it so cool.” Hayeon bounces excitedly, Taeyeon laughing.

 

“Me and Jess already have most of it planned.”

 

“Oh.. okay whatever it’ll still be awesome.” Hayeon still grins, Taeyeon nodding. Every plan, idea that she’d go asking Tiffany to be her maid of honor weren’t the worst things to imagine, but her sister, not a fever dream imagining if Hayeon would ever be back in her life again.

 

“Yeah, it will be.”

 

Walking downstairs, when Taeyeon catches Jessica’s gaze she runs over almost instantly, Taeyeon wrapping her arms around Jessica’s waist.

 

“Hey, you all good?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon smiling vibrant, Jessica feeling relieved in an instant.

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Taeyeon nods, Jessica knowing she’s humble to answer, seeing Hayeon beam excitedly. “Also, Hayeon said yes to be my maid of honor.”

 

“Tae that’s great!” Jessica beams, looking over towards Hayeon, mouthing a thank you.

 

The three of them turning when they hear Taeyeon’s mother clear , Taeyeon dropping her smile as quick as it came.

 

“I uhm.. Wanted to give you something Taeyeon. Jessica said you were struggling to find your dress.” she reaches for the dress, apprehensively walking to Taeyeon. “If you don’t like it, it’s okay, this was mine for my wedding day, I just thought.. It would look beautiful for yours.”

 

Taking the dress in her arms, Taeyeon looks it over quietly, not so much as a sound from anyone.

 

When she was little, peering into her mother’s wardrobe and imagining herself wearing those things, before she even understood why. How what she was left with was only what she didn’t want, seen how she would rather be invisible.

 

And where her eyes would drift to the white dress packed away and imagine a moment forbidden to her.

 

Running her hands along the fabric, Taeyeon feels her heart pound, tracing each intricate pattern by her fingertips, as beautiful as she could ever remember it. Being offered her forbidden moment.

 

“You’d give this to me?” Taeyeon asks, barely believing it to be real.

 

“I can’t imagine anything better than giving it to you.”

 

Placing the dress aside, her mother watches nervously, Taeyeon stepping close, pulling her in close and hugging her tight. Her mother’s eyes wide as she stands totally still.

 

“Thank you.” Taeyeon whispers, both tearing up so slightly. “I’d love to wear it.”

 

“That’s.. That’s wonderful, Taeyeon, thank you.” she bursts into a smile, one uninhibited from the tension she’s been holding in and worrying of. “You’ll look so beautiful.”

 

“Thank you umma.”

 

Leaving is something more reluctant than Taeyeon expected when she woke up that morning. Seeing Hayeon unlike anything she’d imagined, through all the years left without a word or hope. That what left came back, not hopeless, not forever.

 

And wedding days. Sat staring in the mirror and heart pounding in her chest.

 

“You ready?” Hayeon asks, sat by her side as they wait, Taeyeon’s leg shaking nervously.

 

“I didn’t think I’d be this nervous.” Taeyeon tries to smile, feeling like she’s ready to pass out.

 

“Are you nervous about Jessica?” she says, Taeyeon feeling like the mention of Jessica is her only calm, the one piece of it all she isn’t worried on.

 

“No.. god I want this with her so much.” Taeyeon closes her eyes, imagining Jessica waiting there for her when she walks down the aisle, something she’s spent so much time thinking of. “I’m scared, what if she doesn’t..want this, if this isn’t..” Taeyeon starts to ramble, Hayeon grasping her head in her hands tight.

 

“Hey, none of that. You’re just nervous.”

 

“But what if? Hayeon what about..” Taeyeon begins again, silenced almost immediately by Hayeon’s finger against her lips.

 

“Do you love her?” she asks, Taeyeon nodding without hesitation. “Tae, I know I haven’t seen you two together for a long time, but you’ve gotten this far haven’t you.” Hayeon grasps Taeyeon’s hand, keeping her still. “Tell me what Jessica is to you Tae.” Hayeon asks, Taeyeon nodding to herself.

 

“She’s the love of my life.”

 

“Tae, I think the only thing you’re gonna think about when you see her is how incredible she looks and how you have a whole life to spend with her.” Hayeon says with no lacking confidence, whatever doubt going through Taeyeon’s mind, not an ounce of it in how much she loves Jessica.

 

“I want this so much.” Taeyeon cracks the slightest smile, Hayeon almost crashing down relieved.

 

“She’s waiting for you, whenever you’re ready. Go enjoy your happiness.”

 

“Okay.. I can do this.. I can get married.”

 

“Yes, yes you can now get out there before I start wanting to redo your makeup again.” Hayeon laughs, watching as Taeyeon gets up, striding to the door, giving herself one last look in the mirror. “Just remember how much you want her. Whatever else, whoever else, it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Just her.” Taeyeon nods, heading out the door with Hayeon. Towards the rest of her life.

 

When the music starts and Taeyeon looks down the aisle. Seeing Jessica like life itself slowed down as soon as their eyes met.

 

Every moment since the night they met that goes through her mind. Seeing her in a light more beautiful than she could ever imagine, Jessica’s smile, bright like she was made up of only joy, where Taeyeon can only think she found a goddess herself.

 

And each moment that flashes by through every step towards her.

 

The night on the park bench, where Taeyeon expected to lose her as fast as she’d come into her life, how each and everyone before couldn’t imagine loving someone like her no matter how much she tried.

 

Terrified of losing her, how Jessica only said she wanted to be with her, see just where they could go.

 

When even with Jessica, she still suffered alone in each stinging ounce of pain that would never stop. That she’d cry and Jessica wiped each tear and held her tight till the sun would rise and set again. The only one to share her pain when her walls came crumbling down and keep her safe until it passed and do the same each moment it would come again.

 

And her bravery. Through some moments pride, embracing, loving each piece of her, not a single thought that anything was wrong. That nothing ever was. But bravery, to face her most hopeless moments. Their most hopeless moments.

 

Now, when she steps up to Jessica’s side. Entwines their fingers together and wonders how she could doubt for a moment whether it was even a decision. From the moment Taeyeon fell in love it never was.

 

Slipping the ring on her finger and seeing Jessica so joyful it makes her own heart pound full.

 

A kiss to seal and everything else fades away.

 

No fear, no loss and pain.

 

Just love, their life.

 

Her happiness, her wife.