The elevator smells like tobacco and pocket mints, Chanyeol thinks, inhaling the oddly satisfying scent as he pushes the button for the third floor. He's tired, very tired and nothing can mentally or physically prepare him for what he's about to step into. Without the desire nor energy to celebrate, Chanyeol is seconds away from entering his home, entering the celebratory dinner for his thirty-eighth birthday. Another year marked off of his life, another age line added to his complexion, darker circles beneath his eyes - that's about all that comes to mind when he thinks of his birthday. It's just another year he's wasted living this draining lie of happiness. 

Still, as long as everyone he loves is happy, right? 

Right. 

A soft ding knocks Chanyeol out of his reverie and the elevator doors slide open, greeting him into a long, rather spacious hallway of doors. His door, luckily, is directly in front of his eyes. Apartment number twenty-four. He palms his left jeans pocket to check for his door key, nimble fingers slide in after and grasp the jagged metal before drawing it out. With two short steps, he's directly in front of his door. The key barely has a chance to push into the lock before said door comes flying open. Soojung greets Chanyeol with a wide grin, her slender arms engulfing him in what could be considered the gentlest bear hug in existence.

"Happy Birthday, my sweet Chanyeollie~" Soojung coos in his ear and Chanyeol groans, half-heartedly returning the hug with ever so sluggish movements.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that? How many years?" He grumbles, drawing back to peck her lips lightly. "Thank you, though."

Soojung pouts cutely and leans in the claim her husband's lips in another quick kiss before taking his hand. "It doesn't matter how many times you tell me to stop, you sir, will always be my adorable Chanyeolliepop."

Always?

Chanyeol shrugged his jacket from his shoulders after closing the door behind him, hanging it carefully on the coat hook just left of him. He popped his door key in the ceramic bowl placed on the telephone unit, hearing a voice that could only make him want to curl up and disappear.

"Is that my sweet little brother back from work?"

Yoora.

Before Soojung can so much as consider fleeing into the kitchen, Chanyeol grabs her thin wrist and pulls her closer. She draws in on herself in response, waiting for a scolding from her darling husband. 

"You invited my sister?" Chanyeol whispers the question in her ear, sounding more than a little pissed. "I thought it would just be us two?" He clearly thought wrong, since it isn't just his sister's presence they had the pleasure of.

"Yeollie? Is that you?" His mother calls out.

"Soojung, stop hogging our son and bring him in so we can wish him a happy birthday," His father adds on, chuckling gruffly.

If looks could kill the Soojung would currently be six feet under. Chanyeol's eyes are boring into her, he looks irritated, to say the very least and she can tell by the way his breath suddenly sounds more shallow. Smiling nervously, the petite female tugs her wrist from Chanyeol's grip and takes his hand a second time. 

"I'm sorry, okay? I'll make it up to you," She hushes, dragging him through the hallway and into the living room. 

Chanyeol doesn't say a word, reluctantly following her into the living room with the sourest expression pinching at his facial muscles. His fingers are limp around her hand and he's not impressed. 

"Happy Birthday Chanyeol!"

All three of his relatives cheer in one hit, thankfully skipping over the usual tradition of singing the song to him. He's thirty-eight, it's about damn time they stopped those shenanigans. Yoora and his mother both kiss each cheek at the same time, Chanyeol lets go of Soojung's hand to let her scurry away into the kitchen to finish the seafood stew she's cooking. Yes, his sense of smell is just that excellent.

"You don't look a day over twenty-five, son," The elder man states proudly, bringing his son in for a hug no longer than two seconds. 

"Maybe so, but I feel every bit of my age and more," Chanyeol paints that fake yet sincere looking smile on his face and gives his fathers back a pat as they separate. 

His father scoffs. "Nonsense," He insists. "How could someone as upbeat and strapping as you be feeling old? You have a beautiful wife looking after you."

Chanyeol really cannot find it in himself to say anything. 

Would it be selfish of him to say that he's tired of pretending? Because he's been pretending his whole life, to be someone he isn't. He's not the work driven man his family sees him as and he's not a man that wants to settle down and have children with his wife because... because he doesn't want to be married anymore. For once, Chanyeol wants to speak up and tell everyone what he feels in his heart, whether they care to hear it or not. 

He's just frightened. He's frightened because he can feel himself reaching that dreaded limit. The limit he's been heightening and avoiding for such a long, long time.

Chanyeol is just a ticking time bomb of unstable emotions, anger and hurt, just waiting to explode.

"Yeol-ah," Yoora chimes, waving her dainty hand in front of his face. "I think we've lost him," She comments, giggling.

"No, no. I'm still here... but you will all have to entertain yourselves for a little while," Chanyeol turns his back toward the three of them, ambling out into the hallway to shower and get changed.

On the way to the bathroom, he's praying with all his heart that someone out there can give him the strength to just get through this night.  

 

-

 

His shower doesn't last long enough. By the time his muscles even have the chance to relax beneath the hot spray of water, Soojung is calling his name, telling him dinner is almost ready. Chanyeol sighs with a heart full of very little enthusiasm, washing the soap suds away from his skin before moving onto his hair. Even now, even when he's reaching his ultimate peak, all the giant can worry about is keeping his family waiting too long. Because of this, he shampoos his hair with haste before scrubbing the foam out of his onyx locks. Even something as simple as a shower cannot be done with freedom. 

It had always been a big problem of Chanyeol's. Putting too much pressure on himself over ridiculous things. Standing in front of his closet now, he takes out a white v-neck t-shirt, a slate grey cardigan and faded blue jeans. Even his sense of style is getting dreary in his middle-aged state. He dresses half-heartedly, towel dries his hair before sweeping it back and when he looks in the mirror on his closet door... all he sees is a stranger. This isn't the bubbly, self-confident Park Chanyeol he was when he was sixteen. This is an imposter. He'd always known people could change over many years, but he hasn't only changed... he's faded too.

"Sweetheart, are you coming?" Soojung's voice echoes through the hallway and into their bedroom where Chanyeol stands and stares, inhaling a shallow breath of uncertainty.

"I'll be right out," He calls back. There's no tone to his voice, no affectionate or endearing pet names to follow his short words. 

His stomach feels hollow. It's not hunger, though. 

Something devastating is going to come out tonight and he doesn't think he'll be able to stop it.

 

-

 

At the dinner table, everything starts out rather quiet. Chanyeol's parents are giving each other some very intense eye contact. He can tell they're having one of those strange, telepathic parent discussion that he's seen too much of throughout his life. 

They did it a lot the night they told him to break-up with his boyfriend.

They did it the day they told him he would be marrying Soojung.

They're doing it now and Chanyeol somehow knows what they're thinking. It's been brought up before and now that he's another year older, they're preparing to bring it up again.

"Chanyeol, dear?" His mother calls and he pauses eating, his broth spoon hanging in mid-air, barely an inch from his lips. 

"Yes?" 

"Your father and I have been thinking-" She pauses, steering away from the knowing look in her son's eyes. "It's about time you considered giving Soojung a baby, don't you think?" 

Soojung chokes on the mouthful of water she'd just sipped from her glass. Using her free hand to sweep long, black waves of hair away from her face, she risks a glance at Chanyeol. He's already placed his spoon down on the dish. Of course. It's no news to her that he hates the subject. She's just learned to live with it.

"Why is it 'about time' mother?" Chanyeol asks his honestly curious question, there's the ever so subtle undertone of bitterness in his voice. "Surely it's up to me- and Soojung when we have children-" He stops there, thinking carefully before speaking the following four words

"If we have children."

 Soojung frowns deeply. "Wait, Chanyeol... what do you mean, 'if' ?"

Chanyeol sighs, Chanyeol clenches his fist around the small, white napkin pressing against his palm. 

It's his birthday. It's the anniversary of the day he was born... so why does it feel like an excuse for everyone to gang up on him? Was this dinner arranged all as a rouse to him? To provoke his buried feels and dig them out? He feels cornered, trapped and the air passing through his windpipe is tight, suffocating.

"You'd be such a lovely father, Yeollie," Yoora pipes up and lays her hand upon his forearm with hesitance, he pulls away. Her efforts to defuse the upcoming discomforts are sweet, yet just a little too late.

"Don't you want a little you running around the house?" His father questions.

"Really, you shouldn't be so stubborn about this-" His mother begins, but he cuts her off before her words can go too far.

"Stubborn? I'm stubborn?" Chanyeol's says, disbelieving and exasperated. "So, I'm stubborn and in the wrong for holding back and making a decision that suits me for once?" He springs to his feet, looking around the table at the four stunned faces gazing back at him. "All my life, I've done nothing but please everyone else... I've done everything that's been asked of me, but nobody has ever thought to ask ME what I want."

Soojung flinches. She hates when he raises his voice. It's so deep, so booming and honestly, the sound scares her. She knows Chanyeol is harmless... but he sounds so bitter.

"I never wanted to get married so young, but the two of you forced me. You forced me because you were afraid of what I might really be because it wouldn't fit with our families image." There's some kind of force shaking these truths out of Chanyeol's body. His eyes are bulging slightly, they're shining with tears of frustration, exhaustion. He turns his attention from his parents to his sister.

"You stood by and you let them boss me around, Yoora. When I had to break things off with Seokmin, you told me I shouldn't do it, but when I asked for your help, your support... you didn't give it to me."

Yoora averts her gaze, swallowing deeply to mask the guilt she surely must be feeling.

Chanyeol takes a deep breath, he's so close to tears. He won't cry, though. He's not weak. He won't let them see how totally and utterly destroyed they've caused him to be.

Finally, he turns to Soojung, his wife, and their eyes lock. His heart pummels to the pit of his stomach because she looks so confused, so hurt and so... distraught. None of this is her fault and he's deeply sorry that he has brought such a burdensome situation upon her. He opens his mouth. No words come out, not a sound. Chanyeol is too ashamed to say anything more. So instead, he leaves the table as fast as his feet allow him and rushes out of the room. 

He should have known that a peaceful birthday would be too good to be true.

 

-

 

After Chanyeol stormed out, Soojung felt it was best for his parents and Yoora to leave. It was clear to her that they would have a lot to discuss.

"Goodnight, Soojung," Yoora whispers, placing a kiss on the younger woman's cheek. "Don't be too worried about Yeol. I'm sure- I'm sure he's just stressed due to work."

Soojung can only offer a half-hearted smile and a nod in response.  "Alright, I won't be too hard on him," She says. She'll try not to be.

It's a quick farewell to Chanyeol's mother and father at the door. Both of them still look shocked as they wave Soojung a silent goodbye. She closes the door then checks the clock. It has just passed 9:30 pm. Rest still won't be coming for a while.

 

-

 

Chanyeol is lying on his left side on the bed, staring at his blinking alarm clock. He's been like this ever since the little fiasco with his heart running out of his mouth. Some small part of him feels relief that he finally stood up for himself. However, the dominating part of him is guilty - extremely guilty, for that matter. Should he have said all those things? The look in his parents' eyes as he vented everything was just- just- 

"Have you calmed down now?" Soojung stands in the doorway of their bedroom, reluctant to step inside. 

Sitting up, Chanyeol twists his head, eyes catching onto his wife's figure. Her eyes aren't filled with the usual affection within them. She looks a little tense, scared of what might come next.

"Yes," He exhales his words, patting the space beside him. "Come and sit... ask me whatever you wish and I'll be honest."

It's the least he can do, right?

Soojung complies after a little moment of thought. She's graceful as she seats herself on the soft mattress beside her tall husband. Chanyeol towers so high even when he's sitting down. It brings a brief smile to her face, but it fades when she catches his fingers clumsily twisting in circles on his lap. 

"You don't want children?" She asks first and foremost, Chanyeol shudders.

"No, well-" He sighs. "I do but..." Not with you. He can't put it like that, though. Not out loud... it'll crush her.

"But?"

"But I don't want to have them right now," Chanyeol makes a little lie. Well, it's not entirely untrue. He's been held back from living his own life how he wants to. So, he doesn't want to be responsible for another life just yet.

Soojung nods her head, studying Chanyeol's side profile. He looks sad at every angle, she notices. Has he always looked this sad? Soojung always assumed it was simply his resting face. Maybe not.

"Who is Seokmin?" 

Chanyeol's hands immediately ball up at this name, he looks at Soojung and she's expectant, of course. She has every right to be. 

"He was my boyfriend... before you and I started dating?" He says, his voice quieter all of a sudden. 

"You were... serious?" 

"Yes, until my parents caught us together."

Soojung reaches out to take his hand. She might be shocked, but her ability to be understanding hasn't been disabled.

"After my parents found out, they told me I needed to break things off with him, that I was putting the family name in jeopardy by 'acting so foolish'." Chanyeol's thumb brushed over her knuckles, Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows again. "Of course, being a loyal son, I did as I was told... because I didn't want to lose my parents. It hurt a lot, they'd say I wasn't normal."

Chanyeol went through a lot of grief, lectures and makeshift therapy sessions with his parents before he and Soojung had even met. They would constantly drill into his head that he couldn't love another man because men cannot carry children and children are vital in a relationship because they continue the family name and so on. Many nights, Chanyeol would end up going to bed with a headache and less respect for his parents for being so narrow-minded.

"Then they introduced you to me," Chanyeol continues with his story, holding Soojung's hand. He feels how her grip tightens, hears how her previously steady breaths begin to shake. He knows she is figuring it out, she knows where this is going. "And they... used you to make me 'normal' by getting us to fall in love."

"Stop," Soojung chokes and squeezes Chanyeol's hand really tight because the pain growing in her heart is just too much to bear. Chanyeol could tell her he's sorry. He doesn't, though. What good would it do? An apology wouldn't make her forget that her entire eighteen years of marriage was built on lies and pretend.

"So... you never loved me?"

"Yes, I did. I do- I love you so much, Soojung," Chanyeol slides off of the bed, sinking to his knees on the carpeted floor. He places his palms on her knees and looks up to see tear stained cheeks and quivering lips. "I do love you, but not in the way you want me to, not in the way you deserve to be loved."

He reaches out to gently hold her chin between his thumb and index finger. She pulls away.

"Sooju-"

"Why couldn't you have just told me sooner?" Her voice can barely reach above a whisper and she can't look him in the eyes. "Why didn't you save both me and yourself all of this grief and just speak up? Why didn't you stand up for yourself?" Her voice is raising, but it's still weak and she cries out, pushing Chanyeol away. 

She's angry, upset and he understands, but he also needs her to understand his situation too. He couldn't simply go ahead and stand up for himself back then, not unless he was willing to give up his family. 

Which he wasn't. He still isn't- but he's thirty-eight years of age. It's about time he stops letting everyone else tell him how to live.

"Soojung, I-" Chanyeol feels his gut twist as he, once again, reaches to touch her and she, once again, pushes his hand away. 

"I think you should leave," Soojung whispers and points towards the door. "Go, please... just- I need some alone time. Come back in the morning."

Chanyeol curls up, his legs bending, knees pressing briefly against his chest. He takes a minute to process what she said and when it sets in, Chanyeol sees what a big change this whole thing will bring.

Without another word between the two, Chanyeol moves his way around the bedroom, gathering his work bag, packing it with fresh clothes, his phone, usb cable, toothbrush and his wallet. He hasn't a clue where he'll go or what he'll do and as he slips his shoes on, he takes one more glance at Soojung from the hallway. 

"I'll be back tomorrow evening," Chanyeol tells her and gets no response. 

Happy birthday to me.

He grabs his car keys and leaves with a heavy heart and liquid crystals caught in his lashes.

 

-

 

One hour on the road, Chanyeol has driven past every single hotel local to his neighbourhood and the ones surrounding. The car is silent and he's not once registered to turn the radio on. His cheeks are stained with dry tear streaks and he's lost. He doesn't want to spend his night in a hotel, alone and without the company of someone else. Anyone else.

.

Two hours on the road, Chanyeol stops to fill his tank up with gas at a fairly secluded station. Briefly, he thinks of buying a snack to fill his practically empty stomach. He decides against it, in the end, his throat closing up at the thought of food. 

.

Almost three hours on the road, Chanyeol has no idea where he's going. By now, he's figured out that he's been driving senselessly for the past few hours and really, he should stop before he gets himself stranded.

He eventually pulls up outside a cosy looking BnB. It's surrounded by white picket fences and the lights on the bottom floor are showing through the frosted glass with a subtle yellow glow. Something about it seems so familiar to him. However, he's not really in the right frame of mind to be digging through his memories.

Chanyeol stops the car's engine and pulls the key from the ignition before getting out, not forgetting to bring his bag along with him. He presses the little button on his car keys and the lights flash to indicate he's locked the vehicle successfully.

 

-

 

Inside the lobby slash bar area, the mood seems very mellow. There is an elderly couple sitting at the table nearest the door and Chanyeol bow respectively at them, mumbling a sheepish apology about the draught he'd caused. 

By the bar sits a brunette male perhaps not much younger than him. Behind the bar stands a much younger looking male with similar facial features to the former. It's when Chanyeol's eyes are fully fixed on the younger that he remembers exactly where he is... exactly who that person is. 

Baek-

Baekhyun. 

Shaking his head at himself, Chanyeol spares a few seconds to smile. How could he have not recognized this place from the outside? Ah, right. It isn't snowing outside. This time, his car isn't held captive by a... mini Everest of snow and also, there was no fence around the outside last time. 

Gosh, is he getting memory loss in his old age too?

Chanyeol decides it's time to stop standing like an awkward tree and ambles over to the bar, suddenly feeling nervous amongst plenty of other things.

"Uh, excuse me? Could I get a cup of cocoa, please?" He says, voice hoarse and the one behind the bar looks his way. Their eyes clap into an immediate stare and Chanyeol grins. "Maybe I'll drink it all myself this time."

"Spoiling all my fun when you've only just got here?" Baekhyun scoffs with a smirk, recognizing the giant almost instantly. "Well, I never expected to see you here again... what brings you back so late?" The one with onyx hair asks. "It seems you have a habit of turning up at silly hours, doesn't it?"

Chanyeol shrugs, a slight smile pinching his chapped up lips. 

"It's my birthday and- I... fancied coming by for a celebratory cup of cocoa?" He attempts humour half-heartedly, perching himself on a bar stool. 

"Happy birthday," Baekhyun smiles, turning his back on Chanyeol to get him that mug of warm, sweet goodness. "How old now? One hundred?" He jokes and Chanyeol wants to flick the back of his head. 

"Don't be cheeky, brat," Chanyeol laughs weakly. "I'm thirty-eight now."

Baekhyun stumbles, faking a little collapse against the back wall of the bar. 

"Damn, you're old!"

Chanyeol wants to retort, but he's not given the chance as the brunette beside him suddenly pipes up.

"Do you guys know each other well? Or should I be scolding my brother for being rude to a customer?"

Chanyeol laughs and so does Baekhyun.

"Don't worry, Baekhyun and I have met before... you're his brother?" 

The clearly older of the two nods, holding his hand out. "I'm Baekbeom, the unfortunate older brother of the rascal, Baekhyun."

Shaking Baekbeom's hand, Chanyeol lets his eyes drift towards the piping hot mug of cocoa that Baekhyun has just set down for him before thanking him quietly. 

"I'm Chanyeol and... I need a room to stay in tonight if you have one? I brought money in my wallet this time."

Baekhyun's brows furrow at these words. Why would Chanyeol need a room in a BnB? On his birthday, no less. For now, he decides not to question it and just listens to Chanyeol speak instead.

"My wife and I had a bit of a... uh, difference in opinion and she told me to leave," The giant runs his fingers through his scruffy black hair. 

To Baekhyun, Chanyeol sounds tired and fed up. He looks a lot more exhausted than what he did five years ago and he wonders, momentarily, if that is what five more years of pretending has done to him.

It's 01:27 am when Baekhyun's eyes shift towards the clock. Chanyeol needs rest. 

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun calls quietly, a slightly serious note in his voice. When he looks up, Baekhyun nods his head towards the door beside the bar. "Bring your bag and cocoa, I'll show you to a room."

As Chanyeol s his bag to pull his wallet out, Baekhyun makes a sound of protest.

"Don't even think about it. Put it down."

"Oh, but-"

"Now."

Chanyeol sighs. He slouches his shoulders like a big child. "Fine," He cedes, begrudgingly, doing exactly as he'd been instructed.

Geez, even Baekhyun is being bossy and they've only just met again after- what is it?

Five years.

What's more... is that they only ever met once before now and Baekhyun remembers him. Fascinating.

Why is it so easy to talk to him?

 

-

 

After shaking Baekbeom's hand once more, Chanyeol finally did as he was told and took his cocoa and his bag. Chanyeol followed the shorter male upstairs and to the left of the staircase was an empty room.

"When the hell was this building created? In the Tudor period?" Chanyeol whines, rubbing the top of his head while Baekhyun stumbles forward, wheezing out an obnoxious laugh.

Chanyeol hitting his head on the top of the doorframe is basically the cherry on top of one seriously messed up evening- nightlife.

"It's ironic how you were kidding, but yes, that's when this building was created."

"Oh, haha," Chanyeol grumbles. He closes the door and sets his bag on the hook beside it.

Chanyeol kicks his shoes off, sets his cocoa down on the nightstand and when he sits on the small but very soft mattress, Baekhyun is already sitting beside him.

"You don't look much older than you did five years ago," Baekhyun comments, studying Chanyeol's appearance a little closer.

"Don't make me laugh," The taller snorts. "Haven't you seen these dark circles under my eyes?"

Baekhyun decides not to give him an answer and just stares, shapely lips curving up at the edges. He's smiling, but not quite enough for it to be considered a happy one.

"That's nothing a good nights sleep can't fix, you know." 

Heaving a deep sigh, Chanyeol proceeds to sit in silence, forming the same position he'd been in while sitting on his own bed back home. His fingers are tapping against his thighs as he stares at them.

"You weren't this withdrawn last time," Baekhyun says, humming in thought. "Do you want to talk about your problems with your wife? It must be bad if you came back here-"

"I told her," Chanyeol finds himself blurting these words out, his hands. "I told them all, my family, how I've been feeling lately... how I've been feeling all my life."

It takes Baekhyun a moment to register, but he smiles when he does. He doesn't understand why Chanyeol isn't celebrating. When he comes to a steady conclusion, though, he shifts a little closer and yet stays far enough away as to not overcrowd the upset man with messy hair and bloodshot eyes. Unlike their first time meeting, Baekhyun doesn't really know how he can help Chanyeol. Had they not parted ways on such a strange note, then maybe he'd feel differently. However, he's grown up a lot since five years ago. It may not seem like that sometimes, but it's true.

He just doesn't know what to say.

"I'm confused," Chanyeol speaks up again because the silence is too much for him to deal with right now. "I thought I'd feel happy, liberated. I thought things might be different now that they know," His breath stutters. "But I just feel guilty, I feel like I've upset everyone and ruined their impression of me." Which is something he shouldn't care about by this point, but he still does.

Bearing everything he's just heard in mind, Baekhyun slumps his shoulders, relaxing a bit more now that he at least knows what to say. "That's just your selfless personality coming through."

"What do you mean?" 

"You only feel guilty because you've learned to be selfless. Too selfless, even," Baekhyun's head tilts and once again, he's studying Chanyeol. "You're not used to your loved ones being upset with you, you're not used to your wife being upset with you... it'll hurt a lot at first, but each and every single one of you will learn to build a bridge and get over it."

Chanyeol's grunts, pursing his lips up.

"Drink your cocoa, it'll get cold."

Chanyeol does as he's told. He always does as he's told.

"You're silly," Baekhyun chuckles out and watches the older one gulp down his probably lukewarm cocoa. "You really don't know how to be defiant, do you?" 

With a head shake, Chanyeol tips his head back and empties the last of the velvety, chocolate drink into his mouth. He bulges his cheeks out, letting the drink fill them before swallowing it.

"Where's Nana?" Chanyeol asks once his mouth is empty.

"She retired two years ago and handed this place down to me and my bro."

Chanyeol breaks out into a soft pout, which Baekhyun finds amusing for some reason.

"Don't pout you old idiot, it doesn't suit you," Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "I have to head back downstairs anyway... Beom will be wondering where I've disappeared to and, you know..." He trails off, waiting for Chanyeol to catch on.

He doesn't catch on.

"I don't want him thinking we're up to something." 

Chanyeol's eyes widen a little. "O-Oh," He splutters. "Of course not."

Standing up and letting out the biggest old man sigh, Baekhyun stretches his arms out above his head. His belly-button peeks out from under the hem of his shirt, Chanyeol wonders briefly whether he should poke it. Choosing not to, he watches the younger one meander towards the door.

"Goodnight, Chanyeol," Baekhyun doesn't turn back to face him when he says this. There's no need. 

He knows Chanyeol is smiling.

"G'night," Chanyeol replies concisely, smiling just a little.

 

-

 

Baekhyun towels a pint glass and a sherry glass behind the bar, Baekbeom is polishing the tables in the seating areas. The other customers have either left or gone to their rooms to sleep. Baekhyun likes it the most when it's like this, he doesn't have to fake a smile, be nauseatingly polite. Don't get him wrong, he loves his job. But there's never a day off for him anymore. Sometimes he even has to cover when his brother can't be bothered to show up. It must be nice for him, he gets to go home every day, while Baekhyun's home is, well... this place. 

Sometimes he wonders what life would be like out outside of this secluded BnB. 

"What's the deal with you and that Chanyeol dude?" Baekbeom breaks the peaceful silence and ultimately drags Baekhyun into a conversation he could easily recite both sides of already.

"Long story," Baekhyun lies. "Someone I know from a few years back."

Baekbeom hums.

"You were gone for a good fifteen, twenty minutes when you were showing him to his room," He points out, giving his little brother a questioning glance. "Is he an old flame?"

"Pfft, hardly... did you not hear how old he is?" Baekhyun doesn't make eye contact with him as he turns to place the glasses back on their respective shelves. He knows what Baekbeom is trying to do. He likes stirring things up between him and their mother, creating false truths that Baekhyun eventually has to disappoint his mother with by telling her what they really are - lies.

"Oh, please- Baek, you looked at him so fondly when he first stood at this bar and asked for that cocoa. The last person you looked at in such a way was Jisung."

Baekhyun's entire body stiffens. He hates to even think this, but his brother is right. Jisung, his ex-boyfriend, was always the apple of his eye. He'd never look away from him whenever they were in the same room. Jisung held his heart and what did he do? He chose to crush it.

Maybe it did happen a long time ago, but Baekhyun will never forget the night he caught Jisung in his bed, wrapped up within the hold of another mans arms and legs.

"Even so," Baekhyun utters vehemently. He's not in the mood to be reminded of that pig. "Even so... there is nothing going on between us."

"But you want there to be?"

"Maybe, I mean- I don't know him all that well... but the last time we met... never mind."

"No!" Baekbeom urges, a bit too loud, grabbing Baekhyun's shirt sleeve. "Come on, 'the last time you met' what?"

Baekhyun gives him a tiresome gaze and sighs. "The last time we met, things just felt... familiar? It felt like I've known him for years."

He did a good job at making me feel happy.

They don't talk about it anymore after this. 

Baekhyun locks up the door after Baekbeom bids him goodbye and leaves.

The late-night feeling kicks into his system and he wanders up to bed with a funny feeling in his tummy.

The same feeling he had five years ago when he'd put Chanyeol to bed on the couch.

 

-

 

Chanyeol wakes up earlier the next morning and uses the en-suite bathroom to his best advantages. He takes a shower and basks in the warm water, staring at the wall tiles before his head tips back and his lids clasp shut over his brown orbs. The steam and condensation creep into his lungs, filtering all the tension out of his lungs from the night before.

Citrus fills his senses as he pours a good splurge of the two in one shower gel and shampoo into his palm and lathers it up. The smell of lime and clementines lifts his spirits and before he even cares to notice, Chanyeol is singing in the shower.

Like a lion, you ran
A goddess you rolled
Like an eagle you circled
In perfect purple
So how come things move on
How come cars don't slow
When it feels like the end of my world?
When I should but I can't let you go?

But when I'm cold, cold
When I'm cold, cold
There's a light that you give me
When I'm in shadow
There's a feeling within me, an everglow

Chanyeol hasn't sung in the shower for years.

...

Downstairs, in the very same kitchen Chanyeol feasted on jam smothered toast five years ago, Baekhyun has his eyes closed, a smile on his lips and he's listening to the soft, deep and extremely melodic words as they seep through the walls.

After a moment, he hopes his other customers aren't still asleep.

Even if they are, Chanyeol's voice is the most beautiful alarm clock.

 

-

 

"So, when are you going back?" Baekhyun queries, watching as Chanyeol viciously chomps on his boiled eggs and toast. "I mean, assuming you have to go back."

"I'm leaving here in an hour or so, stopping off at my work studio to see how my colleague is getting on, briefing him on what needs to be done while I'm gone..." Chanyeol lists off with a mouth half full of chewed up food, sipping his coffee. 

Baekhyun grimaces. God, this man is so attractive.  

"-Then I'm gonna head back to my place at about... hm, 4 pm?" Chanyeol settles on that time with a nod and a half smile. He's more focused on the food than on Baekhyun. After eating basically nothing the night before, his stomach is singing his praises after hours of screeching with hunger.  

When he sees the slight nod and falter on Baekhyun's face, Chanyeol stops chowing down and frowns. "What's wrong?"

"Is this going to be like last time?" Baekhyun tries to keep his voice steady, but having to ask this dreaded question alone is enough to make him feel exceedingly low. "Are you going to disappear and not come back for another five years? Or double it and leave a ten-year gap instead?" He's battling against the urge to look Chanyeol in the eyes, humiliation boiling up towards the core of his chest. 

The feeling of long fingers topping over his own makes him jolt in his seat.

"I'm leaving you my number, silly ," Chanyeol mumbles and when Baekhyun finally dares to look at him, he's grinning.

"Working here looks like it's taken the fun out of you, one day when I'm free and not working... assuming I'll still have a job," Chanyeol laughs sheepishly. "I'll take you into the city. We'll eat street foods, drink soju and have a blast. Deal?"

Baekhyun feels warmth glowing in his heart and his cheeks too. He hopes it isn't visible as he nods. 

"Deal."

 

-

 

Full-bellied and ready to rock, Chanyeol slips a piece of paper into Baekhyun's hand before bidding him goodbye. Unlike last time, they hug on a happy note, Chanyeol smiles when the shorter buries his nose in his chest. 

"Don't become a stranger this time, okay?" Baekhyun muffles into his striped button up.

"I promise you, I won't," Chanyeol hushes, pulling back when Baekhyun's grip on his finally loosens. He takes a chance by bravely bending slightly, lips guiding their way towards Baekhyun's forehead. He kisses it fervently and chuckles. "Behave yourself, huh?"

"Can't make promises, but okay."

.

In the car, Chanyeol blasts out the radio while driving back to the city. The sun is shining, so his windows are rolled all the way down and others in the traffic stare at him from their cars as he sings and bellows like he doesn't have a single care in the world. One would assume he really doesn't have anyone. The truth is, though, this is masking his nerves and anxiety he feels towards the changes coming up in his life.

It takes him just under a couple of hours to get to his work studio. The tall building is an ugly, over-sized, pale grey skyscraper with one too many floors. This has been his place of work for twelve years and he's as sick of it today as he has been since the first time laying eyes on it.

On his way out of the car, Chanyeol mutters two or three rounds of profanities towards a careless kid riding past him way too fast on his bicycle. Honestly, don't people know you shouldn't ride on the sidewalk? After his little outburst, he's swiping his key card into the main hall and striding forth, into the elevator.

 

-

 

"You stayed in the studio all night?" Chanyeol asked his young apprentice, Kyungsoo, staring astonishedly at the beta poster on the computer screen. The studio reeks of coffee and Redbull and there are cans everywhere. 

The much shorter, owl-eyed boy nods, he's chewing on his bottom lip. "I've been running off of coffee and glucose tablets for the past twenty-six hours," And it's obvious by the way his shoulders and hands are shaking. "What do you think?"

"I think you need some sleep... other than that, excellent," Chanyeol ruffles his raven-black hair. "Perhaps you'll be sticking around in this business after all."

"I only aim to do the best for you, Chanyeol-hyung," Kyungsoo beams, his lips rounded and stretching into a heart shape. There have been many occasions where Chanyeol has wanted to adopt this boy as his own. He's too considerate and sweet for his own good. Ha. Remind you of anyone?

Chanyeol gives him a little nudge. "Don't get soft on me now."

They both laugh and Kyungsoo very suddenly pipes up, tugging on Chanyeol's shoulder with urgency. "Soojung-noona turned up earlier this morning," He says. "She seemed surprised that you weren't already here. She told me that you're to go home and see her by 2 pm at the latest."

Well, that puts Chanyeol's plans out of joint. As if he isn't already ting bricks about seeing her again already. Still, there isn't much he can do about it. The quicker everything is over with, the better.

"Thanks for telling me, but- wait, will you be alright here on your own again? You've not slept in hours and more caffeine will send you crashing."

Kyungsoo shakes his head at all that. "Yoora-noona will be here soon," He says, smiling.

"Right, then... I guess I'll get going."

"Catch you later, boss."

Boss? This kid.

 

-

 

Chanyeol stands, ragged and distressed at the door of his apartment. There's absolutely no sound coming from the other side and this only makes him all the more frightened of going inside. 

He repeats the same action as the night before, pushing the key into its lock. The difference is that this time, he's able to unlock the door without someone swinging it open from the other side.  

He steps into the hallway and closes the door. There's no Soojung standing with a cheerful smile, there's no kiss and cuddle. It's different and for a second... he doesn't know how to feel about it. 

After in a sharp, deep breath, Chanyeol exhales and makes his way into the living room. Soojung is perched on their brown leather couch and it looks like every single one of her belongings has been boxed up.  

"Sorry I wasn't at work earlier, I... stayed in a BnB last night, it's- quite far... out... what's going on?" His words drag out, his eyes fleeting over all of the cardboard boxes. 

"Since this is your apartment and since it's your name on the documents, I'm the one who has to move out," Soojung says, her voice is light and much calmer than it was the night before.

Chanyeol shakes his head.

"You don't have to move out," He says, sounding a little hollow already.

"Yes, I do. That's what separated couples do."

It's all one big shock to Chanyeol's system. His head dizzies, his palm reaching out to hold onto the off-white door frame. 

Of course, he knew this would be happening. He knew from the very moment that he spoke up at the dinner table last night. But having it be so sudden, like this? He's only just stepped foot inside and Soojung is already packed. Did she not sleep all night? Did she really pack all of these things by herself?

A picture on the mantlepiece catches Chanyeol's attention as he tries to calm his shuddering lungs. The tears, they're already coming back and the photograph of them on their wedding day becomes a blur.

"Hey," A soft, dainty hand lays upon his wet cheek. It's Soojung's hand. "Why are you crying, Chanyeollie?" She asks, dabbing his tears away with her thumb. "You get to be yourself now, you can be free... I know it has probably been so hard for you because I know how much you want to make other people happy," Soojung sighs. "I don't blame you for keeping this secret for so long and I understand you weren't prepared- prepared to lose your parents, but now that everything is out in the air, you need to figure out what you want, okay? I'll still be around for you- I'll be your friend."

Soojung is being so sincere, her tone comforts Chanyeol in his teary state.

Throughout their entire marriage, Chanyeol has done nothing but support Soojung, she feels all the wholeheartedness of his words, of all the things he's done to make her happy. She knows he loves her, but it's not the kind of love you should have for a spouse. He loves her as a friend, a dear one, indeed. He's been trapped, she hasn't and now... after all this time- Soojung is taking matters into her own hands. Soojung is starting the path Chanyeol must create in order for him to spread his wings. 

"I'm sorry..." 

Chanyeol's heart seizes up, it hurts a lot because he's so regretful of letting it drag on for so long. Now Soojung is going to be alone. 

"Don't be silly, Chanyeol."

"I'm not, I'm sorry..."

He's making no sense and this makes her smile sadly. 

Is he really ready to be free?

"No more sorries, mister. You should not apologize for wanting the best for those you care about."

Soojung leans up and kisses his nose, Chanyeol laughs wetly, a bubble of saliva popping between his lips.

"Promise to take good care of yourself?" She whispers and he nods, dragging her into his long arms for a hug.

"I promise."

 

 

 

**Six weeks Later**

 

Baekhyun: hey, old man... are u available tonight?

Chanyeol: Don't call me old man... and it depends. What do you want?

Baekhyun: i want us to chill out at your place, watch a movie, pig out on pizza and get giddy on soju... u're real funny when u're drunk ;)

Chanyeol: How old are you? You're still texing in that godforsaken language -_-

Chanyeol: Texting*

Baekhyun: nvm how old i am... just answer the question. are u free or not?

Chanyeol: ...Only if Baekbeom drives you up, I'll be getting back from the shop around eight pm? Be at my place by about them

Chanyeol: Then* Damn it

Baekhyun: ha! looks like you're the old fogie who can't use a cell phone properly :P but alright, i'll be there and i'll be square! /)u(\

 

-

 

Baekhyun does show up at 8 pm sharp, but he's not square. He's dressed down in sweats and a tank top topped off with a really large, baby blue hoodie. It makes him look like a child in grown-ups clothing. He's hoping he looks at least a little cute like this. 

Chanyeol's car pulls up outside the apartment block at precisely 8:06 pm and Baekhyun knows this because he checked the time on his phone just a second before the gruffly humming Nissan Juke almost scares the life out of him. He waves at the giant behind the steering wheel with his free hand, soju bottles around in the bag grasped by his other hand.

It's been nice having a friend to hang out with these past several weeks. Baekhyun likes how responsive and available Chanyeol makes himself. He's never left with an unanswered text or a call that doesn't get picked up. Really, it's been a long time since he'd had a friend as loyal and reliable as Chanyeol. Should he be surprised, though? After all, he already knew the giant was a reliable and selfless person. It's just nice to see him doing it while keeping himself happy too. 

They've been out on the town a few times, just as Chanyeol had promised all those weeks back. Whenever they'd get too drunk and silly, Baekhyun never needed to worry about being unsafe. Chanyeol always managed to get them back to his apartment in one piece. One time, Baekhyun swore he remembered Chanyeol tucking him into his bed before taking leave for the couch. Such a good friend.

Friend... 

Baekhyun wants more than a friend in him, though.

"I never expected you to be this punctual," Chanyeol hollers from his car as he clambers out. As he makes his way towards Baekhyun, the latter grins.

"Well, I'm so prompt that I even ordered the pizza already... so we won't have to wait too long before it arrives- tah-dah!" Baekhyun's theatricality makes Chanyeol laugh, eyebrows quirking with an impressed face to match. 

"You certainly are an ideal companion."

Chanyeol takes the bag of soju bottles from Baekhyun's hand and ushers him inside. In the elevator, they share a few mischievous glances but no words. Baekhyun's heart keeps skipping in his rib cage and the feeling gives him goosebumps. 

"How's the restaurant coming along?" Baekhyun strikes up a conversation the moment they're filing into the apartment. Coming in last, he shuts the door behind them and twists the lock. "I know you only just bought it a couple of weeks ago, but you're not the type to have people hanging around."

Chanyeol toes off his shoes then places his keys in the ceramic bowl and ambles into the living room. 

"It's going good, but there's a long way to go yet."

Baekhyun follows behind him, scampering along like a puppy. A little puppy that doesn't want to be left behind. "Have you decided on the food yet? The name?" 

They both plopped down on the couch at the same time, Baekhyun takes the bag of alcohol bottles and places it on the floor. Right now, he's not thirsty. He wants to have his full attention on Chanyeol.

"I'm really leaning towards Italian food for the menu, oh- and as for the name... I like Viva Polo."

Baekhyun claps in excitement.

"That sounds good!"

"You think so?" Chanyeol asks, grinning at his enthusiasm.

Baekhyun nods with a giggle. "I know so."

 

-

 

The pizza arrived about twenty minutes after that conversation. 

Surrounded by two large pizza boxes full of cheesy, doughy, pepperoni goodness, the pair pig out just as Baekhyun desired them to. They put a movie on in the background. It's one of those low budget action thrillers they show on TV late Friday nights. It doesn't really matter, though. Since the pair is far too busy talking each other's ears off to even notice the Tom Cruise wannabe whizzing and dashing across the screen like some kind of idiot.

They talk about a lot of silly stuff.

A lot.

Chanyeol learns about Baekhyun's brother and how he's always been jealous because Baekhyun is the favoured child. He finds it ridiculous that Baekbeom actually stoops low enough to make up lies about his little brother. Some people really are just petty, but life is far too short to be like that. Baekhyun tells him that he hasn't had a boyfriend since their the cheater that Chanyeol so very kindly said should burn those five years ago.

Something about this sudden change of topic makes Chanyeol smile. He wipes the pizza grease from his lips and sips his soju, all the while wondering if he should make the move or not.

"Is your divorce final yet?" Baekhyun asks out of the blue and it takes everything for Chanyeol not to choke on his drink.

"Sorry, that's an invasive question to ask. Forget I said anything-"

Chanyeol cuts him off by waving his hand.

"One more week and it'll be done," He says without a problem. 

Baekhyun smiles at that, settling back down after his briefly panic-stricken state took over. "Good," He responds. "Because I really can't wait to kiss you again."

"Oh?" Chanyeol raises both eyebrows in mild surprise, smirking. "And what makes you think I'll let you?"

"Puh-lease, you were the one to kiss me first last time, so it's only fair," Baekhyun argues and Chanyeol thinks he has a valid point.

Neglecting his half-eaten slice of pizza, Chanyeol tosses it back in the box and grins. "Why don't you kiss me now, then?"

"Is that a challenge?" Baekhyun rolls his eyes, his heart is suddenly strolling back up his throat, thumping manically.

"No," Chanyeol says simply. "I Just really want you to kiss me."

Neither one of them manages to say anything else before their lips are actually folded over one another's. It's just as sudden as it was the first time, only this time, both lean in at once and hands are hastily reaching out to find each other's shoulders. Baekhyun tugs Chanyeol closer by the collar of his shirt, giggling against his lips as their teeth scrape together out of the sheer speed and craving they're going through.

Lungs eventually need oxygen and Chanyeol is the first to break off. He's the older one, remember?

Despite bringing the kiss to a halt, Chanyeol's hands are curving around Baekhyun's waist and slowly, he drags him closer, into his lap.

"You're still a good kisser, kind of-" Baekhyun laughs, pressing his forehead against the giants. "You're a little too eager sometimes."

"Is that a bad thing?" Chanyeol's voice is hoarse, this makes him feel a little sheepish. Still, he's absolutely revelling in this kind of contact. The contact he's been itching to have for a while. 

"No... definitely not."

Baekhyun calls Chanyeol eager, yet he's the one who leans in for another kiss just seconds later.

Chanyeol wonders...

Can life get any better than this?