twenty
Wheelchair MisfitI saw her in my eyes. Although we didn’t spend the night together, I could imagine her. Her hair braided sideways loosely, wearing a shirt of mine and her 3 quarters that rode up her thigh, serving no purpose as to have the length up to her knees. If I sit next to her, I would know that her feet were as cold as the night was because she was a reptile – she gets cold easily.
I could feel myself getting further from my own life. Flashes of memories went by and I began to feel scared of what might happen if I let go. I was slowly fading away and no one seemed to know. Or perhaps they do know I was about to go? I could feel it. As much as I wanted to fight it, I couldn’t. I had to make these last moments count.
Finally, I felt my eyes flickering open. They were so heavy. I felt heavy. So heavy that I couldn’t breathe properly. I felt my hand twitch and there was a presence. I saw a figure sleeping next to me and immediately knew whom it was. I moved my hand a bit with much effort and easily she woke up.
Her eyes glimmered and a smile broke on her face accompanied by the instant formation of tears at the brink of her eyes. She grabbed my hand firmly and put it on her cheek. It was warm and I could feel the tears on my hand. She was sobbing. I was trying to form words to speak but really, everything felt so heavy. To breathe out my last words were harder than I thought it would be.
“Kira,” I managed to utter.
“Hey,” she cooed, looking at me, coming closer to me.
I chuckled. Her swollen nose and red eyes were what I would remember of her. Her hair was tied in a bun and it was – as always – coming undone. Her face was pale. Even if it was dark, I could tell she was tired and constantly worried. My heart ached at the sight. I should stop her pain. I should make it go away.
“Can you do me a favour?” I breathed out.
“Of course. Anything.”
“Wipe away your tears.”
She was a little taken aback but she did.
“Let down your hair.”
She hesitantly pulled off her hairband and fixed her thick hair. I loved her hair, despite her constant hate for it. The waves of her hair and the thickness of it – I was going to miss it.
“Mind putting on some makeup for me?”
She smiled and got off from the chair as she made her way to the bathroom to do as I said. I waited patiently. I grew nervous for some reason.
When I heard the bathroom door open, I snapped my head towards its direction and I saw her coming out of it. She the dim light by the bedside as she sat down next to me again. She wasn’t wearing my sweater anymore. Instead, she was wearing her favourite red and white striped long sleeve shirt and her face was made up like how she always does – lipstick, blusher, and mascara.
I chuckled again in awe. It was as if I was looking at her for the first time. The first time I actually saw her more than my best friend. The first time I fell in love with her. The first time I thought I was going to make her mine. The first time I thought to myself about how she is so beautiful and how all this time I’d missed that. The first time when I saw her as the lady I should see her as. The Kira I know she is – poised, beautiful, independent, intelligent, sometimes insecure about herself, needs constant assurance of how amazing she is, fragile yet strong – she is my Kira.
Forever.
;
“Is it safe for me to say that I know why you’re asking me to look like this right now?” I tried hard not to crack.
“I guess,” he responded weakly.
He wasn’t the Jungkook I know. There laid a weak, pale and fragile man with cracked pale lips that were having trouble breathing. But I knew he was my man. He may not be the old Jungkook but he was the renewed Jungkook that took his time to realise he loved me. He was the Jungkook that decided to spend his last days with me lawfully. He was the Jungkook that I know loves me with all his heart.
And it was time to let him go.
“Remember this moment, Kira.”
“No, I don’t want to.”
“Remember.”
“It’s heart-breaking.”
“Remember me once in a while. Please promise me you’ll try.”
“Those are lyrics.”
He laughed.
“Sing it,” I asked.
He sang it softly and I could hear the struggle in his voice. At least I could hear him one last time.
“Lie down with me.”
I fit my way on his bed and I cocooned myself towards him, having his arm around me. He was still warm, I hugged him like my life depended on it. I asked him to sing again, and he sang melodiously despite the struggle that I hear in his voice. He sang the song again. Think of Me from ‘The Phantom of the Opera.’ One of my favourites, even. I found myself sing
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