NAMJOON P.O.V.

To me all that counts is sucess. I hate to fail. I never wanted to be a failure. I don't want to disappoint anybody. I want to be perfect. I know people say nobody's perfect. I know that's true but still maybe being all package it's better than perfect. With being all package I thought like being respectful to parents, study hard to get straight A, help others & looks perhaps.

When I did that I felt like I sucessed but I didn't like to be »perfect« in fact I hated it. I hated when parents always boast how their son it's amazing. They wanted me to be lawyer. I hated law school but what could I do I was »perfect« son. They expected me to always sucess. They didn't want me to fail.

You know sometimes you win, sometimes you loose. I wasn't scared to fail. I was just affraid I'll disappoint my parents. My mother and father were sucessful CEOs. All they cared was a reputation. That's reason why I want always to sucess. I don't want to bring my parents down and be a disgrace for family.

I tired to sucess for my family. I was unhappy till I met him.

Kim Taehyung.

When I first saw him he was bright. Like he was free of worries. I know every person has problems but that's not a case here. Why I saw him like that? Because he didn't have to worry about sucess or fail. Everyone have up and down in their life.

I wanted to get closer to him, I wanted to meet him. When I was with him I felt I was free, I could spread my wings and fly. My dream was to be a musician. I loved music, I loved art. I had music studio where I could produce my own music and write my own lyrics. Parents bought that studio for me like : » It's okay son. Here you can relax.«.

Day by day that I spent with Taehyung I felt like I'm falling in love with him. I couldn't help myself. Taehyung loved to sing and his voice is angelic. Taehyung liked art like me. We had a lot of things in common. One day Taehyung gave me an idea.

»Namjoon hyung. How about if we go out and draw graffiti? I know they say: » graffiti is a crime« but to me graffiti is an art.«

I gave a thought on Taehyung's idea. I wanted to break free from being perfect. I hated to be sucessful. For once I wanted to be a failure. I wanted to be a disgrace.

»Okay I'm in. Where can be buy sprays?« I never saw before Taehyung's boxy smile

»I know someone who can buy for us.«

»Then it's all set. We can go out tomorrow and draw them.«

We spent hours and hours in my apartment. That apatment parents didn't buy for me. I bought it myself.

»Taehyung what if we would play a little game?«

»Sure tell me what is about?«

»Well it's not a big deal tho. It just that tomorrow you'll choose where we will draw graffiti and next time I'll choose.«

»Sounds good to me Namjoon hyung.«

We draw graffiti every weekend. I enjoyed spending time with Taehyung. I could't bring myself to confess to him, not yet.

One time when we draw graffiti I started to confess to him but unlucky me police tried to caught us before I could confess to him.

Police caught us but luckily they didn't have proof so they let us go after 24 hours.

When SeokJin suggested to go on trip to the sea. I loved the idea. It was perfect place to confess. Maybe we could watch sunset together and then I'll confess to him. My love was to big to handle.

Everything went as I planed. We watched sunset and waves, luckily we were alone on beach and then I confessed to him. I found out he loves me back. I couldn't stop myself. I pulled him closer and kissed him.

Oh god I loved his lips. Many times before I wondered how would his lips felt on mine. It was amazing. His lips were so soft. They were perfect, like they were soulmates. I may saved world in previous life to deserve Taehyung. I felt like I didn't deserve him, Taehyung was too good for me.

He told me that sometimes he fought with his inner demons but I didn't mind that. I know this is fixable. I still loved him. He called himself a sinner but I didn't belive that he is bad. He was not a bad person.

After we retuned from the sea he was my boyfriend. I gave him a nickname, I liked to call him TaeTae. He was my everything.

I found a part time job at petrol station I wanted to resist parents. I wanted to decide what I'll do in my life. I knew that day Taehyung was going to visit his sister on that very day I was going to visit my parents and tell them that they will not be able to control my life anymore.

Taehyung told me that his sister had problems with her abusive boyfriend. I told him to call me on my cell phone when he will leave sister's apartment. He promised that he will call.

I went to my parent's house. I knew it would be bad when I'll tell them but it was horrible. It was like you would put oil on fire. They got so mad. They started to yell and I couldn't bring myself to look at them. I was expecting Taehyung to call me. It was six hours till he left and still not a single message from him. I got worried. What if he got in fight with his sister's boyfriend.

I took my cell phone in my hand when I saw inncoming call from Taehyung. I tried to accept incoming call when my father ripped cell phone from my hand and throw it into wall.

At that time I screamed. Taehyung called me and my father broke my phone before I could answer his call.

From that day I haven't heard anything about Taehyung. I bought a new phone and tried to call him but unfortunately he never answered. Many nights I spent infront of his apartment waiting him to open a door or if he wasn't at home I waited for him to return back.

I wanted Taehyung back. I love him. I still don't know what happened to him. I spent hours and hours writting lyrics and songs for Taehyung. I couldn't write nothing else. When he's gone my inspiration is gone. He inspired me. He is my better half. I live with half of heart.

I'm dead inside. I feel nothing. I feel like dying without Taehyung. It's been half of year since Taehyung is gone. He won't come back and it's my fault.

I can't forgive myself. This night I work at petrol station. I thought about what can I do that this pain will leave me. I don't want to live if I don't live together with TaeTae.

I have lighter with me. I work at petrol station so there is a lot of gas. Tonight I work alone. Before closing time one filled the tank and throw at me exchange. I stood there and light ciggarette and throw it on the money which lied on the floor. There was fire all around me.

»It's not the right time, so I'll just look at you from afar behind you Taehyung.I'll watch you when I'll be on the other side of this world." Those were my last words before petrol station exploded.