Bad Habit

Even if I continue to meet someone
And laugh like haha hoho
There’s nothing that has changed

Taehyun stepped into the streets with a frown hanging on his lips. The inky night sky showcased no stars or moon and the tired yawn threatening to escape from his mouth made him remember just how tired he was.

Well to be perfectly honest he had been tired of life in general for the past days. Weeks? He lost count. 

It had been a long day. Not only with his schedules and work slowly piling up, but also with the continuous train of thoughts of just giving up eating him at every chance it had, making him doubt himself. 

Doubt.

Was he actually wrong in choosing a new path? In choosing to leave everything behind to aspire for something he really wanted? 

He was sure of what he wanted before. And that still hasn’t changed. But at times, just sometimes, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Sometimes drowning in the illusion of comfortability seemed easier and he wished he hasn’t left. 

He looked up at the sky again. It was blank darkness. Will he be able to sleep tonight? Maybe he wouldn’t take his sleeping pills again because it would be detrimental to his body. But he really wanted to sleep so maybe he’ll take a pill or two. Or maybe not. 

How will he sleep? 

Taehyun sighed and dragged himself to continue walking for a while. It had been easier to finally clarify things and tell everyone what he really was going through. 

He doesn’t need to ask for anyone’s permission anymore so he was free to do what he wants, say what he wants. He could just be his real self. 

It felt nice. To take reigns of his own life and show his true self to those who actually care. Or do they? Taehyun doesn’t mind if they don’t. He’d been filtering himself too much before until he realized he was losing sight of who he really is. He wouldn’t make the same mistake.

He hoped he could still tell everything he was going through to someone who would understand.

How nice would it be if he could still vent on Minho? 

Maybe it would be easier, somehow easier, if he didn’t ask Minho to get away from him for the time being.

Ah, Minho. How is he doing these days?

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