- butterfly boys (about falling in love and letting go) -

Chanyeol believed that he only sometimes still thought about Kim Minseok because he was part of his long series of first times. He was there with Chanyeol's first friend in grade school, the first time he rode a bus all by himself, the day he performed in front of a crowd for the first time and his first crush in middle school that completely messed him up for days. Kim Minseok took up three spots in the row, so obviously Chanyeol wouldn't simply forget all about him. He was the first crush that got returned, the first kiss and the first broken heart. Kris had meant it as a joke when he said that Chanyeol probably had his name tatooed somewhere, but the honest and definitely cheesy truth was that Chanyeol sometimes felt as if Kim Minseok's name was engraved all over a spot in his heart, like an old graffiti in a back alley. He forgot about it for days, weeks, sometimes even months, but once he walked into the alley by chance, there always was an immediate sense of familiarity. Ah, the good old times.

Ever since grade school he had made it a habit to watch any baseball practice he came across, simply because his father's enthusiasm had made him a fan, too. It wasn't until middle school that he understood that he didn't actually love the Busan Seagulls, he only loved to spend time with his father whenever there was a game on TV they could watch together. Without baseball they didn't really have much to talk about. His father didn't understand his son who learned to play the violin and joined the school choir, and Chanyeol didn't understand what it meant to work for an insurance company and to drink too much beer. So even in high school, when he joined the rock band club and played the guitar, he watched the school's baseball team so that he could talk to his father about it at the dinner table.
He had already known enough about high school baseball to understand that the school he entered was reatively famous for its team. Although neither he nor his father still expected him to become a player himself, he was sure that they both like the association. It also made it relatively easy to watch practice sessions without appearing as a complete weirdo. There always were a few boys and teachers and many, many screaming girls. So naturally he also learned the names of the most popular players. There was Yang Taekgi, the tall pitcher everyone had a crush on, and Jang Kangho, the catcher who looked like a gangster in his 30s, and Kim Minseok, the shortstop who usually was 4th in the batting order despite being tiny. Kim Minseok always looked awkward when he wasn't playing and scarily serious when he was. He rarely left the field with a clean uniform because he always slid around in the dirt. During the first months of watching the team, Chanyeol was convinced that Kim Minseok's bones were made out of rubber and that he definitely was one of those guys who wouldn't be popular if not for being good at doing sports. Whenever Chanyeol saw him tagging along his team members in the school corridors or around his smiling girlfriend, Kim Minseok always looked dull. Only on the field he didn't.

He probably would have never really bothered to think more about him, had Chanyeol not started to stay around the club room until late to practice his guitar after his father had complained to his mother. "Your father really has a lot on his mind lately, you know," she had said. "If you could maybe tune it down a bit...?" So without a better alternative, he remained in school until the security guard threw him out.
Now, coincidence wanted it that from his club room he could see the training field rather well. To the others and the baseball club that was constant reason for complaints because everyone seemed to believe that baseball and rock music were not to be combined in any way, but to him it was the perfect combination of two things he liked. He could play around with his guitar at the window and watch the younger members of the baseball club being herded around by the older ones. And he could watch Kim Minseok who always was the last one to stay. When everyone slowly left, he still swung his bat and finish yet another round. One day, when Kim Minseok ran by the window of the band club room and into the setting sun, it struck Chanyeol that Kim Minseok, too, probably realized that he was unusually short and skinny and thus had to work harder than everyone else. And although Chanyeol usually thought of sportsmen as dull, he had to admire that.

After a few weeks there was something like a routine. He practiced, occasionally looked outside and once Kim Minseok started his final rounds, Chanyeol placed himself at the window. He didn't think that Kim Mineok even noticed him. That was, until one day Chanyeol sat on the shelf behind the window and got carried away a little as he played YB's "Flying Butterfly". He was at the chorus bit and loudly sang "with my wings speard open, I'll freely fly around the world" when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eye. Outside Kim Minseok had stopped and looked up to the second floor where Chanyeol sat. His expression was strange, almost curious. Chanyeol immediately felt a lump in his throat and as awkward as he had when he first stood in front of a crowd, but still managed to continue, albeit in a much smaller voice, "Cause I'm a beautiful butterfly that sings and dances." It was only a matter of seconds that their eyes met and Chanyeol's voice faded when Kim Minseok readjusted his baseball cap and ran off again. He had to put away the guitar and feel for his heart. He had no idea why but it wouldn't slow down.

The days afterwards they continued the same act, although he never actually got Kim Minseok to stop again. Chanyeol played a song, Kim Minseok ran by to give him a short look and the following day it would be the same. He wasn't sure whether he imagined it, but at times he thought that he saw a smile on Kim Minseok's lips.
They probably would have continued that way until the end of the school year, if not for the day when their club advisor brought them a whole watermelon and when there still were leftovers when everyone had already left. The smell filled the room, when Kim Minseok ran through the sudden summer heat and when Chanyeol yelled, "Sunbaenim, do you care for some watermelon?"
Kim Minseok didn't react at first, so Chanyeol added, "Minseok-sunbaenim," to clarify who he meant. Kim Minseok stopped in confusion and looked around before he realized that Chanyeol had talked to him. Chanyeol meanwhile regretted his stupidity for a second. It must have seemed strange for him to know the name of a random guy passing by.
"I have a quarter watermelon I need to get rid off and I'm the only one left," he explained, which caused Kim Minseok to frown at him as he wiped the sweat from his brows. "Care to help? That's your last round anyway, right?" Chanyeol asked and part of him hoped to be swallowed by the ground before Kim Minseok had a chance to laugh at him.
Kim Minseok looked down at his dusty baseball uniform and then back up at Chanyeol, before he shrugged and said, "Sure." He ran off and Chanyeol had to sit down on the floor so that he wouldn't see the window any longer. His mind felt blank.
After that he spent exactly eighteen minutes staring at the watermelon plate in the room that slowly got darker and waded in self-pity until there was a knock on the door. When Kim Minseok cautiously stuck his head through the door, his hair was wet and pushed back. Of course. Of course he would have first taken a shower after hours of working out.

After that incident, it slowly grew weirder. It took Chanyeol exactly a week until he could muster the courage to invite Kim Minseok up again.
"My friend's mother brought us cookies," he yelled and didn't mention that he had nearly strangled Baekhyun to get enough leftovers to share. Kim Minseok shrugged again and this time it only took fifteen minutes until he turned up with wet hair and the white shirt of his school uniform sticking to his back.
On some days Chanyeol only played a song. Kim Minseok looked up and sometimes slowed down a little. But the more time went by, the more often he thought of ways for them to hang out in the club room.
"Sunbae, I have cold barley tea! Well, at least it's almost cold."
"Sunbae, look, my sister told me that the way I peel apples is gross, so I'm practicing but I can't possibly eat all these apples by myself."
"Sunbae, we got another watermelon!"
It wasn't even so much that they talked a lot. Kim Minseok was quiet, but not in a dull way. If anything, he only was extremely shy. But Chanyeol still really enjoyed those moments of just sitting across someone he was supposed to only see from a distance. Kim Minseok politely took whatever was offered to him and Chanyeol either played a few accords on his guitar or talked utter nonsense. In the end Kim Minseok always thanked him, took his backpack and left when it was already dark outside.

He didn't realize himself that he had probably fallen in love already, until one day he sat with his legs dangling outside the window when Kim Minseok stopped and looked up to him.
"I have nothing to offer today," Chanyeol said and hoped he didn't sound too frustrated. He had meant to bring the rest of the vegetable pancakes his mother had made the previous evening, but then his sister had snuck off with them in the morning.
Kim Minseok just gave him a blank expression and looked down at his feet for a second, before he said, "You could play a song."
"A song?" asked Chanyeol off guard. "What song?"
Kim Minseok didn't immediately answer and continued to inspect the ground. Then he said, "The butterfly one."
For a second Chanyeol still didn't really understand what he meant. Kim Minseok took a tentative step in the direction of where he had originally meant to run, when it dawned to him. Chanyeol quickly took a glance behind him to see whether his guitar was within grasp, and asked, "Now?"
Kim Minseok said, "I could come up." It sounded like a question.
"Sure," Chanyeol said. "I'll wait."
At that Kim Minseok smiled and sprinted off. Less than fifteen minutes later, he stood in the club room and they both looked at each other warily. Something was different.

Chanyeol had never been a great singer, despite all the choir practice in grade school. He never made the right pauses and ran out of breath easily. He also couldn't do all the fancy ad-libs Baekhyun liked so much. But that afternoon, when sweat trickled down his spine and when the setting sun hit the room, he gave it his all.
"No one can see what I will look like or what my future will be like," he sang and stole a glance at Kim Minseok who instead looked at Chanyeol's hands on the strings like a child watching a magic trick. "Cause I'm a very tiny caterpillar." At that Kim Minseok smiled and their eyes met. After that Chanyeol couldn't really look at him until he finished. He just sang of the caterpillar turning into a butterfly spreading its wings and felt as if the song finally got meaning. He had always just liked the melody, but this time he thought that he really understood it. This was their life. He had begun as a chubby boy with heavy breathing and for all he knew Kim Minseok had always been the shortest boy in class. But here they were. Living. Breathing. Loving.
And when he finished and when Kim Minseok was illuminated by the warm light, it hit him. He realized how much he liked being with him and felt choked.
Kim Minseok gave a polite clap, and he muttered, "I'm not as good as the original though."
At that Kim Minseok shrugged and smiled, "The original never sang for me."
He managed to laugh and they spent a few seconds in awkward silence, when Kim Minseok asked, "Are you hungry?" Chanyeol probably gave him a strange look at that, so he added, "My treat."

Even after two years of overanalyzing every single exchange between them during the summer of his first year in high school, he was still convinced that to Kim Minseok he had meant something. If not, he wouldn't have fallen for every single clumsy attempt of Chanyeol to spend time together. He wouldn't have treated him to ramyeon in the restaurant next to the bus stop although they both could have easily gone home to eat there instead. He also wouldn't have given him those tiny smiles whenver he spotted him in the audience during a game or sat at the side of the stage when the band performed during the school festival.
He most definitely wouldn't have kissed him.
And he probably wouldn't have looked so horrified when he told him to stay away.

It wasn't odd to think about him sometimes. Or to worry about him. Or to wonder what he was doing. It would have been weirder for him to just stop caring altogether.

"What would you do if you saw him again?" Kris had asked one evening in his dubiously calm voice and Chanyeol wanted to turn it into a joke, but couldn't.
"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Ask him if he's fine maybe. Tell him that I'm doing well. That the baseball club is still in shape. That Coach Kim still hates us." He sighed because there were so many things he had meant to say at one point. He had wanted to punch him and to hold onto him and to yell at him. But now it all felt so far away.
"I would thank him I guess," he said. "For the memories."

- projects and unsaid words -

They sat in the cafeteria again and although Luhan's iced coffee was nothing but slowly melting ice with a very faint taste of coffee, he kept the straw noisily while watching the rest of the room. When there was nothing particularly interesting to see, he turned to Kris who pretended to study his textbook and said, "So I was thinking about it and you know, Tao says he wants to turn the opening of his gallery thing into a big party and that he wants to invite everyone who's in the pictures."
Kris gave him a blank expression at that. Tao, the son of Luhan's aunt's co-worker, was still only in high school but apparently a genius photographer. He had won the first prize in a photo competition for teenagers which had caught the eye of a gallery owner who then had given him the chance to open a small exhibition. There were times when Luhan felt mad thinking about it because Tao most definitely was a brat and it didn't seem fair. But then again did he not have any special talents himself that could have made him famous. So he had helped Tao with it and together they had come up with the idea to make the exhibition about people in their natural habitat. Many of the pictures only existed through their joint effort. Luhan had talked to the people, Tao had taken the pictures. So naturally the project really meant a lot to him.
"Wouldn't that be the perfect excuse to show your boyfriend that picture of you looking angry in the library?" he asked with a grin and Kris shot him a look before he turned back to his book. Luhan clicked his tongue and then laughed. Kris had seen all the pictures Tao had secretly taken and on most of them he clearly appeared very mad at his open notes in front of him. He couldn't know that the one Tao had eventually chosen really looked good on a gigantic canvas. It made Kris look smarter than he was.
"I'm curious what he's like, you know," Luhan said and put his head in his hand. Kris just frowned as he turned the page, so he added, "If you refuse to show me a picture, you should at least let me see him. I'm not saying that I need to talk to him. I'll just hide among the crowd and watch you from afar like a creep." He put both his hands in front of his face and peeked through them like a lion in the savanna. That finally made Kris crack a smile.
"I really don't have a picture," Kris said. When Luhan pulled a face at him to show how little he believed that, he continued, "And I don't think he'd come even if I asked."
"Don't tell me he doesn't like parties," Luhan said in exasperation and threw up his hands. "You told me you met him in a club. That's the epitome of partying."
Kris sighed and didn't reply immediately. "He's not into going public," he then said after a few seconds too long of staring at the table.
Luhan raised an eyebrow at that. "So he hasn't come out yet?" he asked and Kris shook his head. "I see," he said and couldn't really argue. Coming out wasn't the easiest thing in the world. It had taken him a while until he could date anyone in proximity to his house without feeling like the hero in an espionage thriller. Most of his family members still didn't know that he was gay and he wasn't sure whether he would ever be brave enough to tell them. It really was a pity that dating had to be so hard for someone who wasn't the stereotypical straight male.
After about a minute of Luhan beginning to stare at the people around them again, Kris eventually decided to change the topic. "Any news on your baseball star?"
"Huh?" Luhan asked in surprise. Kris meanwhile deliberately focussed on running his finger along the edge of his textbook. "You're suspiciously curious about that lately," Luhan said and squinted his eyes at him. He wondered if Kris was jealous but didn't dare ask.
Kris shrugged, "If you want to know about my love life, I should know about yours, too."
Luhan wasn't fully convinced but said, "Well, there's no love life for me." He took a deep breath and dramatically sighed, "The other day I ran into him when I helped Vicky pick a dress for her engagement party and I'm pretty sure that he now thinks she's my girlfriend."
Kris laughed at that but caught himself quickly enough to sound almost disinterested when he said, "Vicky, your..."
"Yeah, my yoga instructor Vicky who is like three years older than me and engaged to a lawyer," he said and shook his head at the absurd thought. Even if he was interested into her, he would be way out of her league. Women like her were meant to become rich and influential wives.
"Did you tell him that?" Kris asked and his voice jumped when he surpressed further laughter.
"I probably should," Luhan said and leaned his head into his hand again. "But he's a lot more approachable since then, so I guess it helps if he doesn't think of me as a predator." Sometimes he wondered why he even cared. It wasn't so much that he was attracted to Minseok. If anything, he felt like an explorer who scraped at a piece of dirt in hopes to find a diamond underneath. He prided himself in being good at reading people and what definitely unnerved him about Minseok was that he had absolutely no clue what he was thinking most of the time.
"So you don't think he's," Kris began and trailed off.
"Don't think he's, what?" Luhan asked helpfully.
"Gay," Kris said matter-of-factly. Something about his tone put Luhan off, as if he was suddenly interrogated without knowing what crime he was supposed to have committed. Kris didn't sound as if he cared about Luhan's side of the story, but as if he needed that information on Minseok for some reason. It was strange.
"I honestly don't know," he said earnestly, because that was the question he had stopped caring about. Minseok was a welfare project, not potential boyfriend material.
"I see," Kris said flatly and Luhan felt as if he had failed a test. It didn't quite seem like mere jealousy any longer. But there were things he simply wasn't supposed to ask and others he wasn't supposed to talk about.
Kris decided to end the conversation by packing up his book and the plastic box that had contained his salad. "See you," he said and Luhan gave him a smile and a tired wave.
There were more things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell him about how he had cheered for Minseok when he ran his marathon and how he thought that he was maybe gaining a friend. And he wanted to talk about Tao's exhibition again and about how he hoped that it would suceed. If Kris actually came, whether it was with his boyfriend or without, he would surely see how much effort they had put into it. How much effort Luhan had put into it.
But Kris and he weren't best friends any longer, so Luhan never got to say everything he wanted to say. In the end it was all his own fault, so he couldn't really complain either.
"Time to move on," he said gloomily and shook the now completely melted remains of his iced coffee.

- musicians -

Jongin wasn’t a musician. He couldn’t sing to save his life and whenever he had been forced to participate in any music project during his childhood he had been the boy with the triangle. He liked music and admired people who could produce it but that was where his interest ended. So when his neighbourhood friend Kyungsoo asked him whether he wanted to join the band club and when he agreed, he didn’t do so because he really cared but because it gave him an excuse to finally abandon the dance club. For months he had meant to leave the club now but couldn’t because he was too much of a coward to explain how much he hated it. Some of the members were in his class and graduation was still far away after all.
But with the band club being acutely short of members, he finally had a good excuse. “They need me more than you do,” he could say and pretend not to notice the club leader who stared at his back as he cleared out his stinking locker. Slowly he walked out of the room like the tragic hero in an old-fashioned ballet and once he was in a safe distance, he hurried off towards the battered room with the many mismatching chairs and otherwise squeaky furniture. There he would play around with the drums for a few hours each week to have more time for his real dance lessons in the evening with people who actually cared about dancing.
He had in all honesty never thought of the band club seriously, because the dance club hadn’t been serious either and because Kyungsoo had got him hooked with the phrase, “Literally anyone can join and most of the time we just sit around like people waiting for the bus.”
It was almost too perfectly uncomplicated.

But then Chanyeol, self-declared leader and ultimate enthusiast, came in one afternoon and waved around a sheet of paper. “I got Big Lee to sign us up,” he pronounced and was greeted with silence. Kyungsoo wasn’t there yet, Jongdae was lying on his back on an old bench with his eyes covered by his tie and Jongin didn’t think that he and Chanyeol were on speaking terms yet. He also wasn't completey sure whether Big Lee was their club advisor or just any other random person.
After a few seconds, Baekhyun who sat at the keyboard and played around with his phone muttered, “. I lost again.” He threw a glance over his shoulder, frowned at Chanyeol who waved the sheet of paper once more, and asked, “What's that?”
"I’m glad you asked, my friend,” Chanyeol said happily and sat down on a stool in the middle of the room. “We’re officially signed up for the Boksan School Band Competition.”
Baekhyun blinked. “The what?”
"The Boksan School Band Competition,” Chanyeol explained patiently. “It’s a competition. For bands. In school. Like us.”
Baekhyun slowly turned around on his bench until he completely faced Chanyeol with an expression somewhere between disbelief and horror. “Why?”
Chanyeol shrugged, “We’re a band.”
At those words Jongdae heaved himself up and groaned, “Are you serious?” He constantly asked that question although he had to know that yes, Chanyeol was serious. He was always serious. That much even Jongin understood.
Right before anyone else could comment further, Kyungsoo opened the door and stopped with his hand still on the door handle when everyone gave him strange looks. “What’s wrong?” he asked. When Chanyeol explained to him his grand idea to take part in a band competition, he frowned at the others as if thought there was a punch line he didn’t understand. “Why?” he then asked.
“Exactly,” Baekhyun said and snapped his fingers.

It turned out that Chanyeol was not joking and also wouldn’t take no for an answer. “We still have six weeks until then,” he said. “We have enough members,” he said. “We only have to play one song and if we choose a ballad, we win right away,” he said to up to the other three who were all much better at singing than at playing instruments. As a band they had exactly one member who knew how to play all the instruments and that was Chanyeol. Unless they were going to clone him that would definitely become a problem.
But Chanyeol was perfectly oblivious to small issues like that and so was his overly eager girlfriend.
“That’s your last chance to play together,” Boyoung said excitedly and clapped her hands in glee after he had explained it to her. “I hope you win. Imagine how cool that would be!”
And something about the way she said it made the others stop complaining.
“I mean we don’t have to win or anything,” Baekhyun said and looked around to the others who slowly nodded. “So like, we have nothing to lose right?”
“It’s really our last chance,” Jongdae said with his arms still folded in front of his chest.
“If we do a ballad I don’t mind,” Kyungsoo muttered and scratched his neck.
“Whatever,” Jongin said although the thought definitely terrified him because he was the one who would have to practice the most. Being the drummer without any proper musical training wasn’t exactly the easiest task. But if everyone agreed, he couldn’t be the only one who complained either, especially because he was the youngest.
“Awesome,” Boyoung grinned which coaxed a smile out of the others and gave Chanyeol the satisfied look of someone who had known all along that he would get what he wanted. As long as he had Boyoung on his side he could win any argument against his three predictable friends who secretly all worshipped her like a goddess.

Jongin liked Boyoung because it was impossible to not like her. She was sweet and kind and almost always in a good mood. She brought them treats and cheered them up and gave everyone the feeling that they were special little snowflakes. Even if he wasn’t as enchanted as Kyungsoo, Baekhyun or Jongdae because he had spent all his childhood among groups of sweet dancing girls, Jongin doubted that he would have been able to refuse her anything if she ever approached him directly.
It was exactly because she was so likeable however, that Jongin found Chanyeol’s behaviour around her strange. He wasn’t really head over heels. If anything, he treated her like a caretaker.
"Yeah, no, I have no time for that. Boyoung is waiting."
"Boyoung, my sister told me to buy her stockings on my way home. I really need your help with that. Can you pretend that you're the one who needs them in the store?"
"Boyoung, can you check if there's a hole in my shirt? Right under the collar? It feels like there's a hole."
Boyoung acting along only made it worse. Whenever she worried whether he had eaten or whether his neck was stiff after playing the guitar for too long, Jongin strangely felt reminded of his parents who had been married for 25 years at that point. Chanyeol and Boyoung weren't like a young couple in love, but like a couple that was already much too familiar with each other's quirks.

Life as part of the band club was strange and a lot more stressful than Jongin had originally anticipated. He wasn't a musician but a dancer and yet he ended up spending a lot of time with the drums he was supposed to play.
He thought he would start hating it. He had definitely hated the dance club after the first competition they had joined because it had turned everyone into zombies.
But something about the band was different. Everyone constantly argued and yelled and complained, but because of that it was always lively. And messy. And strangely enjoyable.

- the supportive confidante -

Hari immediately liked Luhan because he had a way of coaxing Minseok out of his shell that few people possessed. When they first met, Minseok was in the middle of doing his best impression of a fleeing rabbit and almost missed her outside the main building. She gave him a wave and he was about to grab her arm and pull her with him, when someone behind him called out to him. As it turned out had Luhan followed him all the way from their last lecture to ask him when the marathon started.
"Look, I really like sports events and all the cheering, so this is a perfect excuse. Do you want to deny me the fun? Because that would make you a really awful person," he explained chattily while Minseok looked troubled. Hari had a feeling that Luhan knew really well that timid people like him were easy to tackle directly. She had to surpress a laugh, when Luhan noticed her. "Oh," he said. "You're pretty. You're not his girlfriend, are you?"
"Because I'm too pretty?" she asked jokingly and flipped her hair to make a point.
Luhan gave her a scrutinizing glance and then frowned at Minseok, before he said, "Definitely too pretty." At that Minseok's mouth became a thin line and he looked as annoyed as she hadn't seen him in a while.
"Well, you're right," Hari admitted and Luhan looked pretty satisfied with the answer. She didn't add that she had been Minseok's girlfriend at one point because she wondered what he would do with that information. He looked almost too curious. Instead she said, "I am his confidante though, which I think gives me the right to inform you that the marathon starts at 10."
Minseok stared at her with wide eyes, when Luhan gasped, "That early?"
"That early," she nodded with a mock serious expression. "Ridiculous, I know. But you're welcome to cheer together with me or else I'll probably fall asleep in the middle."
Luhan gave her a bright smile, Minseok was frozen and the deal was settled.

There were times when Hari felt as though she understood Minseok better than he understood himself. Had she not broken up with him, they would probably still play the happy couple that everyone admired. He would have never told her to go, no matter how little he actually felt for her. She believed him when he told her that he needed her, but she was also painfully aware that he didn't love her. He simply needed her as a friend.
Right from the start she had often done the talking for him and after years of listening to his silence, she felt quite confident in her ability to know the words he never said out loud.
So she knew that he liked Luhan, no matter how indifferent he pretended to be. She knew it when he saw them together and when Minseok didn't look at him but didn't run away either. And she knew it when Luhan ran up to him when he finished the marathon and when Minseok looked worn out but proud. Luhan's cousin snapped a picture, Luhan hugged him in the spur of the moment and Hari saw something alive in Minseok's eyes that she hadn't seen in years.

So when Luhan invited them to the opening party of his cousin's exhibition, Hari knew that she had to make sure that Minseok actually went.
"Well, you might not remember it but when I asked you after the race whether Tao could publish the picture, you agreed," Luhan explained as they sat on a bench outside the library and slurped his iced coffee. Minseok's shoulders were hunched as he ate a sandwich. "So if you want to see the picture and make a complaint, I'm afraid that you'll have to come and tell Tao in front of all his friends and family members who love him and want to see him succeed."
Minseok sighed, but didn't reply.
"It's a good picture, you know," Luhan said earnestly after another noisy slurp. "You could bring your mother and I'm sure she'd want a copy. It's that good. Tao apparently is a genius."
Minseok still didn't say a word which caused Luhan to make a frustrated noise, so Hari, who sat next to Minseok at the end of the bench, asked, "Friday, you say?"
"Yes," Luhan said happily and leaned forward to smile at her past Minseok. "Friday at six. Even if he doesn't want to come," he nodded at Minseok as if he wasn't there, "you can definitely come by yourself, too. There will be free drinks and snacks."
"He just plays hard to get," she said and playfully punched Minseok's shoulder. "We'll be there."
"Perfect," Luhan said and jumped up before Minseok had a chance to speak. "I'll tell Tao."
"I'm still here, you know," Minseok muttered and rubbed his arm. He sounded defeated which Hari chose to take as a good sign.

Minseok was her best friend. More than a best friend even. She knew that he trusted her more than anyone. And yet there were things he never told her.

"Did you even like the last girl you dated?" she asked angrily when they waited for the bus on the Thursday before the party and when he still refused to go. "To me she looked like all the others. You sure enough dumped her like all the others."
Again, he ignored her the way he had ignored her for years. His constant casual dating was the one and only thing she really hated about him. Not only did it not suit his character, it also felt like an insult. She had been one of the long row of girlfriends before after all.
"Don't pretend you don't like the guy," she muttered and stared at the dirty grey of the street. Next to her Minseok immediately looked around them wildly. He always did that whenever they hit the topic as if anyone cared to overhear them.
"I don't even know what you're so scared of," she continued. "But all you do is to hurt others because you can't admit that you're-."
"Stop," he interrupted her harshly.
She glared at him and he managed to hold her gaze. "Fine," she said. "Just keep lying to yourself."
"I'm not," he said quietly and there was a strange undertone to his voice that made her anger fade away a little. She could tell how much he struggled.
"Well, I will go to the party tomorrow," she said after a while when she saw the bus appear at the end of the road.  He gave her a tired look. "And I'll drag you with me and we'll have fun and stuff ourselves with free food. And after that you'll thank me."
He sighed but didn't refuse. It would all be fine in the end.

- girls, girls, girls -

Baekhyun admittedly was late when he entered the club room but still thought it was odd when the only person inside was sullen-looking Chanyeol. Baekhyun's first instinct was to first check his watch and to then wonder whether there was anything important he had forgotten about. Chanyeol was always in the room like part of the interior and while the others didn't strictly attend every day, was there usually at least one other person with him. Especially now that they had the competition looming over their heads.
"Where is everyone?" Baekhyun asked when Chanyeol began to play a sad melody on his guitar. He sat in the one revolving chair and slowly spun in circles like a broken toy.
"Busy," he said glumly.
"Busy doing what?" Baekhyun asked and placed his bag and his blazer on the bench in front of the keyboard. The room still was too stuffy although autumn was slowly hitting them, so he also loosened his tie. Their club advisor rarely ever paid them a visit and no other teacher ever came around either, so the school dress code didn't really matter.
"Well," Chanyeol said with a heavy sigh. "Kyungsoo is in cram school as usual which I'm fine with because he's thinking about his future and stuff. Jongdae, the traitor, has a date. And I have no idea where the new one is. Probably dancing somewhere like an idiot."
"I thought he quit the dance club," Baekhyun said and the keyboard. "Is he taking lessons outside school?"
"No idea," Chanyeol shrugged and tapped the guitar. Baekhyun laughed because he still thought that Chanyeol's irrational dislike for dancers was hysterical.
"And Jongdae? On a date? Unbelievable!" he gasped and played a few dramatic tones. "He didn't tell me." Jongdae and him were in the same class but for some reason they rarely talked outside the club. Jongdae had his friends from middle school and during breaks Baekhyun often went to Chanyeol's classroom to hang out there.
"Me neither," Chanyeol said and pulled a face. "He sent me a text. Maybe he abducted her."
"That sounds likely," Baekhyun nodded and had to imagine Jongdae knocking out a girl with a text book. "Any idea what she's called?"
"He didn't tell me. I suppose he will keep that a secret as long as he can so that we can't make fun him," Chanyeol said lamely, still spinning. Baekhyun wondered whether it didn't make him dizzy.
"That also sounds likely," he agreed.
They played mismatching tunes for a few minutes and neither said another word. If he thought about it, had he not really spent time with Chanyeol alone in ages.
They had been friends since first grade when they both still attended the school choir. Back then Baekhyun had convinced Chanyeol to join although Chanyeol had often wheezed when he spoke. In a way they only became friends because Baekhyun had thought that Chanyeol, short, chubby, bespectacled and owner of a very thin voice, was a little pitiful. It was an awful reason but thanks to that he had won a new best friend and together they had spent hundreds of afternoons just hanging out. Things slowly changed when Chanyeol grew taller and less lame and at one point they always had others around them. It never was just them anymore. There always were classmates or family members or club members or...
"So where's Boyoung?" he asked and turned around to Chanyeol.
Chanyeol didn't look up and shrugged, "Shopping with her friends."
"Are they buying underwear or something?" Baekhyun asked curiously and Chanyeol stopped spinning to raise his eyebrows at him.
"What kind of question is that?" he asked in return.
"I mean," Baekhyun said and scratched his neck. "I always wonder why girls always have to go shopping in groups. Like, do they go into those changing rooms together and try on underwear?"
Chanyeol thought about it for a while before he said, "I think they only bring other girls so that they can compliment each other. Oh, you look so cute in that dress. That colour totally suits you. That kind of stuff. At least that's what my sister does."
"Did she take you shopping with her friends before?" Baekhyun asked and laughed when Chanyeol shuddered.
"Worst day of my life."
Baekhyun played a few more notes before he said, "Speaking of girls. There's a reason why I was late today."
"Did you stalk the girls in the tennis club again?" Chanyeol asked and didn't sound particularly interested.
"Nope. But I finally convinced Lee Jungyoon to go out with me," Baekhyun said excitedly and Chanyeol gave him an approving nod after looking him up und down to determine whether he lied. Jungyoon wasn't the prettiest girl in class but easily the most badass one. There were rumours that she secretly was the leader of a bike gang and had killed someone before. It was times like these when Baekhyun thanked the heavens for his voice because that was what had eventually swayed her after weeks of constantly asking her out. No one could withstand a spontaneous acapella ballad, not even Lee "The Fist" Jungyoon.
"But I'm scared she punches me if I say something wrong," he continued which caused Chanyeol to grin. "So I was thinking that we can maybe go on a double date with Boyoung."
Chanyeol shrugged. "Sure. When?"
"Friday night," Baekhyun said happily but immediately sobered up a little when Chanyeol furrowed his brows at him.
"I'm already booked out on Friday."
"Because of a date with Boyoung?" Baekhyun asked hopefully. He wasn't really that scared of Jungyoon but the idea of having Chanyeol and Boyoung around was just very comforting.
"Because of a family thing," Chanyeol said and looked away.
It would have been a perfectly reasonable excuse, had Baekhyun known him less. As it was however, he could tell that Chanyeol was lying. It was his tone and the evasive glance and the fact that Baekhyun knew his family well enough that, if it really was a family thing, Chanyeol would have specified it. Whether it was his aunt's dog's birthday or his grandmother's funeral, he would have told him.
Which meant that whatever Chanyeol planned to do was a secret. Which made Baekhyun uncomfortable because he couldn't think of anything Chanyeol would hide from him.
Rather than to ask about it however, he said, "How about Saturday? Maybe I can ask her to reschedule."
"Saturday would be fine with me," Chanyeol said. "I'll ask Boyoung."
"Cool," Baekhyun said. "I'll try asking Jungyoon then, so... If you don't hear from me again, tell my family that I love them and that I died because of you."
Chanyeol laughed and so did he but there was a strange aftertaste. He had suspected before that Chanyeol cheated on Boyoung. For weeks now Chanyeol had stared at his phone absent-mindedly and there had been that incident of the caller he had given a strange alias.
But he thought that if Chanyeol really was cheating, he would have told him that, too.
It really worried him because the whole thing either meant that their friendship wasn't as strong as it used to be or that Chanyeol had really gotten himself into some very serious trouble. Maybe it even was both. Either way, it made Baekhyun feel a little helpless. Chanyeol was the one constant in his life apart from his family that he had believed would always be there.

- miscalculations -

He strongly believed that the disaster that was Friday night boiled down to exactly three mistakes Kris had made during the course of events.

1) He had underestimated Luhan and Tao.

He didn't think it would really become such a big event because he a) didn't believe that a boy in high school could really attract a big audience and because he b) thought it was strange to be so pushy about inviting the subjects of the pictures. Luhan he understood because Luhan simply liked to be nosey, but Tao, too, had constantly texted Kris about it to a degree that he had eventually grown so sick of it, he gave in. If they wanted him there, fine.
Because he really believed that it would not really be a big thing, he also managed to convince Chanyeol to tag along.
"We'll only have to be there for maybe fifteen minutes," he said as they sat hunched over his kitchen table with a pot of ramyeon he personally thought was too spicy. "I'll just check out the picture, say hello to the guy who took it and afterwards we can grab something to eat somewhere."
Chanyeol chewed as he looked at him in thought and then said, "Fifteen minutes seems a bit short considering the time it takes to get there."
Kris shrugged. "I'm only going because they're naggy anyway."
"Right," Chanyeol said and looked down on the lid he held in his left hand like the cliché of a TV character. They always ate ramyeon straight out of the pot in Korean dramas.
"I'll treat you to meat afterwards," Kris said because he knew that Chanyeol was the type who easily got baited by food. Just as expected, Chanyeol's face lit up.

But then, when they entered the concrete building and when the voices of dozens of people carried over to them, he knew that he had been prejudiced from the start. Chanyeol hesitated in front of the door and Kris realized that if Luhan and Tao had managed to bring them there, they probably had swayed everyone else, too.

2) He had failed to see the connection between two issues.

When they ran into Luhan, the sly bastard did not act according to his initial promise of staying away and instead chatted them up.
"Kris, my dearest friend," he chirped in Korean instead of his usual Mandarin. "You know, right until the end Tao thought you wouldn't come. But I told him that you secretly love social events and well, I clearly was right again. I see you also brought your..." He looked behind Kris to where Chanyeol had stood. But Chanyeol had apparently seized the chance to scamper off.
"Your boyfriend sure is fast," Luhan said meekly, switching back to Mandarin. "And taller than expected. I always thought you needed someone to look down on."
"Technically I'm still taller than him," Kris shrugged and looked around to see where he had gone. There definitely were more people around than he would have expected.
Luhan took a step backwards to size him up and then said, "Yeah, you tell yourself that."
Kris rolled his eyes at him and continued his way along the rows of pictures.

When he finally found him, Chanyeol was staring up at a picture intently. At first Kris thought that it was his, but something about it was strange. Chanyeol didn't simply look appreciative but shocked. And no matter how bad the picture Tao had taken of Kris was, he doubted it warranted that kind of reaction. It also couldn't have been an offensive picture or else there would have been more people flocked in front of it.
Warily he walked up to him until he could see the picture himself and immediately understood the reaction. He felt all the colour drain from his face.
Kim Minseok again. Kim Minseok just wouldn't leave him alone.
And as he stared up to the admittedly very good picture of a happy-looking Kim Minseok in running gear and with a crooked, large number on his chest, Kris realized that he should have known it. He should have listened to Luhan more closely because all the hints had been there. Kim Minseok had run a marathon Luhan had constantly mentioned and Luhan had dragged Tao around to take pictures of every single of his acquaintances. So it had always been likely for Kim Minseok to be among those people.
Which meant that Luhan had probably invited him, too.
Which meant that he could pop up any second and mess everything up.
Which meant that Kris had to get Chanyeol away before they could run into each other.

3) He had overestimated his ability to handle difficult situations.

Now, in retrospect it was always easy to judge a situation. What he probably should have done was to fake an emergency which allowed them both to leave. He could have pretended to feel sick or he could have made up an overly complicated story. He could have pretended to have seen someone he hated and didn't want to talk to. He could have done anything and no matter how strange it would have seemed, it would at least have prevented them from staying for too long.
Instead he tried to be subtle. "It's too crowded in here," he muttered when Chanyeol still stared at Kim Minseok's picture. It seemed to take him all his effort not to go forward and touch it or to howl at it the way a wolf howled at the moon. "Let's get out of here."
Chanyeol blinked a few times as if he woke from a dream and slowly gave him a blank stare. "Ah, right," he said, his voice distant. "Where's your picture?"
Kris wanted to say that he didn't care but because it was the whole purpose of them being there and because he didn't want to act out of character, he said, "Let's keep looking."
Chanyeol nodded as if in trance and Kris eventually grabbed his wrist to pull him away. He chose to ignore that Chanyeol looked back once more.

When they finally discovered Kris' picture a few metres away, Chanyeol had caught himself enough to become witty again. He nodded at it, then looked at Kris for comparison and grinned, "I never noticed it but you kind of look like one of the heroes in those comics for girls." Kris frowned at him, so he explained, "You know, those tall, moody guys who are kind of rude but because the girl is so sweet that's okay. They also often have bleached hair."
"That doesn't sound like a compliment," Kris said and understood it to be a joke but couldn't really laugh because he still felt tense. It took him all his effort not to constantly look around himself in paranoia.
"I mean, those guys are always handsome," Chanyeol shrugged and looked up at the picture again. "And they always get the girl in the end."
At that Kris escaped a snort. "Are you trying to tell me that you're the cute girl in this story?" he asked jokingly and Chanyeol pulled a face at him.
"They also have comics with two boys. Or so I heard," Chanyeol said and took a step away from the picture. He looked at Kris expectantly, who gave him a confused glance in return. "So, you promised me meat," Chanyeol said and Kris laughed. He was more than ready to leave. He was about to say something, when he saw him. Behind Chanyeol, right where Kim Minseok's picture was, he appeared in the flesh like the incarnated devil himself. Luhan stood next to him happily and spotted Kris, while Kim Minseok looked up at himself.
It was then that Kris panicked.
Luhan waved at him which caught Kim Minseok's attention. At the same time Chanyeol noticed the horror in Kris' face and asked, "What?" He was about to turn to look at what Kris was seeing, when Kris grabbed his shoulders in the spur of the moment and kissed him hard. Next to them someone gasped.
There was no excuse for what he did. Something clearly had short-circuited in his brain and he pushed Chanyeol against the wall when he struggled against him.
"," Chanyeol hissed as he finally managed to push him off himself. "Stop!" He panted and gave him an incomprehensive glare. "What the hell?" he asked as anger slowly lit up in his eyes and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking around him wildly. A few people stared.
He had to notice him then. And likewise was Kim Minseok bound to notice them, especially since Luhan next to him had grabbed hold of his arm for some reason.
Everything after that seemed to happen in slow motion.
"Sunbae," Chanyeol said. The anger had disappeared from his face to make room for utter confusion. He took a step forward.
Kim Minseok meanwhile held his gaze as he shook Luhan off himself. His expression was unreadable but there definitely was recognition. Luhan said something to him, but he didn't react. Next to him a girl with long hair touched his shoulder.
Chanyeol took another step, breathing audibly through his nose.
Something in Kim Minseok's face shifted as he broke his gaze and turned to the girl. He said something, took her hand off him and moved away into the crowd.
Kris looked at Chanyeol who seemed lost like a child that got left behind and quickly took his hand before he could run off.
"That was..." Chanyeol said urgently and their eyes met. He frowned. And then he must have realized something. "You know who that was."
Kris wanted to lie but instinctively lowered his gaze. To Chanyeol that was good enough an answer. "Let go," he said in an oddly even tone.
And Kris did.
He simply watched as Chanyeol hurried into the direction Kim Minseok had disappeared into.
He didn't say a word when Luhan walked up to him and asked what the hell was going on.
All he could think was that he should have known better than to come.

- butterfly boys (about being stuck in time) -

To see Kim Minseok again didn't feel real. It felt like all the dreams in which he had chased him down, only to falter in the end. Right from the moment when he stood in front of the photo that showed a slightly older Minseok with dyed hair but the usual relieved smile he had always had after finishing something tiresome, Chanyeol's mind had just stopped functioning properly, right as if it had fallen down a drain.
He didn't think that he would have followed him if not for the whole situation being so absurd. Under different circumstances he probably would have stood there like a paralyzed idiot until someone shook him out of it. The usual him wouldn't have pushed through a crowd of people only to run down a flight of stairs until he finally spotted the familiar figure. In his dreams he had always only seen his back.
His lungs hurt but he ignored them when he yelled, "Sunbae, I can't run." He always yelled those words but the Kim Minseok in his dreams never stopped.
It felt like a dream. Like a painful dream.
But this time Kim Minseok slowed down so that Chanyeol could catch up. When he was level with him, Kim Minseok barely moved his head to look at him. He glared, but not in a scary way but like a wounded animal that desperately hoped not to get eaten.
And as Chanyeol looked at him with his heart pounding in his chest like a hammer, he knew that he wasn't over it. He still didn't think of him as a far away memory. The feeling was still there.
He couldn't say 'thank you' or ask him whether he was fine. He couldn't talk about the good old times.
His voice sounded angrier than intended when he asked, "What are you running away for?"