Jeongyeon likes to think she remembers every last thing about her life. Like the colour of the slide she first took in the water park with her family or the number of birds she saw when she first climbed that huge oak tree in her backyard. Even the obscure ones that most would have to dig down into the deep recesses of their memories to find like what she ate for dinner a month ago on that Friday night. 

Then, there's Nayeon.

When she first sees Nayeon, they are both late for school. Nayeon dashes past her after sparing her a glance and Jeongyeon immediately starts running after her senior. The first time they talked to each other was in the detention room after both of them had been soundly scolded by their discipline master, Nayeon for being a tardy senior and Jeongyeon who had been on duty for flag raising but missed it because her alarm clock decided that today, of all days, would be the day it ceased to function. She finds out that have a mutual friend between the both of them. Jihyo is her best friend and classmate of 2 years and Nayeon's junior in choir. But the first time she starts coughing up petals remain a mystery to her. She only remembers talking to Jihyo in the cafeteria when she hears Nayeon's familiar voice shout her name across the sea of students. The next thing she knows, Nayeon had already jumped on her back and starts itching. And when Nayeon jumps off and steps back, Jeongyeon was clutching the pale yellow tulip petal in her hand ever so tightly, she feels the petal crumple in her grip.

It all sort of goes downhill from there.

She starts coughing up white carnations and baby breath's, their soft petals always tickling at , not painful enough to hurt but enough to remind her of what she doesn't have. Jeongyeon had just finished a coughing fit, sighing as she stares forlornly at the lone stalk of pristine white flowers when Nayeon suddenly appears behind her. 

"Oh, who are they from?" 

Jeongyeon is so shocked that she chokes on her dry throat and starts coughing. Or at least, that's what Nayeon thinks and Jeongyeon's contented to keep it that way, she can already feel the beginnings of another flower winding its way around her diaphragm. Thankfully, another senior walks past and engages Nayeon in a conversation. When she turns her attention back to the younger girl, however, a fresh yellow camellia sits on the floor where Jeongyeon stood only seconds before.

"Camellias stand for longing."

Jihyo had been the first to know about Jeongyeon's, even now she still doesn't know the term for it, illness. She had laughed about it at first, not really understanding the gravity of the situation at hand, and poked Jeongyeon repeated asking for this flower and that. But when Nayeon and walked by with her friends and waved at her juniors, Jihyo had shut up instantly. Because she knew exactly what the blood-stained arum lily that was crushed into Jeongyeon's bag meant. It stood for Jeongyeon's innocence and Jihyo couldn't help but think that the blood was from her heart bleeding itself dry.

Jeongyeon had tried to tell Nayeon once, after much pestering from Jihyo, because everyone knew what happens when the problem takes root. Their classmate, a hardworking girl called Lisa, had been pining over a senior for months. But they wouldn't have known if they hadn't walked into the toilet only to step on crimson white roses and their thorns. Lisa was paler then Jeongyeon had ever seen her, a trail of blood dribbling down her cheek. She told them, when they went to visit her at the hospital, that she had loved Rosé for years. But she was happy with her boyfriend and she could never come between that.

"You would die for her then?"

She remembers Jihyo asking her as she shoots a horrified look towards the other girl. Jihyo just shrugs and returns her gaze to Lisa who was smiling peacefully among starch white sheets. A violet tulip sits in a jar next to her, wilting despite the fresh water, mocking despite her plight.

"Yes."

Their ride home is silent and Jihyo whispers to Jeongyeon that violet tulips represent a hopeless love. That Lisa had long since already given up. It was also when the roses started coming.

So Jeongyeon decides that if friendship is all she has then she'll take it. She'll take the sunflowers, the roses, the anemones and all the times she runs from the older girl to cough out blossoms discreetly into her hands. If Jeongyeon had to cough out those bloody flowers for all eternity for the slim chance that she might ruin their friendship forever, she would do it.

"Do you want to end up like Lisa?" 

Jihyo asks her one day when they sit on the rooftop with their legs dangling past the edge.

Would you die for her too?

Jeongyeon shrugs and continues swinging her legs back and forth. Then, she sees Nayeon laughing in her classroom through a open window and starts coughing again. Jihyo only rubs her back till she stops. And when she does, she was holding too many chamomiles to count. Jihyo shakes her head and pats Jeongyeon's.

"Patience will get you somewhere, I hope."

She should have known, that coughing up an entire florist worth of flowers on the rooftop would raise questions. But she wasn't prepared for the person who asked the questions to be Nayeon.

"So, who's the stupid guy I have to beat up?" 

The roses came back, ugly thorns digging into her heart, her lungs, her veins, her blood. But Nayeon still waits with a deep frown as she hacks and wheezes, expelling the rose from her windpipe. Blood flecks her uniform shirt and Nayeon's eyes widen in horror. 

"Jeongyeon, you've got to go to the doctor."

Jeongyeon only stares at the rose with blank eyes before throwing it deep into her locker and forcing a pained smile. feels like it went through hell and back but yet she still manages to whisper as she walks towards the doors.

"It's fine."

Nayeon grabs her by her shoulders and stares incredulously as Jeongyeon attempts to shake her off. Then she brings her face closer and the flowers return. Nayeon can only watch in shock as all sorts of flowers spill at her feet. Sunflowers, roses, anemones, carnations, violets and chamomiles. And then as Jeongyeon stumbles back to catch her breath, Nayeon's eye flash in understanding.

"It's me. These flowers are all for me, aren't they?"

Jeongyeon desperately shakes her head, already feeling a pounding headache coming. 

"It is."

Nayeon's now in front of her and Jeongyeon coughs out a violet tulip. 

"Hopelessness?"

Jeongyeon chokes on the next flower and suddenly she can't breathe. So many flowers were taking root in her lungs, squeezing them so hard she just wanted them gone. Then, just as her consciousness begins to fade, she hears it. Faint but it is there.

"I love you."

Then her world goes dark.

When she comes to, it's to a hospital room that smells of too much antiseptic with the curtains drawn shut. Jihyo sits on the chair opposite her bed and watches her with unblinking eyes. Her gaze shifts from her friend to the daisies that stare back at her from her bedside table, and then to the girl sleeping by her right hand. Jihyo smiles and Jeongyeon no longer feels the flowers in .