My face was flushed red and I my heart was palpitating. Her creamy white skin is rubbing into my arms. Her beady eyes were staring right at me, as if it was questioning me of what have I just done? Her lips were so close to mine, so red and soft. Her hair is brushing my skin. My sensations were heightened in our position, even the small things were taken into account such as the slight movement of her body to find comfort in the awkward position. It was only seconds but I felt like it was eternity, her rapid breathing out of shock and little movements. Wait. Realization strikes very fast as it shattered my dreams. Her movements quickly explained that she wanted to stand up and I was blocking her. God. I just remembered what kind of position we have. I was going to utter my apologies, to explain our situation.

“Lisa!”, Jisoo came about the door.

Her eyes were quickly taking in the situation.

I am a lesbian.

I am at the top.

Jennie is half-

Jennie’s clothes were spread

Jennie looks like she was a clear victim

My face looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“It’s not what you think”, I quickly stood up, trying to explain the situation. Jennie hurriedly went in the closet space to dress quickly. Rose entered the room, with curious wondering eyes.

“Why is everybody here?”, Rose innocently asked. Unfortunately, her question was ignored.

“Jisoo, I was just getting my phone and Jennie seems to be dressing and I tripped in a loose shoe which lands us in that position”, I quickly answered, even pointing at the shoe at the floor.

“It was an accident”, Jennie supported.

Jisoo’s eyes were changing but I can still see the doubt hidden on those eyes. Rose was trying to discern what was happening using the situation given but she eventually left the scene, and so did Jisoo.

“I’m sorry”,I looked at Jennie guiltily when everybody left.

“It’s alright. I know that you didn’t mean it”, Jennie smiled.

Soon after, silence took over. Recognizing the atmosphere, I took my leave by passing through the opened door, stupid open door. Lisa quietly went in the living room but just as the wall was beside her, where the opposite side faces the kitchen, I heard voices. I quickly listened but hid, not being able to see what was happening.

“Uhh- Jisoo-unnie, what happened in there?” That’s Rose’s voice

“I was searching for Lisa and when I was on the front of the unopened door, I just found them in quite a position.”, Jisoo replied.

“What position?”, Rose asked.

“Well, Lisa was hovering over Jennie at the bed where Jennie seems to be pinned by Lisa’s arms and well—trapped and- and”, Jisoo’s words were cut.

“And??”, Rose asked for a continuation.

“And… Jennie was half-”, Jisoo finished quickly.

“What?!”, a loud voice erupted but Rose seems to be regretting it as she covered .

“Calm down. I doubt they were doing anything. I mean the door was open and stuff. It was an accident caused by a lose shoe. It’s just my head keeps thinking about something.”, Jisoo uttered.

“You’re thinking if Lisa— enjoys it?”, Rose whispered but her voice was still heard by Lisa.

Jisoo quickly looked at Rose, silence enveloping the two.

It’s quiet. Are they coming out of the kitchen?

“Not really. I was thinking more along the lines of why did Jennie not just stood up and moved Lisa” Jisoo was still staring at Rose. Silence seeping in the air

“But now that you mention it, I can’t help but think about it”, Jisoo replied, breaking the silence.

“I wasn’t telling that Lisa did it purposely. I just got curious what one would feel in situations like those, it was just a random thought of mine don’t worry”, Rose smiled and left.

The words were enough indication, added with the footsteps. I hurriedly move to the couch and pretend to do something with my phone. Rose then sat with me in the couch.

“Hey Lisa!”, Rose greeted warmly.

“Hey”, I greeted.

“I’ll cook for dinner later and Jennie will cook for lunch. Would you mind helping me?”, Rose asked.

“Yeah sure of course”, I grinned.

We just opted to watch television for the mean time since Jisoo was still cooking at the kitchen. Rose didn’t mention her newfound knowledge to me and I didn’t give any hints that I know what she talked about Jisoo. At least, behind closed doors, they weren’t that offensive to me anymore.

“Lunch is here”, Jisoo said from the kitchen.

Rose stood up to go to the kitchen and gather plates so I was left with the task of fetching Jennie. Oh God. At least, I learned how to knock. I softly knocked at the door and seconds after, the door was opened by Jennie with her really y bed hair.  I don’t know how anyone could look so perfect like that. It was like the hair was disheveled in purpose where all the right hair was chosen to be in all the right places. She’s just so hot.

“L-lunch is ready”

I then waited for Jennie to do some last minute thing like plugging her phone to a charger so she can join me in walking to the dining room. I sat in the chair where Rose is beside me and Jennie is across me. The positions in our seats are fixed. It was made just by sitting where we wanted to and we used the position ever since.

We ate in silence, all that was heard were the crunching of the fried foods until Jennie spoke up.

“It’s getting boring, should we do a Vlive as a group?”, Jennie spoke up.

“I think we need to do it tomorrow, I’m not that ready” Rose chuckled.

“Well yeah, it is getting boring. Tomorrow is it then.”, Jisoo smiled.

We continued eating, at the signal of our finish. Jennie stood up from the seat to gather the plates. My instincts forced me to help her. Oh God. Her hand grasped mine because we were going after the same plate. Her soft smooth skin brushed the side of my hand. I couldn’t help the instant fluttering in my stomach and my face becoming beet red. Shoot. I forgot about the duty. She might get mad and it will be another tunnel of depression when she does. I carried the plate up, making her hand slip off. It was for the better.

-------------------------------------

Afternoon came quite quick with me dozing off in the couch for hours. The atmosphere and humidity in the room made me feel really sleepy. By now, I was in the kitchen, getting ingredients for the meal that was to be cooked by Rose. I got the chops of meat and the vegetables and leaves from the refrigerator. Rose was standing quite close in my back, getting the pan and cooking oil.

“Here Lisa, make a sauce by mixing these while I heat the pan, you got to make it fast though because the meat will simmer in the sauce for taste”, Rose requested.

I then went at the counter to make the sauce by mixing the ingredients Rose gave me.

“Here, it’s done”, I gave her the small bowl of sauce as she dipped and bathed the chops in it. The pan let out a satisfying sizzling sound and a delicious aroma filled the kitchen. She put the cover in the pan and got her phone out to time it and make sure she doesn’t forget. We eventually ended up cutting and peeling the vegetables for a vegetable salad while we wait.

“Lisa, you look sadder these days”, Rose started the conversation as our work on the vegetables slowed down.

“Lisa? Do you have a problem? You know I’ll be there”, Rose smiled endearingly.

Still, I wasn’t able to speak.

“Are the members mistreating you?”, Rose still asked.

“I don’t like seeing you like this, Lisa”

I don’t know why but my body just felt like it snapped, like it erupted. I felt a huge rise of blood and heat in my body.

“Stop it Chaeyoung! Stop acting like you care!”, my voice rose.

Rose dropped the vegetable and the knife she was holding to grab my hand as she looked me in the eye and I felt something else. Her eyes, have they always been this deep?

“Lisa look at me, I do care about you.”, Her eyes make her seem so vulnerable.

“You’re my friend Lisa! I’m here for you. We’ve known each other for a long time and I care about you so much that it affects me seeing you in a state like this. I’ve known you long enough when you need help, when you need a friend.”, Rose’s tears were falling and I couldn’t help it. Mine fell too.

“Lisa, what’s the problem? Please, it’s killing me”, Rose questioned with a shuddering voice.

“It’s that I’m not needed here, I’m a nobody.” Lisa whispered.

“I can’t sing as high as everybody” No, I can’t sing.

“Jennie raps better than me” Jennie’s better at everything

“I’m not as pretty as Jisoo or you or Jennie” Not pretty at all

“My figure is so thin”, no figure at all

“I can dance and so can everybody” Nothing special

“I’m not needed” Never was.

“Stop that!”, Rose tackled me in a tight embrace, I could feel her tears.

“You are perfect Lisa! You’re a member of this group for a reason. You can sing, you can rap and you can dance. You are good and great. All members have a purpose. Vocals, Dancing, Rapping and Visuals, aren’t those the four pillars?”, Rose smiled.

“You are a pillar. You are a blackpink”, Rose mumbled in a tearful voice.

“And even though you get bashed on, even though you might not be a member anymore, even though you made a mistake, I’ll always be here. You are my friend, my best friend. You are my sister and I love you for who you are”, Rose’s voice was shuddering.

I couldn’t help but hug her, a true friend, one who accepts me for a million of mistakes I am. Rose was caressing my head and whispering soothing words. My mind was drifting afloat, my mind and heart was at ease at her embrace but my reverie soon broke. The alarm sounded and Rose detached herself from me and looked at me one more time before drifting off to turn off the stove. She then comes back to me and hugged me again.

“See, I won’t leave. I’ll come back — always”