8 August, 11:37PM

It's late into the night but not late enough, and even as he sat in the comforts of his room and worn out gym attire hanging loosely on his tall frame, Hyunbin was anything but comfortable. He's teetering in nervousness and the slightest bit of anticipation with his phone in hand for about the last hour or so, slender fingers tapping against the screen as he glanced at the clock every few seconds. His long message was going out of the KakaoTalk screen, and so long that he couldn't even quite remember what he was writing.

'Does it matter if it's not read anyway?'

Hyunbin paused, and sighed at himself and his random burst of negative thoughts, but part of him knew that it could be true. Minhyun doesn't have his phone now, none of his Wanna One friends have them, as if all forms of contact was cut off from them in their preparation for debut. And even if Hyunbin knew that this communication cut-off was not by choice, it didn't meant that he wouldn't feel antsy about it in the slightest. The many lingering '1' beside the unread messages he sent over the last few weeks - month - was somewhat...dejecting.

He hadn't seen Minhyun since the end of the finale concert, haven't heard from him since the time he took a quick trip to the dorms. And even then he missed the phone call because he was out in an interview, though the first messages have been read, or so he was assured in a brief message that included 'sorry Hyunbin-ah, I don't have my phone before. Call me back before I'm gone, keke.'

Needless to say, his luck would never have allowed a smooth communication to even take place. ( And maybe, just maybe, he was the slightest bit of jealous when Seonho went on and on about Minhyun-hyung in the waiting room of their Heyo TV recordings. )

Yet amid the feeling of rejection and unease, it never stopped him from sending messages every other day. 

'How are you?'
'Today I ate tonkatsu rice.'
'Tomorrow I'm going to Africa.'
'Is practice tough?'
'...hyung, I miss you.'

He sent little updates about his life from his outings with Hyunwoo to his interview snippets, from his concerns in modeling versus his passion for the stage and JBJ; he sent him random things and photos of what he saw in Africa to the food he ate for the day; and he sent him questions of his wellbeing, telling him that he watched every single one of his appearance when he could. At this rate it was more like a virtual diary more than a chatroom, because with each speech bubble that popped up with the accompanying '1' that never disappear, Hyunbin found himself scrolling through lines and lines of monologue in search of Minhyun's last response, and the last last response before that, and the ones when they were still on the show. 

He could see the building blocks of their friendship from the initial 'you did well, Hyunbin-ah' to 'yah pabo kekeke does that make sense?', from sharing their preferences over the the simplest things under the sun ( 'i can't drink coffee. tea is best!' 'hyung, you have the taste of an old man' 'you want to get hit?' ) to their deepest worries ( 'what should i do, hyung? it seems like nothing i do can make things right again.' 'what are you talking about? you can do it if you put your heart in it. i haven't given up yet. you shouldn't if this is what you want, hyunbin-ah' )

He imagined the elder's voice when he reads them, the exact same way Minhyun calls out his name with his voice, almost as if he's singing. The smile that accompanied it. The arm that slung around his shoulders and the ruffling of his hair in firm but affectionate manner. Even when he had other people to talk to, new friends to meet and chat with like the mess of an JBJ chatroom which involved a lot of jokes and Taehyun's (harmless) threatening remarks amid Sanggyun's snide ones concluded by Kenta in his not-so-fluent-until-moments-like-this-Korean, it's just different. 

It's this weird emptiness that he had as he scroll through the flood of texts, the reminiscence of their meeting to a blossoming friendship made from trust and understanding, that made him realised that things just weren't the same. 

And he missed him. So much that words could not simply express the way he hoped to see him again, to smile and greet him with a wave that was always warmly reciprocated. It's silly, but Hyunbin was painfully aware of how attached he seemed to the elder over the short course of a few months, even if he couldn't explain it. And he could only hoped it was the same, at the very least, that he wouldn't be this fool who send chains of text like an annoying brat. 

Hyunbin sighed yet again, turning around to lay on his tummy and face into the soft pillows, lips jut out in a pout. It smelled like peaches, one that Seonho kindly recommended amid Minhyun's hoard of perfumes. A quick check on the time, and back at his unfinished long text, the model clicked the back button and tried again. And at the time of the clock striking twelve, three words replaced and wall of text before he tapped the send button, another speech bubble with a linger '1' added.

'Happy birthday, hyung.'

---

9 August, 12:14AM

His phone was buzzing. Yes, his phone. 

It felt like months since he held his phone, because after all that intensive training, recording and more filming, Minhyun barely had free time to himself to read a chapter of the book he brought to the dorms. A phone then, became practically useless considering how they wouldn't have time to use it. But as foreign as it was to have his phone back ( just for the day, because their agency did not want them to be distracted with playing gadgets like these when they should be building bonds and he respected that ), it felt good. There were gazillion messages from people, his family and friends, first and foremost. His sister sent a photo of them on a BBQ restaurant stating 'Happy birthday, brother, we will eat well for you:D'. His NU'EST members, with a crazy '300+' in the chatroom that he didn't bother backtracking all the way because they were mostly filled with random selfies, Aron spamming when If You was nominated to lackluster responses because teasing the mak-hyung has always been an underlying inner joke. 

( Minhyun still felt the swell of pride to see them doing well on the charts, because he's heard and he always does when he headed out for filming, where news passed by corridors of broadcasting stations and by the staff on-site. )

And of course, birthday messages to him, which were memes instead of the beautiful photo shoot JR and Ren posted on their Instagram, because apparently private settings means they can go rampage in the chat with some of the most unflattering messages accompanied by the most hilarious, laughing emoji. Sometimes Minhyun thought they bought certain stickers just to make fun of one another, even if they're all living in the same dorm but were too lazy to exit each of their rooms like the bums they can become.

( It's adorable though, his lovely members. He just hoped his room was intact after...whoever moved in. he better search the chat later on to see who did, even though he could easily guessed that it might be JR, considering how he had lesser things compared to fashionista and skin-care enthusiast Choi Mango. )

Then there's others from his new friends in produce. Seonho who did not forget to leave a voice message that ended with a loud kissing sound after his signature 'I love you!', Yongbin and Kenta with their stickers, Youngmin and Sewoon in their neat line of birthday text, the latter with his touch of eccentricity in his choice of sticker.

And there's Kwon Hyunbin, with 300+ unread new messages.

His finger hovered above the chatroom, gazing upon Hyunbin's profile photo featuring the model in the middle of his JBJ signboards, and then he clicked in. Lips tugging into a smile, he started scrolling from where he left off, starting first with 'Hyunbinnie missed your phone call, when will u be back hyung', the touch of aegyo that doesn't seem to fit the towering male at first glance. He read every message, scrolling through with his thumb; he read about his passing days and current stints, checking out the photo shoot spreads and TV show links briefly. He pursed his lips into a thin line reading about his concerns with debuting as a singer, with auditioning for the role in a drama to his responsibilities as a model, and broke out in quiet laughter ( featuring shifty side-eyes from Woojin and Guanlin seated in the middle of their room ) at Hyunbin's random snapshots of his life and episodes.

He took it all in with the joy of reading a new book, noting how his heart stirs from the initial weariness of practice, to wanting to get to the very last page. Because Hyunbin is like an open book, with his emotions written across the features of his sharp brows, long eyes and pouty lips; with his endless messages that doesn't mask his true thoughts. If Hyunbin was his favourite book, then Minhyun was the avid reader, crawling every single page with the eagerness of wanting to learn more, to share more, to understand, even if he doesn't understand his desires in doing so. 

And when he reached the final message, seeing the three simple words that lit up his eyes, Minhyun realised that he missed him.

He missed Kwon Hyunbin, in his silly narrations and imitations and funny stories; in his soft quietness when they're left alone, calls of 'Minhyunnie hyung' like the giant puppy he was; in his warmth whenever he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and that shy laughter that accompanied the gesture. Minhyun missed him in ways he never thought he would, an emotion that his vocabulary failed to provide an understanding. It's the way that made his ears flare red as a warm feeling settled in his tummy at the concerns lingering in between the lines, with all the 'how is it doing' and 'i heard seonho visited you guys!! unfair! i wanna go too~~' and 'sleep well, hyung' littered between his giant chunks of text. 

---

9 August, 1:01AM

Hyunbin was falling asleep, or rather taking a nap at nearly 2AM because he would find himself awake at odd hours to game, and the cycle repeats. So when the phone buzzed in his hands, the male jerked awake with a sound of annoyance, but the flash of Minhyun's name was enough to wake him up and shut his grumblings. 

"Hyung?!"

His greeting was enthusiastic, maybe a tad too much. Yet he was too happy to care as he shot up on his bed, crossing his legs as he nudged his way to lean against the headboard. Minhyun's laughter rang in the background, echoing in the walls. It's the same one that he hears on TV and in his mind when he closed his eyes, warm and fuzzy and bright even in the dead of the night. And Hyunbin smiled, eyes softened as he grabbed a pillow to hug in his arms. 

"Yes, Hyunbin-ah."
"Where are you?"

Minhyun had to pull away from the phone a bit to look at his surroundings, the tiled walls in the small area coming into view as he sat on top of the toilet seat cover. In his attempt to find a quiet spot, the raven realised the only place available was the bathroom, when the second floor is basically a theater level where his words would echo easily to the living room, while his other ten members were virtually everywhere else in the dorm. 

( Why he found the need to hide, he didn't know either. It wasn't something that came to mind as he flicked the lock of his bathroom and pushed the cover of the toilet down as a made-shift seat. )

"Dormitory. We ended training late. You, what about you?"

His voice wavered in the air, from his little bubbling excitement as it bounced off the extra echo-y surroundings. Hearing his voice brought back different kinds of memories, like how they stayed the night in the dorms chatting away, of how he could always feel Hyunbin's warmth as they sat side to side during lessons and rehearsals.

On the show it seemed like Minhyun took care of Hyunbin a tad more. Well, in most sense it wasn't false, because Hyunbin was the giant maknae both in Sorry Sorry and Downpour. But Hyunbin took care of him too, in a different manner. It's that same sense of understanding that had him rooted to his beliefs, it's that consideration reflected in his casual speech, and it's that reliance on him that encouraged him, motivated him to lead by example. Hyunbin makes him feel at ease and at home even in the intense survival show, where responsibilities weighed down on his shoulders a lot more than he had signed up for. It's like the younger just knew the right words to say that eases that burden even if it's just for a while, and he appreciated that. 

And he misses it all, being able to share anything and everything over texts, and yet not feeling any sense of awkwardness in person, even if they've exchanges cheesy lines of 'love you', 'take care', and 'miss you lots!'. 

Because he and Hyunbin just clicked, at some point in time.

"I'm in bed reading messages."
"Is that so? Ah, right, congratulations on your debut, actor Kwon Hyunbin. It'd be fun if we can promote together."
"Ah hyung, you read the messages? ...I should be saying that first. Congratulations on your actual, second debut. The song's really good, I'm streaming it right now."
"Thank you, Hyunbin-ah."

There's that familiar shyness in the model's voice, prompting a laugh from the elder as his fingers gripped onto the phone tightly. Silence lapsed, and Minhyun found himself heaving deeply. There's so much he wanted to say - that he's going to watch his programs, that he's proud of the things Hyunbin is achieving, that he's sorry for not responding earlier...everything. Everything's a jumbled mess in his mind, sentences making little to no sense like jigsaw pieces forcing the wrong sides on top of each other, and the words got stuck in his throat onto the tip of his tongue, but no further.

So he waits, as did he.

"I miss you, Hyunbin-ah."
"Hyung, I miss you."

The words, hung in the air as the duo stalled, as if taken by surprise. Minhyun felt his ears heating up as he rubbed his face with the free hand, mostly out of embarrassment of his own words followed by the echo of the younger male. It wounded more awkward then expected voicing it out, so much so that he couldn't hold back the stiff laughter from pouring out to hide his blurted words. But there were flutters in his stomach and a skip of his heart, dancing to the four words of the vocal tone he had came to like so much. 

While Hyunbin just buried his face further into the pillows he's holding, a light flush visible on his pale cheeks if anyone were to burst into his room right then. Minhyun had always been an affectionate person and so was he, but hearing those words - spoken from one of his favourite person with his favourite voice - only pulled a string in his heart. Seonho liked to say that Minhyun has that magic touch that kept him calm at all times. Hyunbin disagreed, because every time he's nearby, he hear his heartbeat tapping in his ears to each and every detail: the quirk of his smile, the curve of his crescent eyes and the arms that wrapped snugly around his shoulders.

"Thank you."

Two words, so underwhelming of what he felt at that point, yet the only words he could utter that comprised of his appreciation, and affections. There was a knock on the door, Jisung's voice coming from outside about needing to use the washroom, and Minhyun straightened up. Time was ticking, it always had and always will, but if it meant that it would bring them a closer step to meeting in the future once again, Minhyun wouldn't mind.

"I need to go now. But I'd drop by Kakao for a bit, okay?"

Hyunbin straightened up in his position, lips parting. There's a lot more he wanted to say, things that he's written down word by word with typos and lack of punctuation, things that he's thought out line by line but didn't manage to write. There's a lot he wanted to hear, like Minhyun calling his name again or his laugh, or simply random updates of his life that was broadcasted on air or not. But time wasn't kind and he was glad to already have the few minutes with him.

That on it's own was enough.

"I got it. Minhyunnie-hyung, take good care of yourself."
"Mmhmm."
"Drink more water, you're going to perform a lot right? Don't hurt your voice."
"Mmhmm."
"Sleep early, sleep well."
"You too."
"And happy birthday, Minhyunnie-hyung."
"Mm. Thank you, Hyunbinnie."
"..."
"..."
"Hyung?
"Hmm?"
"I love you."

Minhyun pulled away to check if the line was connected, but he placed his ear back onto the receiver just in time to hear that deep voice whispering with slightly accented characters. Eyes closed, smile widening, he could imagine the younger's messages again, the aegyo-styled of Hangul writing that's trendy came to mind. The singer would never admit it out loud ( because friends are not supposed to blushed at such declarations of love ), but...he treasured it. A lot.

Because somehow, just somehow, he knew this was different.

"You take care of yourself too. Drink more water, sleep early. Don't keep napping in the middle of the day. Take some vitamins when schedules get tight. You have to work hard, you got that? It's a chance, you've always wanted this don't you? I'd look forward to your debut, I'd be sure to watch your drama whenever I can. You can do it, you hear me? No matter what, you will be able to do it. Hyung believe in you, okay? Good. Fighting~"

Hyunbin laughed, scrunching up his nose before throwing in a fake, disinterested sound. But he liked it, liked hearing Minhyun's nagging, liked the concern and sincerity in his every word, like the sense of confidence and pride and trust that the model could only hope to live up to expectations. He could hear a series of rapping on the door followed by 'I'm almost done!' on the other side of the line, and supposed it was time to hang up, It was Minhyun's birthday, but it felt like he's the one who got a gift.

( Even though, he was slightly disappointed that his words were not returned. )

"Thank you-"
"Hyunbin-ah."
"Hmm?"
"I love you too."

The line went dead after he barely managed to mumble a goodbye, giddy in his excitement of hearing those same words that usually appeared in text and nothing more. And even though Minhyun said them often on air, Hyunbin could hear the difference in the way it's spoken, so carefully and gentle all the same. 

( He liked to think of himself as special.even if it's just for one day. )

The model did not know when would be the next time his numerous '1' would be read again after the day ended. However, with his phone buzzing and Minhyun's KakaoTalk notifications appearing on the screen, Hyunbin realised that he would be willing to wait. Now, he just want to focus on the remaining time he could squeeze before either of them falls asleep with their phone in hand.

Because time is ticking and it waits for no one, and Hyunbin wanted to cherish every prolonged second he could have.

---

a/n: this was a rushed work, so it's not the best, but I hope you guys can enjoy it nonetheless. ;; this can also be treated as a standalone or follow up to 'baby steps' a canon fic I wrote previously. Happy birthday to Emperor Minhyun once again!♡ sng