“Hyung, where are you?”

                “I’m at the studio, working on my songs.”

                “Hyung, you’re not smoking, right?”

                “Of course I’m not. I’m having coffee with Teddy-hyung.”

               .

            .          

            .

                Jiyong clasped his hands tightly, his heart was screaming prayers, begging for Him to listen to this lost child prayer.  He kept chanting the prayer like a spell.

                Seconds felt like years, and with every second passed, Jiyong felt like a part of him was being torn apart.

                The incapability of controlling the situation was putting Jiyong in anguish.

                All s were there. Youngbae was sitting next to him, draping his arm around his shoulder, pressing his skinny body onto his toned one to give him some support.

                 It should be warm with Youngbae’s body being pressed onto his, but Jiyong couldn’t feel the warmth provided.

The room was cold.

                His mind went blank, it couldn’t think of anything but a certain man with evident dark circles he cherished. His mind kept wandering around the worst cases that possibly fell upon him.

                He squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his clasp as he tried to get rid of them.

                He hated waiting.

                 But, he never had once hated it as much as he did now; the uncertainty was killing him and he was dying to find the certainty.

---

                Jiyong pulled out the stick from his mouth, slowly blowing out the warm smoke off his system. The warm smoke felt amazing in his mouth, lifting all the burdens weighted on his shoulder and providing him the calmness he always sought.

                The white smoke was twirling in the night sky of Seoul. He pushed the stick again and inhaled it, feeling another round of smoke invading his lungs.

                All was good.

                He was enjoying his time when his phone vibrated inside his pocket. He let out a hiss and pulled out his cigarette, fishing his phone out and read the caller ID; Seungri.

                He scoffed before pressing the green button, greeted by the younger in no time.

                “Hyung, where are you?”

                “I’m at the studio, working on my songs.” He smoothly lied.

                “Oh, I won’t bother you then. Good luck, Hyung!! Don’t forget to eat, neh! Get home earlier or you’ll end up competing with me to be the panda of Big Bang~”

Seungri had always been this innocent; believing all he said. He shoved back his phone and placed the stick into his mouth once again, blowing the smoke out as his gaze was fixed on the line of trees far across the street beneath him.   

                Would all the trees in the toxic smoke he blew? Or would it be someone else who it?

---

                Why would he put those cancer sticks between his teeth? Why would he light them up? And most of all, why would he befriend those sticks?

                Jiyong felt his heart was being cut and jumbled in a nauseate way. He raised his head and looked everywhere, clicking his tongue in an unsettled manner, rubbing his hands which were drenched by sweat uncomfortably.

                The door was yet to be opened.

                Youngbae pressed Jiyong’s body even closer to his, patted his side in a comforting manner.

                But in the current time, it was just no use. Jiyong only let out a loud sigh.

                “Why won’t the ing doctors just come out of that room?!!” he messed his hair, bending his head in frustration.

                 The only warmth he felt was on the edge of his eyes, he just knew; anytime he blinked, drops of water would voluntarily pour down, but it wasn’t his main concern now.

                 “Just come out, please….”

                Daesung only looked at the worried sick leader, throwing himself carefully on him as he enveloping the broken latter into a hug. “Everything will be fine, Hyung…”

                “Put some faith on him, Ji…” Youngbae gave his friend an assuring smile as he drew circles on his back.

                 Jiyong only shook his head lightly; who could put faith on someone whose life was on his line? If there really was someone who could, he would gladly give him applauses and credits.

                Because for him, it was something he would never know how to do.

---

                “And she fell right on her face!! You should saw how dramatically she fell!! I must’ve seemed so evil now for laughing for that kind of thing!” Jiyong only chuckled at his phone. He was being ecstatic just like how he was every day.

                “Breathe, Ri… Breathe.”

                “Ah, Yeah, thank for reminding me. By the way, what have you been doing today, Hyung?”

                “Some songs recording and meeting for the album’s concept; same as always.” He pushed in the cigarette and breathed it in.

                “You should take some break, Hyung. It’s not like we’ll be forever 20!! Let’s hit the club tomorrow!!”

He blew the smoke out.

                “Okay, I’ll pick you in the airport.” He breathed in the cigarette again.

                “Won’t it be chaotic, Hyung?”

 He blew out the smoke again.

                “Well, I’ll just stay inside the van and wait for you inside. Will that work?” he pushed the stick in once again.

                “I guess it’s set. There won’t be any Nyongtory airport moment for tomorrow, then.” Jiyong pulled out the stick and choked. He didn’t expect that sentence.

                A long pause granted the line as Jiyong coughed some fit. After wiping his mouth, he shoved in his cigarette again, waiting for the person on the other end to start the conversation yet again.

                “…”

 he pulled his phone and looked at the screen; still connected.

                “Ri? Are you—“

                “Hyung, you’re not smoking, right?” Jiyong felt like his chest had been punched forcefully in one strike.

 He… guessed it.

But of course, he wouldn’t let the younger down so he took one silent deep breath.

               .

            .

            .

                “Of course I’m not. I’m having coffee with Teddy-hyung,” again for the nth time, Kwon Ji Yong lied.

---

                Seunghyun who had been standing all through their waiting session started to pace back and forth in front of the other BIGBANG’s members. His eyes would wander onto the door every once in awhile. He was just as worried as the leader.

                “Doctor!!”

                Jiyong quickly shot his head up as soon as he heard the eldest yell. He swiftly fled to the doctor’s front and grabbed his arms. His eyes were locked on the doctor’s.

                “How’s him? He’s alright, right?” His heart was being clenched, so tight that it suffocated him. He stared right into the doctor’s eyes, waiting with full anticipation of what would be blurted out of those dry lips the doctor owned.

                The doctor shook his head; he shook his head.

                That moment, Jiyong felt his all was being completely snatched. His grips on the doctor’s arm were loosed as his knees voluntarily met the cold sterile floor of the hospital.  

                Everything had ended…

---

                Jiyong looked at the dark night, there were no sign of stars. He took in the warm smoke from the cigarette he clasped between his teeth, wondering if the sky was lonely without its stars. He pulled out his stick and looked at the man laid on his bed.

                A small smile tugged on the edge of his lips. He was lucky he didn’t miss his star like the sky did. He would certainly turn darker than the night sky without his star to light him up.

                Feeling the need to blow out his smoke, he turned around. He was nearly done with his cigarette when someone called him.

                 “Hyung…? What are you doing there?” He faced the voice owner and soon met the sight of a messy Seungri. Seungri was rubbing his half-closed eyes, sitting on the middle of a messy bundled up blanket that was able to match his undeniably messy hair.

                “Smoking…?”

                “I knew it. You smoke behind my back.” Seungri turned his back on Jiyong and laid back to his original position, wrapping the blanket around his body like a big sushi roll, rejecting to face Jiyong.

                Jiyong quickly extinguish his cigarette and threw it, making his way to his side of the bed. He slowly slipped his hand under the younger’s waist, hugging him, “I’m sorry, okay? You know, it’s hard to stop once you smoked.”

                Seungri didn’t move nor said a word. So Jiyong took it as a green light for him to continue his speech.

                “And I know you hate their smell, that’s why I smoke outside when you’re asleep or not around.”

                “You smoke outside because you can’t do it inside or the smoke alarm will be set off.”

                “Okay, okay… I’m sorry okay?” Jiyong turned his maknae around to face him and hugged him, pressing him to his chest.

                “You smell like cigarette. I hate it. It’s bad for you.”

---

                “No… That can’t be true!!!”

                 Jiyong pushed the doctor aside violently and burst inside the room. He stopped at the sight of his maknae lying on the white bed with nurses all over him as if they were hungry wolves readied to prey him.

                “Jiyong!!” Youngbae and the members chased after him. He was getting all the dirty hands off his maknae’s untainted body, fighting madly at the staffs that were holding him.

                The machines were one by one being plucked away from his maknae’s body and Jiyong was struggling to reach his maknae when a nurse brought up the white sheet to his maknae’s face, readied to cover it.

                “NO!!!”

                Jiyong leaped away and pushed the nurse who landed roughly on her . He didn’t give a damn as his hands shakily clasped his maknae’s hand in between his.

                His hand was cold.

---

                “Stop.” Jiyong pulled Seungri’s hand away from his cigarette.

                “Extinguish it this instance.”

                “I will, just get your hand off or you’ll burn yourself.”

                Seungri stood in front of him, eyeing his every movement. He extinguished the cigarette in his hand and threw it away. “Is it fine now?”

                “No, it’s not. Hyung!! How many times do I have to tell you again how bad cigarette is? You do know they aren’t called cancer stick for nothing, don’t you?”

                And there, Seungri went on and on again with his ‘trait’ speech on how bad cigarettes were and how he had to stop lighting them up.

                But, just like how he always did, he stood still and turned himself a deaf man.

---

                “Wake up….” Jiyong whispered next to Seungri’s ears as he caressed the side of his pale face. He wanted nothing but him to flutter his eyes and shouted ‘April Mop’ in front of his face. But to who did he made his stupid wish to? It wasn’t even the damn ing April!

                Daesung was the first member to walk out of his paralyzed spot, he was walking with no energy as if he was flesh without bone. “Ri…”

                “WAKE UP YOU B*STARD!! I’M COMMANDING YOU TO ING OPEN YOUR EYES!! YAH, SEUNGRI—“ he shook Seungri’s body madly which shocked Daesung. Youngbae and Seunghyun swiftly held Jiyong back before he could do any damage. He didn’t plan on stop struggling.

                “KWON JI YONG!!” Youngbae shouted at his best friend, knocking some senses on his head as he went limp and eventually slid down to the floor. Seunghyun and Yongbae didn’t need for any commands to follow their leader crouching down.

                “It shouldn’t be him who is lying there, Bae… it should be me. I was the one who light and smoke them, not him… it should be me.”

                 Jiyong was crying with his croaked voice, wailing in his friends embrace as the members had secured him in a group hug.

                No one was talking. All of them just lost their maknae for a stupid lung cancer and right now, words were too heavy for them to exchange. The sadness of losing a brother alone was unbearable, let alone with the addition of guilt.

                 And all of them knew exactly what their leader was feeling. It’s too much to be handled.

                “It shouldn’t be him…” Jiyong kept chanting between sobs like a broken radio as he was being squeezed tighter by s.

                They finally pulled away and all of them shared the same red eyes and traces of tear on their faces. No one looked fine, but Jiyong, was the messiest of them all; the guilt and loss were hitting him hard.

                “It shouldn’t be him…”

                 Youngbae was about to stop him when he saw Jiyong glanced over at his maknae for the last time, escorting the nurses who were proceeding to carry their maknae to the morgue with his stare. The sight pained him and them all. Maknae was no mor—

                “Ri, you’re right. I—I shouldn’t smoke…”

                .

                .

                .

                 With that Jiyong black out.

---