Everything is black. Their clothes, the look on their faces, the umbrellas shielding them from the rain and his eyes. Everything is black but everything paled in comparison to how Haneul’s crying so hard in her knees begging Luhan to come back… to resurrect from the dead that they all know will never happen. Jongin cries with her but not for the same reason. Jongin is crying because Haneul is in pain and he can’t stand the throbbing ache in his chest when he knows he can’t do anything except pat Haneul in the back and comfort her with lies.

It was supposed to happen today. Haneul and Luhan’s wedding, that is. Yet, here they are wearing black suits and dresses not for a wedding but for Luhan’s funeral. He died at a car accident on the way to his bachelor’s party. Jongin still remembers how the happiness in Haneul’s entire being died that night along with Luhan. He can still remember how his own happiness died along with Luhan and that’s another reason why he’s crying. Even after death, Haneul still belongs to Luhan. That’s the reality Jongin is forced to live in.

For eleven years that Haneul and Jongin knew each other, Jongin realizes he is in love with the other at the second year of them being friends. Everytime Haneul flashes her infamous grin, Jongin dies a little inside but he keeps it to himself. Oh, he keeps it well. He smiles back as if he did not just experience a mini heart attack. He touches Haneul with innocent and he kept himself on the borderline of friendship for the reason that he thinks, Haneul does not want anything to do with romance. That is where he is wrong.

He finds that Haneul somehow started believing in love on the 5th year that they knew each other. It is some guy named Luhan that apparently, his “love is bull” kind of bestfriend has her full attention on. He felt angry, betrayed even because Haneul never took the liberty to at least tell him about this when Jongin himself was very much open about how he believes in love. Heck, it can be his religion.

His plan to ignore Haneul only lasted for three hours. He can’t keep on being angry at the stupid girl. Not when she’s begging him for forgiveness with her puppy eyes and especially not when he really does not have any right to be angry at her.

His heart broke for the first time when Haneul told him she and Luhan are finally dating. A stupid cute grin indicating nothing but happiness plastered on her suddenly infuriating face. Jongin thought that being friends with Haneul is enough but everything changes when Haneul is in someone else’s arms. Everything changes when Haneul now belongs to someone who is never going to be him. His thoughts were wrong. It is never enough for him. He wants Haneul to look at him like the way she looks at Luhan. Eyes filled with nothing but adoration. He wants Haneul to touch him the same way she touches Luhan; as if Luhan was a delicate flower that blossomed on a wonderful spring. He wishes it was him screaming Haneul’s name gloriously whenever the couple thought Jongin can’t hear them doing nasty things together on the apartment Haneul rents next to him. He wants to be the one whispering to Haneul words that makes her turn into a cherry tomato. He wants Haneul… much more than he should.

Jongin learns to cope with the pain a few months later. Everytime Haneul will blab nonsense about Luhan, Jongin learns to block out the sounds coming out of her maw. He tries to ignore Haneul as much as he can but he finds out that not talking to Haneul hurts far more than talking to him about Luhan. So begins his deeper