So this is a short thing I thought of a few weeks ago and I got really tempted to write it today

I hope you find the idea as funny as I do

Also it's up to you to deicde whether Yoongi is Hoseok's child or husband in this fic because I've left it ambiguous and I don't know either tbh

Check out my twitter I tweet there but I'm lonely on it

Yawning, Seokjin let himself into the house. It had been a long day at work, much longer than his normal days. As he put his bag down and began to kick off his shoes, he could hear the sounds of children playing together. That only provided more of an incentive to get to them quicker, to see his babies.

He didn't even get the chance to enter the living room before Hoseok came barging through. “Hyung! You're home!” He exclaimed, sounding genuinely surprised. “How was work?”

Seokjin sighed. “It was okay, I had to stay late and -”

“That's great hyung, but I've really got to go now,” Hoseok interrupted him and grabbed his coat off the rack in the hall. Seokjin was surprised – usually Hoseok was happy to stay around and chat. He watched him hurriedly putting his coat on, and – giggling? With him being the resident jokester of his friend group, that was usually not a good sign.

It only took a few seconds for Hoseok to whiz into the sitting room and come out with his bag of child-related preparation. Seokjin was still stood in the hallway, half expecting for things to go back to normal and to be able to talk to his friend.

That didn't happen, however, and it was only when Hoseok went to open up the front door that Seokjin gathered the presence of mind to call out, “say hi to Yoongi for me!”

Hoseok turned around with a grin. “Will do!” He called back. Ordinarily Seokjin would have been sure that it was an innocent smile, but coupled with the giggles from earlier he wasn't so sure. Despite this, he waved goodbye to his friend before making his way to where his children were.

Seokjin usually used Hoseok as a babysitter because he had his own children. You'd think that would make him completely trustworthy, but Seokjin knew better. Oh, he got on perfectly well with Jimin and Taehyung, and he'd trust Hoseok with their lives. But what he wouldn't trust Hoseok to not do is build a working model volcano in the kitchen, or play 'the floor is lava' lego edition, or play hide and seek and try to hide in a kitchen cupboard which was very much not designed to hold the weight of a fully grown man plus groceries (that one had resulted in a trip to A&E).

So when he entered the living room, his eyes were narrowed in suspicion, and the first thing he did was check to make sure that there was no (extreme) mess to clean up, nothing broken or too dirty (a mud pie making contest on cream sofas had been a bad move on Hoseok's part two weeks earlier, he'd barely survived Seokjin's wrath).

All seemed calm. Seokjin couldn't decide whether that was a good or a bad sign, but he forgot his concerns when two small bodies crashed into him at full speed. The only thing preventing him from being bulldozered to the floor was muscle memory – he wasn't sure how the twins had got into the habit of doing this every time he came home, but he suspected Hoseok or Namjoon was to blame.

He went to wrap an arm around each child, smiling down at his two bundles of snotty, hyperactive joy. But their next words made him freeze, question his friendship with Hoseok, question his entire existence.

“Eomma! You're back!”

**

Seokjin did his best to convince his son to eat his peas. To be honest, it wasn't even for health reasons, Seokjin knew full well that his children were fed perfectly healthy food. But if their mouths were full of food, they couldn't say that word.

“But eomma! I don't want peas! I want ice cream!” Jimin looked like he was on the verge of tears, and honestly Seokjin felt the same.

The good father in him felt compelled to keep going though. “But Jimin, we both know you can have ice cream after you finish your dinner.” Who said he wasn't above bribery? “And what did I say before? I'm not eomma, I'm...” he waited expectantly for Jimin to finish the sentence. Please say appa, please say appa, please -

“Eomma eomma eomma!” Shouted Taehyung from the other side of the table. From how quiet Taehyung had been so far – compared to Jimin at least – Seokjin had allowed himself to be lulled into a false sense of security. A quick look at Taehyung's plate saw an initially-pleasing absence of peas, but a check underneath the table revealed all.

Which should he prioritise? The mess under the table, or the mess Hoseok had created.

“Taehyungie, I'm appa, you know that,” Seokjin tried to be firm.

It usually wasn't difficult, Taehyung and Jimin were good children – but apparently Hoseok had got to them. “Eomma.” Was Taehyung's only response, and Seokjin heard Jimin giggle in response. It was followed up with the splat of what Seokjin was sure were peas on the floor, and he flopped his head on the table.

Why did this have to happen to him?

**

Sometimes Seokjin thought they may as well have saved some money and planned for the twins to share a room, and even a bed. They each had their own rooms, decorated just how they liked it, with name plates on the doors and everything. He and Namjoon had been quite proud of them when they'd been completed, making their house feel like a real family home.

The fact remained, however, that the twins were practically glued at the hip. It was adorable for the most part, but it wore off soon when they realised that it was impossible to get them to sleep each in their own rooms.

Seokjin walked into Taehyung's room. It was empty, and he sighed and his heel. Half an hour ago, an hour after putting them to bed, he'd come in here to check on Taehyung to find both boys asleep in Taehyung's bed. It had been cute, and Seokjin may or may not have taken a picture to show his husband and maybe put on facebook, but it still wasn't good.

He peered into Jimin's room. Sure enough, the two boys were curled up together, Taehyung clearly having snuck out after he'd taken Jimin to his own room. Without even bothering to wake them up, this time Seokjin simply picked up Taehyung and began to carry him back to his room.

He was sure that he'd got away with it, that they were both going to stay asleep and he could go downstairs and enjoy his glass of wine. But as he lay Taehyung down in his bed, he felt him stir. “But eomma, I want to stay with Chim...” Taehyung mumbled.

Really? Even when they were mostly asleep they were still calling him it? For a second Seokjin wanted to correct him, before realising that his son had fallen asleep, and likely wouldn't remember this at all in the morning.

As Seokjin left the room, he mentally cursed Hoseok's very existence, and wished his children weren't so fond of him.

**

Seokjin sighed, and rolled over in bed as he felt his husband get into bed. “Babe, go back to sleep,” he heard Namjoon whisper.

“No, I'm awake now,” Seokjin replied, and propped himself up on his elbow momentarily to look down at Namjoon. “We're never leaving Hoseok alone with our children again.”

Namjoon frowned sleepily. “Why's that?”

“You'll see,” Seokjin replied darkly, and rolled over to get comfortable. After a few seconds, he heard Namjoon let out a long breath, and move closer to him to wrap an arm around his waist. Comfort from his husband was just what Seokjin needed after this day from hell.

**

When Namjoon woke up, the bed was empty and he could hear voices coming from downstairs. This was nothing unusual, his husband (weirdly) enjoyed getting up early and spending time with their children. Sometimes Namjoon was jealous of that time they spent together, but since he often didn't get back from the studio til midnight, it wouldn't be him but a zombie that got up if he were to wake up six hours later.

He checked his phone. It was 8am – still too early, but the smell of pancakes was stronger than his urge to sleep. There was a text from Hoseok too, and that reminded Namjoon of Seokjin's ominous words when he got into bed last night.

The pancake smell and his curiosity were overwhelming, and he got out of bed, dressing casually. As he went down the stairs, the voices grew more distinct, and he could hear that all three of them were there.

He smiled. His Seokjinnie and his children were so sweet, so - “No, Taehyung! You can't!” They were arguing. Maybe this was to do with what Seokjin had been talking about?

He hurried through into the kitchen, where Seokjin was plating up pancakes. Jiminie was happily eating one, but Taehyungie was sulking with his arms crossed. Namjoon could see where he was needed. He swooped across the room and picked Taehyung up. “What's got my little man so grumpy, hm?” he cooed, pressing a kiss to his sticky cheek.

Taehyung let out a small giggle, and Namjoon saw Seokjin give a strained smile. “He's not listening to me,” Seokjin answered for Taehyung.

“Oh yeah? What about?” Namjoon asked.

Seokjin sighed. “You'll see. It's all Hoseok's fault, I swear.”

Namjoon turned to the boy in his arms. “Are you being naughty for appa?” He asked. Inexplicably, that made Taehyung and Jimin giggle. He gave Seokjin a puzzled look, and received a shrug in return.

“Jiminie? What about you? Have you been good for appa while daddy was away?” He tried asking his other son.

In the next second, his eardrum nearly blew out. “EOMMA!” Taehyung shrieked.

Well. That was new.

He gingerly put his son back into his chair, who seemed to be in a better mood now and eagerly attacked his pancake. Namjoon then turned to Seokjin, who had a resigned look on his face.

“Is this what you were talking about last night?” Namjoon asked. Seokjin's response was to glare at him, so Namjoon assumed that he was right.

He picked up a plate with a pancake, and moved to eat in the sitting room. It was difficult to navigate around the toys that were strewn everywhere while so tired and carrying a plate, but after a near miss with a toy dumper truck and a poop emoji plushy, he made it to a soft, comfortable sofa.

Sinking into it, his first move was not to eat his pancake – tempting and smothered in chocolate as it was – but to pull his phone out and ask Hoseok what he thought he was playing at.

Namjoon

What did you do to my children?

Hoseok

...nothing? 😅

Namjoon

Hobi

Why

Hoseok

But Seokjin's so motherly!

And Jimin and Taehyung agreed with me that he was like a mother

It seemed like the logical conclusion

Namjoon

I can assure you there is nothing womanly about that man

Hoseok

...I didn't need to know that

Namjoon

You started it

Hoseok

Touche

But I'm still right

Namjoon

Perhaps

If you ever tell Seokjin I said that you'll have to hire a bodyguard, because I will come for you

Hoseok added Kim Seokjin to the conversation

Seokjin

You're dead, Kim Namjoon

Namjoon

help