Jennie bolts as soon as the professor dismissed their class. Jisoo doesn’t even stare after her.

Instead she methodically packs her stuff. Takes a deep breath, trying to settle the emotions roiling in the pit of her chest. Stands up, willing her knees not to buckle like paper.

“Shall we?” she says to Irene, and her voice doesn’t even wobble.

Irene opens , hesitates. Her eyes are concerned. “Okay,” she says, and Jisoo is thankful.

Lunch is stilted. Partly because of Jisoo.

No, scratch that.

Mostly because of Jisoo.

Irene sits beside Seulgi, who sits beside Lisa, who sits beside Rosé. There is an empty space there, and Jisoo tries not to feel how cold her left hand is, with no one to hold it.

Her friends try to cheer her up, and she tries to pretend to be cheered up.

It’s a losing battle.

Jisoo goes to her English medieval literature class. Hears tragedy in literature and thinks that the universe does like its due of poetic irony.

She doesn’t cry as she walks back to her room.

But as soon as she shuts the door?

She does cry then.

(It’s like there’s a fire burning deep inside her. Growing, you know, with every breath she takes.

She wants to put it out, but the fire just keeps on getting bigger.

Everything is ablaze.

And Jisoo is helpless in this inferno of her own making.)

dumb bear

hey yo jisoo aren’t u gonna join us for dinner

hey

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psst

u really aren’t gonna answer my texts????

im

ugh

im coming over u better be in ur room

Seulgi barges into Jisoo’s room at around the same time she finishes her who-knows-how-many bottle of soju. She sort of regrets giving her friends a spare key. She regrets it even more when Seulgi notices the tear tracks down her face.

“God, Jisoo,” Seulgi says, “you look awful.”

“Thanks.” Jisoo hiccups from where she’s seated on the floor. “ you.”

“No thanks.” Seulgi takes the bottle away. “How many have you had to drink?”

“So many.” Jisoo smiles, probably looking like an idiot. Which she is, you know. Not that she cares. Who cares about anything when everything is ed up? “So, so many.”

“Figures.” Seulgi sighs, sits beside her, legs outstretched. “It’s the first day of the goddamn term. Why the are you so faced already?”

“I’m sure you know,” Jisoo says.

Seulgi is quiet for a moment. Maybe thinking about how Jisoo turned out to be this big of a mess. “Look, I don’t really know what happened, okay. Just that you two got into an argument.” Her eyes are sympathetic, and Jisoo averts her gaze. “We can’t remember the last time you and Jen fought, you know. So we don’t know what to do about it either.”

Jisoo thinks about this morning, about Jennie, about what happened. Thinks of the pain in her chest, the tears she shed. “There’s nothing to do. We had a fight. We’ll get through this,” she says.

It feels like a lie.

Seulgi’s concern is almost palpable. She shuffles closer, drapes an arm around Jisoo because that’s what good friends do, and despite all the they give each other, she is a good friend. “You know, you could tell her.”

Jisoo clenches her jaw. “Tell her what?”

“You’re in love with her,” Seulgi says, matter-of-fact, “and she doesn’t know.”

Jisoo contemplates denying that, same as always. Deny it like she had time and again, even though she knows their friends don’t believe her, anyway. And that’s just it, isn’t it? There’s no use denying it anymore. And Jisoo is too tired to lie. “I’m in love with her.” This is the first time Jisoo has actually said the words. It is daunting, you know, but also freeing, regardless of the lump that forms in Jisoo’s throat. “And she doesn’t know.”

Seulgi says, “It’s going to be okay,” and Jisoo chokes back a disbelieving laugh.

“Thank you for the support,” Jisoo says, “but I’m fairly certain you’re wrong.”

Seulgi shrugs. “Maybe that’s not the point, you know.”

“How so?”

“Well, love stories don’t always follow a linear path, right? There are roadblocks and stuff you have to overcome, to get to the ‘happily ever after’.” Seulgi pats her. “Maybe this is just one of those.”

It’s an interesting insight, though Jisoo wants to cry some more at the idea. “But I want . . . I want her now, Seul.” The confession comes as a garbled mess, trapped in a web of words Jisoo never had the courage to admit to herself, much less utter out loud.

“I know,” Seulgi says. “I know.”

The shadows seem to shift, or maybe that’s just the alcohol settling deeper into Jisoo’s system.

It doesn’t matter, anyway, Jisoo thinks, and that’s her last coherent thought before falling asleep.

On Wednesday morning, instead of heading to class, Jisoo takes a walk around campus. To clear her head, you know. She looks at the flowers, just starting to bloom. She looks at the birds, flying overhead, singing a happy tune. She looks at the people, who seem to be enjoying their term just fine.

It’s really like the universe is trying to her over.

The day drags on. Jisoo knows that her friends are giving her leeway, not pushing the issue. Seulgi probably gave them a heads-up. They send her random memes between classes instead (Lisa even sends her memes during classes, and Jisoo can just about feel Rosé’s exasperation), photos with stupid captions that don’t make sense, and Jisoo appreciates them all the more.

The fact that they’re trying to make her feel better makes Jisoo feel less empty, even though she can still hear the blood dripping from where her heart used to be.

Jisoo holes up in the library for a few hours. It gives her a plausible reason for turning off her phone, and she can concentrate on reading; it’s better to contemplate other people’s thoughts than be trapped with her own. She reads a psychology book, because why not.

Closure, according to the book, is a concept under Gestalt Principles. It is the tendency of the human mind to complete figures that are incomplete.

There’s a note, tucked in between its pages.

Sometimes, the mind provides closure when the heart fails to do so.

Jisoo slams the books shut.

(The universe does hate her, huh?)

That night, she receives a text from Jennie.

jendeukie

We have to talk.

Meet me in our spot in 30?

Jisoo stares at the message.

There’s only one answer she can give Jennie, you know.

Okay.

She presses send.