“Turning back time that has frozen in a fairy tale.”

What is high school? The 23-year-old me would describe it as a fairy tale—something so magical, something that would send a shiver to anyone’s spine. Absentmindedly, I opened my drawer and inside it was a familiar album. I smiled a bit upon seeing it. I was pretty sure that inside it were memories that were left behind. Slowly, I turned the picture book and memories came to visit me one by one. Then, I remembered, everything would not have occurred if not for those made-up stories and crushes—the things that gave my life its colors.

“Black and White”

Black and white, two colors that were opposed to one another. In color psychology, white denotes purity while black denotes mystery. Those two colors were the colors that described my life as a high school student. It was pure—I was childish, I cared not about the evil things in the world. But then, my life was black—it was a mystery. One moment everything was just fine, the next, it was a fiasco. I did not know what was waiting for me.

Black and white… It was a good way to put it, right? Those flowery words of psychology aside, I would say that I describe my life as a black and white movie, abandoned in an old theater. It was monochrome, had only one color—just with different tones. Why? It’s because I would die having the same routine every day. I already concluded that.

To be honest, I was not the type to sulk about that. I liked where my boring life was going—no matter where that was. That day, without a fail, I found myself walking towards the familiar school building. A sigh unknowingly escaped my lips, even just the thought of entering the gates of the school was tiring me out. The crowd of students passing by was not making my exhausted mind any better.

To say that I was tired of it was an understatement. I was just done. So done. I hated wearing the same plaid red skirt every day, it was too short—although it was only two inches above my knees. I also did not fancy the long sleeve polo shirt or the navy blue blazer that came with it. Don’t get me started with the plaid red neck tie, it was practically suffocating me.

Despite all the complaints that I had in mind, I bit my own tongue to keep myself from saying my thoughts out loud. The prefect was not very friendly, you see. I did not want to risk my clean reputation even though no one really cared about it and no one would really notice it except for my own parents.

“Jinye!” A familiar deep voice snapped me out of my trance when he called my name. I turned to my left and saw the familiar figures of the two boys from my class. They were only a few steps away from me but I made no effort of walking towards them and so did they to me.

I smiled as a sign of acknowledgement and so, the two boys kept on walking. As they left, I could not help but to watch them walk away. The one who called me, the taller guy, was named Chanyeol. Like me, he was also a victim of the section reshuffle a month ago because the school thought that it was fun to mess up the classes. He was friendly—friendlier than he should be. Even the awkward me could not help but to always greet him especially when he was grinning that wide. The shorter guy was Sehun, Chanyeol’s best buddy. He was okay looking—fine, he was a bit handsome, even I had to admit. It was really no surprise that many had a crush on him, he was good-looking and was also nice.

However, unlike many, I was not particularly close to the two guys yet we were definitely not strangers to one another. Sehun occupied the seat behind me during Math class while Chanyeol sat next to him. We would occasionally speak to one another, still, that was it. They would ask nonsense questions—like, was I not having a hard time in carrying my heavy backpack? Did I understand the lesson? All those sort of question. The moment I would answer, they would leave me alone.

They were nice, sure, but I did not want to get closer to them. There was no particular reason, it just felt like if I opened up to them, something would surely happen. Plus, it was not like they wanted to be close to me too. With a shrug of my shoulders, I continued walking, not affected with anything.

That time, I had no idea how those two people would affect my life so much. That time, I did not know that the color black was doing its job as a mystery. That time, I did not know how I had misconceptions about the colors black and white.

“Gray and Orange”

Gray was the color of compromise. It was detached, neutral, and unemotional. That color must have been me. I kept a low-profile, chose to be the sense of relief in this chaotic world. Gray would never be the center of attention, a leader, or a dictator—it was too toned down, too safe.

The color gray was my perfect description because as usual, I was sprawled on the floor near the fire exit stairs, hiding from people. I had practically claimed it as my own since people did not appreciate the place very much. The only ones who visited that place were me and my friends (who would come to look for me whenever I ditched them).

“You’re early… as usual.” I looked up from my laptop when I heard the voice only to see my close friend, Seolhyun, grinning down at me. Because I and Seolhyun were both from different sections until the class reshuffle, we became close to each other immediately during the first week. While I was distant and shy, Seolhyun was confident in whatever she did.

If I were the color gray, she was an orange. She was warm and extroverted. She was independent and a risk-taker as well. I honestly had no problem with that. She had a pretty face—pair of twinkling eyes, high nose, and pink lips—and tall height that went along well with her sociable personality.

“I talked to Chanyeol last night.” Seolhyun informed me as she sat down.

I grinned upon hearing Seolhyun’s words. It was not my usual happy grin, it was a teasing one so I was pretty sure that Seolhyun got the meaning. She met Chanyeol a few months before the reshuffle through a mutual friend plus their classrooms were just next to each other. They were comfortable with each other and being a fan of romance stories, I started shipping them—ChanHyun was the ship name that I came up with. It may or may not have spread like a wildfire because of me and Seolhyun was yet to find a way to get her revenge.

“Don’t smile like that.” Seolhyun warned. “We talked about school. You remember our Research subject, right? Since we need to form a group with 4-5 members and our other friends already have their own group…” She trailed off.

I knew where the conversation was going and I was not sure if I liked it. It did not sound safe to be honest. “You don’t mean…”

“We’ll be in the same group as Chanyeol and Sehun.” Seolhyun finished it off with a sheepish smile. She knew that I was uncomfortable around people whom I was not close with and she probably knew that Chanyeol and Sehun were not the best choice when it came to group projects. Though I was not always in the same group as them, I had heard rumors about them always escaping—typical bad boys, I must add.

Of all people… I wanted to complain but I just heaved a sigh. “You said ‘yes’ already.” I wanted to ask yet it came out as a statement. I knew that I was right because Seolhyun just smiled sheepishly as a reply. I let out a soft chuckle. “Fine, it’s not like we have much choice anyway. We just have to work hard.” I assured her, trying to lift the mood.

If I knew what would happen then, I wouldn’t even consider being in that group. I must have been confident that I would not change colors. I forgot, colors could be repainted—even my own, without my consent. I was a gray but such a color could change with a few cans of paint.

“Shades of Yellow”

Almost all of my friends were color yellow for some reasons. The happiness and energy that were radiating from them were just too much. It was as if they swallowed a whole can of yellow paint on their way to school. I sighed inwardly as I watched two of my friends create a silent commotion in the school garden where they forced me to stay with them (in a cramped bench at that). It was not that I did not like it—I found the way they teased each other funny but it was just too bright for a gray to handle.

Seolhyun was off somewhere with some friends from another section, cherishing the vacant time together. And so, I was stuck with two of our other friends.

“By the way, Jinye, do you and Seolhyun have groupmates already? We’re quite worried because you don’t seem to be so close with the rest.” The friendliest person that I know, Solbin, asked me. She was indeed a light yellow—someone who had that freshness and joy.

I nodded my head as a response to her question. “Yes, well, Seolhyun got to talk to Chanyeol yesterday and the guy asked if it’s okay to be our groupmates—I mean, he and Sehun.”

“But aren’t they—like, no offense—the laziest people in the classroom? I mean, they’re cool and all but if they don’t like something, they don’t like it.” Another friend of mine, Yulhee, pointed out. If Solbin were light yellow, Yulhee was the dark one. She represented caution as she was, indeed, very cautious.

“What other choice do we have?” I asked, chuckling bitterly. “They aren’t that bad.” I sincerely stated. I had been in a group—groups, actually—with Chanyeol before. He was hardworking and even threw in his suggestions here and there. Sehun was more of a listener unlike Chanyeol, I knew even though I had only been in a group with him once. Impressively, you would know that he was actually listening, not just nodding his head for the sake of it. “Anyway, ChanHyun is in one group so I don’t have much problem with my group.” I said to lift up the mood.

Even if I was a gray, people had always commented on my careless ways of speaking. Sometimes, I would speak up, not thinking if that would cause me trouble. Nothing about my ship would bring me trouble—I must have spoken too soon.

“Well, ChanHyun is such a cute ship.” Solbin nodded her head, her usual cheeky grin was playing on her lips. “Plus, many noticed their close interaction even before their ship started. You’re the one who started it, right?” She nudged me. “Though people don’t know that it’s you…”

“Because I’m a gray.” I replied, shrugging my shoulders in an indifferent manner.

“I really can’t understand you and your obsession with colors.” Yulhee commented but dropped the topic right away as an idea hit her. I could tell by how her dark eyes lit up. She snapped her fingers. “Let’s try to come up with more ships. It’s going to be tons of fun!” She suggested excitedly.

I wanted to say no, to say that I was not interested in minding the business of people who were not close to me but with that big smile of hers, I just could not break her heart. I smiled and nodded my head. “You and Minhwan?” I suggested, teasing her with a classmate who was close to her.

“I don’t mean that.” Yulhee pouted, trying to act cute.

“I was thinking…” Solbin trailed off as if she was in a deep thought—which was rare and whenever she was, she was not up to any good. She looked at me and I almost missed that small teasing smile on her lips if I was not attentive enough. “You’re a group of four with two boys and two girls. One is an infamous ship… isn’t that something?” She asked me.

“No, no, it’s not.” I hastily denied, getting her hint.

Yulhee looked confused. She was a bit slow to catch on and I was glad because I knew that if she did catch on, they would not let this conversation die just like that. “I don’t get it.” She said.

“What I mean is, wouldn’t it be cute if ChanHyun is a thing and Sehun and Jinye is a thing too?” Solbin asked. “Se…SeJin! It’s a cute couple name, right?”

Yulhee’s eyes widened. “I like it! SeJin is a cute name.”

“We don’t even talk.” I pointed out. It was not exactly the truth since I and Sehun would talk sometimes but Solbin did not have to know that. Plus, those conversations were practically empty and we only talked because Sehun was nice. “How can you ship us?”

“Why not? It’s an interesting couple. Sehun is the bad boy type, you’re a good girl. He studies but is not very good at it; you’re great at it. He is loud and friendly, you’re not. To top it all, he’s everyone’s dreamboy so he’s quite the catch. And your height difference is cute too.” Solbin explained with a dreamy look on her face.

Indeed, she was a yellow. I rolled my eyes. Yellow was an entertainer and for sure, she found this entertaining. “It’s a baseless ship. It’s not going in the way you want it, especially not when we have nothing to do with one another.” I pointed out.

Deep inside, I was actually worried. I had to be extra careful because people who were light clear yellow were open and alert.

“Indigo”

The color of intuition was indigo. The said color was used to assist in accessing intuitive abilities. Funny, huh? Yet I definitely did not need that color to have an intuition. I had a bad intuition since the previous week when Solbin came up with the ‘SeJin ship’.

I knew that my intuition about something bad going to happen soon was not wrong—not when aside from Solbin and Yulhee, the rest of our friends had heard about the ship. Some of them—particularly Haein, the gullible cheerleader, and Soyeon, the naive class secretary—actually believed that I liked Sehun. I was thankful that our class president, Yujeong, was actually taking the joke lightly. But Seolhyun? She was ecstatic. That girl believed that she had found her revenge.

I had been avoiding Sehun at all cost and thankfully, he did not notice—not like we actually had any time to talk though.

But then, I found myself sitting beside Sehun across Seolhyun and Chanyeol in the middle of the library. My indigo colored pencil case was helping in enhancing my intuitive abilities. “So…” I cleared my throat because it was awkward.

Chanyeol and Seolhyun were arguing about some basketball players while Sehun was either watching them or me—the latter was undeniably awkward because I did not know what he was thinking. The three of them turned to me when I cleared my throat as if expecting me to announce my own presidential creed.

“For our research paper…” I began. I was naturally a shy girl so opening up the topic was hard especially when people, who I wasn’t close with, were staring. “Do you have any topic in mind? Since the professor asked us to prepare something, I expect that you did prepare something?” Even though it was a statement, it came out as a stupid question.

“How about suicide?” Seolhyun suggested. As usual, she did not sound unsure. She was an orange so it was already a given that she would be so confident in anything and in everything.

I pursed my lips, thinking about it although I was a bit distracted because of the indigo colored pencil case so I had to put it away. “That’s a good topic but isn’t it overdone already?” I asked. “I don’t want our work to be compared to another person’s work.”

“I agree.” Chanyeol commented. “What do you say would be the best for us?” He asked me and I noticed that he was not the only one who was waiting for my reply. For some reasons, the three of them decided that putting much faith on me would be good for them. They probably did not know that I was a gray and that it was hard for me to lead them.

“I actually have nothing in my mind.” I confessed, meeting the three pairs of eyes, one after another.

“How about colors?” Sehun suggested all of a sudden. “Color psychology.” He made his explanation brief and simple when confused looks were thrown at him with the courtesy of Chanyeol and Seolhyun. “Like, let’s talk about how colors can be used to describe a person’s personality.” He added, sounding so casual and confident.

While my ears perked in excitement, Chanyeol and Seolhyun had a skeptical look on their faces. “That’s actually a good topic.” I said, trying to control my big grin and my excitement. “I think it’s really good how a color defines people’s characteristic, can help in accessing people’s feelings, and can even awaken people’s senses.” I explained, not caring anymore if I was babbling.

Sehun seemed to agree with me. “Not to mention the fact that your own favorite color can tell your own personality.” He said. For some reasons, he was only looking at me and I to him. “I actually have books about color psychology and those can be of big help to us.” He sounded so eager and so did I.

“Really?” I asked, excited. “I really like this topic. Not many people know so much about it. I guess we’d be one of the pioneers in Korea to have a wide study regarding this case if we decided to use this topic amongst many others.”

Before I knew it, I and Sehun started talking about random things regarding colors. We talked and talked that I had c