“Now, let’s welcome here new rising star, always so handsome and talented, Jeon Jungkook.”

I took a deep breath and stepped on the stage. I let my eyes quickly wander around the room, spotting my friends almost immediately. They were standing and cheering loudly in front of the stage. A warm smile took its place on my lips but it vanished as soon as I saw him.

At far back in the corner of that small pub sat him, the love of my life, Kim Taehyung. He seemed to panic a little when our eyes met but seconds later he smiled at me. Not that big boxy smile I am used to, but it’s the first smile in months he has given me.

I nodded to the crowd.

“Thank you all for coming, and please, enjoy.”

I gave a small nod to my band members and soon the first melodies started I… started to sing.

Now I know, now it’s like this,

Even though I hoped it to be the other way.

And you didn’t look back,

When I called you.

“Taehyung, I’m so sorry, please listen to me.” The blonde man in front of me shook his head, tears already running down his cheeks. I took a step closer to pull him in a hug but he stepped away. “No,” he sobbed. “I can’t believe you did this to me.” He looked broken and confused. “I-I don’t want to see you ever again!”

“Please, let me explain.” I begged him but part of me knew it was useless.

“No. We are over.” He said. “Jimin is coming later to take my things.” He said and ran out of the room pulling the door close with a bang.

“TAEHYUNG!” I yelled, tears wetting my cheeks. Hoping that he would come back. That maybe he would come back and listen to me.

But he didn’t.

Only your scent in the living room,

Your voice still echoing. Are you cherished by someone else now?

I took my phone and dialled your number again, like I had done it several times before this month. It’s already been a month and you are still not answering. You are still not letting me explain myself. it was just a misunderstanding.

But this time someone answered. “Hallo?” a strange man’s voice was heard. “Can I speak with Taehyung?” I asked, I tried to be polite but inside me was a chaos. Are you with someone else already? “He is in the shower right now. Can I deliver your message to him?” he is with somebody else. “No.” I whispered and hung up the phone.

It hurt so much.

I go to bed at night,

It was left unmade

And it’s as wide as the world is.

“Kookie, it’s so big. I don’t think we need such a big bed. It’s as wide as the world.” Taehyung stood behind me as I put the bed up for us. “Well, you know, more room for activities.” I winked at him and he punched my shoulder, laughing at the same time.

“Silly.”

Even though boy turned to man

in the army, a long time ago.

Tonight, I can’t close my eyes.

I looked up to my ceiling. The old memories kept flooding my head. I rolled around in my bed, restless. I felt something eating my heart, it hurt so much. The huge bed felt so lonely and cold. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

And I know, that I won’t get you back anymore,

But honestly, I’ll manage.

“Seriously, Jungkook, please come. You will love this movie.” My friend tried to persuade me to go with them through the phone. “It’s been so long. It’s time for you to stop moping around and come out with us.” He tried to reason. And eventually I agreed.

I closed the call and sat up on my bed. I scanned my room. There were clothes everywhere. Everything was a mess, just like I was. There were clean clothes and the dirty ones on the floor mixed up. There were some ramen cups and last night’s pizza. Ever since he left I couldn’t bring myself to even do some of the simplest tasks. I groaned and went to look for a clean, or at least something wearable.

I managed to find a simple shirt and a pair of jeans, but socks. I needed some socks.

I started to look around, throwing my clothes from one corner to another, until I finally found two.

Half an hour later I met with my friends and they looked at me pitifully. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why I wouldn’t be okay?”
He nodded at me and then pointed at my feet. “Your socks… they don’t match.”

And sure enough, one was red and the other was yellow.

And if I see you at the theatre

Your hand is in his hand.

But about whom you think?

Secretly.

“We can go somewhere else?” my friend offered me. Finally, after few months I can see you, but you are not alone. You are with a tall and very handsome man. You don’t greet me when you walk past me, your hand securely in his hand, and I’m too hurt to come up to you either. It seems like you have moved on. I hope you are happy.

I look away hoping that the conversation with my friends could distract me from you but you had to pick the table across from ours. It felt like you were sitting directly across from me.

I looked up, and you didn’t turn away. We kept staring into each other eyes. You didn’t even look away when the waitress brought your food to the table. Only when your date called your name out you looked away and blushed. But still you kept stealing glances at me through the night.

You left without saying a word to me.

In life, it’s always like this

When I have lost something.

Only then I’ll realise

And call out for you.

“TAEHYUNG” I jerk away from another dream. I took a deep breath and I try to calm my racing heart. Looks like I won’t sleep today again.

I go to bed at night,

It was left unmade

And it’s as wide as the world is.

“I still think we didn’t need such a big bed.” Taehyung was smiling at me while cuddling close to me. “Although it really has room for activities.” He giggled and buried his face in my shoulder. I looked at him and smiled. These are the moment’s I wouldn’t trade for anything.

When the clock turns six

I can only dream about sleeping,

Without you I can’t close my eyes.

I eye tiredly the clock. It’s six am. I sigh and think, it’s actually okay. I can think about you and our memories and nobody can stop me. Even if I cry, even if I hurt, nobody can take away our memories together. I can’t accept it yet, but soon, I’m going to be happy that it happened at all.

And I know, that I won’t get you back anymore,

But honestly, I’ll manage.

I decided to wake up, since I couldn’t sleep anyway. I climbed out of my bed and went to kitchen. Place I haven’t been since you left. This was your place. You were here every time I got back from the work, delicious food waiting with you. Now, I haven’t eaten homemade food since, well, since you left.

I opened the refrigerator and found there some eggs, Jin hyung had brought them for me few days ago, nagging that I should cook for myself. Deciding to start my day right, I grabbed the eggs and a frying pan and started cooking.

“I can’t believe.” Were the first words Jin hyung told me when he stepped inside. “How is it possible to burn down your kitchen when you are frying eggs, Jungkook, how?”

And if I see you at the theatre

Your hand is in his hand.

But about whom you think?

Secretly.

“Taehyung was here just before you.” Jimin said as he sat next to me. “Oh?” He nodded. “Yeah,” he looked at me uncertainly but then continued, “he was looking at your facebook profile, especially at your new picture. He closed it as soon as he saw me coming though. I think he misses you but don’t want anybody to find out.”

“I just want both of you to be happy. And right now, neither of you are.”

“What about his new boyfriend?” I asked him, bitterly.

“He broke up with him, because,” he took a deep breath, “Taehyung keeps calling your name in his sleep.”

Secretly.

 

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Hope you enjoyed :)