My Biggest Regret

When I got home that night, my husband served dinner. I held his hand and said, "I’ve got something to tell you, Ryeowook." 

He sat down and ate quietly. 

Again, I observed the hurt in his eyes.

Suddenly I did not know how to open my mouth. But I had to let him know what I was thinking about divorce. 

I raised the topic calmly. But he did not seem to be annoyed by my words, instead he asked me softly, "Why, Kyuhyun?"

I avoided his question. To my surprise, it made him angry. He threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!" 

That night, we did not talk to each other. He was weeping. I knew he wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give him a satisfactory answer, but still I said, "You had lost my heart to Sungmin. I didn’t love you anymore. I just pitied you!"

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that he could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. 

He glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. 

"The man who had spent ten years of his life with me had become a stranger." He said in agony.

I felt sorry for his wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said about I loved Sungmin so dearly. 

Finally he cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. 

To me his cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

***

The next day, I came back home very late and found him writing something at the table. 

I did not have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Sungmin. 

When I woke up, he was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

***

In the morning he presented his divorce conditions. 

He did not want anything from me. He only needed a month’s notice before the divorce. He requested that in one month we both had to struggle to live as normal a life as possible. 

His reasons were simple, he said, "Our son has his exams in a month’s time. I don't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage." 

I nodded my head. That was agreeable to me. 

But he had something more to say because he opened his mouth and said, "I want you to recall how you had carried me into out bridal room on our wedding day." 

He requested that every day for the month’s duration. I carry him out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. 

I thought he was going crazy. 

Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted his odd request.

***

Today I told Sungmin about my husband’s divorce conditions. He laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. 

"No matter what tricks he applies, he has to face the divorce!" Sungmin said scornfully.

***

My husband and I had not had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. 

So when I carried Ryeowook out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. 

Our son clapped behind us and simply said, "Daddy is holding Mommy in his arms. I'm so happy to see you both loving each others so dearly." 

His words brought me a sense of pain. 

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with him in my arms.

He closed his eyes and said softly, "Kyu, don’t tell our son about the divorce." 

I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. 

I put him down outside the door. 

He went to wait for the bus to work. I drove my car alone to the office.

***

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. He leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of his blouse. 

I realized that I hadn’t looked at this man carefully for a long time. 

I realized he was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on his face, his hair was graying. Our marriage had taken its toll on him. 

For a minute I wondered what I had done to him.

***

On the fourth day, when I lifted him up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. 

This was the man who had given ten years of his life to me. 

Kim Ryeowook was filling my life with happiness for ten years, sincerily.

***

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. 

I did not tell Sungmin about this. 

It became easier to carry him as the month slipped by.

Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

***

He was choosing what to wear one morning. He tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. 

Then he sighed and whispered to himself, "All my dresses have grown bigger." But I could hear what he had just said.

I suddenly realized that he had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry him more easily.

That fact suddenly hit me.

He had buried so much pain and bitterness in his heart. 

Subconsciously, I reached out and touched his head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it’s time to carry Mommy out." 

To our son, seeing his Dad carrying his Mommy out had become an essential part of his life. 

My husband gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. 

I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. 

I then held him in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

His hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held his body tightly. 

"It was just like our wedding day, Kyuhyun." he said calmly.

But his much lighter weight made me sad. 

***

On the last day, when I held him in my arms, I could hardly move a step. 

Our son had gone to school. 

I held him tightly and said, "I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy, Ryeowook." 

So I drove my car to my office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. 

I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. 

I was so stupid. 

I walked upstairs.

Sungmin  opened the door and I definitely said to him, "Sorry, Sungmin. I don't want the divorce anymore." 

He looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" he said. 

I moved his hand off my head. "Sorry, Sungmin." I said, "I won’t divorce with Ryeowook. My marriage life was boring probably because he and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried Ryeowook into my home on our wedding day, I am supposed to hold him until death do us apart."

Sungmin seemed to suddenly wake up. He gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. 

I walked downstairs and drove away. 

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my husband. 

The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. I love you, Cho Ryeowook."

***

That evening I arrived home with flowers in my hands, a smile on my face. 

I run up stairs, only to find my husband in the bed, sleeping peacefully. 

So I decided to wait. I took a bath, dressed in a fine suit to please his eyes with my good-looking look when he woke up later. 

After thirty minutes of waiting, I became more impatient. 

I wanted to tell him that I was so sorry about my words last week. I do not want the divorce anymore. I had made big mistakes by asking him to divorce. And the important thing of all of this was, I wanted him to know how much I love him, I wanted him to stay with me forever.

I look at his body. There was something strange happened. His body was stiff and he did not even move a bit.

My heart skipped a beat crazily. 

I suddenly felt paranoid and was afraid I might have lost him if I didn't take a step to come closer to him. 

The realization hit me. I look at him carefully. My heart stopped beating, and my mind went blank when I realized what had just happened. 

Ryeowook's face was as white as the pillow behind his head. His eyes shut with a tear streamed down in the corner of his eye.

"NO!" 

I immediately bend down my head to feel him breathing. But there was no sign of breath I could feel. 

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE TO LEAVE ME, RYEOWOOK!"

I touched his chest, hoping that this was just a prank for my bad decision. I was crazy for wanting to divorce him. He was my life and he could not leave me and our son alone. 

But, still, there was no sign of a heart beat. 

"DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. I NEED YOU, MY LOVE. NATHAN NEEDS YOU." 

It was too late. 

He was dead. 

He left me and Nathan. 

Forever.

My husband had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Sungmin to even notice. 

He knew that he would die soon and he wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce -At least, in the eyes of our son- I’m a loving husband.

Tears streamed down my face helplessly.

He left me forever, and I was being punished now. 

That was my biggest regret ever.

***

"The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. 
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." 

_THE END_

Author's note: 

Hope you like this story ^^

Thank you so much for reading this!

Could you give me comments or upvotes? ;)