The crowd’s thunderous applause vibrated in his chest, their screams of excitement a mere distraction to the ever-focused boy.  Only one thing mattered right now.  His eyes followed a certain small dark-haired trainee’s every movement, blinking only when he deemed truly necessary, not wanting to miss a single moment.

Heart racing, palms sweating, he waited, and waited.  Time was moving so slowly.  Why did BoA have to pause for so long after each member announcement?  Every time she would call a new member, his heart would sink lower and lower.  Every time she would call a new member, it wasn’t the name he so desperately wanted to hear. 

His movements were robotic.  He would enthusiastically stand up, clap, and give a fake smile for both the camera and his new fellow band mates.  With every hug he gave, his heart silently cried out that this person wasn’t the one.  He wanted to wrap his arms around him, safely tucked in his arms; able to know that they were both safe; that they would be able to stay together for so much longer; that this wasn’t the end.  It was meaningless if he was the only one, absolutely meaningless.

He continued to watch.  Woojin knew.  He knew as time went on and fewer seats were available.  Hyungseop’s movements also became more or less robotic; shoulders slumping, worry lining his face, a perfect reflection of his own. 

Woojin barely registered that Daniel was chosen as center over Jihoon.  That didn’t matter right now.  What mattered was that there was only one seat left:  11.  Woojin didn’t care if Hyungseop was last.  Rank had no matter in this game.  He just needed to be in Wanna-One, by Woojin’s side where he rightfully belonged. 

During the final pause before announcing the candidates, Woojin briefly recalled the night before.

“Woojin,” his cute button-nosed friend softly whimpered from the top bunk.

Friend wasn’t exactly the right term for their relationship, and neither was boyfriend.  The two didn’t really know what to call their bond, but neither of the boys cared, for a name could never truly define feelings anyway.  They knew they really liked each other, and that was enough.

Woojin looked up to find Hyungseop’s head poking out from his bed, his big eyes bright and always ready for mischief.  “Hmm?” he hummed in response.

The slightly nervous boy quickly glanced around at the other dorm mates before asking, “Could I sleep with you tonight?  It’s our last night and all and I-“

Woojin quickly sat up and shushed him with a finger on his lips.  Hyungseop knew red-haired boy wasn’t the skinship type and was clearly hesitant and shy to ask for such a thing.  “Shh.  You’ll wake the hyungs.”

Woojin honestly had no problem sleeping with him because he knew they would both be too nervous to even get a small nap in.  As for the hyungs, they knew they were close and wouldn’t raise an eyebrow at them.  Hell, even now as they were glancing around the dorm at the hyungs, Seongwoo and Daniel were already tangled up in Daniel’s bed.  There honestly wasn’t a day they didn’t sleep with each other.  Minus the night before little Woojin got eliminate, who wanted to sleep in the comfort of his hyung’s arms.

Woojin sighed and gestured for Hyungseop to climb down to join him in his bed.  His heart leapt in a small bit of joy as he watched the boy wiggled his way down in bright excitement.  If Woojin could do anything in the world, it would be to make Hyungseop the happiest person alive.  If Hyungseop could go through the rest of his life with a huge smile on his face: that would be everything Woojin could ever ask for. 

Woojin scooted over towards the wall to allow space for Hyungseop to lie down.  He gently wrapped his blanket around the boy to get him properly covered and comfortably tucked in.  The two boys lied in silence, eyes searching each other’s faces. 

Woojin considered himself very lucky as he took in how handsome the other was.  Not everyone appreciated his dark skin and snaggletooth, but Hyungseop was always there to boost his confidence.  He would never forget the time when, during a sweaty dance practice session for Get Ugly, before they had really gotten close, Hyungseop had told him, “Your skin looks like it’s glowing.  It’s really pretty.” 

At the time Woojin was perplexed but had eventually gotten used to Hyungseop’s randomness.  In that kind of way, that’s where the two really fit together: Hyungseop’s chaotic and sporadic randomness and Woojin’s spurts of just plain weirdness. 

Woojin really loved the Get Ugly period in Produce 101.  Before he joined the team, he was terribly lonely and always practiced by himself.  He had no one.  But then, like the A Ranking door incident, Hyungseop suddenly burst into his life and he couldn’t have been happier.  They found happiness in each other.

Woojin was forced out of his thoughts as Hyungseop poked his nose with his little finger.  “Whatcha thinking?”

The red-headed boy grabbed the offending finger and threaded his fingers through Hyungsoep’s hand, “How thankful I am, for everything:  that we have a chance to debut, that we’ve had the chance to improve and grow, that I was able to make a lot of new friends, and that I was able to meet…” It was too cheesy for Woojin to say, but Hyungseop seemed to understand by the soft gaze that the emotional boy was emitting, and so he smiled at the blushing boy.

“Me?” Hyungseop bravely ended his sentence.  He leaned in and gave Woojin a small peck on the nose.  “It’s not like you to be so emotional, but I agree.  Meeting you was the best thing that’s happened on this show, but…what if…?”

Knowing where Hyungseop was going with the conversation, Woojin stopped him in his tracks. “No.  We’re not going to think about that.”  He squeezed his hand in a small manner of comfort.  “You’re going to make it.  I’m going to make it.”  In a small voice he whispered, “We have to.” 

In all honesty, Woojin was just happy to be here with Hyungseop.  Lying so close in the same bed, holding hands, and just talking to him in general just made him so damn happy.  Woojin never knew that one person could bring him so much pleasure and joy in his every day life.  He didn’t want it to end. 

“I love you,” Hyungseop whispered seriously, eyes focused on Woojin’s.  “We haven’t really known each other for very long, but I’m sure of it.  No matter what happens tomorrow, even if we’re separated, you’ll still be here.”  The boy brought their joined hands and held it against his chest.

It was the first time they had mentioned love to each other.  Woojin’s heart was in his throat, a tear making a silent escape from his eye.  He never knew he wanted to hear that phrase until it had been said. 

“I love you, too.”  He glanced at Hyungseop’s lips and back up to his eyes, asking for permission.  Hyungseop closed his eyes and leaned in, Woojin following and meeting him halfway, soft, warm lips touching.  It was a gentle, sweet kiss:  Woojin’s favorite so far.  If Hyungseop didn’t understand how much Woojin loved him through this kiss, he didn’t think it would ever be possible.

Woojin was right, though.  The boys failed to get any shut-eye and spent the rest of the night basking in the comfort of each other’s arms, anxiously waiting for the day to begin.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize the final two contenders were called until Hyungseop turned around to meet his gaze and mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.”

No… no.  No!  Thoughts were racing inside his head.  This wasn’t possible. No.  How?  Why?  Hyungseop was going to be in this group!  He couldn’t do it alone! 

Hyungseop had turned back around before Woojin could properly react.  Thank god the camera wasn’t focused on him at that moment because he’s sure the expression on his face was a look of horror. 

Numb and his only desire to hold the crushed Hyungseop in his arms, he sat mindless until it was time to say goodbye to the audience.  He mechanically stood up, bowed, and only woke up from his trance when he realized the other trainees were coming towards them.  And he ran.

Crashing into Hyungseop’s arms, he apologized over and over again.  He didn’t even know what he was saying, all he knew that Hyungseop was here, and that was fine.

He didn’t know how long they held onto each other.  One look at Hyungseop’s teary-eyed face had Woojin break down into tears, too.  He was probably squeezing Hyungseop too tight, but nothing mattered.  Woojin didn’t want to let go.  He never would. 

“H-hey… w-why are you crying?  I-I should be the one that’s crying, n-not you, silly.”  Hyungseop hiccupped in between his tears.

Woojin couldn’t respond, so he just held on tighter.  And they held on until the trainees were ushered off the stage, who gave the pair sympathetic looks every time they passed.

Not much was said between the two, the only comfort each other’s presence. 

The next coming weeks were a blessing.  They didn’t realize they would be able to see each other so much during the preparation for the final concert. 

After the final concert, though, they each had their own schedules to fulfill, Woojin with Wanna-One and Hyungseop with Yuehua. 

When they have the chance, they always text each other about their day.  Finding time to see each other is difficult and hasn’t been able to happen yet, but they haven’t given up hope.  They never will.

Jinseop isn’t dead y’all.