I still remember how I come to like you, it was like wave of unsure feelings hitting me like how a wave would do to the seashore. It was the day I move in the palace, my right hand maid and the others always look after me and I never felt so much love since I left my actual home. We are meant for each other I know that when we first met eyes , before I know you were the crown prince and you knowing I was your future queen. The night you told me how unfair you felt about the marriage I did what most good friends will do lend their shoulder and ear and I know after that night you and I had a spark between each other. However I was stubborn because I was scared that you might leave me when you find someone else since you are still young and so do I. Still, you insist in wanting to know who I really was and for some reason I let you in very easily without knowing I fell for your sweet words, how patient you are when I show my attitude even after I know your rank and how much love I feel whenever we both just look in each other even without talking just us and our feeling connected through our eyes.

Somehow after my parents confront me about our marriage I was really over the moon but I was scared too since I was aware how dangerous it is to stay in the palace and how difficult it is to keep a long last relationship most importantly is how the greed for power can change one’s heart. I know I have to confront you about my worries so I decided to see you at the palace, I dress in one of my beautiful chang’ao with mix of pastel pink and light pink for the color , the chang’ao suit me like how you suit me. I rode my palanquin with a nervous heart thinking 1001 outcomes and most of it are negative since I was scared I might come at the wrong time as I was into my sea of thoughts  Sarah my maid knock the door of y palanquin informing me that we have arrived. Nervously I went inside after saying to the palace guard what is my business , I walk myself to your quarter as I arrive to your quarter. My heart was fluttering when your eunuch announce my presence, your deep voice echo through out the place as you let me enter.

“Greeting Your Highness”. Even when we are comfortable with each other I still need to follow the custom when your servant is around.

“Leave us ”. The moment they left the chamber you show me the gummy smile that you rarely shown even to your parents. You went to me and sat in front of me like we normally do whenever we met each other. You take my hands and caressed it like a partner should do to comfort each other anxious being, you know I was worried even without me telling you this is the part that of you that I’m in love with. I am like an open book whenever I am with you and I am glad you are the reader of this book.

“I know you are anxious and worried about the marriage so do I but as much I am worried I am very happy to have you as my queen really I do. From the deepest part of my heart I hope you are too and I want you to put your worries at rest.”

Your words penetrate my heart as you smile at me while saying those comforting word, that infamous gummy smile that always plastered on your face whenever my anxious self is in need of someone to tell me its okay.

“I am always surprise on how calm and compose you are sometimes your highness. I hope even after marriage me and you will stay the same no matter what circumstances we have to go through we will went through it together. Please stay the same your highness do not let the greed for power turn you into a monster even to your people and family”.

I was tearing up when I finish my words, the feeling of he might left me for the better frighten me to the bones. His highness then engulf me in his warm embrace as he my hair lovingly, my head on his chest I was finally at peace knowing he really care for me, at last the sound of me being the next queen for this country does not scare me anymore instead I was waiting for it since he will be with me on every step I am to take.

“ I will always stay the same my dear, mark my word love for I am a man that keep his promise”.

With that I took your pinky and put my jade ring as a token of your promise, I was delighted when I realized that your pinky fit my jade. My wide smile was notice by you

“what could be the thing my love is thinking right now she is smiling so beautifully hurm”

“My heart is happy knowing your pinky fit my ring perfectly Your Highness, because my grandmother always said that if a man’s pinky fit your rings he is your soul mate. I know it sound ridiculous but I am very happy to think about it like that Guan Lin “

You smile brightly upon hearing your name came out from my mouth after a while, you once again bring me into your warm embrace as you chuckle. It is wonderful knowing how I can make you genuinely happy and always be at peace when you are around me and it even fluttered my heart knowing I am the first and might be the last women to ever feel your sincere feeling for me. As I was in my thought I felt your kiss on my forehead like a curious little girl I am, I tilted my head upwards to ask you why did you do that.

“If the ring is your token for your promise then the kiss is mine to you, my future queen. After our marriage my heart will be very happy if you could call me by my first name whenever there are just the two of us, (y/n)”.

“I would always do that if it means you will be happy with me my future emperor Lai Guan Lin”.

That day everything went well it is all I could ever dream of, our marriage was set after meeting with the king and queen mother. During the day of our wedding, I can see your gummy smile plastered for everyone and all the time, holding each other whenever we are greeting the families that came from all over the world.

At the age of 20 you take the throne your goal was to become a sage Emperor and you did love, me as your queen saw how you took every step in being a the Emperor you always wanted to been is very proud of you. Everyone was happy in China during your reign, your humble being as an Emperor made the people fall for you and I know why. You always have put everyone around you even if it means losing your live and i still remember how you always fall of from a cliff saving a commoner child yet never did you become conceited because of that. You were a role model to everyone including our son for some you are the charismatic and feared by many however you are also an Emperor that is respected and love by your people.

It has been 3 years since you left me Guan Lin, alone in this world I was devastated when you left me but then my memories with you will always the reason why I am still happy even when I know I only have you in my heart but not my side.

You who decided to finish the race along with me when others aim for first place to impress and claim victory. There is no width nor length that could measure my love for you for you are my pillar of strength all the broken heart only dream of. You are the reason I found my confidence and the core of my existence, I always will remember the words you said ‘there is always room for improvement and do not seek for perfection”.

I’m glad that I no longer have to roam searching for the purpose of living because you gave it to me even after you passed away. We who found each other are fated by the heaven and we had live a life that’s fill with up and down, we who never let go of each other hand are the reason why I can wake up everyday even when I cannot see you whenever I wake up every morning nor during our walk time or during the time I just need someone to talk too. My beloved will never be there anymore but I know you will always watch over me, why am I confidence because I know you are there Lai Guan Lin.