/ˈbrākˌdoun/

. . .

It all began the day after high school graduation.

He remembers the last words of his high school career.

"Congratulations seniors of 2013, you are all officially graduates."

The crowd cheered. Taeyong hugged his friends one by one, a few tears shed... Or a whole lot. He even gained the guts to go over to his crush and hug her tightly, little did he know a few hours later they'll be a lot closer than a hug.

He found his older sister in the midst of the crowd and remembered her words, "I am so proud of you."

Then, he turned around and found his mother, her hair combed and unfrizzy, with a bouquet of roses. She smiled him for what seemed like the first time – and the last after that – then he was off to grad night, and whatever his new adult life would bring him this fortunate night. His friends dragged him into their car, blasting Kendrick Lamar and singing their asses off with no care in the world – because all that mattered was that they all made it out of high school – and the rest of the night became a bit of a blur.

The amusement park was short but sweet, he met his crush again and followed her to a house party. They bounced to about five parties as one after another got raided by the cops, and on their last pin stop, at precisely 5 A.M with the sun still not out, was led into the backseat of her car in the middle of the street. The music from the house party muffled but clear, led the way into their passionate, drunk kisses and empty "I love you's."

And as quickly as it began, Taeyong left her asleep in the car and left. He passed out on the front lawn of a random person's house until he woke up from scheduled sprinklers and stumbled upon his friends to tell them all about his lucky night.

That was the last time he'll speak to them.

Some strange magic cursed him that night that suddenly made him like a pride lion who owned the entire savannah. That magic? Whatever percent that alcohol had and the smoke he inhaled. It made him so delirious. He was so confident. Was. And for once, he felt his life seemed bright and hopeful. He finally knew what it felt to be an individual, selfless and mature.

Then he laid down and stared at his ceiling, thinking. The mistakes from last night haunted his head. The headache. The bitter taste sitting on the back of his throat waiting to come out. The truth was beginning to settle the morning he woke up, when he found himself in the basement of his mother's house again – his clothes wrinkled and filled with stains from substances he didn't remember came from, and the emptiness in his stomach. It wasn't the vomit though.

He felt alive for once. But how was any of that living? Everything was a blur. Everything was temporary. He woke up, feeling at the top, until his head was hovering over the toilet excruciating all his regrets. Nothing changed. He was still the same loser, with nothing in his heart or head.

He was trapped in this basement for the past four years, surviving on the pity of his family and sudden absence of existence. None of his friends remembered him from high school. He was a faceless, nameless identity to them again. Another unrecognizable head in the midst of a crowd. They had all moved onto their adult lives in college or work, but why was he 22 and still trapped in his own head suffocated and self-loathing?

“Condragulations, you are the winner of this week’s challenge – “

Taeyong blinked, shaking his head to snap out of his thoughts. He glanced around his surroundings, seeing the same old décor. He was in his head again. He shuffled on the couch in front of the box T.V, remembering he was binge watching Rupaul Drag Race for the past few days. He grabbed the spoon he had dropped out of his hand when he was phased out, attempting to scoop up some ice cream when he realized the pint was empty. He sighed, tossing the pint over his shoulder and sinking deeper into the couch, wrapping the blanket around him tighter.

His stomach growled. He knew it was time to eat something that was actually considered a meal to others, because he couldn’t remember the last time he had one. He stretched out his sore, weak limbs and groaned as loud as he could. He lifted himself off the couch, his balance a bit tipsy before he regained momentum and walked up the wooden stairs that creaked every step to the kitchen. It’s been days – no, weeks – since he’s last come up here. He found his mother's head laying on the kitchen table passed the out from whatever trip she went through last night, and stumbled his way to the refrigerator. The house was a mess now, with beer bottles and plastic plates scattered all over the ground. To think four years ago, the Taeyong he was back then would pass out from the sight. Was.

When Taeyong opened the refrigerator, he was only greeted by spoiled milk and a block of butter. He closed it shut with no second thought, opening the freezer instead and taking out a hot pocket. He popped it mindlessly like a zombie – this was a routine that became second nature to him at this point.

He sat on the kitchen counter as he watched the hot pocket go in circles inside their old, dusty microwave and sighed. Why did life slow down so much when he was watching a hot pocket cook? He opened a catalog about the hottest technology these days to pass time, his eyes locking on the new pristine gaming computer. He wished he had the money and motivation.

Just as the microwave began to beep, his mother jumped up startled, and the front door of their house opened. Taeyong took out his hot pocket and took a bite of it with no thought of how hot it would be – instantly hissing and spitting it out. That was indeed the worst pain he's felt in the longest.

"Mom?" A voice echoed, and a sudden rush of clothes coming in, "Mom?!"

"What, what?!" His mother whined as she yawned and stretched out her limbs.

Taeyong's sister stood under the kitchen doorway, all dressed in fancy attire to remind the both of them that she succeeded in life unlike them, with a stack of mail in her hand. She walked over to her mother, tripping on an empty box of Digiorno pizza, cussing under her breath.

"Are you okay?!" She asked their mother as she combed her knotted hair and shook her a bit, "The house looks terrible! What happened while I was gone?"

Right. Taeyong thinks. His sister had moved overseas for work since he was a senior in high school. Four years, to be precise. Despite having not seen her in years, he wasn't so shocked of her presence. In fact, he didn't really feel... Anything. He did notice however, her hair seemed to be dyed lighter brown, though.

"Everything has been fine," His mother laughs sarcastically as she starts pulling out a bottle of pills, "Hey, can you pass me a water bottle? I have the worse migraine."

"Taeyong...?" His sister glances finally at the quiet boy at the corner of the room holding his hot pocket, "You look... Terrible."

He simply shrugged and passed his mother a water bottle as requested. He didn’t need her to tell him that. He was reminded that every day whenever he caught his reflection in a Cola can.

"What the hell, dude?" His sister snatched the water bottle from her hand and scolded her own mother, "I thought you were going to get help while I was gone."

His mother rolled her eyes and got up, "If you only came back to criticize and brag about your new life, I'm going out."

His mother got up from her seat but his sister jumped in front of her and blocked her path. Taeyong watched from the sidelines, blowing on his hot pocket.

"I came to tell you guys," His sister was already in tears - but happiness or disappointment, Taeyong couldn't tell - and choked out with a shy smile, "I'm getting married."

"Married? Do you want to give up your freedom that soon?" His mother cackled.

Taeyong's sister dryly laughed even though she didn't find it funny, "I wanted you guys to meet my... Fiancé. Taeyong, what do you think?"

Taeyong shrugged. Was he happy for her? Sure. But did he have any interest in meeting the man? To put it nicely, he didn’t have any interest in anything. So… No. No, he was not interested. He was sure the guy was nice anyway, his sister always had ridiculous high standards like most women do. And men. And… Everyone, for that matter.

"You won't get anything out of this boy," His mother said, "It's a miracle he's out of his cave."

Taeyong's sister turned to Taeyong, "You haven't been going to school? What have you been doing after graduation, then?"

"Being a damn leech and stealing all my money," His mother snarled.

“W-What?” His sister gawked, “I thought you planned to go to community college and transfer?”

His mother snorted, “You believed the horse crap he said? He barely managed to graduate high school. Stop pulling your own leg here. This kid didn’t even believe in that and he said it.”

“Mother!” His sister snapped, “Are you kidding me? Four years and you really haven’t changed at all? All Taeyong needed was for you to believe in him. You failed, not him.”

His mother jumped up from her seat and lifted a glass bottle over her head, her eyes glaring at her disobedient daughter. Taeyong placed his hot pocket down on the counter to stop her, but he was too slow before she tossed it at the wall and it shatter onto his feet.

“I gave you guys a home and clothes to wear!” She snapped at the both of them, “Consider yourselves lucky! Some kids don’t even get the chance to be born. Leave, both of you!”

Taeyong began to back out the room but his sister rose a letter in the air. She slammed it onto the table and watched their mother grab it and tear it open. They could see her eyes move from left to right as she read the letter with a gold seal at the bottom. Taeyong tried his best to guess what the letter was about that was so important to his mother’s rampage, however his eyesight was gone in the gutter.

“It’s been sitting in your mailbox for an entire month,” His sister speaks up, “Now I think it’s the best time for both of us to stop depending on you for good.”

Taeyong furrowed his eyebrows at his sister’s words. Both? Leave? What was she getting at? When did he ever consent to anything?

“I had completely forgotten I did that,” His mother mutters as the most crooked smirk creeps onto her lips, “It actually worked. Men are so easy to fool.”

His sister grabbed the paper from their mother when she was done reading, smiling herself despite the emotional breakdown she was having earlier. For once, she didn’t feel so helpless towards her family. There was a beam of hope for one of them.

Taeyong grew sick of being ignorant of what they were talking about. He walked over to see what the hell the letter said. He took the paper from her hands, being greeted by the obnoxious golden stamp with the initials of one of the most prestigious schools welcoming him for their new, exciting 2017 school year.

LSM University.

"Quit daydreaming and start unloading, lazy pig!" His mother threw a duffel bag at Taeyong's face and hopped out of the crusty, old van.

Taeyong leaned his head off the window to take a look out into the campus for the first time. He wasn't surprised of all the traffic and chaos in the parking lot and fields because it was moving week and the last day to do so, and mothers were trying their best to salvage the last few hours they'll have with their babies before they go off to university like brave, little soldiers. In Taeyong's case, the only reason he was late and slow wasn't because his mother couldn't let go of his flop of a son, but because she couldn't get her drunk off their old futon for her life.

Taeyong glanced at his new peers, seeing their designer clothing and expensive cars. He put his trusty, faded navy hoodie that was a gift from his sister before she left over his head despite the summer heat, and grabbed the duffel bag thrown at him. He got off the car and saw his mother and her... "colleague" had already unloaded everything out of the trunk and rushing him.

"Can you be any slower, stupid boy?" His mother muttered as she took the duffel bag from him and placed it on top of a luggage case.

"I guess this is goodbye?" Taeyong mumbled as he watched his mother excessively pick at her skin, "For now, I guess."

"Oh no, for a very long time," His mother snapped at him as she walked closer to him to whisper, "I didn't take four shots of vodka with the academic officer and swallow for you to drop out early. You're staying."

Her son cringed at the thought of his mother's rather... Tedious, way of getting him a dorm here. After the breakdown of finding out he was being forced to attend going to school here, he later had another one when he finally asked how the hell he even got in, when his GPA was a solid 2.5 and never applied, even when he was still in school. To say he was surprised would be a big lie. He honestly didn’t even know why he bothered asking, when anything his mother gets is all thanks to her flirty ways and shamelessness. He was shocked, however of her methods working for something so grand rather than the typical "I just want a drink for free" that came from her though.

"Come on now I'm going to miss the baseball game," His mother's "colleague" nagged, "Let's get going."

His mother nodded and gave him a short wave goodbye, before walking back to their dusty van. He was surprised when he saw the door’s windows go down and her hand motion him to come over. He was a bit embarrassed to admit that he was happy for once, because it seemed this was the first time his mother was calling him over not for her pills, pick a fight, or disappoint her.

"You have your sister's number so you can get money from her, right?"

"... Yup," The car began to pull out th