‘Eat a lot more!’ My wife informed me, trying to speak to me.

 

I only looked at her with the same emotion I show her everyday, nothing but sadness and depression in my eyes. However, she couldn’t see it. I think she thought this was my normal face because the fact that I only show her this expression.

 

“ I’m not that hungry….” I stated as I was playing with my fork and rolling around my omelet.

 

My wife, Tae Young, all could do was smile as she read through my lips.
She stood up from her chair, leaned against the table, and tried too feed me the last rolled omelet.

 

“I’m tired of eating omelet… “ I spoke looking away from her gaze and avoiding from eating the meal.
She pouted and began to use her hands to communicate,

‘Ani! Woohyun, will be the shortest in infinite! Eat a lot and grow big!”
She informed and kept trying to feed me the dish,

 

I grunted and smacked the fork off my face,
“Yah! Didn’t I say I didn’t wanna eat!?” I shouted as the fork hit against the wall.

 

Wives should be angry and yell at you when you do that,
but my wife wasn’t like everyone else’s wife.

 

Again, Tae Young could only smile and had that patient look plastered onto her face, probably because she couldn’t talk.

 

‘I can see Woohyun didn’t have a good day at practice, please don’t be angry at the meal.’

Angry? You think I’m angry because of practice!?
”You…. Are you happy that we live like this? That we live poorly!?
We eat the same thing everyday! My tuition is ridiculous! And I have to pay for house, bills, and your hearing aid!?”

 

Tae Young did her smile that could never fail to show and shook her head,
‘Nope, I could never ask for more of a perfect life, as long as Woohyun is here.’

Another night,
Another night I leave dinner angry,
Another night she has to clean my thrown mess because I always shouted and blamed at her,
Another night I can’t sleep because I think and wondered why the fact I’m
married to a deaf wife.

 

 

It wasn’t always this rough… That is before I married her, I used to have the perfect life, the perfect parents who’d support me, and even the perfect girlfriend. Everything ahead of my life was bright... But then I met her and everything changed.
              I used to love her; I gave up everything for her, the wealth, my parents who disapproved of us marrying, and my girlfriend who I left without a word….
I thought I could support her by myself, but with all the budgets just keep pouring in onto me, I realized now, I made the most dumbest decision in my life.

My life crashed down sooner or later, it was hard to scrape for money,
I had to pay for her hearing aids, and pay my load of tuition for Loent.
I have three jobs and I’m a trainee, I’ve been eating the same meals for the past five weeks, at the end of the day I barely have any sleep,  it’d last for at least two hours and then I’d work off my again…

 

 

This was the life I never asked for… I never asked to live in a beat and runt down apartment, never asked to work my bones till they brittle, never asked to live in such a complicated routine everyday,

 

But I do ask…. That one day I could leave her without the feeling of guilt to devour me alive.

 

-----------------------------------------

 

 

The next day was the same day also, I rode my motorcycle and carpooled with Tae Young , I drop her off  every week to her stall so she could help me with money issues and would sell her kimbap, while I would have another day of rehearsal at the Loent building and getting ready for debut with the group I was put into.

 

 

 

I dropped her at front of the food stall,
she smiled and bowed,

 

‘Thank you Wooohyun! Have a fun day at work and eat a lot of my spring roll omelets! I’ll bring home lots of money and provide for a better meal’

I just pushed down my helmet and drove away, not showing that I was really pissed at her. I didn’t like to show I was angry, I try really hard to hide it, but I know she wasn’t that stupid.

 

I’m always pissed at her though, this whole year I was never happy about our marriage, even our anniversary, my birthday, or even Christmas… I don’t remember one single thing, not one good thing that came out of our marriage.

 

I feel like I let us down, me wanting to end our vows so early….
But I can’t leave her no matter what, because she has no one but me…

 

 

-------------------------

 

 

 

Once rehearsal was finished I walked to get water from the cafeteria, I hated that everyone in infinite could afford their own bottles of water they buy everyday while I could barely survive on what my wife feeds me, I always have to go to the café to refill my own cup of water. I wasn’t like the rest of infinite who came from rich families, who were still single, and didn’t need someone to look after.

 

I walked to the canteen and refilled my cup of water,
the cafeteria lady would always be kind and let me refill as much as I wanted,
although it was embarrassing to do this everyday… But I can’t do anything about it….

 

As I finished refilling my cup of water, a light tap was on my shoulder,
I turned around and my two eyes were laid onto her….

 

The one and only girl I could only love.

 

 

“Woohyun ah, do you mind if I could have some water too?” Ji Eun asked nicely with her hypnotizing large eye smile.

 

“O-Of course!” I smiled nervously and scooted away,

 

She chuckled so adorably and began to refill her canteen,
Gosh… What a beauty.
Every time I see her, my heart would always race faster and faster,
I don’t think I ever had this kind of feeling towards a girl for a long time.
When I met Tae Young, did I ever feel like this?
It’s been so long since I ever last fell in love with a girl.

 

“Woohyun ah, I don’t really see you around as much. How’ve you been these past few days?”

 

“H-Huh? Oh ya know, just practicing and training for debut. Same as always”

 

“ Ah neh? Well, I was finishing recording a demo with my song and I was planning of celebrating with some Woolim members and infinite.”

 

“U-Us?” I asked,

 

“Of course, you guys are rookies also, I asked manager, and he said it was fine.”

“Seriously!? Wah! Course then!” I smiled,

 

“Really!? Wah! I’m so happy! I haven’t been with my Woohyun for a long time!”
She grinned and rubbed my head,

 

I paused and grabbed her hand,
She looked at e with her large doll eyes,
“Noona, I’m not a boy anymore yeah? You don’t rub me in the head anymore. I’m a man now.” I spoke as I released her hand.

 

“Has Woohyun grown this much already?”
She asked,

 

“Hahaha, Noona, I have to go to practice! But I will see you at the party with infinite!”

 

“Neh Woohyun, you better come!” She pouted,

I pinched her cheeks and walked off,

 

 

But as soon as I walked to the other hallway, I saw Hoya leaning against the wall.

 

“Hey Hoya, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in practice?”
I asked,

 

Hoya looked at me and immediately my heart felt a slight pain of guilt.
“Why were you talking to Ji Eun Noona huh?”

I swallowed my dry throat and looked away,
“Y-Yah, I’m not allowed to talk to other woman?”

 

“Well, I just think it’s weird you avted that way to her since you’re married with my cousin.”

 

I looked at Hoya who wouldn’t stop glaring at me.
Did he watch our conversation the whole time?

“Hoya, I’m not cheating on her.”

 

“Yeah, but I can see in your eyes, you like Ji Eun Noona.”

 

A moment of silence came;
Hoya and I didn’t dare to look at each other in the eye.

 

 

 

“You don’t get it Hoya, Ji Eun Noona….
Makes me happy, She gives me this hope and happiness my wife can’t give me.”

 

“She already knows your taken Woohyun! If she treats you like this, knowing you’re seeing someone else, what makes you think she actually loves you!?”

 

“So what!? You want me to just pretend to be happy as I marry Tae Young!?
I haven’t felt happy once in my life after marrying her!”

“At least she loves you! What about Noona!? You think Noona would be any better!!??”

 

“It’s better than marrying a dumb deaf mute!”

 

A second just flashed and Hoya already inserted his fist straight across my face.
As I was pushed back, I already felt the blood running through my mouth.

 

“Don’t ever call Tae Young that!? Do you think she wanted to be like that huh!?”
Hoya shouted,

 

 

 

All of a sudden Infinite came and separated us,
Hoya and I could only look each other in the eyes with nothing but anger.
He didn’t know anything about my life. He didn’t know what I went through this terrible marriage….

What did he want me to do?
Yeah, my heart belonged to another woman,

No, it wasn’t with my wife….

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

After rehearsal, Infinite and I walked out of the building to get ready to go back home, while I had to go pick up Tae Young from work.

 

“Woohyun!” I heard Noona’s voice, as I was about to drive away with my motorcycle.

 

“N-Noona?” I stuttered

 

“Where are you going huh Woohyun? I thought you promised to come with me and infinite to celebrate.”

 

“I….. I can’t….. I have to do something.”

“Again? Woohyun, this is the reason we’ve grown so distant, what’s wrong?”

 

“I can’t… But, you can’t be with a guy like me…. Even though you like me a lot or whatever, we can’t ever be together…”

 

“W-Woohyun….”

 

I looked away and hopped onto my bike and quickly drove away,
I didn’t wanna look at Noona’s watery eyes, I didn’t wanna look at the heartbreaking expression plastered onto her face.

 

No matter how much I loved or wanted Ji Eun Noona, we could never be together, no matter how hard I tried.

 

Because of my stupid deaf mute wife.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Tae Young and I walked into our apartment not saying a word to each other, well did it matter? She couldn’t even talk. However, it seemed like another gloomy day. My attitude was down and I did not feel like even looking at Tae Young in the face at all.

 

Her smile annoyed me, her sign language annoyed me, her whole existence annoyed me…

 

I felt a tap in the arm and saw Tae Young,
‘ Oppa, did you have a long day of practice? Go take a shower yeah?’

 

All I did was nod and not reply;
I didn’t feel like yelling today. Only sleep….

 

So I entered the bathroom without a word.

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

I emerged out of the bathroom, as I dried my hair using my towel,
Tae Young was downstairs; I smelled dinner coming from the kitchen.
And it smelled like something other than her spring roll Korean omelet.

I followed the smell of the alluring sweet aroma and my feet was dragged all the way to the kitchen.

 

When I entered the dining room, a different feeling came into the room
though.

            The smell of a good meal right? A new home cooked meal after a long day, you should be happy. Then why do I feel troubled?

 

I saw Tae Young standing up looking at something,
She was frozen still, and I couldn’t see her face since her back was facing me. But All I know something was wrong.

 

 

I walked behind her and saw her holding my cell phone,
My eyes widened when I saw Noona’s picture as my wall paper and three of her messages. Was she looking through my phone!?

 

I snatched the phone away from Tae Young,
She turned around and looked at me with tears forming in her eyes.

 

“Yah! What are you doing!?” I shouted,

 

Tae Young, for the first time, wasn’t smiling.
This time, she looked sad and betrayed for the first time.

 

Damnit! Why did she even look though my phone in the first place!?
“Yah! Answer me! Don’t give me that look.”

 

‘How could you betray me!? How could you!?’
She spoke through sign language,

 

I was silent, not able to look at her at all.
She was my wife, yes I did betray our marriage,
but I didn’t care….. Because Tae Young wasn’t the one I loved.

 

 

 

“After… A year of marriage… I realized, not once I was happy… You being my wife, everything became more complicated, I could barely pay for my tuition and… All you gave me was more problems and worries to carry…”

 

She seemed patient with me,
She let me finished but, her eyes didn’t change.

 

‘ So are you saying you regret our marriage?’

 

 

I didn’t respond,

However, she already knew what I was thinking…

 

 

‘Is it because… I’m a deaf mute?’
She asked,

 

 

Unintentionally…
I nodded…

 

 

 

Tae Young had the same look in her eyes,
However, massive tears poured down, She wasn’t choking in her tears.
She was trying real hard not to show it to me, but she couldn’t control the sadness and pain…

 

 

“T-Tae Young---“
I tried to touch her arm and comfort her,
but she removed her arm away.

 

Tae Young looked at me and I saw redness in those eyes…
But because of her stupid kindness and hopes in me…
She continued to smile.

 

 

‘Oppa! Eat a lot araso!? Eat lots and lots and grow up to be taller than Sungyeol!’
She communicated.

 

 

 Why was she acting this way?
Why is she always this patient?
Why would she hide the sadness and pain?
I gave her so many problems! Then why…

 

 

 

‘Oppa! Tae Young has to go right now! I’ll be back soon araso? Please don’t wait for me! Wear a jacket and sleep! Don’t catch a cold’

 

Tae Young flashed a smile and walked out of the house without anything else to say,

 

 

A husband should say,
“Where are you going?”
or, “How long will you be out?”

Or “Yah! Pabo! It’s already dark out!”

 

 

But you know what I did?
I only stood there silent…
And let her walk past by me…

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

It was another day of rehearsal, usually I was the most hardworking in there and I would get work done.

 But Tae Young didn’t come home today… She never came home at all. There was no sign of her coming back. Did she finally have the guts to leave me alone?

 I’m usually happy when she left the house and I could actually breathe…
But this time…. Was Tae Young out of my life for good?

 

 

“Yah! Woohyun! You’re dancing is all off pabo!” Sunggyu lectured and whacked the back of my head.

 

“A-Ah…. S-Sorry…” I spoke,

 

“What’s wrong with you today? You sick or something?”

 

“No, I just hadn’t had that much sleep is all…”

 

“Why insomnia?”

 

“Um no… Just problems at home. But I won’t let it interfere with my work!
I’ll work harder!” I said

 

 

He raised a brow, but then walked off.

I exhaled a deep sigh and then another tap on the back came to me.
As I turned around, I knew it was Hoya…

 

“Woohyun, I’m….. Sorry about the other day.”

 

“No it’s fine… I said some rude and nasty back there.”

 

“Woohyun…” Hoya spoke in a serious tone

 

“Uh….Yeah?” I asked nervously,

 

“Woohyun, do you…. Understand how much my cousin sacrificed for you back then? Just so you two could be married?”

 

 

“What do you mean? Her parents were fine with it.”

 

“Woohyun, her parents abused her back then. She ran away without telling them.” Hoya said.

 

“Bw-Bwoh!?” I asked,

 

“Tae Young, the reason she can’t hear nor speak, was because when she was five, it was her cause of her parents… They left her drowning one time when they went to the park, and didn’t care the fact they saw her drowning in the lake…
But I had to quickly save her since I was there at the time.

 

And once she was at the hospital… The doctor informed me and her parents,
She wasn’t able to hear or speak anymore.”

 

Was what Hoya said true?
It can’t be… She told me it was because she was born with it.

 

 

So she was like this because of her…. Parents?

 

 

“ Y-You’re l-ying….” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.

 

“ You think I’d lie about that? It’s the truth Woohyun,
She wanted to give up all that pain, because when she met you, she thought that
for the first time. Someone actually cared for her.”

 

 

“Then why didn’t she tell me this!?”
I yelled, grabbing him by the collar.

 

 

“Because she loves you too much she didn’t want you to worry…”

 

 

------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

Because she loved me!? LOVE!? Does she not know how bad I wanted to leave her at the time?! How much just like that I thought of her like trash?
How my love for her was thrown directly to her face!?

 

 

I was so angry and frustrated at myself; I walked to my bike, and as I picked up my helmet, but ended up smashing it onto the floor.

 

“Whoa… Is someone angry?” I heard Noona’s voice,

 

“N-Noona…”

 

“Hi Woohyun… Uh… Is something wrong?” She asked.

 

“I-It’s nothing important…” I sighed,

 

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

 

“I-It’s a long story…”

 

She then walked up to me and held my hand,

“I can listen…” She said with her sweet voice.

 

--------------------------------------------

 

 

 

I was at Noona’s house…

I’m at another woman’s house...
And I’m already a married man…

 

 

She held my hand and guided me to her living room,
“Here Woohyun, sit here.” She smiled

 

“Uh…. Okay…” I said and sat down on the couch.

 

She left to the kitchen to get some drinks,
Wile I nervously clenched my fist together.

 

I knew where this was gonna go… And I was willing to accept it.
I wanted for once, just once. To feel loved again. To have the feeling I missed
before I was married.
I mean, it’s her I love… Right?
 

Ji Eun smiled and came in with champagne.

 

“Here.” She smiled and handed me a glass.

 

“Thanks…” I said and took a small sip.

 

“So… What’s wrong? Can you tell me please?”

 

 

 

“I want to… But... I don’t know…”

 

“C’mon Woohyun, we’re friends right?”

 

I looked at Eun Ji, and gave into that warm smile of hers.
“Well… There is this girl I love…”

 

“Uh huh…”

 

“But… We’ve been distant for a while…”

“Oh…”

 

 

“Yeah, and I….
I wanna know if I…. Deep down…. In this cold heart of mine,
do I still… Love her?”

 

“Woohyun…” Eun Ji immediately wrapped her arms around me.
My eyes widened from the sudden action.

 

“N-Noona! What are you doing?!”
I asked,

 

“It’s me you love right? Please tell me I’m that woman!” She pleaded.

 

 

 

“N-Noona….”

She then slowly leaned up to press her lips against mine.

 

 

Yes it was her I loved… Yes it was her I want to embrace…
This is true love, am I right? I only feel like this towards her
and not anyone else. It doesn’t matter right? It’s okay right?
Who needs Tae Young right? She left me, So it’s okay right?...

 

 

 

 

A sudden image of Tae Young popped in my mind.
I came back to my senses and quickly pushed Noona gently, away from her about to kiss me.

 

 

“I knew it… That woman… You’re thinking of… She isn’t me.”

 

 

“I’m sorry, Noona… It’s not.”

 

 

I spoke, grabbed my things, and left out the door with nothing more to say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

I walked inside my home, drenched. It was raining right after I left Noona’s house. It was freezing, my body was icy cold, I could barely managed to walk inside without my teeth chattering.

 

 

The room was dark, but, I saw candles leading towards the kitchen,
and curiously, I walked and followed the candles to the kitchen to see who it was in there.

 

 

Then a loud blast of confetti hit me in the face,

 

 

I saw Tae Young, holding a home made baked strawberry short cake.
With candles on top of it, imprinted in happy birthday on top.
She wore a party hat, and around her was a large heart of candles formed.

 

 

“ T-Tae Young ah….” I said,

 

 

She placed the cake on the table,
‘Oppa! Happy birthday’

 

 

It was my birthday? How did I forget?

 

‘Oppa! You’re finally twenty years old! You should be happy! Why are you frowning?’

 

 

 

Because I’m stupid… I thought my wife left me, but my wife did this much for me when we could barely afford this, and she still makes the time to do this?

 

 

“I thought…. You left me…”

 

‘Ani Oppa… How could I leave you? I love you too much!’

 

 

 

 

She was so innocent, sweet, and caring.
She never did regret our marriage from the beginning…
But I did…. I always complained about everything, she only stood by me patient.
I always shouted and threw stuff around; she only cleaned it up and tried to reason.

 

 

Why am I so stupid? Why didn’t I see that my wife was going through all this pain because of me?

 

She took something out of her back pocket, it was a piece of ripped notebook folded paper, and read through it.

She placed it down,

 

‘I’m sorry, I wrote this yesterday, last minute, but it was from the heart.’

 

She looked at the paper again,
‘I was a deaf mute as I grew up all my life.

 

I’m sorry for that.

 

I can’t speak like other wives,

 

I can’t hear like other wives too,

 

Plus, I’m really slow and young compared to other wives when it came to understanding my husband…’

 

As tears formed my eyes, she looked over the paper,

 

 

 

‘ But I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and nothing would change that’

 

 

It was her last thing she said, and for once….

 

 

I think I actually felt happiness because of her…

 

I was crying, really bad now…
I didn’t see how much she loved me… But… Now I saw everything…

 

 

“Tae Young…”

 

 

’Why is Oppa crying!? It’s Oppa’s birthday! Be happy!’

 

“B-Bien…. Tae Young I… Just have something in my eye…”

 

She giggled, and I realized how beautiful she was.
Tae Young from the beginning never changed….

 

I was the only one who changed….

 

 

 

“Um…. I need to use the bathroom…..” I giggled as tears kept going down through my eyes.

 

‘Neh! Go ahead’

 

I nodded and quickly ran up stairs and locked myself in the bathroom,
I didn’t want to cry in front of her, but since she couldn’t hear me,
I cried really loud in the bathroom.

 

A sudden thump hit me in the back of the head
I had a terrible headache… It wouldn’t stop thumping,
the more I tried to shrug it off, and the more the pain hit me.

 

 

I opened the bathroom door and my migraine wouldn’t stop killing me.

I was about to approach the stairs, but as the pain began to worsen, I found myself  stopping,

 

“Aish….. What the hell is wrong with me!? Augh!”

 

I suddenly found everything becoming blurry on me; I could barely stand on my own two feet. Was I fainting?

My eyes couldn’t open anymore, I found my body fall by itself,
and my brain completely shut off on me and I thought I was going to die.
I was collapsing right in the middle of the stairs.

 

I probably was going to die… Maybe I deserved it, after all the pain I gave to Tae Young, Maybe this was my punishment from God….

 

 

But, I don’t even deserve Tae Young as my wife; she deserved a husband that actually did care and one that would help her around… A person who was caring, less selfish, and a stronger person… Anyone better than me.

If I could wish for anything more for my birthday,
I wish for Tae Young to be happy forever….

 

Just that…

 

------------------

 

(TaeYoung’s P.O.V)

 

I waited for Woohyun to come downstairs all this time from the bathroom,
I sat there patiently with my eyes staring at the cake, I was to busy thinking about Woohyun, I didn’t realize that the last candle on the birthday cake
completely lit out.

 

I snapped out from the trance and looked up,
‘ Was Woohyun okay?’

 

 

A sudden vibration banged through the floor,
I immediately got up and could only think of Woohyun.

 

Was he okay!?
I got up from the dining room and rushed towards the stairs.

Seeing My Woohyun…. My husband, knocked out onto the floor.

I ran towards him and shook him, begging he’d wake up.
Just a sign he was okay….

But his face was white pale, his body was completely icy, and from the sudden fall,
I saw that he was losing a lot of blood coming from his head,

Was Woohyun…dying in front of me?