He could see the person smiling happily with twinkle eyes. Those eyes that were like an open book to him. Those eyes that could take his breath away. Eyes that he thought was his home... 

 

But he was too late. Too late to realize what was home. Too late to admit that those eyes were his home....his way back. He was damn late just like always, to claim the one person who could make him feel the warmth his heart never knew about. He was late. And now all he could do was to just watch from afar as his person smile at someone else, someone who was not him. 

Well... He couldn't actually call him, his person now either. Even if he still loved him... Baekhyun was not his anymore. Then again he wondered if Baekhyun has ever been his to begin with. Probably not. Baekhyun has always loved Chanyeol. He knew it better than anyone, even more than Baekhyun himself. After all, he was the person Baekhyun always came to looking for a shoulder to cry. He didn't mind it though. First he thought of it as a chance to tease the petite male, but a little later he started to genuinely care for his hyung. And somewhere along the way he had fallen for the broken shell of a man who still smiled brightly.

He had fallen in love with Baekhyun without even realizing it.
But when he finally did realize... It was too late. 

Sehun had lost Baekhyun.

For Sehun it was hard to come to terms with his feelings. And then when he did, all there waiting for him was the shattered pieces of his own heart. 

Sehun bitterly chuckled to himself.

This was really a hard slap for a first love. And it hurt. It hurt like hell. 
This might be why he avoided love in the first place. Call him a coward but he just didn't want to deal with all the pain, broken heart crap if he could avoid it altogether. Though apparently universe had other plans. 

Baekhyun was Sehun's first love. Bitter one sided first love that didn't have a happy ending. You know just the typical first love. But the realistic version not the fairytale one. Then again Sehun wasn't much of a fairytale guy even when he was a kid. He was that kid who wanted to know how to turn a prince into a frog, he could careless whether the prince married the princess or if they lived happily ever after. 

 

When everybody said Sehun loved Luhan, he just went along with it as he was told. Of course he had loved Luhan, just not the way everyone wanted him to. Luhan was his friend, best friend even. Sehun had loved Luhan the same way he loved his own brother. Maybe you could call Luhan was his favorite hyung in the group. And that was it. Nothing more nothing less. Just a platonic love. Don't get it wrong, the other way around was the same. Sehun knew Luhan also didn't see him as anything other than a deongsen. Besides, Luhan had given his heart to a person who deserved it and was willing to keep it safe. Sehun even played a part of the whole getting them together drama. And he was happy for his hyung although at the time he never believed any crap related to love. It was good to see people he actually care about smiling happily. 

He wished if only he could say the same for the two people his eyes focus on at that moment. If only it was that simple...

Love for Baekhyun, those feelings came at Sehun like a tsunami. He tried. He tried to avoid it. To let it pass. To ignore it. To get rid of it. God knows how much he tried to not to acknowledge those stupid feelings. He knew they were trouble. But there wasn't any way out and eventually he got tired. So at one lonely night he just let it wash over him. Let his heart feel the love he had for the brown haired male.. without any restrains. And Sehun thought maybe, just maybe there was nothing to be afraid of or to worry about... Maybe he still had a chance. Even if Baekhyun was in love with someone else.
It couldn’t be that hard to love someone right?

 

No, it was hard. How could Sehun possibly be that naive!? To think it would be easy and simple just like that?
No. It was not simple when the very next morning he saw a giggling Baekhyun squeezed in Chanyeol's arms by his side on the couch.
No. It was not simple when he saw Chanyeol kiss Baekhyun's temple lovingly.
No. It was not easy to watch Baekhyun’s eyes looking up at Chanyeol filled with love. 
No. It was not easy to hear other members commented 'finally'.

It was harder to pull his fake smiles than usual. It was hard to tease the new couple with other members. It was hard to pretend like he didn't care. Lot harder to put his usual poker face. But Sehun did or tried. And it seemed to be working because so far nobody asked anything in concern. And that was what he wanted. So Sehun was relieved, or at least he thought. Well... It wasn't like he talked about his feelings with anyone. And as the fans often said, Sehun had an impressive poker face. Or so it seemed.
And he thought everything was okay. 

 

But currently the couple on the other side of the stage was making it hard for him to breathe. His eyes also began to sting a little. Whole bunch of emotions were playing on his mind. Sehun knew he had to look away and focus on something else or get away if he didn't want to end up crying. 

There was this one thing. That was if you think this whole heartbreaking mess left Sehun in tears, then you were wrong. Sehun didn't shed a single tear for his own stupid feelings. It might seem weird or less romanticize but that was the truth. He didn't want to cry and let the pain go away. It was his fault. He fell in love with a person he wasn't supposed to. This was his own punishment for falling in love. So he didn't cry his heart out like he should've. That sounded stupid. Yes, he was aware.

But right now he was having hard time keeping that suffocating feeling all to himself. So he turned around right when a single tear fell from his eyes. Hurriedly left the stage. The award ceremony was already over quiet a while ago. Most of the artists have left. So Sehun figured it wasn't that odd to go ahead and wait in the vehicle. He could text Junmeyon. So he left.

 

Unaware to Sehun or the Chanbaek couple or anyone else in that case, a pair of eyes were knowingly watching the situation which left to the oblivion by the rest. Completely aware of the thoughts going through the mind of the male leaving through the exit. Owner of those eyes didn't seem to move right away as Sehun left the stage. But after some moments the person walked hesitantly towards the direction Sehun had disappeared.

 

Sehun kept walking until he get to the parking lot, dodging whoever came on his way. He didn't want to face anyone at the moment, not when he knew he was on the wage of braking down. Not when he knew his emotionless mask was crumbling down little by little.

As much as Sehun was....well Sehun, even he had his limits. All that "I don't care" attitude had to come to an end at some point. He just didn't want it to happen in any other humans' presence. Sehun was better off alone. He always had been.

That was why he started to panic a little when he heard footsteps following him to the parking area. He was sure whoever that was, following him because there wasn't a single soul in the whole area to be found other than the owner of those creepy footsteps. Sehun thought of looking back to see who was the creepy stalker but then again if it was someone he knew he'd have to talk. And that was the last thing Sehun wanted to do now. To talk to someone. So, when a soft hand with long fingers wrapped around his wrist to stop him, Sehun was startled. The hand instantly felt a little familiar and that scared him. Because this was indeed someone he knew. 

Contrary to popular belief, Sehun wasn't much of a touchy feely person. Of course fan service was one thing and he didn't mind his hyungs being somewhat clingy either. Certainly not when Baekhyun was the one being clingy. But Sehun didn't habitually enjoyed physical contact like Baekhyun, Jongdae, Chanyeol... Not even as Jongin.
That was why Sehun was alerted when the hand felt familiar. Because he knew he had to know the person well. And like many times he thought before, he did not want to see any human being at the moment. 

Sehun debated whether to confirm the owner of this awfully familiar hand or just brush it off and get into the van.

 

But then the person spoke.

 

"Hyung"

 

Sehun forgot how to breathe for a moment. No this couldn't be happening. No way!

 

Of all the living beings on this earth it just had to be him. Indeed universe had a huge grudge against Oh Sehun. 

He closed his eyes wanting to disappear in to thin air than facing the one stood behind him holding his hand.

 

“Sehun hyung"

 

Sehun took a long breathe. He wasn't ready to face anyone. Specially not to the one who was calling his name like that. Sehun knew that tone very well. Exactly what that tone meant. It wasn't quite rare to hear a serious knowing tone like that from this person but this time Sehun was nervous to know what he might actually knew about. So he got himself together to answer without turning back. There was no need to turn around and exposed his miserable state when he knew exactly who was the creepy stalker.

 

"What?"

There was no reply for that and Sehun was starting to get a little irritated with the silence.
"What is it?"

 

" What're you doing here hyung?" 
Sehun was met with another question instead of an answer. A question he wasn't keen on honestly answering. 

 

"I'm going to wait in the van until others come"

 

Sehun casually tried to free his hand so he could just escape into the van. But the hand on his wrist tightened even more.

 

"Alone?" Sehun chuckled.

 

"I'm not a baby little deongsen"

 

"I told you to stop calling me little. We're only a year apart!" 

 

He could hear the small pout in the younger boy's voice. It made him slightly smile. It wasn't everyday Sehun get to play the annoying big brother part, so he might as well enjoy the little moments he got like this. To be honest, he really cherished those moments. Not that he'd admit it loud. Having deongsens were fun. And poor NCT kids happened to be his favorite deongsens. 

 

"I'm still the hyung" Sehun laughed a little.

"You should go back. You can't ditch others like this" 
He was willing to try any excuses before it was too late.

 

"Aren't you the one ditching?" Sehun froze.

 

"What? I.. I told you I'm just wai-"

 

"Hyung look at me" 

 

And there that tone again. It made Sehun feel like a cat who got caught while stealing. He didn't like the feeling. But having to face his deongsen with those guilty feelings was even more worse. Then again he really didn't do anything wrong, did he? Guess he just didn't want to meet the silent ' I told you so' face.

Sehun never told his feelings for Baekhyun to anyone. He just didn't see any need for that. There was no point in crying over spilled milk to another person and be a burden. He was too late anyway. But that didn't stop some people from guessing it correctly. Sehun's legendary emotionless mask might have had a little crack or two. Or some people might have been annoyingly observant. Like when Jongin gave him one or two knowing looks or when Kyungsoo spare him a rare sympathetic smile or when Minseok patted his back suddenly a little too hard or when Jongdae tried to make obvious lame troll jokes looking if Sehun laughed. But Sehun never commented nor acknowledge those clues. Purposefully. 
And now, this was one of those moments. This person was one of those annoyingly observant people. So Sehun knew what was waiting for him if he turned around. 

 

"Just go back"

 

"No!"

 

"What the hell do you want?" 

 

"Look at me!" He sounded angry this time. But Sehun was getting angry too.

 

"Listen, I'm not in the mood for little games. Let me go! And you have your own things to take care of. So go back and leave me alone!"

 

Sehun tugged his hand out but was met with a strong force trying to turn him around. Without thinking Sehun got hold of the slightly shorter male and in split second he was smashing the younger ones' back into the closed van door. Younger male winched at the sudden force of contact, which went unnoticed by the older.
Sehun was mad. With everything. He didn't ask for any of this. He didn't want to fall for Baekhyun. He didn't want to see Chanyeol taking Baekhyun away from him. He didn't want to deal with these bitter awful feelings. He didn't want anyone to find out how broken and pathetic he was. Certainly not by his deongsen who looked up to him! But here he was demanding Sehun to show exactly what he didn't want the younger to see. This pathetic side of him. So he was mad at the kid too. 

 

Sehun opened his mouth to yell at him but was shut off again.

 

"Did you love him that much?"

 

That was it. The last straw. Last string to pull. Sehun was still completely. Speechless. Feeling so much but nothing at the same time. He just stared at the dark haired male in his arms.

           

*******

Sehun’s stare was piercing his soul. Or at least that was how he felt. But he had to know! As much as it might hurt him he still wanted the  torturous truth to be out and put in the open. So he could deal with it instead of pretending that it wasn't there. Sehun needed to let it all out. He had to make Sehun stop hurting himself anymore than he already was. And he was willing to do it at any cost to save his hyung from slowly falling apart further.

 

"What?" 
Sehun's voice was barely a whisper. But they were in such a close proximity that he thought he could even hear Sehun's heartbeat.

 

"You loved him.... You still do! Don't you?"
Even with the little light in the parking lot he could still see Sehun's eyes slightly widen.

 

It wasn't exactly a question, more like a statement. Even if it was, he knew the answer very well. But hearing it from Sehun himself was necessary for many reasons. Some were his own shameless selfish ones. So he pushed it little more praying for his luck. He knew better how much Sehun hated nosey people. So this was a risk he had to take.

 

"Baekhyun hyung.... You're in love him." 

 

And now Sehun was gaping at him. Probably wasn't expecting the bluntness. He would've laughed if it wasn't for the fact that he was still caged in the older’s arms.

 

"How..." 
Sehun's grip on him had tightened even more. And it was a little more painful than before.

 

"You really thought I wouldn't figure out?" 

He chuckled. It was kind of funny how Sehun thought he could hide everything behind his indifferent mask. Well it does work... For others. Not for him. But he wasn't ready to risk his privilege yet.

 

"Hyung, it was totally obvious with the way you were treating Baek hyung"

 

He could feel Sehun trying to clam down himself. And suddenly Sehun's grip on him started to loosen up. Now that wasn't good, he couldn't let Sehun leave just yet.

 

"No. You're wrong. There's nothing between us... never was. I was just being nice to him because he was  being a crybaby over Chanyeol hyung. That was it."

 

And just like that Sehun had let him go.

 

"You watch too much movies"

Sehun flicked his forehead with two fingers. Habitually. Like every other time he did, specially when he wanted to avoid talking certain things. It worked like a charm though. Every time. Somehow the younger would shut up about whatever they were talking and would playfully punch Sehun or just rub his forehead with a cute frown.
Although he would never plan to say it out loud, he liked it when Sehun did that. Because it felt like a their thing. He hadn't seen Sehun being like that with any other younger members and surely not with his hyungs. So he figured the forehead flick thing was only belongs to them. Or at least that was what he wanted to think. He liked feeling a bit special. Loved even, if he dared to say. That was why he let it be whenever Sehun tried to slip out talking about somethings.

 

But this time it was different. This wasn't simple to let go just like that.
He didn't know what made him do it, whether if it was the sad smile on Sehun's face or the lack of warmth left by the older's hands or the fact he simply wanted to keep the heartbroken man from leaving, probably to be alone again... He didn't know why but he knew he had to stop Sehun, so he had grabbed into the front of Sehun's shirt right below his collar and had dragged the slightly taller male closer to put him still. If he was in half of his rational mind he'd be a flustered mess realizing how clumsily close they were. Then again he was know for his clumsiness despite him trying to put up a cool look. Besides he wasn't in his right mind at the moment. So, he didn't mind the startled 'Yaah' from Sehun either. He was pissed off a little and annoyed a lot.

 

"No you don't get to leave it like that. Not this time. Don't try to play dumb! You know it doesn't work on me! You're going to talk and let your feelings out whether you like it or not. I'm done watching you falling apart. You're not just hurting yourself but people around you too! People who care for you! Do you even realize that? Hyung it's been months. Almost two months! It's about time you let it go! You have to deal with your feelings and get over it! How can you do that if you're not even willing to talk about it!"

 

The younger male was breathing hard. Even trembling a little. Sehun put his hands over the ones on his shirt he could feel them shaking. Sehun gave a half crooked smile.

 
"Geez... No wonder Dongsookie literally runs away whenever you start to nag. You nags a lot..."

 

"Don't try to change the subject hyung, you're not fooling anyone"

 

"Well...it was worth a try" 

 

There that sad smile again. His heart fell at the sadness pooling on those dark eyes. Right then and there he realized he prefer the cold indifferent Sehun thousand times more than the sad broken one standing in front of him.

 

"Hyung...."
His own voice had became a whisper.

 

"What do you want me to do? Trash around? Cry and scream? Go around mopping to everybody? So then all this will go away?....Tell me..."

 

He was taken back. Mostly because he didn't expect Sehun to give in that easily. He thought he'd have to put up a more tiring fight with the usually stubborn male. That was what he was told by Yixing too.

 

Some weeks ago he had met Yixing in the practice room along with Jongin and Taemin when he  went to look for Sehun. Sehun had promised to buy him a meal and there was no way he'd miss free food. It was mostly him who bought or cooked for s. Though he absolutely loved doing that, it was nice once in awhile to have someone bought food for him too. But Sehun hadn't been there when he went and the two EXO members had informed him that their maknae already left to find his precious deongsen. Jongin had use air quotes for the 'precious deongsen' part earning a slap at the back of his head from Taemin. He was a little confused at Jongin and Taemin’s behavior before realizing he might have missed Sehun on the way. So he hurriedly bowed saying goodbye to his sunbaes and turned to leave when Yixing called him again. He still remembered the Chinese male's words clearly. 

 

"Sehunnie always just turn off the things he doesn't want to deal with. You know that right?"

He had slightly nod his head. It was the truth after all.

"But that doesn't make it okay or any better, if anything it make things worse. There will be a time he doesn't have anywhere to turn or run away. And he's a little prideful person so he might not want to come to us either. Or the situation might make it hard for him to ask our help."

"That idiot worry too much" Jongin had interrupted.

"He just loves you all too much to make things complicated for you guys. You know that Jongin" 
Was what Taemin commented as a reply. Which made Jongin frown and look away.

"So I want 'you' to be there and bring some sense into him. He's a hard nut to crack but just stay by his side okay?" 
Yixing had voiced again.

He knew what was the elders trying to say to him without obviously pointing out the elephant in the room. But he still couldn't figure out why they were talking to him of all people. It wasn't like Sehun was only friends with him. Sehun got along well with many of his own NCT members.
Well, apparently SM healing unicorn wasn't dense as everybody thought he was. At least not compared to the one sided love sick idiots in the building.

 

 

"Tell me because I really don’t know what to do anymore.."

 

Sehun's cracked voice had brought him back from the little flash back of weeks ago.

Screw it all! He really didn't care about the reasons or the usual logics anymore. Hearing Sehun so broken and crushed was driving him nuts. He was inches away from hugging the emotionally beaten up male. Sehun's eyes were glittering at the little light. And it was heartbreaking to see the pain those eyes held. It was hard to look into those eyes he admired so much. Not when they were filled with tears. 

 

"God! how much did you love him!" 

It had left his mouth before he could stop. Dammit his clumsy filters!

But Sehun had only smiled sadly.

 

"More than I supposed to... I guess"

A log awaited single tear had fallen down from Sehun's eyes.

 

"Hyung..."

 

But before he could say anything more, Sehun had leaned in and put his head on the youngers' shoulder. He could feel the older male shaking slightly. His hands were still on Sehun’s shirt covered by one of Sehun's own hands firmly. He badly wanted to release his hands and hug the taller male fully. To comfort him more.

 

"It hurts...."

Sehun's voice came as a muffled whisper.

 

"It hurts so much Taeyong-ah..." 

 

His heart clenched painfully at the tone of Sehun's voice. Taeyong hated it! Hated the way Sehun sounded! hated the way Sehun called his name so desperately! Hated that he was useless for that desperate call! He hated that he couldn't do anything but to watch his hyung break down in his arms.

If he could, he would've given anything to take this pain away from his hyung. Anything.

 

Yeah.

 

Lee Taeyong was in love with Oh Sehun to that extent.

 

One sidedly.

 

Told you. SM was filled with one sided love sick idiots.

 

Taeyong's love for Sehun ran back for years. To their school days. But that was another story to tell. And as it mentioned before, it was one sided. Sadly. Otherwise Taeyong wouldn't have to hold the man he loved in his arms heartbroken by another man.
Love could be such a sad thing sometimes.

They stood like that for who knows how long. But at some point Sehun had sneaked his arms around Taeyong’s waist taking a step closer to the warmth of younger male's body, and Taeyong had put one hand at the back of the older tugging him closer while drawing smoother invincible circles comfortingly. He had put his other hand unconsciously to run through the older's hair. It was a habit of his, he liked touching Sehun's hair. His fellow NCT members usually for this whenever they got a chance. Of course Sehun had laughed off those while Taeyong had blushed like there was no tomorrow.

 

When the other EXO members came to the vans to get to the dorms and finish the tiresome day, Jongin had posed opening the door abruptly causing Jongdae to run into him. When Jongdae look up to the male whining typical 'Ah waee' he had stop in the mid sentence, confused to why Jongin was smiling. He had looked inside the van curiously, only to find a sleeping maknae and a hoobae. Quite comfortably in each others hold. Though it might not for the same reason as Jongin, Jongdae had smiled at the warm sense too. Well.. that was the type of man Jongdae was anyway. But the change of atmosphere didn't go unnoticed by the oldest EXO member as well as the look Jongin gave to Yixing which made the Chinese man visibly happy. It didn't take much time for Minseok to put two and two together. And was relieved to know their beloved maknae had finally open up to somebody. While Kyungsoo was bit dumbfounded by all of these, still stayed quiet thinking it had to be a good thing whatever that was. And then there was the leader. Junmyeon being Junmyeon thought the NCT leader would want to go with his group members and was about to wake up the kid just as Kyungsoo grabbed his hand and dragged the confused leader towards the other van, unusually volunteering to go with a the loud couple who was already in the other van. Bless the squishy male's soul.
When they finally left the place the sunbae-hoobae couple was still sleeping and Minseok had given a call to Minhyung to let NCT members know Taeyong was with them and sleeping along with Sehun. Little Mark had laughed saying that was a relief. Which seemed to mean a lot than it sounded.

 

 

Well.. maybe one day, things would turn out to be okay. One day Sehun would realize his home was right where he was. That it always had been. Of course Sehun would be painfully slow as he always was with his feelings. But this time Taeyong would wait. Just like he had been for years. This time things might fall into the right places, because Taeyong loved Sehun first. And even if Sehun was too dumb to realize things, someone would slap him some sense before it was too late. Jongin had swore to Taemin he'd volunteer.

 

So yeah...maybe one day those one sided love sick idiots of SM would have a happy ending too.