The feeling of Seungcheol’s chin on his shoulder, arms curled around his waist, even the times when it lasted mere seconds, it always made Soonyoung feel special.

Until one day of an outing with their group of friends, the day Soonyoung finally realized that he was not special.

The whole gang was there. They rented a cabin big enough for 13 of them, brought all sorts of things you need to have fun, and of course, food. The cabin had a decent kitchen, they cooked meat and stir-fry dish, but mostly meat. All dishes were served in big plates, ready for anyone to take them.

With a small plate on one hand and chopsticks on the other, Soonyoung gave a side glance to his left. At first he was eyeing the grilled pork in front of Jeonghan, but his gaze ultimately went back a little, returning to Seungcheol. For the xxx time (impossible to keep count), Soonyoung stole a glance at Seungcheol and thought, what a blessed day we’re sitting next to each other. It brought a full smile to his face, like, a really huge smile, but nobody pointed at him for it. He was just being the usual energetic hamster (his friends’ words). No one would’ve guessed that the Soonyoung behind the hamster façade was constantly squealing like a teenager; he was convinced he’s a talented actor since birth.

With the great food, everyone having fun, and excitement over the seating, Soonyoung felt a bit braver than usual.

“This is nice you know.”

“What?” From all people, it had to be Jeon Wonwoo, his arch enemy, who responded to him. But it’s okay. It wasn’t enough to ruin Soonyoung’s mood.

“This.” He gulped and lifted his body so that he’s on his knees. Then he leaned to his left, arms stretched towards the plate in front of Jeonghan, heart and mind focused on how he placed his cheek on Seungcheol’s head. “We can do skinship while eating.”

Some just deadpanned him while others made the effort to boo.

Meanwhile Seungcheol.

“I don’t like it, tho?”

It was so sudden that Soonyoung was late to realize, how the muscles in his face stiffened and his heart fell to the bottom of his stomach. It hurt, but hamster actor was a pro. He laughed and Seungcheol laughed and everyone laughed.

That was how Soonyoung noticed. How Seungcheol would sometimes wrap his arms over Joshua, throw himself towards Jeonghan, lay his head on the crook of Jun’s neck. Seungcheol was a person of skinship. He likes to touch everyone, not exclusively him. All this time Soonyoung’s sight was being selective, he felt like a fool now.

 

**

 

“He cheated and took the ball!”

Soonyoung’s brain couldn’t register the words at first. It was too busy taking in the feeling of Seungcheol’s bare chest on his skin as Seungcheol hugged him from the side. His head was a mess, not having any control of his body’s automatic response, which was shoving Seungcheol as hard as it could.

He heard Seungcheol yelped and when he turned, Seungcheol already had his on the sand.

“Sorry! You were so sudden!” Soonyoung knew it wasn’t an excuse to push a friend to the ground but he had no other choice.

Seungcheol looked up at him with a pout, and while he seemed a bit confused, he didn’t look angry. He stood up and protested Jeonghan instead, claiming that it was all the scammer’s fault for cheating their self-modified game of beach volley.

Meanwhile Hansol tilted his head and Wonwoo raised an eyebrow. Soonyoung chose to ignore.

As time went on, however, he couldn’t bring himself in close proximity to Seungcheol, getting all jumpy whenever he’s nearby. Lame jokes and excuses freed him from prying questions, but more and more people raised their eyebrows to him. He’s now convinced that he’s not a genius actor.

 

**

 

Hanging out with Joshua and Hansol was fun. Hansol was a bit special in how he would suddenly do obscure gestures, but he’s fun, and Joshua was the best hype man, following Hansol’s moves (with upgrade in extra-ness) and bringing laughter to the scene. Maximum fun even when they were just lounging at the cafeteria. Soonyoung almost strained his cheeks and already fell twice from his seat.

A few moments later Seungcheol passed their table and Soonyoung froze.

“Still 2 more hours, right?” Hansol said to Seungcheol as he tapped the empty space next to him.

“Yeah, but gotta go.” Seungcheol said with an apologetic smile. After Hansol’s “all right”, he waved his hand. He also glanced and smiled at Soonyoung, but said nothing. Soonyoung felt bad.

It had been weeks and he was being obviously odd. He managed to not put some physical distance between him and Seungcheol, not avoiding him whenever they’re in the same room, but he was being mopey and all, his friends were catching on. Though most of them only recognized Soonyoung’s strange behavior as a peculiarity with unknown reason unrelated to Seungcheol (probably stress from assignments or the weather, they said), Soonyoung wasn’t sure he could keep fooling them forever.

“Soonyoung.”

His thoughts were interrupted by Joshua’s voice.

“You know that we’re here whenever you need us, right?” It seemed like it came out of nowhere but it wasn’t. Joshua looked at him with his gentle smile and Soonyoung sighed.

“I know.”

“Good. Whenever you’re ready.” Joshua took a sip from his cola before continuing. “He hoped you’d tell someone. He said he’s worried but he won’t pry. Just want you to go to whoever you’re comfortable with. As long as you get your worries solved.”

The words gave Soonyoung’s chest a squeeze. He wasn’t being fair to the people who cared about him. Including Seungcheol.

 

**

 

Seungcheol looked surprised when he entered the room. Maybe he was expecting to see at least Jun or Jihoon. But the only one here was Soonyoung. He didn’t act awkward. With a “hey” and a smile he stepped further inside. Soonyoung did his best to return the smile even though he’s not sure he did it properly.

Small chat ensued and if the others were here, they would think nothing was wrong. Inside, Soonyoung was still in a turmoil. He knew he had to deal with it soon.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure.”

The way Seungcheol’s face lit up made Soonyoung smile. It was endearing. He was endearing. Soonyoung thought he wouldn’t be able to stop loving.

Soonyoung dragged his right foot on the floor, making small circles as if it was going to help him say what he wanted to say. It didn’t. So he turned around.

“Can you hug me?”

The second “sure” from Seungcheol sounded less like an excited puppy. It was gentle, calming. Just like his arms circling around Soonyoung, his warmth on Soonyoung’s back.

They stayed like that in silence and Soonyoung kind of wanted it to last forever, but he spoke instead.

“Thanks.”

“Nah.” The words and breath against the side of his neck felt comforting. “Whenever you need me.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Anytime and anything?”

“Except bungee-jumping.”

Soonyoung tilted his neck a bit to the right, hoping that this would prevent Seungcheol from seeing his face.

“Will you hug just me? Not the others... Just... me...”

He heard Seungcheol laughed and at first he thought Seungcheol was laughing at him. But he felt the grip on his body tightened, and suddenly it was loose again, then his body turned around by those arms.

Seungcheol’s dazzling smile was within a hair’s breadth, so beautiful Soonyoung unconsciously hold his breath. Seungcheol’s arms tightened around him once again. Seungcheol’s chin was back to Soonyoung’s shoulder and he laughed beside Soonyoung’s ear.

“Yeah...” he heard Seungcheol said. “If you promise too. That it’s only me.”

Soonyoung finally lifted his own arms and returned the hug. He held on to Seungcheol as he hummed yes and yes. Seungcheol laughed again. A beautiful, beautiful laugh.