Andante

Written by justonce_ismile

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Chapter 1: at the crossroads

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Idol Star Athletics Championships, September 2015

Goyang Gymanisum, Goyang

(—you walk towards me slowly)

“The next round of events will start in approximately an hour. Participants are encouraged to prepare themselves and those who are not partaking in the events could use the remaining time to take a break and enjoy the refreshments provided…”

The MC’s voice blares out from the giant speakers located at both sides of the dome and Seulgi nervously glances at the rest of her members who are still waving at their fans. Her stomach suddenly rumbles out loud in protest, resulting in her clutching at her stomach in embarrassment. Knowing their manager-oppa, and the fact that they are in the middle of promoting ‘Dumb Dumb’, he would sooner pop an aneurysm than to let any of them touch anything but salad (or anything that spells ‘healthy’ and ‘low-calorie’, really) for the rest of the month.

Therefore, having Pringles for lunch, is certainly out of the option.

But… Seulgi clenches her hands. But it’s not like he has to know…right?

Nodding to herself while walking towards Irene, Selgi pulls at the older girl’s sleeve and whispers to her ear, “Unnie, I need to go somewhere.”

Irene stops in the middle of her stride and looks at Seulgi, her brows furrowed. “Where? To do what?”

Biting her lips, Seulgi unconsciously looks away, already feeling bad for lying. “I am planning to have lunch with Moonbyul-unnie and the others…”

Irene spots all four MAMAMOO members walking towards the exit without paying them a backward glance – clearly they don’t seem to have any intention of inviting Seulgi for lunch – and knowing that said girl is lying to her, Irene raises her brows even higher, folding her arms in front of her chest.

“Seulgi-ya…”

Seulgi gulps at the reprimanding tone that her unnie is giving her and her resolve to lie crumbles in a heartbeat. “Ah…that is…” She wilts, sighing. “Mianhae, unnie. I just – it’s been a while since I last had Pringles and I really, really want to eat them but I know manager-oppa will be monitoring our lunch today too…”

Irene’s heart softens at Seulgi’s words, instantly understanding the reason why the younger girl has just lied. She bitterly looks at their manager, who is currently waiting for them in front of their waiting room, and back to Seulgi, who looks so crestfallen and dejected that she can’t help but put an arm forward and turns them around the hallway before their manager can spot them. Irene waves a hand at Wendy, Joy, and Yeri, signaling the girls to go without them.

“…Unnie?” Seulgi blinks at her leader. “Wae…?”

Irene purses her lips, knowing herself that she is being too partial towards Seulgi at the moment, and that if the rest of the members were to find out, they would definitely also complain for not being able to eat whatever they want to. But…

“Go.” Irene pats Seulgi’s shoulder, a gentle smile playing on her lips. Well, she will take care of the matter when the time comes. Maybe she will even let them have burgers for dinner secretly tomorrow. She will make do, somehow. She is the leader after all. “I will cover for you.”

Feeling immensely touched, Seulgi beams widely and proceeds to attack Irene with a big hug, squeezing the air out of the currently laughing leader.

“Gomawo, unnie!”

“Ahrasseo,” Irene Seulgi’s hair in amusement. “But don’t remember to exercise when we get back to dorm later.”

Waving her goodbye, Seulgi turns the other way, occasionally bumping into other idols who are involved in today’s athletic championship while muttering ‘sorry’s along the way. Her mind and body are completely focused on the task at hand, which is to go to the farthest vending machine that she has spotted near the entrance of the building when they came this morning.

A wide smile blooms on her face as she runs. Chuckling, Seulgi thinks she would have won the 100m race had they dangled a can of Pringles in front of her, and when said vending machine finally comes into view, Seulgi takes no time in inserting the necessary coins and purchasing her favourite original-flavoured Pringles.

All of a sudden, she stops in her tracks, another worry starts to surface from her mind.

Where should she go and eat?

If she were to eat in some random room, and if someone – a staff, or worse, one of her fellow idols’ managers – were to find her and tell her manager-oppa, she would be doomed.

Irene-unnie would be doomed.

Her members would also be doomed.

Biting her lips, she looks towards the end of hallway and cringes. The washroom…?

That’s just so…sad.

Does she really need to go all the way to the washroom, lock herself in a stall, just so that she can eat her favourite food without feeling guilt or shame?

Ani, Seulgi shakes her head. The guilt and shame will always be there, regardless of whether or not there’s an audience to witness her eating.

Dragging her feet slowly, Seulgi thinks about how pathetic she’s currently being and laments at her stupid decision. She is about to walk herself back to the waiting room and confess to her manager, before a sign plastered on the wall catches her attention.

Heart beating in half trepidation and half excitement, Seulgi reads the words printed at the bottom of the arrow and almost cheers out loud at her luck.

Mata! The rooftop!

Glancing left and right, and after confirming that nobody is around to witness her going up the stairs (they should have installed CCTV after that turn in the corner, Seulgi chides internally, giggling). Oh well, their loss, her gain. Maybe she would tell the security officer about this after today’s competition is over.

Meanwhile, she will take the opportunity given to her and be able to enjoy her Pringles without having to worry about being found out. Yes, everything will be just fine, Seulgi cheerfully nods as she skips the stairs towards the rooftop, humming along the way.

As she reaches the top floor and the door comes to sight, Seulgi doesn’t hesitate to turn the doorknob around, the cool from the metal sends chills down her spine.

The light from the sun blinds her for a second and she has to squint her eyes in order to adjust to the brightness. She places a hand in front of her face, closing the door behind her. Almost immediately, she can feel the heat rolling off towards her in waves, and when she breathes, she can smell the crisp scent of summer in the air.

Ah…wait.

The air is somewhat…

“Halfway towards autumn…” She mutters to herself.

Smiling to herself, Seulgi lifts her head, but immediately freezes in her spot.

Oh.

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A person – a man – with bright orange hair turns around, his eyes clear and wide and he seems as surprised as her.

Seulgi stops breathing.

Oh.

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“Seulgi…noona?”

His voice seems to snap her out of her reverie, and Seulgi in a startled breath. Heol. Wait a second. Maybe she is still dreaming? Or maybe the heat has her conjuring up images of a certain someone…but then again, of all people, why him?

“Are you…” He pauses, hesitating at his words. “Why are you here?”

Why…Jimin-sunbaenim?

“Um…” She takes a step back, her back colliding with the door. There is something about that flicker in his gaze that unnerves her and Seulgi ends up looking at the ground, circling her Pringles tighter to her chest. Peering at him, she can feel her cheeks warming. Maybe it is the heat from the sun, she convinces herself.  

“Hello, Jimin-sunbaenim.”

Jimin blinks a few times, his mind still processing the sight in front of him, before his eyes soften and he musters a small smile at her.

“Annyeong, noona.”

He pauses again, realizing that he is the only one who is using banmal. They have agreed last time to drop the formality, right?

“Seulgi-noona…” He coughs. “Why Jimin-sunbaenim…?”

“Eh?” Seulgi blinks, not catching his meaning. “It’s your name…?”

“Hmm,” he nods, all the while taking small steps towards her. The languid manner in which he strides towards her causes her heart to pound a beat faster. She chews on her lip, curling her fingers into a ball. The cold of the door seeps into her back, and this only further pronounces the fact that she has no way to run.

Unwittingly, has she become the prey?

Seulgi shakes away her thoughts. What prey? Ani, what am I even being nervous for?

He stops a few good metres away from her, but his presence – amidst the blaring heat and the loud beating of her heart – becomes much more tangible.

“We’ve decided to use banmal last time, remember?”

…Banmal?

“Ah,” Seulgi startles, blinking again as she clears . “That’s right…banmal.”

Jimin tilts his head at her, looking expectantly.

“Um…” She begins shyly, sneaking a glimpse at him as she says. “Annyeong, Jimin-ah.”

Her words are spoken very quietly but the passing wind carries it anyway and Jimin’s lips curl into a gentle smile, his eyes dipping into crescents.

“What are you doing here, noona?”

Seulgi is unprepared to see that unabashedly gentle expression on his face, and her chest suddenly feels tight.

“I’m…” Seulgi fumbles for words inside her mind. What is she here for again?

“Hmm?”

“I…” She squeaks, blurting whatever comes to her mind first. “I am here to feel the wind…definitely not to secretly eat Pringles or anything like that, you know…” She stops in a rather unsure note, cringing as she realizes what she has just said.

Seulgi feels like covering her face and banging her head to the nearest wall.

Did she really have to say Pringles?

Why was she being so awkwardly specific?

Ugh, Kang Seulgi, when will you stop embarrassing yourself!

Jimin, on the other hand, only watches in quiet amusement at the internal conflict brewing within her (which is being displayed quite transparently on her face, he chuckles inwardly) and turns his face slightly to the side to mask his growing smile.

Surrendering to the fact that what’s done is done, Seulgi decides there’s only one solution out of this problem.

When one faces a problem and sees no prospect of victory whatsoever, one should quietly and humbly retreat instead of attacking, right?

…Right.

With one of her hands placed on the door, Seulgi slowly trails her fingers around the door to reach the handle and intends to bolt her way out of the awkward situation. But in the midst of turning her body around, her other hand loses its grip on her can of Pringles and she watches, in unmasked horror, as her precious Pringles fall to the ground with a loud clank, before slowly, dramatically, it rolls towards the man who is currently standing a few steps away from her.

…Ah.

Ah.

…!

Seulgi ducks her chin down, screaming internally. Ottoke!

Snort.

Her ears perk at the small but definitely audible sound coming from him, and mustering her courage to look at him secretly, Seulgi watches with rising mortification as he brings one of his hands to discreetly (not really!) cover his mouth in order to (again) hide his smile (laughter!)

Aish, she cries inwardly and forces her two eyes to shut. So embarrassing!

Why can’t a hole magically appear at this particular moment so that she can hide there forever and never show herself to mankind again?

“So, you’re not here to secretly eat Pringles and just to feel the breeze...” His voice, somewhat quavering and still carrying that tinge of amusement, quips from in front of her.

She can hear him taking closer steps towards her.

Hana.

Dul.

Set.

Bending down, Jimin stretches one hand and takes her Pringles from the ground, wrapping his fingers around the red, cylindrical can.

“Of course, I believe you.”

Seulgi tenses in surprise.

Jinjja?

Opening her eyes slowly, she comes face to face…with his wide grin.

His smiling face, now positioned way closer than before, almost causes her to shrink back against the door.

Ah…of course not.

Of course he is teasing her, she grimaces.

“Here you go, noona,” Jimin, with that smile still carved on his lips, places her Pringles between her crossed arms gently.

He keeps staring at her like that for a few minutes, not saying anything, his body casting a shadow over her. His tangerine hair, tousled heavily from the wind, seems to add to his boyish looks and causes her heart to flutter against her will.

“Do you want to sit with me?”

His voice again serves as the magic spell that breaks her out this trance that she seems to have a routine of getting trapped into whenever she is with him, and without waiting for her reply, he walks towards the edge of the corner before plopping himself underneath the shade, resting his chin against his hand.

He pats at the spot beside him and looks at her. “Come here, noona.”

Seulgi decides to be thick-faced and follow his words, dampening the growing nervousness within her as she sits herself beside him wordlessly. Noticing the slightly jarring space that stretches between their hands, Seulgi hesitantly places her can of Pringles between them. He looks at her for a second, but still doesn’t say anything in response to her action.

Feeling somewhat awkward, Seulgi tucks her two legs underneath her chin and circles her arms around them, glancing at Jimin from the corner of her eyes. Well, if the person who is the sole witness to her embarrassing moment decides that he will not discuss it, why would she bring up the matter and further embarrass herself?

Geurae, she should just stay quiet and be thankful that Jimin-sunbaenim is courteous enough not to call her out on her lie.

Retracting her gaze away from him, Seulgi idly looks at the ground and notices her loose shoelaces. Frowning, she unties the two laces and attempts to tie them into a neat ribbon. She squints at her work and frowns deeper, somehow not satisfied with the result, and proceeds to untie the laces again, working with the knots, before retying them. But the moment she moves her foot and tests them by stomping on the ground, the laces come undone right away.

Seulgi huffs and glares at her shoelaces. Why you…

But before she can rinse and repeat the whole process again, a certain someone who has been watching her all this time inserts coolly from beside her.

“Noona, let me do it for you.”

Jimin has shifted his body and bent towards her, his two arms reaching out to take the shoelaces from her grip. He then creates two loops, using two fingers to release the loop on each hand, before pulling the loose end of the opposite loop through its own, completing a neat knot in a matter of seconds.

Seulgi gapes at him in astonishment. “Daebak. How did you come across this trick, sunbaenim?”

Jimin chuckles at the admiration in her voice, leisurely fixing the shoelace on Seulgi’s other shoe as he replies teasingly, “Sunbaenim…?”

The older girl pauses, grinning sheepishly. “Um…I mean, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin can’t help but smile shamelessly from ear-to-ear at the call of his first name. “Jungkook taught me a few months ago, when we were about to go for a run and I took too long to fix my shoelaces. So he ended up sharing his trick with me.”

“I see…” Seulgi nods, catching the fond look that passes his face when he talks about the maknae of his group. She smiles to herself and notes that he must have really cherished s. She thinks about the youngest BTS member and from what she knows and has seen, he is a very capable person and is extremely polite to boot. Very different from a certain maknae of their group, Seulgi chuckles, an image of a deviously laughing Yerim popping up in her mind.

Looking at her now neatly tied shoelaces, Seulgi suddenly stops to ponder about the sunbae sitting beside her.

Jimin turns his head around when he feels her gaze boring through his side profile. “What is it, noona?”

Seulgi sees the smile that blooms on his face, and wonders why he is again treating her so kindly. They rarely ever interact aside from that one time during the rehearsal of Dream Concert back in May, and the only other interaction with him (and with the rest of BTS members) that she remembers having is during their Happiness promotion last year, when they knocked on BTS-sunbaenims’ waiting room and presented the boy group with their debut album.

Then again, among the other BTS members, his figure has always stood out to her the most.

When their eyes meet, Seulgi always feels this inexplicable pull towards him, as if there is something about him that calls out to her. Although, whenever they meet, it is always under embarrassing circumstances – what with her hair being stuck on his button the last time they met, and now him finding out about her Pringles escapade – Seulgi feels that Jimin is a very understanding person and she always feels very comfortable talking to him.

Maybe…she muses. Maybe, if it is this person, he would understand how she feels.

“Have you…” Seulgi starts off hesitantly, mulling inside.

She is about to ask a potentially sensitive question, and wonders whether it would be appropriate to do so. Would this be considered as crossing the line? Would he think she’s being too nosy? But his gaze towards her remains unchanging, his eyes still shine with that tinge of warmth and kindness and having his undivided attention helps boost her confidence so Seulgi continues in a stronger voice, “Have you ever felt tired, working as an idol?”

Jimin blinks, pausing as he is a little bit taken aback by her question. “Tired from working…as an idol?”

Seulgi pauses too, realizing that her words were a bit too vague. She chews on her lips and looks down, choosing her words more carefully this time as she asks in an earnest tone, “Do you ever…find this job…maybe, a little tiresome?”

The man beside her is silent for some time, and Seulgi looks at him without blinking.

And then he replies:

“Yes. Every day.”

Seulgi almost staggers in her seat, clearly not expecting that answer from him.

He looks at her saucer-wide eyes and her shocked expression and lets out a small laugh. “Well, to be more specific, not that I find this job tiresome. But it is tiring. That is, I am always tired every single day because of this job.”

Seulgi knits her brows, tilting her head. “There is a difference?”

Jimin turns to look at her, smiling as he nods. “It’s not that I find being an idol tiresome, but that being an idol makes me tired. Most of the time.”

Seulgi purses her lips, still confused as to why he is smiling. “And that’s a good thing?”

“Hmm,” he chuckles at the perplexed look on her face. “It is a good thing.”

“Is it because…” Seulgi falters, clutching at the hem of her hoodie. “Because then you can forget about your worries?”

“…Maybe,” he swivels his gaze and stares at his worn-out shoes. It is the very same shoes that his eomma gave him after he got back from practice really late one night. He had missed the last bus that would take him home from the dance school that he commuted to, and ended up having to take the taxi and using up all of his allowance for the month. His mother had scolded and shouted at him and asked him why he was being so stubborn, but he remembered saying only one thing:

“Because dancing is my life. It is my dream, eomma.”

His mother had probably understood then that he would not change his mind. When she gave him those shoes – a silent affirmation that she supported his decision – Jimin cried and almost hugged her to death.

Looking at the woman beside him, Jimin asks softly. “Did you regret becoming an idol, noona?”

Seulgi doesn’t think twice and blurts out a loud, “No.”

Jimin raises a brow at her, and she pauses, thinking about his question for a long time.

Did she regret ever becoming an idol?

She frowns.

There are times when she feels like crying, when she feels like everything is too much and that she is only heading towards failure. But she ended up debuting, didn’t she? This path, while it is certainly far from being easy and there are still much more difficult days awaiting for her in the future, Seulgi has never felt that she regretted her decision of auditioning with SM and training for seven years before she got to reach to where she is today.

Because while she could no longer eat her eomma’s home-cooked meal anytime she wants and has to always be wary of what she’s consuming; while she could no longer cuddle up beside her appa and feel him patting her head gently while saying “My Princess” beside her ears, she now gets to taste Joohyun-unnie’s love and care in her slightly salty gamjatang; she gets to bother Yerim and Sooyoung who are only a few steps away whenever she’s bored; and she gets to feel Seungwan’s warm hugs whenever she’s feeling down and tired and lonely.

Because she loves dancing and singing more than anything, and debuting as a member of Red Velvet is her finally starting the journey of realizing her dream.

She takes a glimpse at Jimin’s smiling face, wondering. Is it the same for you too?

Her stare shifts to the drifting clouds decorating the summer sky and she repeats in a quiet voice. “No, I didn’t regret becoming an idol.”

I am happy.

Jimin follows her gaze as he too fixes his eyes upon the clear blue above him. He smiles. “See, you managed to find the answer yourself, noona.”

Seulgi chuckles. “Because of you Jimin-sun—“ She pauses abruptly, glancing at him.  Jimin raises an eyebrow at her, as if he waiting to reprimand her for speaking in a formal way again, before Seulgi laughs and corrects herself cheekily, sticking her tongue out. “Because of you, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin sighs dramatically, puffing his chest. “Of course. I’m awesome, aren’t I, noona?”

“Oh.” Seulgi giggles, resting her cheek on her knees.

The corner of quirks upwards in amusement as she continues to peruse the man beside her who doesn’t seem to realize that she is currently staring at him. “Jimin-ah.”

“Hm?” Jimin turns at the call of his name—

—and forgets to breathe for a moment. 

She is smiling at him.

Smiling that smile.

A smile that he has seen her show Irene-ssi this morning during the opening ceremony – a smile, that he knows, she shows only to the people most important to her.

A smile so radiant and genuine and beautiful.

It is the smile that the first time she showed it to him, it almost causes his world to tilt off its axis.

It is the smile that makes Jimin forget that he is only a few nanometers away from free falling, and that once he makes that jump, there will really be no turning back.

He loves (and hates) that smile.

“Jinjja,” she continues softly, “Jinjja, jinjja, gomawo.”

His fingers twitch unconsciously, and he suddenly has the most bizarre desire to poke at her cheeks, wondering if that smile would then disappear from her face; wondering if instead, she would give him that adorable glare that reminds him of a ruffled cat; wondering, if her skin would turn into a beautiful shade of crimson that causes his throat to constrict and tighten.

“Ah! That’s right!”

Her loud exclamation startles him out of his musing; his previously moving hand (treacherous, treacherous hand!) immediately falls back to his side, his fingers clenched tightly into a fist.

…That was close.

“Can you give me your palm?”

Her question causes Jimin to blank out for a second. “…My palm?”

Seulgi bobs her head up and down, looking at him with those two, big sparkling eyes.

Jimin gulps, hesitantly offering his palm to her.

Did she perhaps realize his impure thoughts from earlier?

Is she planning to scold him? Berate him for being so…corrupt?

But contrary to what he expected, Seulgi cheerfully takes a piece of Pringles from the can and places it on his outstretched palm.

Jimin blinks. “…Eh?”

“This is my thank you,” Seulgi replies, grinning. “Thank you, for cheering me up.”

…

“Just one?” He blurts out.

It’s Seulgi’s turn to blank out for a second, and when she finally snaps out of her stupor, she looks back and forth between Jimin and her can of Pringles with a troubled expression.

“I…um…”

Seulgi stares at her Pringles though as if she is unwilling to part from her one true love, and Jimin has to restrain himself from laughing again.

“It’s because…” An imaginary light bulb appears above her head and Seulgi shoots Jimin a bright smile. “Because you’re about to participate in the 100m relay, right? I am only giving you one Pringles so that you can win and become number one!”

His eyes twinkle teasingly. “Is that so?”

“Un.” Seulgi nods in all seriousness, oblivious to his teasing. “If you really get to win number one, then I promise to give you the whole can of Pringles.”

“Really?”

A vigorous nod. “Really.”

Jimin chuckles, offering his pinky to her. “Promise?”

Seulgi looks at the gesture and slowly tangles her pinky with his. Her heart jumps in surprise at the contact, feeling all the blood rushing to her cheeks. She rarely interacts with boys in general, and although she has an older brother, Jimin is someone younger than her and she can’t ever see him as a brother.

“Um…” She peers at him shyly. “Promise.”

He meets her gaze and quirks a gentle smile. Seulgi curls her fingers and feels her stomach churning with something unfamiliar. The summer breeze rushes through the canopy above them, and Seulgi closes her eyes, listening to the rustling of the leaves, the chirping of the cicadas, and the occasional car honking in the distance. When she opens her eyes, the younger man beside her is still looking at her, somewhat absentmindedly, his usually warm brown eyes shining like bronze under the sunlight.

“What is it?” She asks softly, somewhat afraid to break the tranquil atmosphere.

He gradually lets go of her pinky, but before she can ponder about the sudden loss of warmth, he reaches out his hand towards her. Seulgi follows his movement, her gaze trailing from his arm, to his pale wrist, and finally to his finger, which is now gently tangling itself around her hair. She looks at the smile curved on his lips, and clenches her fingers tightly as he tucks a stray hair behind her ear. His movement causes his finger to brush against the tips of her ear, and Seulgi shivers, her eyes once again meeting his.

His finger lingers near the skin between her ear and cheek, and his touch feels like feather against her skin – almost transient, not really touching, but so, very real.

“…Your hair,” he says in a low voice. “They’re longer now, noona.”

His voice seems even more palpable, as if he is whispering beside her ear, and it makes her all the more aware of their pro