A peaceful day is happening outside the window of Kim Yerim’s class. It has been cloudy in her head. She tries to erase the thoughts of her specific third year senior who is the epitome of her first love. She does it everyday by looking at the spring’s blue sky. But even clouds remind her of him, because they live—everyone lives—under the same sky. It’s just nobody stands on the same exact place as the others. Just like him and her.

His name is Jeon Jeongguk.

She was glad that her parents enrolled her to the private school where she doesn’t need to move when she has graduated from junior high. Her school consists of all level from kindergarten to high school level. That makes her able to not lose sight of Jeongguk ever since her eyes caught the sparks of his two years ago.

Jeongguk is the popular person everyone knows, the smart student the teachers adore, the cool senior every male juniors look up to in sports. Everyone agrees that he is a heart stealer. But, if Yeri could turn back times, she would choose to change the state she has been in.

To fall in love in silence is painful.

Yerim can’t help it, though. She still falls deeper. She bears it because even if it hurts, Jeongguk is the one who raises the flower that blooms in the spring of her youth. Life is a not necessarily a long period yet a long way to go and she does not think it is a waste to spend some years loving someone like Jeon Jeongguk.

When she thinks of this, the wind blows the strands of her hair, carress her with a soft touch and she smiles.

He has changed her. She then changed herself.

Jeongguk is a kind person. He always helps people because he can do most of the things you expect a capable guy is able to do. (He can fix class’ broken doorknob, lift up heavy things and people’s worst moods, programming computer, etc.) Yerim then started to help some friends around her even though she is not as mighty as Jeongguk. People then said she is kind.

Jeongguk also has pretty smiles and people are swoon by it. When he smiles, Yerim also smiles in her heart (She doesn’t want to get caught staring and smiling at him.) Yerim then felt like maybe she should smile more because smile is one of the most beautiful things human can produce. People then started to say that she is warm-hearted and pretty.

One of Jeongguk charms thatYerim really likes is he speaks well. He doesn’t speak much, but when he does, everyone listens. They are short, truthful sentences which speak volumes. (He curses a little just like his boy friends, though, but Yerim subjectively convinced it must be without ill-intentions.) So, in order to be a bit like Jeongguk, Yerim chooses her words and avoids gossips. Her friends trust and love her so much now.

One thing that Yerim can never does like Jeongguk is singing well. Jeongguk has this golden voice no one ever has. Yerim heard him singing at school’s night festival and that day was the day she cried amidst the crowds, forgave her heart for started falling for Jeongguk. She also apologized to her own heart for she was about to start a series of painful journey with it.

-

In just six or seven months, as if the world except Jeongguk gravitates to her. Yerim finds it amusing and only feels grateful for all the love she receives as the results of the small love she gives to Jeongguk anonimously.

“Yerim, I heard you reject another one again. It must be because of Jeongguk-sunbaenim, right?” Saeron asks one day.

“If you really like him, why don’t you try to show your feelings to him?” Yoojung adds.

Yerim just shakes her head and smiles.

-

“You’re in your third year now. You have to focus on your study. I know you have good grades, but you have to prepare for the university.”

Jeongguk is on his stand, ready to jump into the blue water of the swimming pool which always ready to embrace him everytime, bring him to other realm where his worry becomes irrelevant to the beauty of the blue.

“If it’s you, I know you c—” The whistle’s blown. He jumps in and water fills his vision, he hopes the water washes his messy thoughts away.

He aims to the other end and focusing his power solely on his arms and legs, as he takes breaths through the intervals perfectly. He is the furthest and fastest compared to the others since the beginning. His best friend, Yugyeom, laughs at him for being too serious in practice.

Meanwhile, on the benches and tribunes that surround the rectangular pool, female students dominate some of the seats and cheers for him loudly. Most of them are his loyal fanclub members who give him regular presents at Valentine, his birthday, Christmas, or any day they feel like giving.

Jeongguk can never stop them from doing so ever since puberty hit him like a truck and he became popular since in junior high swimming competition. The fanclub was estasblished since then. They were annoying at first. The teachers also blame him for making girls absent from class to see his practice.

Until one day, they had crossed the line by giving Jeongguk expensive swimming stuffs and deliberately absent together just to watch his competition at other school (Non-fans, less rich and obsessed fans, and Yerim didn’t go. Yerim freaking wanted to, though, but she knew Jeongguk hate it.)

His friends told him he was so lucky. He felt burdened.

Jeongguk knows many of the students in his private school are rich, but it wasn’t supposed to be like that. After Jeongguk won the medal, he met his so called fangirls without putting his shirt first. Bare-chest, wet-haired Jeon Jeongguk made girls screaming again.

His voice was as cold as freezing water and they were silent. He looked angry and wanted to be, but his ratio told him that’s not the way to settle problems. He would never shout at girls, too. So, he agreed to his female classmates’ creative idea: create the boundaries, put the limit.

Since then, only girls with sufficient scores and good report card are allowed to enter the fanclub. Gifts either should be cheap and edible or useful. Those who deliberately absent from class would be reported.

All is well now.

Jeongguk wants to laugh whenever he remembers he ever did that scolding. He thanks his fellow classmates as they have made his life more peaceful. He gets out from the water when he finally reaches his starting point. He looks around and still can’t believe he has many people supporting him like this.

Jeon Jeongguk, a mere person, who also has weaknesses and flaws.

He then focuses on a spot where a certain girl always sits to watch him. She sits a bit far from the other—kind of hyper—girls. She also has her own styles of cheering that is different from them. She only sits mostly alone, maybe smiles, he can’t see clearly from afar, and then claps her hands actively.

It makes her stand out. (Almost everyone jumps and shouts, but she sits calmly. A clever strategy to get his attention, Jeongguk thinks.) Jeongguk is quite keen. He may not know all the names of his supporters, but he notices some of them. From what he remembered, that girl has been there since his fourth competition practices when he was in his second year.

He just realized that she’s… beautiful.

Maybe the water blurred his vision, he said to himself. The bell rings, that girl be the first one to stand up and walking to leave the swimming hall. For the first time after a long time since his last one-sided childish love with his childhood friend, Jeon Jeongguk who only loves swimming is finally curious.

“Gyeom, do you know that girl?”

Jeongguk may be popular, but Yugyeom is the social butterfly. Yugyeom looks at the girl for a second only, already recognized her because she is quite famous, and then turns back to Jeongguk pitying his knowledge.

“Your head must be only filled with pool’s water. Just date the pool already and never know girls anymore.”

Jeongguk just laughs and throws wet towel to Yugyeom’s face.

-

Yerim turn off her bedroom’s lights and only turn on the small yellow lamp on her table. She slided her window curtains and invited the moon and the stars to be her lonely night’s companies. She is sitting on her bed listening to the new CD she has bought a week ago.

She closes her eyes and absorbed into the music, the lyrics of a girl who hopes her dearest to be there with her. The singer sings in a manner Yerim can’t precisely describe, but she feels the singer sounds like she is disappointed and the sad thing is she has accepted it that her dearest’s arms are around her but his heart’s not. So, she sings that he should be here softly like a wish that will never come true.

She rewinds the memories. That day, she got to went home so late because her promise to teach her friends about the difficult materials. They asked a lot of questions Yerim felt became dry from explaining. She wanted to go home, but she also wanted to help them. The mid-term test was coming soon.

Yerim informed her mother through phone call that she would be at home at 9 PM, but reality was she stepped out of the school gates at 10 PM. She was tired and thirsty. She went to the supermarket near school to buy drinks before going home.

She pushed the heavy glass door weakly and walked to the refrigerator. She took out a bottle of mineral water and lemon drink, tried hard to refuse the urge to buy high calories snacks. She doesn’t do sports, so the least thing she could do is keeping her scale’s needle doesn’t go any further.

She turns around to the cashier’s direction but stops her steps as she saw the apple of her eyes. Someone is back facing her, standing in front of the small music corner two rows in front of her. She could read his name font on the back of his swimming club jacket.

Jeon Jeongguk.

His hair’s damped and pushed back. Drops of water rolled down on the back of his nape. He must have finished practicing hard for his last competition.Yerim hoped he wouldn’t catch a cold going home like that.

Yerim glad there she was a wearing a mask that covered half of her face. For unknown reasons, she didn’t want to meet Jeongguk full face to face. She may be brave outside, known as the confident class resprestative. But she’s weak in the presence of Jeongguk, she’s shy just like any girl who is falling in love.

She moved closer, pretended to look at Pringles and read the nutrition facts when actually she was curious which album Jeongguk was going to buy. It was one at the top. When Jeongguk finally took one and went to pay, Yerim waited until he went out of the store. When he had, she quickly got the one Jeongguk bought.

It was Kehlani. You Should Be Here.

The day after, she thanked her friends who have made her arrived at home at 11 PM one by one. They were confused and told her not to thank them. They didn’t know they have caused Kim Yerim to experience a night sweeter than a good dream.

After Yerim listened to the album, she grew fond of it. She pulls her knees closer to her chest as she repeats the title track. She wonders while looking at the hiding moon.

If her first love story were the lyrics of a sad love song, she would like Jeongguk to sing it. It would be so beautiful she forgets it is sad.

-

“She’s Kim Yerim, the flower of the first year. You may not hear her name often now but in one or two years, she could be the next Sana or Eunha of our class. She’s not easy, though. Our friends, like Mingyu and Seokmin got rejected. As I guessed, she’s a fan of you,” Yugyeom looks so bored by the fact.

“I’m sorry for being too cool, girls can’t handle but fall,” Jeongguk smirks.

“Let me drown you, this jerk.”

“But, yeah, she’s beautiful.”

“You like her? She’s a first year, Guk.”

Jeongguk smirks again and stands up, handing the towel he borrowed from Yugyeom. “Here, thanks. I got to change. Oh, I can’t join you guys today. I need to go to the library.”

He doesn’t have the time to date when he has a lot of responsibility in his shoulders. His parents have been supporting his swimming activity despite their wish for him to focus on entering medical university, so he has to achieve good grades and shows them that he’s serious on both.

He is not allowed to divide his attention.

It has been fine all along. But, now that he’s a third year student, it’s time for him to leave his most loved interest. He got to take the first place in his last swimming competition next month. He promised himself, he won’t disappoint anyone.

“But can I?”

-

Yerim almost got a heart attack when Saeron hit his shoulder while she was looking outside the window. Instead of getting angry, she only scowls and rests her head on the table. Saeron laughs before asking her.

“Cheer up. Are you having a bad day?” she asks with one of her hands on her hip. Yoojung suddenly joins them and pats the crown of her head. “Must be about of Jeongguk-sunbaenim again,” she says.

Both of them pulled two chairs to sit around Yerim’s table, waiting until the silence breaks. They know the rhythm of Kim Yerim’s heart. They know when her petals fly away to their hands. Yerim looks at them in the eyes. Her eyes are as clear as crystal drops.

She confesses.

The reason why she never tries to tell her feelings to Jeongguk is because deep down inside she’s afraid. She’s afraid of more pain to come after. She feels then that means she doesn’t love Jeongguk enough to permit her own self to do such thing. Meanwhile, Jeongguk has given her so much. Jeongguk has given her the power to be a better person. What she has is nothing compared to what Jeongguk has given. She is simply coward, nothing like Jeongguk. The incompatibility bothers her.

There’s also two years gap between them. She never knows the real Jeongguk, his struggles, his short-ends, his tears, his thoughts. How could she say she loves him when she doesn’t even know him? Even if they end up together, which always crosses Yerim’s mind, Jeongguk would have no time for her and he would graduate first.

Her friends may silently think that Yerim thinks too much, but she is herself and it can’t be change easily. This is the way she loves Jeongguk: by learning to love herself and give love to others more than before she knows Jeon Jeongguk.

When Yerim looks at his eyes everytime he wins a competition, the lights in his eyes said it all. There is no place for her, a stranger to him. He got to do many great things in life, now and then, and it may never be related to Yerim.

It is cruel and beautiful at the same time.

Jeongguk will keep shining and one day Yerim, too, will be able to do the same in her own way, because she has received the passions Jeongguk has shown to the world.

“May that day comes in peace,” she whispers. “And don’t worry about me, I’ve told him my feelings quietly.”

-

Jeongguk plays the new CD he bought some times ago. He’s reading the difficult materials for science test on the day after tomorrow while drinking a glass of iced tea his mother prepared for him. Actually, he wants to sleep because his back muscles ache after swimming for three hours today, but he resists the urge well.

He makes sure to take a break every twenty-five minutes. He rubs his eyes, wishing to stay awake. He usually remembers good things that have happened today at night. It’s not today, though. He’s anxious for the upcoming competition.

Jeongguk thinks he needs to move himself. He gets up and decides to sort his messy desk and its drawers. He sorts the books by its shapes and sizes, takes out used paper and garbages. In a bigger drawer, there is a lot of paper which comes in different colors. The white ones and red post-its are his, but the others are his fan letters.

No, Jeongguk does not keep all the gifts and letters he ever received. Not all, only the ones he deems as valuable that he keeps in his drawer. He read all of the sent letters, but most of them lost their way somehow and just disappeared (His mother cleans his room sometimes).

Since he’s bored and needs something to distract his mind, he reads them again. He smiles upon the thoughtfulness of some of his fans. They told him how he inspired them to strive for their interests, one person also gave him sheets of music paper (Jeongguk requested his senior, Yoongi, to play for him and it was good, so he kept the partiture).

There are some drawings of him (He looks handsome there). A fan also gave him a handwritten tips on how to master Overwatch and never lose (It’s useful and Jeongguk studied it seriously). But there is one letter which is his favourite. He received it not long ago on his birthday. It was one upon many that were put in a box on his table at the class.

The letter was prettily handwritten. It started with a quote from, coincidentally, his favourite movie ever, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.

Jeongguk couldn’t believe his eyes when he first read the quotes. He watched it when he was seven years old with his older female cousin. He didn’t understand anything back then, but when he was older he watched it again and he loves it. The funny thing is he never tells anyone about it. A little coincidence like this was quite fun to him.

Jeongguk thought this girl in the letter sent him a sad confession. It doesn’t feel like a confession for him, though. She asked him if he ever fell in love with someone who didn’t love him back. She said she did and it made her feel both happy and unhappy. She knew this quote from a movie and she hoped to be like the vestal mentioned in order to ease the unhappiness.

Even though people would say hers is just a simple crushing on someone, she thinks everyone who experiences one-sided love would wish for an eternal sunshine of a spotless mind.

A mind that does not dwell upon the tribulations of the past and dissociates itself from any ingrained feelings experiences true bliss, comparable to an “eternal sunshine”.

A spotless mind refers to one that does not dwell on anything, making no lasting connections to events and feelings. In such a state, there is no emotional turbulence, no feelings of unhappiness.

In other words, she hopes to forget the one she loves, yet in the end she realizes it’s not forgetting that would make her happy, but the act of accepting that will free her mind.

Jeongguk thought it was a beautiful depiction of a quote.

She wished for Jeongguk to learn from this quote, too. That it’s fine to wish for something or someone that maybe deep down inside you do not know whether you can make it come true or not. The uncertainties, doubts, are all natural.

But if it doesn’t turn out the way we want, we are allowed to resign each wish, give them up and stop them from tearing us down.

Jeongguk smiles a little. The last sentence reduces a bit of his worries about his wish of winning his last competition and doing well on the university entrance examination. Jeongguk folds the letter and is going to place it back neatly when he caught a glimpse of characters so tiny on the corner of the paper.

K.Y.

-

“Thank you, Yerim. It should not be your burden, though. I feel bad that you have to replace them and sacrifice your first break,” Yerim’s homeroom teacher looking at her like she’s at fault for troubling Yerim with school festival’s surveys and finance reports.

The treasurer for the project is absent that day due to illness and the one in charge for surveys is participating for another school’s competition. Yerim as the class representative voluntarily helps even before the teacher calls her through the intercom.

“It’s alright. They already contacted me and apologized. Don’t worry, I’m not hungry yet,” she tries to laugh, “Please excuse me.”

Yerim scans the finance report and then counting how many surveys packet she has to give out while walking. She likes it when someone trusting her to do something that she can. She meets Yoojung and Saeron at the hallway and tells them to eat without her.

“How kind you are. Do you want some help?” Yoojung asked.

“Procrastinate and eat with us,” Saeron suggested.

“Wow, why are you two even best friends? The contrast is real,” Yerim said jokingly and then gesturing a no to Yoojung, waves them goodbye as she walks up the stair to other classes. Some boys she walked past secretly side-eyeing her and praises her in whispers.

She doesn’t mind. It’s like a routine for her after Jeon Jeongguk took effects in her life.

-

“Guk, where are you heading to?” Yugyeom asked from his seat to Jeongguk.

“I’m going to the cafetaria.”

His eyes saying he wants to spend some time alone.

Yugyeom just nods as Jeongguk spent his first break sleeping and not eating with them, so he’s going to eat on the second break. He’s quite worried for Jeongguk these days.

Jeongguk is not the type to open his pages to anyone, even close friends. Fortunately, Yugyeom’s a chill buddy who keeps Jeongguk’s spirits up whenever Jeongguk gives the signal. That’s why their friendship last long.

The cafetaria is super crowded today, noisy as always, but Jeongguk manages to get an empty seat. There he eats alone. Jeongguk’s not picky, but he is a bit annoyed that today’s menu included salad with tomatoes.

Bothered by the noise of people buzzing and chatting, he reaches out his headsets from his pocket and connects it to his phone then puts it on his ears. Jeongguk chews his food while drowning in his own world.

Yerim just got her trays of foods on her hand after thanking the regular chef who always favours her. (He always gives extra food for Yeri without her permission). When she turned around to seek for a seat, she heaves a sigh. She is tired and hungry, but it seems there is no seat that she would prefer.

Actually, she can sit anywhere she wants. Anyone would gladly give their seat for Kim Yerim. At least, the first year students and some of the second year would. Yerim just does not really enjoy eating with people she is not close to. She especially sheers away from eating at a table surrounded by many people who talks about unimportant things.

Her stomach which does not understand the situation growls again. Yerim then desperately look around, focusing on empty seat without too many people around it. Fortunately, her struggle ends as she finds one table occupied by one person only.

She can see it because a girl in front of that table just got up from her circles of friends. It would be better to eat with a silent stranger you don’t know in a cafetaria, rather than with someone who annoys you with their unnecessary chit-chats. She happily walks to the said table and prepares herself to ask permission from the stranger.

Yeri stands on the opposite of the said person because she can’t face him directly as he is looking down to his food, his upper face also covered by his bangs. “Excuse me, may I sit here?” Yerim asks politely.

When the person looks up, Yerim freezes on spot as if someone poured a bucket of freezing water upon her head. It is Jeon Jeongguk. Jeon Jeongguk, her beloved senior. Their eyes meet. Yerim’s brain stop working for awhile and she is totally clueless whether she should walk away, say something to hide her embarassment, or wait for a response.

The reason why Jeongguk did not reply anything is because he was wearing headset and couldn’t hear what Yerim say, but he realized someone is talking to him. When he looked at the person, he was struck by her up close beauty and then he quickly recognized her as Kim Yerim, the one who always watches him quietly.

It takes three seconds for the both of them to react. Jeongguk hides his smile. Yerim then realizes Jeongguk was wearing headset and didn’t hear her, so she quickly said sorry and turns around. But, before she even took a step, Jeongguk calmly said, “You may sit here. I’d be glad if you do.”

Yerim believes this is bad. It’s better to sit with bunch of annoying girls or boys than to sit facing him in such a close range. But she’s weak. She can’t refuse him ever. This is also the first time in her life that Jeon Jeongguk directly talked to her. His serene, confident voice saying something that Yerim has never imagined before. She feels like crying at that moment, but she pretends not to and mouths him a friendly thank you.

“It’s always crowded at this hour, right.” Jeongguk opened the conversation and chews a piece of chicken meat. His headsets already found its way back to his pocket.

“Ah? Ah, yes,” unprepared Yerim only replies shortly.

Suddenly, she is restless. Her fingers shake a bit when she moves her bowl. She is nervous of how she looks now, if her hair is on place or not, if there is something on her face. She’s also afraid of being too shy and can’t talk to Jeongguk properly. This conversation is her first. She does not want to ruin it and regret it for the rest of her life.

In reality, Yerim does not really lose her cool. She manages to look at Jeongguk in the eyes. She was taught to do that by her mother, to always look at people’s face when talking so they would feel appreciated. No one would like someone who always looking down, right. Also, to be able to look at Jeon Jeongguk eating healtily like this makes her heart so happy.

“Why do you put some distance from that bowl? You don’t like the soup?” Jeongguk asks out of curiosity.  Yerim wonder how come he’s so easy to talk to like this.

“Ah, actually this is not in the packet that I chose. But the chef always insists to put some extra food for me, though I’ve told him many times that I can’t eat more that I used to. I’ve given up. Moreover, this one is spicy, I can’t handle it,” Yerim unconsciously makes a cute crestfallen face.

“So, you get rid of them?” Jeongguk asks again.

“Oh. No, no. I give them to my friends. We eat together. Since today they’re not with me, maybe I would ask for a takeaway box,” replied Yeri. She can’t believe she fluently talks to Jeongguk about her food like this. Her tiptoes are still curling, though.

Jeongguk does not want the conversation to end, so he continues, “Honestly, I like that soup. Would you like to exchange it with one of mine? You can choose anything you want.”

Yerim thinks he can have all she has if he wants to and she will gladly give everything on the tray away. Again, she can’t refuse him. “Uh, then you can give me your salad.”

“Seriously? Are you sure? Today’s salad is including tomatoes.” Yerim almost let out a giggle when she saw Jeongguk’s expression. Sometimes Jeongguk forgets that it’s not everyone who’s not fine with the cafetaria’s slightly sour tomatoes.

“It’s okay. I like salad, cabbage, cucumbers, tomato. They don’t taste like anything but kind of, um, mouthwash? My friends usually call me a cow,” she finally lets out a small laugh.

“Okay, deal. I’m not a picky-eater, though, but I just don’t like the tomatoes here,” he complains in a whisper only Yerim can hear and Yerim wants to eternalize this moment. Jeongguk himself moves his salad bowl and exchange it with Yeri’s soup.

If only their friends know about this, they must be screaming at her. Yerim was always avoids to do anything to confront Jeongguk. She says she is not enough for him. Therefore, she won’t appear in front of him. But look at her now, as if everything is easy to happen. She feels like tricking herself.

If Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, her tongue is like being tied.

“What’s your name?” Jeongguk asks another question.

“My name’s Kim Yerim. I’m from Class 1-A.”

“I’m Jeon Jeongguk. I’m in my third year which makes me your senior.”

Yerim softly laughs. “You don’t have to introduce yourself, sunbae. Our school’s not that big and you’re well-known. Who wouldn’t know you?”

Jeongguk smiles, “Well, I just want to do a proper introduction.”

There is a short pause before Yerim asks, “Say… Is it hard being a third year for you?”

Jeongguk finds the question rather sensitive because he thinks Yerim starts to dig about him. He’s not the type to open up to someone else easily. But then he decides that wasn’t her point. Realizing that Jeongguk is suddenly quiet, Yerim quickly apologizes, afraid if she accidentally crossed the invisible line. Jeongguk stops her.

“No need to. You’re just asking a general question junior usually asks to their senior, right?”

Yerim doesn’t say anything. That is no general question, but a personal concern.

“The truth is once you get here, it becomes quite… busy. Although as long as you enjoy it, everything’s fine. For me, it has been fine. I study, swim, sleep, study again, like that.”

Yeah, you look fine from the outside.

“You must’ve heard that I’ll be participating in the swimming competition next week.”

“Ah, yes. Everyone is anticipating that a lot.”

“It will be my last.” Jeongguk said this in a tone which makes Yerim wants to embrace him.

He is just human, he can be anxious over the future he can’t see yet. It hurts her to see Jeongguk who has so much potential, who has been working hard in sharpening his abilities, who never lacks keeping balance of his life is now faltering. Her role model, her light is starting to overcast.

Yerim remembered that time she went back to the swimming competition hall last year in the evening. She went to take back her keystrap from Yoojung that might fell under the bleachers. Before she opened the door there, she heard someone cried. She knew who that was.

The only thing in Yerim’s mind right now is that as she wasn’t able to do anything back then, she wants to support him this one time.

“Do you think you could win over Jeong Jaehyun this time?” Yerim asks him right in the eyes. She bravely mentions the root of Jeongguk’s fear, his rival since middle school. Jeongguk has always beaten him in competition for one has lost count of how many times it was already. Jeongguk stands on the first place, Jaehyun second.

Then the world turned upside down. It was the first time Jaehyun successfully won over Jeongguk by 1.03 seconds. It’s alright if it was just the usual competition, but that was not. It was the one he has been looking forward to since elementary years. His parents even came. He thought he has let his guard down back then.

Many people thought Jeong Jaehyun was just lucky that time and Jeongguk didn’t have to worry about it as he can always beat him next time. But, no, they didn’t see what Jeongguk saw.

Jeongguk could see it from the way Jaehyun moves. He could feel the stream of his passion. He could sense that he has something in him which driving him toward his goal. That moment slowed him for a second.

He felt like looking at his old self.

Jaehyun was focusing on what he has to do. Meanwhile, grown up Jeongguk has let other people’s expectations, fears, and burdens distract him. That is their differences.

“I don’t know,” he nonchalantly replies Yerim.

“So, do you think you could not win over Jeong Jaehyun?”

“I don’t need to answer all your questions, right. You’re my junior.” Jeongguk coldly smiles and it pangs her heart a bit, but she knows he’s just avoiding the question. “Let’s just continue eating, shall we?”

“I want to tell you my story. Would you please listen?” Yerim almost pleads.

Jeongguk just gives her the stare and she knows he lets him. It is amazing how this is their first conversation and she can interpret this much of his eyes.

“My mother is a strict one. She wants me to learn a lot of things. I was okay, because that’s how a daughter is supposed to feel when her mother only wants the best for her. She signed me up for English, mathematic, ballet, and violin lesson. I quit the three when I entered junior high, because they said my skill is enough and I was busy, too, with the new junior high life.”

“My mother told me I can quit my violin lesson, but I said I don’t want to, I like it. I promised would not let it get in the way of my study. She trusted me. I was confident of my skill and started to participate in small competition. But I was wrong. There are lots of people who are better than me. I didn’t give up.”

“I practice day and night, at school and at home. I managed to get the third place after some times. It was hard and people talked about me behind my back that I was just average. I couldn’t say anything because I thought they were right. After all, I only got third place. But my mother, both of my best friends, came to cheer me, so I didn’t get too sad.”

“Third place, bronze-colored trophies are my collection. Until one day, my mother told me I should stop and focus on my study as some of my grades dropped. She said I only managed to get the third place after all. I cried so hard. Then, I resolved that my last try was when I’m in the ninth grade. She agreed because I refused to eat,” Yerim laughs. “I’m so childish.”

“But I asked her, would she be mad at me if I don’t get the first place or even if I lost? She then said it didn’t matter since she has never seen me playing for those the sake of winning. All she saw was that I like it, she jokingly said I like losing.”

Jeongguk smiles this time when Yerim looked embarassed of sharing that part. He listens very well which makes Yerim’s heart pounds. Honestly, it is his first time listening to a girl telling him stories like this. He quite likes Yerim cheerful dynamic voice, as if a butterfly is kissing his earbud. It’s alive.

“After that, I became very ambitious. I practiced more extreme, my strings often snapped, yet I didn’t feel satisfied of my playing. I thought I was still lacking, never enough. I also started to focus on myself only. Then, just two days before the competition, I broke down. I felt so lonely and hopeless. I remembered all my ‘failures’.”

“What have I done? I sacrificed many things just for something that I knew I couldn’t get. I believed I couldn’t get the first place. For what was I doing this all? But my best friends came at the right time. They were crying with me and it is funny how they’re so contrast in personality yet asked me the same question.”

“The question that gave me strength to stand on my knees and achived the second place for the first time in my life, the question that I am also going to ask you now, sunbaenim.”

“What is it?”

Yerim takes a deep breath to prevent her self from watering her eyes before she answers. She doesn’t know she wants to cry because of the reminiscence or Jeongguk. Jeongguk can see Yerim’s getting emotional. He knows she secretly likes him, but he has never seen someone looks at him like this.

Jeongguk feels her warm eyes filled with affection and sincerity for him. It starts to bug him that he only knew her name not long ago. What did he do to deserve this from such a kind person he never takes care of?

“They asked me,” Yerim makes sure she is looking at Jeongguk, “Why are you doubting yourself? None of us ever wants you to suffer. I know the first place means a lot for you, but you mean more to me. Seeing you break, it hurts. For this time only, could you please believe more in yourself? ”

Yerim’s overwhelmed by her emotions. Hurt, helpless, embarassment. She wants to pour her heart until the last drop. By the time she finished her sentence, she only heard white noise until a voice calling her, Jeongguk’s voice.

“—crying.”

“What?”

She can’t clearly hear Jeongguk’s voice because of the swirling embarassment she feels after she realized she has talked too much and been using ‘you’ to her senior. Before she’s done dealing with them, she feels a brush of a something cool on her cheek.

It’s Jeongguk.

She doesn’t realize a drop of tear was rolling down from her eyes and Jeongguk dried it with his finger. It feels like the touch of a cold pool’s water to her wet hot cheek.

“You’re unpredictable,” Jeongguk suddenly bursts out laughing. “You made me feel so bad. I mean, I just talked to you today and I already made you cry.”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trouble you,” Yerim still lost of words after she felt Jeongguk’s caress.

“I’m the one who troubles you. Right? And, thank you. Thank you for making my heart lighter. You’re so kind, Kim Yerim. Now,” Jeongguk checks his phone screen, “We have 10 minutes left before the bell rings. Let’s finish our food and I’ll walk with you to your class.”

Yerim gives him a questioning look.

“I have something to say to your classmate, Lee Chan. He’s also a swimming club member, right,” he smiles right away.

“But Lee Chan is from 1-C,” Yerim is puzzled.

“I mean Lee Minhyung. I need to see Minhyung,” Jeongguk says confidently and Yerim just nods in understanding. She doesn’t want to think anymore. She wants to keep silent. Everything that has happened today already made her wants to explode. She’s glad she has said what she wanted to say. She would never dare to dream about today at night. From this point on, she wishes nothing more.

It will eventually end.

“Let’s go.”

-

She walks behind Jeongguk. Girls are shooting her with an envious gaze, making numerous holes on her back. Suddenly Jeongguk slows his step and he is beside Yerim now. Yerim, being Yerim, can’t say anything as her ears already as red as the tomatoes Jeongguk handed to her at the cafetaria.

She hesitates a bit. “Sunbaenim, why do we turn this way?”

“It’s less crowded here.”

Actually, any hallway is the same. It is second breaktime, everyone scattered everywhere. Yerim is clueless why Jeongguk takes the further path to her class. It doesn’t matter anymore as they reach their destination. Yeri quickly gets inside as she can’t bear to be with Jeongguk anymore, she will let go of him first.

“Please wait here, I will tell Minhyung to come outside, sunbaenim,” she says without looking at him.

Jeongguk does not let go of her yet, though. He holds her wrist so she doesn’t get inside yet. That action surprised her as she has to face him again now. “I think I can meet him later, but there is something that I want to say.”

Yerim is once again silent. She stares at Jeongguk and then puts her hand on top of his, warmly removes it from her wrist. She looks at her feet and says, “No, I don’t want to hear anything. If I hear you, I’m afraid my heart may not be able to forgive me.”

Jeongguk doesn’t force her to. Instead, he comes closer to her, bows a bit to same his height with Yerim and whispers something to her ear softly. Yerim forgets to breathe when it happens. After he finishes, he gives Yerim his signature boyish smile.

Kim Yerim never thinks it is a waste to spend some years loving someone like Jeon Jeongguk, her senior, after all.

Jeongguk waves to her before he leaves.

-

“I can’t believe it! Choi Hansol-sunbaenim gave you this set of English chocolate!” Yoojung can’t stop herself from fanning over Yerim’s mountain of her birthday’s gifts piled up on her table. She wonders why she’s getting them all.

“As expected from our rising star, Kim Yerim. So, which one should I help you eat first?” Saeron happily asks and Yerim just laughs.

“Watch your weight. Don’t eat too many sweets!” Yerim warns.

Saeron stick out her tongue, “Sorry, but I do sports, unlike you, Miss Chubby Arms.”

“Yoojung, please allow me to smack this friend,” Yerim asks permission from the value-keeper of their circle. Yoojung gives her a no-no finger and Saeron dances in joy. They continue bickering and fights verbally.

Yoojung sits on Yerim’s seat and looking at her friends doing their usual things. She is happy that Yerim is especially alright after her direct encounter with Jeongguk and also her separation from him on the same day. People were talking about it for some days, but the rumours quickly disappeared as they were replaced by the news of Jeongguk getting first place on national high school swimming competition.

She can guarantee that Yerim was the happiest person in the world when she heard the news. Now that they are in their first term of second year, there is no more Jeon Jeongguk everyone used to worship as he has graduated. She thinks Yerim is amazing. She never fakes her feeling, she loves and accepts. There’s only one thing that makes her curious.

“Yerim-ah, this may be sensitive, but since it has been a year already, may I ask you what did Jeongguk-sunbaenim whisper to you?”

“Ya, why are you talking about him again?” Saeron replies.

“Why are you the one being sensitive? It’s about me,” Yerim laughs. “Are you that curious?”

Both of them nod their head in unison. “What, Saeron, I though you’re not.”

“Come on,” Saeron pleads.

Yerim then becomes serious for seconds. The mood is created and both Yoojung and Saeron convinced Yerim would tell them today, but suddenly a grin appeared on Yerim’s face, “I’m not telling you! It’s a no-no!”

“Ah, this girl, really. Are we not friends, huh? Yoojung, let’s kick her out,” Saeron pretends to be angry while Yoojung just pouts. Well, maybe it’s just too special for Yerim, Yoojung thinks.

“Oh, the bell rings. I got to go to the teachers’ office. See you guy later.” She takes some papers and books she needs and then immediately goes out.

When she walks, her juniors greet her and she replies them. The office located near the hallway of his previous first year homeroom class. She looks back to the door of the classroom and smiles before continuing her steps to the opposite direction.

-

Jeongguk leaned closer to her, she could feel his breath. She could hear his husky whisper voice clearly as if it only meant for her, which was true.

“I’ve read your letter and it’s amazing that we happened to like the same movie. You are the most beautiful girl I ever met since the moment I notice you at the hall, Kim Yerim. You’re also kind. If only we weren’t in different class… I think you and I, our story would be very different. It’s just two years, though. Let’s see where the future will take us someday.”

Jeon Jeongguk is the one who raises the flower that blooms in the spring of Kim Yerim’s youth. That flower is called love.

-

a/n: How is it? I mixed it with my own love story, lol. We were two years apart, too, like JungRi (but I’m a year older than her). Some of the things here are facts, I guess? JungRi listen to Kehlani’s song based on their posts. They also watch ESotSM (the interpretations of the quotes aren't mine but from Quora, mine is Yeri's part). Ah, this must be the basic knowledge.

If I get 15 comments for this, I will write an epilogue. For me, comments are more important that upvotes, et cetera because I get to know what people think of my story. If you like this story, please post or share with your friends. Thank you.