TAEHYUNG POV

I always liked sitting at my favourite cafe and getting lost in my own world. I love that i was surrounded by so many people even though i knew none of them. I liked having to drown myself in pity and not have anyone asking why i was sad. I liked how i didnt want people proding on my feelings but feeling more pain when bo one cared. I guess, i am a bit of a masochist.. haha.

I had always seen myself as a strong and brave person. I was never one to drown myself in what-ifs and if only. I had always thought that no matter what happens, i would never cry because crying is for the weak and THAT i was not. But it all changed when i fell in love with you. You, MIN YOONGI, changed it all.

I remember the first time i met you. Jimin had introduced you to me. You were his senior and i was jimin's best friend. I was surprised at your cold attitude because jimin had always talked about you as a warm, cool, beautiful and a genius songwriter. I was a bit nervous and scared at first but as time passed on, i realised that you were indeed what Jimin had said. I had heard many stories about you. Jimin never forgot to talk about you. You were jimin's first love but you had no idea. For you, at that time atleast, he was just a cute junior

I remember the first time you said i was cute. We were at a cafe and i was arguing with jimin about the existance of aliens. I also remember the look on jimin's face when you said that. He was hurt. But i was happy because by then i, myself, had started falling for you... the guy my best friend was in love with. I had never imagined that someday i would fall for the same person that my best friend was in love with.

After that incident at the cafe, you would always call me to talk about unimportant things. You would always compliment me. You would always ask me out to hangout without Jimin. You would laugh at my jokes. Your "good morning" would brighten my day. Your good night would give me pleasant dreams. You would always hold my hand when we walked. You would protect me in the crowd by hugging me from behind. You and i would go off in our own world and leave Jimin out of it. I knew i was being a bad friend but i couldnt stop my feelings. 

When jimin came to know of our close relationship, he was not happy. He hated me for being a bad best friend. He hated me for taking you away from him, even though you were never his. He hated me for hiding things from him. He hated me for falling in love with you. He hated me for your feelings. He hated me for betraying him, when all he had ever done was be the best friend anyone could ever want. HE JUST HATED ME.

From then on, jimin and i drifted apart. He avoided me and i didn't blame him, afterall it was my fault. You tried to cheer me up though you had no idea what the hell was going on. You tried to get it out of me but u always clamped up. You tried to mend jimin and my relationship but it was of no use. You even got angry at jimin and yelled at him for hurting me once. You were always there by my side. But i was missing my best friend. I was guilt-ridden. I was sorry to Jimin. I knew that my feelings were wrong. But when i heard chim crying in the clubroom, that was when i knew i had to let go of my feelings or atleast let go of you... I knew i would be in pain but i thought i could give you up for jimin. After all, he was the one who fell in love with you first.

That's why i thought i was being courageous when you confessed  to me and i rejected you. I thought i was being brave by telling you to go for Jimin because my best friend was in love with you. I thought i was being The Bestest Friend, my chim deserved,  by putting aside my own feelings and urging you to be with chim and not me. I thought i could let go of you when i lied and said that i hated you and that you were a disgusting . I thought I was strong enough to forget the look of pain on your face when i said that. I thought....

But now i wished that i had accepted your feelings and drowned you in "I LOVE YOUs". I wished that i wasn't such a good friend. I wished that i had met you before Jimin did. I wished that i had not fallen for you. I wished that you had hold onto me and never let go. I wished that you didn't believe me when i muttered those harsh words to you. I wished that you hadn't gone to jimin. I wished that weren't with Jimin. I wished that you weren't in a relationship with jimin. I wished that your love for me wasn't so weak to let of me so easily. I wished that you had fought for me. I wished i didn't have this pain in my heart. I wish i could move on...

I can wish for a lot of things but i know that it will not change the outcome. Though my relationship with chim got back to what it used to be, it hurts everytime i see you with him. It hurts me to see you kiss him. It hurts me to be in love with somebody else. All that now remains for me is HURT.

It's sad how i used to think of myself as strong, courageous and brave BUT ALL I EVER WAS IS WEAK.