I saw her in the crowd... looking up at me... us, while we were performing on stage. I don't know what made me look at her direction, maybe just the right turn of the choreography or maybe the gods are playing with me, or everything's just a damn coincidence, I don't know. All I know is that once I spotted her I cannot take away my eyes anymore. And even if I do because of the dance step, I'd still find myself searching for her amidst the hyped up mob singing along to our song. 

I was reluctant to go to the backstage, which is a first... I always jump at the opportunity to be away from the crowd. Don't get me wrong, I love our fans. It's just that sometimes I just find myself longing for some quite time and rest. But today it's different, going backstage means tearing up my gaze from that girl and potentially losing her in the crowd. In the end, I didn't have a choice as I felt someone drag me away.

I saw her again after our break, still in the same spot, beaming. Maybe it's her eyes that traps me, now I question every poet that says beautiful eyes are those that shine like stars because I am here, my gaze being absorbed by two blackholes and I cannot escape...yet I think that's beautiful. And I'm sure, not even light nor time can escape. 

For days, after the fateful encounter, I'd still think of her and sometimes I even dream of her, of falling, and being absorbed by the black voids in faraway galaxies. Other members have noticed too, they say I'm always spaced out and seems to be in deep thought. It got to the point that I can't keep it to myself anymore so I talked to Suho hyung one day, while I was cooking and he is leaning against the refrigerator waiting for the food to cook. 

"Suho hyung," I started. I heard a soft 'hm' and that's enough for me to know that I have his attention.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" 

Strange... moments have passed and there is no response so I turned to check if he's still there. Yup, still there, eyes wide and his jaw slack. I can see shock written all over his face. If I am not already used to his bizarre reactions, I would have laughed so hard.

"Kyungsoo-ah... are you--"

"In love?" I cut him off and turned back to the stove. "No hyung, I was just... asking."

"Why would you ask if you aren't?"

"Well, how can I explain it?" I stare at the pot of pasta as if it could tell me how to tell Suho hyung what I happened. "There was this girl..."

"Wait, it's a girl?!"

I glared at him. "Hyung... STOP SHIPPING KAISOO BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SEE ON SNS!!!"

"Okay, okay. Continue your story. I'll listen, jeez."

I sighed, maybe it was wrong telling Suho hyung afterall, but I can't stop now so continued, "Well, I saw her in the crowd."

"Crowd?"

"You know our performance a few days ago? That's where I saw her first and I don't know... I just can't seem to stop looking at her and now, I can't stop thinking about her."

"Oh... Is she beautiful?"

"Does she need to be?"

"Hm. Maybe not. Then, I think that's destiny."

I almost facepalmed, trust Suho hyung to be silly mentioning destiny when I'm being serious.

"What? You don't believe in destiny?"

To be honest? No. Whatever and wherever I am right now is because of years of hardwork and not because I was destined to be here and all that crap. 

"Well, too bad, there's no other explanation." There must be something in my expression that gave away my thoughts.

"Or maybe there really is no explanation. You know, why you it has to be her in thousands of people in that crowd or why of all our performances she has to be there that day, or why your kimchi spaghetti tastes this good even when you are distracted while cooking. There's just no explanation to it all." He explained while trying to fork the pasta which is still in the pot. 

"So you resort to believing in destiny?" I snorted.

"Yes? I mean, that's just human nature... we seek explanation to everything and when we can't find a logical answer, we'll create a supernatural one. Easy as that... Why do you think they say that the goblin is sad when it's raining hard?"

"Seriously hyung, are you a kdrama fan now too?"

Suho just laughed unable to answer with his mouth filled with pasta. And I am left wondering about some things.

What if I didn't become an idol and I just met her on the streets? Will it still be the same? Say in an intersection, she going west and I heading east. Will I approach her, get her name and number, or invite her for coffee? If I wasn't on stage and she's not on the crowd, and there are  no barricades that separate us, will we fall in love? Will I fall in love?

So near, yet so far, maybe she's the girl of my dreams and I didn't know just yet. Maybe someday we'll see each other again... and when that happens I swear, I'll never let love be lost in the crowd anymore. 

# end #