"Catch me if you can!"

Jaebum can feel his knees weaken at the thought of running another mile but Jackson never seems to stop.

", Jacks, I'm dying!!"

Jackson giggles, the tiniest bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. Jaebum groans.

"Come on, grandpa!! Yugyeom won't wait forever!"

Jaebum growls under his breath, jaw moving into that familiar tight lock whenever he's around Jackson. Whenever he's irritated.

"It's his fifth birthday, Jackson! He won't even remember it!"

But Jackson's already far ahead and when Jaebum finally catches up, he hands him a bundle of lilac branches.

"For Yugyeom."

He says but Jaebum can sense it's for someone else.

His hands sweat whenever Jackson comes near him at the party. Whenever he smells the lilac in the other boy's hair.

 

*

"Guess who's got his first date?"

Jaebum strolls to the classroom, confidence up high, especially now that he's the owner of the freshest frosted tips in North Carolina.

Jinyoung and Jackson grimace as Kate giggles and asks if it's Mara or Samantha. Jaebum feels his cheeks flush when she mentions Sam and knows he's busted now.

He sits down at his desk and as the classroom starts to fill up for their last lesson of the semester, he smells lilacs again.

He's staring out the window trying to ignore Jinyoung's inquiring and quite possibly disgusted stare when the scent of lilacs hits him like freight train. Jaebum doesn't know why his cheeks feel like they're burning again or why his breathing is so shallow.

Doesn't know why the lilacs appear only when Jackson's around, trying to chew off the tip of his pen next to him. Doesn't know why Jackson's palm on his upper thigh makes him feel winded but Samantha's doesn't.

When he falls asleep that night something changes. The pounding of his heart makes the lilac petals fall down to the pit of his stomach. His heart pounds because of Jackson.

 

*

"So how'd the date with the girl go?"

Jaebum snorts and grabs the dandelions from Jackson's hand. The other kicks him in the shin and Jaebum's jaw locks into its usual position again.

"It's Samantha. And fine I guess. She didn't really like Chungking Express."

Jackson's fingers fall from his hair and Jaebum feels the lump in his throat do the same.

"She didn't like it? Dump her. Now."

Jaebum snorts and turns his face, neck aching from how long he's been craned toward Jackson. Their height difference is a lot more visible now, the shirt he borrowed from Jackson last summer looking like it's going to tear on him any minute now.

"I'm not gonna dump her, idiot. She's sweet. And her hand cream makes her smell like pineapples. I like her."

Jackson rolls his eyes and pulls on the dandelion with a forceful grip, making it wither away into the wind. Jaebum tries to look away.

"Whatever. Do what you want."

Jaebum wants to ask him if they're gonna give lilacs to Yugyeom again. Jackson passes the bush without second thought.

Yugyeom doesn't mind, they got him YuGiOh cards. But Jaebum does.

 

*

"Hey, big guy!"

It's the day before graduation and Jaebum feels his shoulders shake under the weight of his world.

"Stop calling me that."

Jackson winks at him, his newly bleached hair shining in the setting sunlight. Jaebum sniffs and smells the lilacs again. His hands land in his pockets and his eyes land on the ground.

"Should I call you daddy instead?"

Jaebum chokes, swallowing a laugh and pushing his best friend away. Jackson doesn't budge.

"Shut up. So.. what are we gonna get Yugyeom this year?"

Jackson scratches his elbow in thought and Jaebum sees him flick a ladybug to the ground. After he's stared at his biceps bulging in that brand new wife beater.

He grunts in response to whatever Jackson was saying.

"So you agree?"

Jaebum nods and gets punched in the stomach, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"You agree that I should put a big bow on a Bambam and hand him over? Interesting."

Jaebum feels his cheeks tinge the softest shade of pink and catches Jackson glimpse at them for a bit too long.

 

*

Yugyeom's 15th birthday goes as planned, if you don't count his hair almost catching fire and Bambam actually showing up in barely anything but his boxers. Jaebum forced Jackson not to comment on the present that was placed very neatly on Yugyeom's lap for the whole party.

"So...I guess since we didn't take the lilacs to Yugyeom.. I should give them to you."

Jackson's talking about something Sonya and Mark did in chemistry class for their last prank and stops right in his tracks. Jaebum notes that if he were a werewolf, Jackson's eyes would be his full moon. He's been reading a bit too many comic books.

Jackson waits for him to continue but Jaebum feels the pedals flutter too strongly in his stomach, whisking along the cobwebs around his heart.

It's a bit too much and not enough all at once.

"Lilacs? It's not my birthday, Bummie."

Jaebum snorts but snaps the branches from the bush anyway, glancing at Jackson and his blushing profile and fluttering eyelashes.

"Stop calling me Bummie. You're not my mom."

Jackson grabs the flowers from his hands and their pinky fingers touch. Jaebum feels the shiver down in his toes and wonders if he's going crazy.

"Okay. It's official. You asked for it. I'm calling you daddy."

Jaebum shoves him yet Jackson's gotten stronger over the years, shoving back hard enough for him to almost fall.

"You should work out more, Daddy."

Jaebum rolls his eyes and they continue in comfortable silence, Jacksons fist wounding tighter and tighter around the flowers between them.

"Jackson... have you ... have you ever been in love?"

Jaebum feels his heart flutter and it erupts more petals to the storm in his stomach. The weight of the world on his shoulders presses down even harder, making him hunch his back.

"I guess so."

Jackson doesn't look at him anymore, fiddling with the flowers and smelling them from time to time. Jaebum can't help but stare, wanting to tell him how he doesn't need to sniff them, the scent of the flowers stuck in Jackson's hair and in his head for years.

"How did it feel?"

Jaebum isn't really sure if Jackson can explain what love feels like. He's asked this question many times over the years. The answers are too different for him to decipher if what he's feeling is love. If the way Jackson glances at him means love.

"I guess.. I don't know. It feels as if you're on a constant roller coaster? One point you're high then you're low again. Do they love me? Do they love me not? Y'know?"

Jaebum swallows the lump in his throat and looks over at him. Jackson looks smaller than before. Hunched over.

"I don't know. I've had this feeling for a while but how do I know if it's love?"

Jackson smiles to himself and carefully looks over at him, eyes cast low as soon as their gazes meet.

"Oh trust me, you'll know if it's love."

Jaebum shoves him with his elbow a bit, so light he's afraid Jackson might not even feel it.

The other's tanned skin breaks out into goosebumps so he thinks he might.

"But how can I be sure?"

Jackson hums for a second and then smirks.

"You just have to tell them. Or kiss them. Or something. And then you'll know." He says with a certain playfulness, something Jaebum's gotten quite familiar with over the years. Yet his voice sounds a bit like it's about to crack and his eyes are fragile.

Jaebum feels his mouth turn dry as his stomach churns uncomfortably and he doesn't want to know why.

"Okay but if I do that, do you... do you promise me you'll.. understand?"

Jackson's eyebrows knit together but he nods, hand balling tightly around the lilacs until they look like they're about to crumble.

"I promise."

And so Jaebum stops their walk to the neighbourhood, stops his own heart with the thought of what he's about to do. And stops the weird doubt that's been eating up his heart for years now.

Jackson's lashes flutter as he lowers himself and pulls him forward, fingers softly grazing over the goosebumps on his nape.

He hesitates for a second and wonders if the lilacs in Jackson's hand are the lilacs he's been smelling all along. Yet then he drops them and pulls him forward, warm palms on each side of his face and Jaebum knows the only lilac he's been smelling has been in Jacksons hair.

His lips are soft like the pedals that stop storming in his stomach. His body is warm, like the summer sun setting behind them.

And he tastes nothing like lilacs. Tastes like those cold mornings spent walking to school together, snorting and snotting all over each other. Tastes like the weird Chinese tea Jackson makes whenever he feels down. Tastes like the first night they watched Chungking Express together and Jackson wound up asleep in his arms. Tastes like the feeling that's been stuck inside his chest ever since the moment their eyes met.

Jackson smiles against his lips and pulls him against him, shaking in his arms. Jaebum finally takes note of his hands around Jacksons hips and how his frame feels so tiny against his own.

"I can't believe it took you 5 years to figure it out."

Jaebum snorts, nose following the lines of Jackson's incredibly gorgeous face. Staying put on his cheekbone where eventually his lips decide to leave behind the trace of an open mouthed kiss.

"Ten. It took me ten."

Jackson's eyes widen a bit as Jaebum pulls him in close again, fingers bruising lilacs into Jacksons' hips as his mouth bruises lilacs onto his neck after a languid kiss that lasts for a lifetime.

"Do you know what love feels like now?"

Jaebum hopes that what this is will last for a lifetime. Calling it love makes the petals in his stomach quiver too badly so he doesn't even think about it yet.

He nods anyway.