The Masterpiece

With small steps and smoky breaths of winter, Yerin continued her little, slow-paced, early morning walk on the solemn pavement, winter creeping inside her, making her cuddle deeper in her cream trench coat reaching down her knees. The Seoul streets never changed, still busy and never failed to make Yerin feel like she's running too slow.

It is a not-so-bright morning, maybe because the sun isn't there to feed the flowers with its yellow rays but there's snow to cover the ground instead. One thing Yerin hates, cold weather and its capacity to make her get warm drinks and keep her at home overthinking. The whispers in her head hovering over the refusal to go home but her eyes are focused and ironically travelling its way home.

The smell of paint still lingers around her that she can still feel paintbrushes appearing in her pale, slender fingers swinging casually beside her waist. She thought maybe she got used to painting for the whole week, facing different colors instead of people. It somehow occurs to her all the time, not knowing whether she wants to go home and paint. Nostalgia hitting on her, when actually there's not much to be nostalgic about.

Some things somehow dragging her back, but blurry enough to tangle every neuron inside her skull and twisting every nerve in her heart.

Unlike her paintings, she's a dull and empty, dreaming to be a masterpiece. Screaming its lungs out to heard by some painter, asking to be her Picasso. Yet she still chose believe that paintings are meant to meet their painters in some ways, they are pictures mentally captured and painters was gifted by a way of printing it. And despite of her losing all the pictures she ever took, she knew one picture remained. There's something in it more than just a canvas smudged by paintbrushes, more than just a painting made to be plastered on empty walls.

With a deep heave, Yerin spins her heels and slowly dragged her heavy feet to a coffee shop close to the train station. On her way, she can already hear the trains rolling its wheels on its tracks and people murmuring their morning gossips while waiting for trains to come. She's again lost in thoughts and almost walked past the café if she didn't see SinB behind the glass walls with a creased forehead, daggering her eyes with an annoyed look from her sleepless chestnut ones.

"This is why your life never gets any sweeter." SinB shakes her head as she places the cup of coffee on Yerin's table. The girl looks a little more of a lady in her tint black uniform and apron tight around her waist, definitely far from the girl she sees around the hallways of their apartment building in her messy bun and jogger pants. "You still waiting?" She asks, her eyes squinting.

"Nope." Yerin reaches for her coffee, casually sipping from it to avoid SinB's searching eyes. "I just need a break from painting. I feel suffocated. I need coffee."

SinB ran her fingers through her newly-dyed hair which Yerin noticed after a couple of glances. It fired up the intimidating aura SinB always wears to blazing flame that can burn a finger if one dared to touch. Cooler piercings holing her ears and her bored expression that won't even let anyone take a glimpse of her shadow. She wonders how people in the campus deal with her.

"How many times did I tell you to stop pressuring yourself and come with me sometime to have fun?" SinB flashes her wide grin and enthusiasm glowing in her face, but it just earned another depressing sigh from the other. "You're already successful as hell like Sowon. Why don't you have some fun with us just for once?"

"I'm not going to the bar with you and that oldie, kid. That's a no." Yerin said, trying to sound a little intimidating but fails.

SinB hugs the tray with both arms and rolled her eyes. Yerin prepared herself to be shot by her dissing words. SinB hates rejection to the pits of her dark self.

"Fine. Miss Uptight. Rot in your room. And wait until Sowon thinks of another way to get you out of your apartment."

Yerin gave her a quite deadly glare but SinB is already painted by an even more deadly one.

"Pass your subjects. I heard you fail Sowon's subject again. I don't think she'll let you graduate if you keep on laying low." Yerin said, shooting her glare.

"You shouldn't care."

It took three calls from the other staffs before SinB had to leave Yerin in peace. Morning coffees meant SinB's shift and her endless persistence to drag her out of her little cave. Yerin didn't really mind. SinB belongs to her small circle of friends who do worse. In which Kim Sowon, who dragged her bed out of the apartment while she's in a deep slumber reasoning out that she needs some sunlight resides in. SinB's banters are nothing but level one.

Her eyes were summoned back to the train station. Behind the glass walls are people packed in layers of clothing, highways blocked by snow and snowflakes falling down slowly. It is freezing outside, but Yerin thought that atleast their lives are moving. And she suddenly wished she can be as colorful as palletes and as alive as her paintings. She wishes she can be as meaningful as them, she wishes she can feel alive just staring at them just like what it does to other people.

But then, her life stopped.

She can barely hear her clock tick, people halt their fast walks on the speedy move of the city and the world might've forgotten that its his duty to revolve around its orbit. Because Yerin knows, for sure, that the world didn't move for her when she met her destined masterpiece. Every single second passed the moment she layed her eyes on that scene was heavenly perfect and it isn't something Yerin can feel everyday. Her life stopped and still, until now, she's still stucked in that place.

Being summoned every morning.

Yerin can remember it detail-by-detail, feature-by-feature and face-to-face. The masterpiece who asked her to be its Picasso appears to be a beautiful lady. Not too tall, not too short, but perfectly shaped like a fallen angel that it will require the colors of the rainbow to make the flawless mixture for her beauty.

Right in that station. Carefully checking her feet out of the line. Bright eyed, filled with dreams and expectations that Yerin can see the city lights reflect in its every blink. One hand tight in the luggage she's rolling around and another clutched on the backpack hanging on one side of her shoulder like she's not letting go of it anytime. Cropped hair bouncing with her every step and a smile brightened even more by the sun rays escaping inside the train station.

That was the memory left when Yerin was thrown lifeless on Earth again, her mind empty with only a hanging dusty painting to fill it a little with a glimpse of a memory.

Instead, she waited. Yerin waited, until time starts again for her.

Footsteps. Long black hair. Toothy grin.

"Jung Yerin, I know I'll find your here again." A voice announced, taking some people's attention and Yerin suddenly wanted not to be her friend. It was too late when the lady already pulled and slid on the chair across hers, taking the violin case off her back just to grin at her like a lunatic. There's another lady behind her, but eyes are roaming around to find someone.

"Choi Yuju. You're here." She speaks the girl's name as she reached for the coffee on the table again. "Yewon, you're here too." She greets the girl at the back too, but she's too occupied finding someone to greet back.

"Yes. Me. Choi Yuna. Your friend." Yerin thinks it was always weird for Yuju to confirm that she's indeed her. But she realized its also weird of her to still say her name at the first place. But she can still gather the confidence to conclude that Yuju is weirder.

Yerin leans on her chair further, not in the mood to talk to anybody nor to face Choi Yuna the pianist and now exploring the strings of a violin. Yewon joins them in the table but eyes searching for something so Yerin tried to calm down the younger, "SinB's in the staff room. You can take a glimpse later, Yewon."

Yewon turns back startled, books hugged over her chest almost fell down the floor. "I-i'm not looking for her!"

Yuju slowly shakes her head in disbelief at Yewon but then it turns to enthusiasm seconds after like sorcery, "I'm flying to Vienna this week!" The tall girl exclaimed, her arms swinging around in excitement and Yerin can just let go of a smile. This time, she means it.

"Yuna, you're doing really really well."

Unlike her.

Yuju lets out a loud laugh, some near tables stared at them with judging stares. "You're an artist, Yerin. I'm so happy for your achievements too. But I really wish you stop keeping yourself in that room just facing canvas and paints. That will dip you to more depression."

No, she's not depressed. The world stopped. Her life just stopped. She's stucked.

But she forced herself to let go of another smile. Making it genuine as possible.

"That's what artists do, Yuna."

"Your frappuccino with extra extra whipped cream." SinB interrupted the two as she handed Yuna her coffee, already changed to pants and plain white shirt. Her shift ended. Yerin can feel Yewon trembling with SinB's every move.

"You're going to Vienna?" SinB, out-of-nowhere asked like she heard their conversation beforehand.

"I am. This week." Yuju said, followed by a nod.

SinB's expression mirrored a proud smile, melting all the ice in her eyes. "Wow. Europe. Top of your dreams."

"Not yet, dear. I haven't found my true love yet." Yuju winks at the younger girl.

SinB scoffed, face distorted with what she recently heard from the girl.

"Damn, you got loose screws."

Yerin stayed for another hour in the cafe after Yuju left for an interview, SinB and Yewon to attend their classes. All she did was to stare at the people passing by on the pavements, watching the winter embrace the city as it welcomes the last month of the year. Rush hour, people are busy trying to take their place in the world while she stays there every morning, still drowned with thoughts, having coffee the only thing to keep her breathing.

Like a routine, she walked to the train station and picking the bench she usually to sits on every morning. Luckily no one was there. The train station is quite busy due to the holidays upcoming. It was overflowing with different people but Yerin will still squint everytime a train slide its doors for take out passengers. Eventhough she is always served by a blank white canvas, her masterpiece still on the haunt. Maybe, that they are meant to meet at one point but never destined to meet again. Clueless about how she'll make her world revolve in its orbits back to its tracks.

She clutched the another cupped coffee she bought before leaving the coffee shop. It is hot that its supposed to burn her palms if it the weather isn't too cold to prevent it. She crossed her legs, intently watching the people again like an everyday habit.

Yerin squints, surely this time, not letting anyone step off the train to be missed by her hawk eyes. Deep dark eyes, skin white like snow and lips red like roses. She can recall. She can remember.

The memory of the girl remained in her and haunted her through her darkest nightmares. The painting on the empty walls of her room that will always remind her of the girl's beautiful features. The only thing she can remember. The person that miraculously appeared in her mind after waking up to the blinding white lights of the hospital room who witnessed all her crossings back from death to life.

The beautiful lady that she spent her days waiting for every morning. And the moment she stepped into the train station few days after she fully recovered, she waited. She waited for her every morning despite of her countless lectures to herself not to and endless persuadings that she's waiting for no one.

"Damn it, Yerin! I'm finding you everywhere!"

An annoyed shout drove her back to reality when a tall slender figure stood infront of her, blocking her view of the people getting out of the train. By the expensive maroon trench coat and the way her voice is soft and scary at the same time, she knew its Kim Sowon.

Yerin looks up, forehead creased. "Sowon, why?"

"Why? Are you insane?!"

Two heavy breaths then she just found herself being dragged by Sowon, holding tightly around her wrists and she knew that she got no other choice but to follow the older girl. It will be no use to ask or argue. Because Sowon will beat the hell out of her if she speaks another word.

It took them some blocks and buildings to get back to Yerin's apartment building with some bumping and tripping. The second they got infront of her unit, Sowon almost broke the hinges of the  door as she dragged Yerin harshly inside. Her eyes are burning in anger and a red mark is slowly developing on Yerin's wrist. But the younger girl still stands clueless, not getting everything.

"Jung Yerin, are you really going to do this?" Those are the first words coming from the older girl and Yerin can mentally picture a burning fire around her.

She creased her forehead, "W-what? I don't understand, Sowon."

"This. This ed-up train station thing. I told you not to come anymore!"

The voice rose. Yerin can feel her trembling and its like it pierced something in her heart for it to bleed until it loses all the blood she needs.

She looks up to Sowon's face. She wishes she can be as tall as the girl sometimes, so she won't feel inferior everytime. Sometimes she hopes that she is Sowon. Free and open for other things, take things lightly and always on guard with her emotions. Someone who weigh things before acting out, someone who knows what to do every single time.

"I can't. I don't want to. But I kept being dragged there."

"Yerin..." Sowon paused for a moment, hesitation blocking her next words and trying to get her blood a little warm from boiling. "She's not coming back. You don't have to wait anymore."

Two blinks from Yerin. Silence occupied the whole room. Yerin can't understand and Sowon can't tell her everything. But Yerin can still feel millions of knives stabbing her chest, breaking it to million pieces being scattered to everywhere in her body. The darkness covering her mind is coating the new world she made for herself.

"I haven't even met her yet, Sowon. W-what are you even saying?" She shivered as she asked.

Sowon sighed, and Yerin knew something was coming. The older girl's sighs are rarely heard, as she is always someone who looks at things positively. Yerin's hands are cold, not because of the winter season this time, it's fear.

Afraid of the things she might know, scared of the words she might hear.

"You already met her, Yerin. The girl on the train station. She's SinB's chilhood friend who came from the province. We know her. We all do. We are all friends. You loved her and she did too. So much. That even the angels envy your love."

She always can't figure out Sowon's poetic words. But she's aware it always had something behind her phrases that Yerin mostly furrows her eyebrows on. She knows its from a famous poem that the older girl reads to her every night, expressing her amazement to the poet. A tragic poem she already heard. It didn't end great.

"W-what do you mean?"

She noticed the red-haired girl pulled her fingers to a fist, teeth digging her lower lip. She was trying to pull back her emotions and arranging her words to make the damage a little to easy for Yerin to take. Yerin can see that, she can always see through her.

"She's with you, Yerin. That night when you fell down the cliff. That car accident. She's with you. I don't even get how on earth you can't remember her at first but when you start coming back to that train station and when you made that painting, I realized that you actually didn't actually forget her." Sowon paused, catching her breaths. "How can you really, right? When you waited for her in that station for three years every morning? I know how much you loved her, Yerin. I know. That even retrogade amnesia or death can't ever take you both apart. She was your everything, Yerin. And we thought you'll be happier if we keep silent about her everything. But, Yerin, she's...gone. You're both in critical conditions that doctors started betting who will survive between both of you. And you did. And she..."

Words won't come out from Sowon's lips. And so does Yerin's. She wanted to tell Sowon to stop making up stories just to stop her from going. She was going to tell Sowon that.

But a surge of memories washed her head like a river.

Jung Eunha. That was her name.

She can clearly remember her face, her smile and her laugh. A dull chapter, how the girl smiled and asked whether she can sit beside her in her 915th day of waiting in the train station. The fulfillment of her masterpiece and the day the girl she's waiting draped to the strands of her life. How she nodded, jaw-dropped and how she ridiculously knelt one knee to ask her to marry her. And how the girl nodded, not even thinking twice.

Like marriage is buying a candy. Like its that easy.

But for Yerin it was.

It was that easy to love Eunha, it was that easy to wait for three years for nothing if it meant having the girl in your arms until the time you have to face death and its claws. She didn't care about the weird stares of several bystanders laughing at her when she suddenly proposed to a stranger, nor the distorted and shocked faces of her friends when her hands are intertwined with Eunha's, announcing they'll get married. It was that easy, because she loves her.

And Eunha also always says the same, its easy to say yes, because it was Yerin.

"Hey! Yerin, are you fine? Yerin?!"

She can hear Sowon's worried voice from the pitch black flashback where Eunha's beauty still shines as she stood beautifully in the train station. It was loud and begging. But she still lets herself fall down the empty hole of darkness she was supposed to be after she lose her. The strickening pain piercing her head like a needle.

Maybe it won't be that easy anymore.

And for the first time, she wanted to rip the chapter off her story. She wished to put down the painting out of her room. She wished her mind just happened to be filled with nothing. She wished she never remembered her.

When the memory she was supposed to paint snapped all her paintbrushes into the littlest pieces and splashed all her most colorful paints around the room only to paint the galaxies that used to mean the world to her, empty and lost to the universe...