29th January 2019

I sat on the porch of my tiny house, enjoying cold weather with cigarettes and iced coffee. That’s my weird habit, drinking cold beverages on a cold weather. I stared to the other tiny house across the road that has been empty for two years. It’s a modern minimalist two story house with one bedroom, a comfortable one. I’ve been inside the house once, when i was looking for a cheap house to buy but then i found this one cheaper though it’s broken and spooky as hell, but what could i do? I’m just an artist who escaped to Canada from my family in Japan who doesn’t support me to be a fine artist. I saved my money when I’m working in an insurance company back in Japan, I was secretly working overtime in a mini market far away from home so I could run away to reach my dreams. And here I am, living alone with some money I gained from selling artworks and working in a small game company. I considered myself lucky for I have Kazuya, my best friend, who lived here one year prior to me. He helped me to move here and got a position in that game company. After two years of working hard and live together in a tiny apartment with Kazuya, we managed to part ways and bought our own homes. He lives in another district not far from me with his native girlfriend.

I really love to just staring at that house, I was dreaming to have such house but I’m grateful enough to have this one. In the morning, the sunlight and the morning mist framed the house perfectly. I wish someone kind would live there and be my friend because there’s not much people in this cluster area and the house was not close to each other. At least i don’t want to feel alone in this area. Last month I put the house in one of my canvas but it’s still not done yet because something is bothering me, i don’t know what. I will leave for Japan for a week, visiting my family, so I guess I will continue the work after I went back home. Yes, you hear me right; I’m going to visit my family in Japan. Running away from them doesn’t mean i hate them, I just need some space for my dreams. After a year of cold war when they discovered where i was, they decided to accept the fact that I’m now an artist and living alone in Canada.

Two weeks later...

I dropped my body hard to my bed after a tiring trip from Japan. It’s 5 pm and the snow is falling down slowly. I stared to the window right next to my bed and surprised to see someone just the light of the tiny house across the road in a second floor room. I sat down and stick my nose to the cold window to see a clearer image. One by one, the lights of the house . I just realized the house is now cleaned and was freshly painted. I’m getting excited now i have a friend and thinking to give my new neighbor a visit and a home-made cheese pie tomorrow.

As the night goes by, i keep on watching the house. I see a shadow of someone so tall, a man, perhaps, sitting down by the window in the second floor bedroom. Holding his head with one hand. The next minute he opened the window but i couldn’t see his face, he started to smoke. He looks pretty lonely, actually. When he walked slowly back and forth it looks like he had an athletic yet fragile body. I continue to observe him for the next few days like a stalker and come to a conclusion that he lives alone. Should i give him a cheese pie to make him feel less lonely? But what if he’s a murderer on the run? What if he’s a sniper? What if...he’s an introvert like me and will feel annoyed because i invaded his space?

The next morning i took out the garbage and see him outside of the house for the first time, took some mails from his mailbox. He wears a black striped pajama and an army green oversized hoodie covering up his face and also, a surgery mask. When he realized i was stood and stared at him on my yard he bowed deeply to me and i returned it. Then he walked fast back into the house. A murderer won’t be that polite. He might be an Asian since he bowed like that. He looks familiar though...but who?

The next hour i was in front of his door with a cheese pie on my hand, hitting his doorbell. After like 10 minutes, i was about to go back home, he opened the door. Still with his mask and hoodie he bowed to me and tried to hide his face by staring down the floor and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

“Ah, hello, i think i have to welcome my new neighbor, i live across your house, here’s a little present” i said, stuttered while handing over the pie to him.

“Thank you...” he said with a familiar deep and hoarse voice. My eyes widen when i heard his voice and that’s when he finally stared back at me. HUH?! GOD DAMN IT, IT’S CHOI SEUNG HYUN! No other than TOP BIGBANG!! I sighed quietly and clenched my jaw, trying to control myself. I feel like I was dreaming...

“You’re welcome. Ah, I can help you if...if you need something....just come to my house...I...I should get going then. Nice to meet you” i offered my trembling hand to him and we shook hand before i turned around to go back.

“Wait...what’s your name?” he asked and i turned back to face him who stood there with a gloomy eyes holding a hot cheese pie on his hand.

“Machiko, my name’s Machiko” I smiled warmly to him. Then he nodded and bowed deeply once again. I went back to my house when he closed the door. I think he knows that i recognized him. What is he doing here anyway? I did not hear any news right after he was discharged from military service. As far as i know, after the scandal in 2017, he stayed in the military training center base ever since and restricted to leave even to his house as a punishment until discharged on November 2018. The other member had a solo comeback after the scandal and still a big hit, then BIGBANG announced a major hiatus starting from January 2018 after Taeyang finished his last tour. VIPs around the world were supportive but some of them turned their back against TOP. I’m not a die-hard fans actually, but i really appreciate their works and TOP is my favorite amongst the member. I smoked back in my younger ages that was when I depressed for I couldn’t be in an art major because of my parents. So i kind of understand how it feels to have so much pain and need an instant painkiller. Wrong is wrong, i know, but i don’t want to stop supporting people i cherish. Like a best friend, when i heard the news, i just want to stay by his side and pat his back and said:

“You know it was wrong, stay strong and face it like a man. You’re human, we’re human. We made mistakes and we learned from it. We’re here for you. Do not give up.” This words was the result of my overthinking where i was so panicked that TOP might drowned in his depression again because of this scandal. I could see how He blamed himself so much in his apology letter back in 2017. Maybe he run away from South Korea for a while to calm down his mind. Of course, we all need some time to recover after the storm.

Now i feel at ease knowing the house across were occupied by him, not a murderer. I lived my own life like usual though I’m curious as hell to know him more but i don’t want to disturb his healing trip. Sometimes I could see a car stopping by and a man went inside his house, it looks like it was his manager or bodyguard or something. A week later, on Saturday, he knocked on my door and almost gave me a heart attack. I always tried to stay calm in front of him so he won’t feel uncomfortable.

He wears an oversized grey hoodie, a jeans and a pair of leather shoes and of course, a mask.

“Hello...this. A little present..thank you for the pie..it’s delicious” he said, while he gave me a bottle of wrapped wine. i can tell he was smiling from his tired eyes, the only visible thing on his face.

“hi, thank you so much....no need to do this actually....but i really appreciate it!” i said and he chuckled shyly. “would you like to...come inside? i just baked a bacon pie, the wine would be perfect” i said and give him space on the door.

“but...I...”

“its okay, come in” i touched his arm lightly. He bowed and took off his shoes to come inside. I let him sit on the tiny bar of the kitchen and he took of his mask and hoodie from his face. I prepared the pie and the wine for both of us and I catch a glimpse of Him. His eyes wandering around my house but he looks comfortable, his hair is jet black showered with winter sunshine coming out from the window in front of the tiny bar. He looks so thin and he had a dark circle on his eyes. Seungri is not a panda anymore, i think.

“are you...an artist?” he asked me with a wide eyes when I finally sat on the stool beside him after serving the pies.

“yes, how do you know?” and he smiled warmly to me

“I can smell...hmm...painting medium for oil color...and I saw your name in some paintings here...”

“wah, you’re so keen about art...I can take you to my studio upstairs if you like”

“lovely...” he said and added “Machiko...are you a fan?” he stared to me now

“yes, I would ask your name the first time we met if I’m not. Don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone you’re here” he sighed softly and shows a sad faint smile

“I know you won’t, if you did, It’ll be on the news...thank you...”

After a while, we started to have a more comfortable conversation as if we’re a long time friends. I don’t want to ask him about BIGBANG nor his scandal because he doesn’t need such questions now, it would only make him feel sad. We only talked about arts and foods and what places he should visit in this area. After the wine and pie, i took him upstairs to see my works. He looks impressed and he talked a lot about his favorite techniques of painting. He went back to his home in the evening and I gave the leftover bacon pie for him to take home. Despite his stressfulness showed in his face, he’s still sweet and kind. I’m glad we could be friends. Actually, i wonder if he trusts people easily. Well, I’m not a criminal yet he’s too kind for a stranger like me. People could use him because of this and maybe this is