There’s a difference between walking and running. When people walk they will be ready on what or who will suddenly appear in front of them. They can either stop walking or continue straight ahead. And if ever that one person who appeared in front of them tripped, they can help to prevent them from falling. But when people run, they’ll always be in danger of bumping into someone unexpectedly. It also most of the time would just end on both of them falling.

It is because Yoongi runs. That’s why he bumped into me and how it was me he met first.

If my sister was much faster then it would have been her. It should have just been her, my mind has told me ever since. But Hyemi was always late.

If Yoongi only just walked back then instead of running just like me, maybe we would have never met. Or perhaps we will. But then he will surely never care to even know me, more than he will do care to know my sister.

There’s always a big difference between liking someone and loving them.

Before Yoongi asked me out for our first date he already has told me that he likes me. As day’s pass by and he gets to know me more it was just then when he said he love me. But still I have never been sure if I have ever been really out of that like zone. It is because each time I saw how his eyes lingered on my sister whenever she passes by there was something more to it that I can’t see when we were looking right in each other’s eyes. I always have felt that something was missing whenever he looks at me.

Namjoon says Yoongi was just really not an affectionate guy. That guy was Yoongi’s best friend so of course he acted like he knows. But does he even saw how every time my sister cried, Yoongi was the first to run to her? Does Namjoon even saw how Yoongi sometimes refuses to hold my hand when we walked but always offered his shoulder for my sister to cry on? Maybe Namjoon doesn’t really know, or maybe he did, but he just wouldn’t say anything about it. I didn’t even say anything about it either because they were also friends after all, my sister, and Yoongi.

On our first kiss when I say yes to be his girlfriend, my sister was there. Hyemi cried because she said she was happy for me for finding a good man. She was always too emotional. It was not like Yoongi and I are going to get married…

She said Yoongi was a good man.

Yoongi looked shy when we pulled away after the kiss and I almost expected for him to run to my sister to stop her from crying. But I was holding his hand. I wonder what would happened if I really did let go.

When they said regret is always in the end I would be the first one to say that it’s not true. Because I regretted my decisions even before I made them, yet those decisions, I still did anyway.  It’s because he was my first love that’s why I refused to pass the chance.

Days turned into weeks, months into years. Who would have thought we will end up being together for two years. There was always a lingering question inside my head, me wondering if it was really all just pretend? But when Yoongi smiles at me I ended up burrying those thoughts away. All the time…

When I have to move to a different place because of my job, Yoongi stayed in our town. I can’t ask him to follow me. He’s still in the middle of finishing college and his life is still there. At the back of my mind I know that yes it is.

My sister, Hyemi was also still there.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I realized that it can also just become a tool for people to realize what and who they really cared about.

I remember that call from my sister telling me that she’s sorry. Was it even a year that passed ever since I left our hometown? I should have been mad at her. But I wonder why I never really yelled at Hyemi. It was like I knew it will happen. I really do know it all along.

When it was Yoongi who called I only listened to him speak. He never really say sorry that much and I’m sure it takes a lot in him to say it but he said he was really sorry and right then I knew that he really was. After the call I have forgotten if I really said anything back to him. Maybe I lied and told him that it’s okay. That I understand…

I can’t remember.

That morning when my phone rang for Namjoon’s call is the moment I found myself crying for the first time, ever since they slapped the truth right at my face.

“They said they were in love.”

I told Namjoon.

“That they tried not to but…”

When I met him at a café just because he’s currently on a vacation, and like he said was in time for him to hear the news from another friend, he went out of his way just to see me. He wants to see me to ask if I was okay. If I was really okay.

He said what happened was bull.

I agreed.

I asked him if he thinks if Yoongi really did ever love me.

Namjoon looked at me with pure confusion on his eyes and said of course. I found myself not being able to even nod to that.

If we ever go back in time I would never outrun my sister just because I wanted to be first as always. I know Yoongi will never spare me a glance no matter how much I and my sister resemble each other. It was my fault for wanting to always be first.

“You’re his first love.”

It was like Namjoon was convincing me when he told me that. He was not just Yoongi’s bestfriend but he has also been a good friend to me so I force a smile on my face.

And hoped that mabe I really am. His first love…

But does it really matter?

“I know.” I said as I looked down and stared at my coffee cup.

Maybe, is what my wounded pride has yelled.

Until now I still refused to believe the truth that I knew all this time. So once again I told myself that maybe I really am his first love. But still it wouldn’t change the fact that I will never be his last. My sister only waited because she was late.

I knew it was her all along.

A/N: When you have no internet connection and you have nothing to do, write a oneshot. Ugh I just want to vent out my frustrations by writing nonsense fics. Please bear with me…