One. Two. Three.

Jongin keeps telling himself that this would be his last glass. His last. But one turns into two, two turns into three, and three multiplies to form an endless chain of unfulfilled promises. He can get away with that easily-- nobody knows about his will to stop besides himself, he has only his conscience to answer to. Except he doesn’t want to.

He feels like about not being able to snap out of this self-induced drunken stupor.

“Jongin, you drink well.” He hears someone say, unable to catch who because he didn’t lift his head quickly enough.

“Nah, he’s getting hammered. Look at his face, he’s all red.” Another gruff voice. His words are accompanied with a deep guffaw. Jongin thinks it’s the movie director. It’s impossible not to recognize that voice after having worked closely together for a substantial period of time.

A weight settles on his shoulder. “Maybe you should stop.” A gentle voice. A female.

Jongin frowns. He’s starting to feel annoyed. His head kinda hurts, and these people won’t stop making comments about him. It’s not like he asked for the attention.

“Down this beer and we’ll wrap up for the night!” The gruff voice again. The director. Jongin studies the mug pushed towards him. How can he possibly refuse the most important person here tonight?

“No, I don’t think he should.” The female tries to argue for him. Jongin has figured out it’s the make-up artist by now. He likes her, thinks she’s a nice person with a kind smile, but her fingers are now curled around his bicep and it makes him feel slightly uncomfortable.

“It’s fine,” Jongin finally speaks up, taking this opportunity to shrug off her hand as well. He lifts the mug to his lips and takes a tentative sip, then tilts his head back and downs it like he was asked to.

The director laughs, his deep voice reverberating through the room. Or maybe it’s just happening in Jongin’s mind. He doesn’t like it. This is too loud for him now. He just wants to lie down somewhere soft and sleep.

An unsteady step doesn’t lead him to the exit like he thought it would. Instead, he falls flat on his face, and doesn’t try to get up after that. He briefly remembers hearing loud laughter before his world goes black.

--

Neckties have always looked good on Kyungsoo.

Jongin doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything, just remains standing where he is and watches Kyungsoo from the other end of the room. The smaller male tugs at his blazer, mumbling something Jongin can’t hear.

The hair stylist musses up his hair slightly before using the hair spray to keep it in shape. Once she’s satisfied with that, she adjusts the necktie slightly then turns her attention to Baekhyun who has emerged from the changing room in a similar outfit.

At this time, their gazes meet.

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows very briefly and Jongin drops his gaze, feeling shy all of a sudden.

He remembers when they first debuted. They couldn’t stay away from each other then, regardless of whether any cameras were present. They always gravitated towards each other so naturally, or found an excuse to do so. It wouldn’t be a surprise to see Kyungsoo standing at the other end and then discover him standing right by his side 5 minutes later.

Now, however, they’ve both grown a lot more independent. Individual activities play a part too, keeping them away from each other for up to weeks at times. They can sometimes go for days without having a proper conversation.

That worries him sometimes. He’s just a normal guy who gets jealous too, and he feels especially insecure when Kyungsoo goes off to his filming. He can’t be around to keep an eye on him, he doesn’t know how he’s doing or the kind of people he ends up interacting with. And the period when they were instructed to cease interaction on stage didn’t help either, until it gradually became something Jongin didn’t have to remind himself to do.

Their paths just stopped crossing, naturally.

Things have improved from then when Jongin started thinking they might have reached a deadlock. He doesn’t remember who started it anymore, but after courageous attempts to reconnect in public eye again, things got better.

Joonmyeon interrupts him from his thoughts with his cue to leave the waiting room. Jongin still doesn’t move. He continues to lean against the wall, watching his group members file into the hallway one by one.

Minseok shoots him a concerned glance. Sehun asks him if there’s anything wrong. Chanyeol beams at him.

Kyungsoo stops beside him. Jongin’s gaze lands on his necktie again, swallowing dryly.

The next thing he does is committed in a state of complete lucidness. He reaches forward, hand closing around Kyungsoo’s nape, and Kyungsoo doesn’t resist being pulled into a kiss. The door to their waiting room is open. Anyone can walk down the hallway and see them.

But right now, it really doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo must feel the same. He allows Jongin to take his time recovering whatever he needed; reassurance, comfort, energy. His lips are moist and sticky because of the lip tint, so is Jongin’s, and it feels a little gross but neither care at all. They kiss carefully, not wanting to mess up their make-up when they’re literally about to go on stage.

“I love you,” Kyungsoo whispers against his lips, a reminder he knows Jongin needs to hear right now.

The taller male smiles. He pulls back, drops his arm, and nudges them into the hallway.

A thought comes to mind only when they’re in public scrutiny, standing before a large crowd and flashing cameras. The words latch onto the back of his mind and Jongin keeps them there for he can’t possibly risk closing the distance between him and where Kyungsoo is standing beside Joonmyeon right now. They’ve both grown out of that sticky phase, but it doesn’t mean their feelings for each other have changed at all.

He tightens his grip around the microphone, keeping what he has to say to himself for now. He’ll find another chance to tell Kyungsoo. He just has to remember to.

--

Everything came rushing to him too suddenly.

Jongin’s head is still spinning when his eyes fly open, but he knows this giddiness cannot be attributed solely to his drunkenness. He sits up, discovering himself back in his hotel room with a blanket pulled over him.

He’s still wearing what he wore outside, so whoever had kindheartedly lugged him back to his room hadn’t been too bothered about cleanliness. The walls seem to close in as he lifts one leg over the edge of the bed and attempts to get to his feet.

It’s 4am. Only two hours have passed. Definitely not enough to refresh his system, but Jongin can’t possibly sit still and go back to sleep when he remembers what he had wanted to tell Kyungsoo, but had carelessly forgotten all about until now.

He throws on a hoodie and grabs his wallet, leaving the room with quiet footsteps.

The hallway is empty as far as his gaze can stretch, not that he has to worry about being seen by anyone in this hotel anyway. Outside, however, he pulls his hood lower and wishes he had remembered to bring a mask as he waits for a cab.

This is probably the craziest thing he has ever done. They’re done filming, but he has a morning flight to Japan tomorrow to film a commercial. It wasn’t very smart of him to get wasted in the first place, and Jongin doesn’t see the harm in following up with another bad decision.

No.

This is not a bad decision.

As he enters the cab and tells the driver his intended destination, he realizes this is the best decision he has ever made. His senses have never felt so alive.

It’s a pretty long ride. Jongin tries to work things out while buildings pass him in a blur, trying to figure out what time he has to leave again if he wants to make it back here in time. He also regrets not taking the time to freshen up first, sniffing at his clothes consciously, but he knows he can’t wait any longer, not even for a second more.

He feels so much more sober when the cab finally stops. The fare burns a hole in his wallet but he doesn’t care. He thanks the driver and leaves the vehicle in a hurry, sprinting into the building and jabbing relentlessly at the button until the elevator doors open.

It stops at the fifth floor.

Jongin has almost worked himself into a frenzy in that one short minute, heartbeat erratic and breath jagged. The words have blistered the back of his throat by now. He keys in the passcode and doesn’t even stop to remove his shoes, dashing into the dark apartment and into the first room.

The room is bathed in soft light with a flick of his wrist. Jongin catches a glimpse of his wide eyes, anxious look in the mirror. This intrusion wakes the person sleeping on the bed, who has the most confused expression on his face as he rubs his eyes blearily.

There is no way to describe the feeling that gushes through Jongin when he sees Kyungsoo there in bed, hair sticking out everywhere and eyes still squinted from sleep. He nearly drops to his knees then, but manages to hold himself together until he reaches the bed.

How the hell had he forgotten something so important?

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo calls out, voice husky, and it sends shivers down Jongin’s spine.

For some unfathomable reason, Jongin feels like crying. He swallows the lump in his throat.

“What are you doing here?” The older male is clearly more awake now. He sits up, but still looks plain confused. Then he scrunches up his nose. “You reek of alcohol. Are you drunk?”

Jongin thinks of all the people he has ever met in his life. Family, friends, acquaintances. How many of them does he still hold dear to his heart? He tried his very hardest not to let it happen, but becoming a star had came with the inevitability of drifting away from his best friends. He still stays in close contact with his family members, obviously, but can he really say that he’s still as close to them?

Through the years, through it all, Kyungsoo has been the only constant.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen in surprise as Jongin collapses onto him, pinning his body to the bed. Jongin knows he smells bad, but he doesn’t care, can’t care anymore.

“You are the only one.”

That was what he had wanted to say. Now that the confession is finally out, he feels so much better instantly. That, and feeling Kyungsoo’s stiff body relax against him, really work wonders.

“You are such an idiot.” Kyungsoo tells him, but embraces him tightly anyway.

Jongin lets his eyes fall shut. He feels the older male’s lips press against the crown of his head. He has to leave by 6am if he wants to have enough time to shower and look presentable, but those plans dissolve effortlessly into nothing.

As long as he’s in Kyungsoo’s arms, he has no plans to leave, ever. Kyungsoo is the only one for him. Nobody else in this world can possibly make him feel so homesick.