It's a dark and gloomy night, a night like any other nights Baekhyun had. Nights are always lonely without Chanyeol, and he tries to make them less desolate whenever he's around, usually to no avail. He lies on the bed he shares with Chanyeol in their small but not shabby apartment. He has been lying there for the past 3 hours, patiently waiting for someone, a tall and handsome guy maybe, to come home and join him. He patiently waits for the moment when he can, once again, pretend that they're okay; that both of them are so ing in love.

   The clock strikes pass 11, but Chanyeol is still nowhere to be seen. Then again, this night is a night like any other. This has been going on for a good (or bad) 2 years that Baekhyun considers this as a routine, an exasperating tradition.

   Baekhyun hears the door shut from downstairs. He hastily recovers himself and goes out to meet his husband. "Hey, thank heavens you're home," he greeted happily.

   He pecks Chanyeol's lips and removes his coat for him. "Dinner?"

"Nah, I'm okay. Yixing threw a small party at the office. He said he's getting married."

"Awww. That's cute. Send my congratulations to him."

"Sure."

   They reach their bedroom in a minute. Chanyeol changes into his pajamas and joins Baekhyun on the bed.

"So, how's your day?" Baekhyun asked the same question he asks every single night.

"Good. Paperworks are starting to pile up real bad. But nothing I can't manage," his husband retorted with a heavy sigh. Baekhyun wants to feel guilty, but he knows he shouldn't be. It's Chanyeol who told him to just stay at home. It's Chanyeol who told him to stop writing "sh*ts" and be an "actual" husband to him.

"Babe, how about if I---"

"Baek, I don't have time for this. I'm so tired. Let's talk about it tomorrow," Chanyeol cuts him off.

"O-okay. G-good night," Baekhyun managed to say despite the lump on his throat. He is used to his husband cutting him off, but pain doesn't seem to dissipate every time. Once again, Baekhyun reasons out for Chanyeol. Maybe he's just really tired. Maybe I'm just too annoying.

He looks up the ceiling, white spaces slowly turning into a blur. Baekhyun shifts to his side, and the tears start falling as if in a marathon.

That night, like any other night, Baekhyun sleeps with a heavy heart.

//

   Baekhyun comfortably rests his head on Chanyeol's lap, the other softly his hair.

"You know what, Yeollie? I never actually thought you would like me back. I mean, of course I had imagined us being together but I thought it was too impossible," Baekhyun said as he looks up at a smiling giant.

"Babe, what's there not to like? You're smart, you're so fun to be with, and you're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life," Chanyeol responded with his baritone voice.

   Baekhyun blushes so hard on the comment that he can't help but hide his tomato-y face behind his hands. However, Chanyeol takes them away from his face and leans down to capture his lips. Baekhyun responds in a millisecond, their lips moving in great harmony, as if they're really meant to touch like this.

   At that moment, Baekhyun thinks he is the one he wants to spend his whole life with. And at that moment, Baekhyun likes to think Chanyeol finally meant what he said.

//

    Baekhyun quietly watches some weird variety show on television when somebody suddenly barges into the apartment. He is not a tad bit surprised about Do Kyungsoo's action, because his best friend always barges into someone else's home, especially Baekhyun's, as if he owns it.

"Ya, Byun Baekhyun, did you miss me?" Kyungsoo greeted animatedly.

"We just met the other day and we talked like 20 minutes ago, how am I supposed to miss you?"

   Kyungsoo fakes a hurt expression, clutching his heart as if in agony. "Ouch." Baekhyun just snickers.

   His best friend joins him on the couch and takes the last slice of pizza on his plate. Baekhyun looks at him, mouth agape but with an unimpressed face. "I know you miss me, Byun. You're just too proud to actually admit it," Kyungsoo said with an awful wink.

"Whatever. What brings you here, anyway?"

"How are things going on between you and Park Chanyeol?"

"Soo, I asked first." Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

"Okay, well..." He fishes something out of his duffel bag and hands it to Baekhyun. "I came to give you this. I just published my third book, Baek! And you're welcome."

"'How To Know If Your Relationship Is So ed Up (And Leave)'?" Baekhyun asked with a puzzled look. "This is the longest title I have ever seen a book has."

Kyungsoo shrugs.

   Baekhyun stares at the book intently, moving from pages to pages with ease. To say he's not envious of Kyungsoo is an understatement. God knows how much he wants to write stories. God knows how much he loves the sound of keyboards hitting against his fingers. But Chanyeol...

   Kyungsoo seems to have this telepathic connection with him, because he asks, "Why don't you go back to writing, Baek? You have an absolutely brilliant mind. You're better than me, waaay better."

   Baekhyun feigns a smile and sighs. "Nah, I'm good. I can't think creatively anymore." He produces a broken chuckle.

"Who are you trying to kid here, Baek? You don't run out of creative ideas. You're a genius!" Kyungsoo continues when Baekhyun said nothing but a heavy sigh, "It's Chanyeol, right?" Baekhyun nods slowly. "That bastard! How could he---"

"Soo, stop. He knows what he's doing. He just doesn't want me stressing out too much."

   His best friend snorts. "God, Byun Baekhyun! He only cares about himself. He doesn't want you earning a lot of money than he does so he's stopping you from doing something that you badly like."

   Baekhyun admits that hit him; he has been truth-slapped. But he doesn't want to admit it out loud.

"Baek..." Kyungsoo continued. "I love you so much. You're my best ing friend. I just want what's best for you. I don't want to see you getting hurt like this. I don't even understand why you settled into marriage with him. He doesn't love you, Baekhyun. Not anymore."

   Baekhyun panics at Kyungsoo's last two statements. His tears start flowing nonstop, his emotions too heavy to contain. "No! Chanyeol loves me! He loves me, Kyungsoo!" His voice descends. "He loves me."

   Kyungsoo pulls Baekhyun into a tight hug, something that he knows Baekhyun needs right now.

   Baekhyun sobs into Kyungsoo's shirt. His heart aches, his head aches, his whole being is in pain. Baekhyun knows Chanyeol doesn't see him the way he sees him before anymore. Or probably not even once. But he loves his husband so much, and his love for him is the only thing that keeps him going.

   It's the only thing that keeps him pretending he's happily married.

//

"Are you sure about this, Baek?" Kyungsoo asked apprehensively, hands soothing the collar of Baekhyun's suit.

   Baekhyun stares satisfyingly at his reflection on the mirror and sighs. "Of course, -ah. This is the day that I have been waiting for. I've yearned for this all my life."

"Anything that makes you happy, B."

"Awww..." Baekhyun cooed. He grabs Kyungsoo into a warm embrace. "Thank you so much, Soo. You're the best."

   His best friend pulls away with tears in his eyes. "Of course, I am. I'm literally your Best Man." Baekhyun laughs hard. "Enough of this drama, Byun Baekhyun. Let's get your greatest moment started."

   Wedding bells are excitedly ringing, an instrumental version of some mellow music plays on the background, as Baekhyun walks down the aisle, ready to meet the love of his life and take the promise of forever.

//

   Baekhyun goes home to their shared apartment from a 2-hour grocery shopping one night with a suprised look on his face. It's still 9 o'clock, why is he already home?

  Chanyeol's coat is lazily draped on the couch, and his duffel bag is on the floor as if he scurried away after hurriedly putting it there. Above anything else, Baekhyun wonders why his husband is home this early when even his earliest return every night for 2 ing years is at 10:30.

   Nevertheless, on a positive scale, Baekhyun sees this as an opportunity, a reward from an imaginary lucky spin. At least Chanyeol gets to eat his favorite freshly baked Black Forest cake Baekhyun bought for him before it actually turns "not freshly baked" anymore. Baekhyun loves surpising his husband. He's at it again this time.

   Baekhyun quietly makes his way upstairs, cautiously taking baby steps so as to make sure he doesn't attract Chanyeol's attention or wake him up— if he's sleeping, that is— before he reaches their room. The door is ajar, much to Baekhyun's pleasure, because it will be easier for him to just kick the door fully open and surprise the hell out of Chanyeol.

Baekhyun does just that and shouts, "Surpise!"

But lo and behold, the tables just turned. Byun Baekhyun can't believe his eyes.

   On the bed, on their shared bed, is Park ing Chanyeol, completely , banging a goddamn girl. Baekhyun gasps in horror, his heart pounding so hard against his chest. For a minute, Baekhyun forgets to breathe. He drops the precious cake he's holding and holds onto the door for support, because otherwise, he thinks he might collapse. Baekhyun is used to Chanyeol cheating, but it still gets him internally dying every time.

"!" Chanyeol muttered in shock and pushed the girl aside. He quickly grabs his boxers and heads over to Baekhyun. ", Baekhyun, I'm sorry."

   Baekhyun holds up his hand and takes a step back. "No. Don't come near me."

"Baek, I..."

"Just please don't." He turns around and storms out of the room. His tears keep blocking his vision, but he could care less. Baekhyun doesn't know what to do. All he knows is that he wants to get out of this suffocating apartment as fast as he can.

   He is about to open the door when Chanyeol grabs his wrist, turning Baekhyun about face. "Babe, please, let me expl---"

   Chanyeol isn't able to finish his statement when Baekhyun slaps him. He doesn't know why but somehow, some unknown force lifts Baekhyun's hand up and hits his husband's face. "Explain?! What the are you going to say now, Park Chanyeol? That you ed that girl because you're too tired to your own husband? Or probably you have already fallen out of love for me that you can no longer see me as someone worthy of your attention and respect!"

"Babe, don't say that. I..."

"And don't call me that anymore."

   Baekhyun tries to free his wrist from Chanyeol's grip, but to no avail. "Chanyeol, please..." Baekhyun pleaded. "Please, let me go. Please." He finally lets all his guard down, his walls of protection slowly crumbling, toppling over him. And all it takes is just Chanyeol loosening his grip on his wrist for him to scurry away.

   Baekhyun runs, he runs so fast without a proper destination. He just lets his feet bring him somewhere else. Somewhere away from a place of depression that is their apartment. Baekhyun is dismay, despair, depression, and desolation rolled into one flesh.

   That night, Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol already had his last straw. For 2 years, Baekhyun struggles to save both of them from a sinking ship. For 2 years, he pretends that despite all of his husband's acts of infidelity, he remains unfazed. But Baekhyun has had enough. He loves Chanyeol so much, so much it hurts, but if the latter has completely fallen out of love for him, then what good will it bring if he stays longer?

   That night, Baekhyun stares longingly at the ring on his middle finger. He has finally come into a decision— despite how haywire his mind is at the moment— which he may or may not regret in the end. In the name of love.

//

   Baekhyun frantically runs like a hungry cheetah. He's almost 15 minutes late for his after-lunch subject because of a freaking protractor. He went home to get it, thanks to his rusty memory and forgetful nature. If it weren't for his deadass strict professor who wouldn't let his students borrow protractors from each other (otherwise, they can't take the test "so better go home"), Baekhyun wouldn't ride that extra mile.

   Baekhyun reaches the narrow hallway leading to his Trigonometry class. Suddenly though, without a single chance of catching his breath and regaining his balance, something dreadful catches his eyes. There, in the middle of the dark, narrow hallway, are two guys...kissing. One far from his circle of friendly interest and the other painfully familiar to him.

   For a second, Baekhyun forgot to breathe. He just stands there, clueless, mind completely blank. This is the first time Chanyeol cheated on him. He just doesn't know what to do, how to react. Should he continue to run, attend his Trigonometry class, and pretend he saw nothing? Or should he approach the two horrible creatures and bang their heads against each other?

   In the end, Baekhyun chooses neither of the two. He pants heavily as his heart starts to pump so hard against his chest and the lump on his throat making it difficult for him to find proper breathing. Baekhyun knows being cheated on is painful, but he never knows it would hurt this bad.

   He turns around, suddenly loathing the view after him. He thinks he heard someone calling him, but Baekhyun could assume less, as the rapid pounding of his heart is the only thing he can clearly hear. Baekhyun thinks someone's holding his wrist, stopping him from his tracks, but he can't be sure, as he's feeling numb all over.

"Baekhyun, wait! Please let me explain."

   Once again, Baekhyun runs. Protractor, Trigonometry class, narrow hallway, and a voice calling out his name most certainly from a certain tall, elf-like guy he's head over heels in love with, completely forgotten.

//

   Baekhyun goes back to their apartment the day after Chanyeol went to Kyungsoo's house, pounding on every door he could see around the house, calling out Baekhyun's name, asking him to come out and talk to him. Kyungsoo, with much determination, tried his hardest to convince Baekhyun not to listen to whatever his husband's going to say, because "I know how much of a soft you are when it comes to Park Chanyeol, and that's how you got deceived for 2 ing years." Baekhyun knows his best friend is right, in any angle. And if this was on a different situation, he would certainly listen to Kyungsoo and save his from future damages. However, Baekhyun has already plotted things out in his head. He wants to be with Chanyeol before he breaks everything that connects them.

   Baekhyun lets himself in, and the familiar smell of hot chocolate and Chanyeol greets him. That smell, it doesn't change. He remembers how he would always tell his husband how much he loves his smell and that it's his personal favorite. Baekhyun breathes in the sweet, strawberry mint air. He will definitely miss this, and with that, he is certain.

   Chanyeol climbs downstairs after hearing the sound of a door opening, hair still dripping wet from his nice cold bath. Just as soon as he reaches the end of the stairs, he locks eyes with Baekhyun. Only when his husband blinked did he realize he's here; Baekhyun's back. Chanyeol couldn't hide his relief. He takes long strides to get to Baekhyun quickly and takes him in his arms. Chanyeol feels his heart pump back to life, his veins awakened from a deep slumber. He has never felt this way for a very long time already. And it just makes him feel even more guilty— of hurting Baekhyun, of treating him like a ghost he pretends not to see, of making him feel unwanted, of not loving him enough.

   When Chanyeol heard a soft sniffle from his husband, he knows he has to do the right thing. He has hurt him way too much. He can't afford doing it over and over again to someone who does nothing but love him purely. Chanyeol just can't fall out of love for him like that. 

"I'm so glad you're back, Baek." Baek. He called him Baek. Baekhyun guesses Chanyeol took the "don't call me babe anymore" to heart. Nevertheless, it confirms something to Baekhyun. At least things wouldn't get too hard for him, and he gets to stick to his decision.

"I missed you," he responded. It's true. He misses the hell out of Chanyeol. He misses his eyes that used to sparkle whenever he talks to him, his big ears that used to go beet red whenever Baekhyun says cheesy stuffs, his nose that used to bump on his own, his lips that used to feel so soft and sweet against his, his smell that doesn't fail to intoxicate him (just as how he's intoxicated right now that they're very close), and his deep baritone voice that would always, always send shivers running up and down his spine. God knows how much Baekhyun wants to feel every inch of his husband right now, but he figures it wouldn't be possible.

"I missed you too, babe." And that response is what all it takes for him to hug Chanyeol tightly and sob on his shirt. Babe. Now, Baekhyun thinks it's so difficult to let go.

//

   June 14. This day marks their 5th anniversary. And this day also marks the start of their relationship ending. First 2 years into their marriage, everything is perfect. It was so perfect that Baekhyun never thought it would end up like this. However, the tables turned just as the weather changed, and everything started to fall apart.

   Baekhyun slowly but surely takes baby steps as he climbs down the flight of stairs, Chanyeol holding his hand and guiding him. His husband gets his eyes blindfolded, so he can't see a thing. Baekhyun thinks he cursed under his breath at least twice.

   Upon reaching the living room, he can clearly smell the lovely scent of his favorite scented candles. He still remembers this, Baekhyun thought.

   Chanyeol whispers into his ears, "You ready?" He directs the question to himself. Am I really ready?

   With a heavy and determined sigh, Baekhyun replies, "Yes," and Chanyeol removes the blindfold from his eyes, revealing a bittersweet surprise after him.

   Rose petals are beautifully scattered on the floor, and scented candles light the way for the two of them, few of which are also connected to form a huge heart on the aisle. Baekhyun drowns himself in a pool of painfully beautiful memories of their anniversary celebrations. Chanyeol used to do this back when they were still boyfriends and during their first 2 wedding anniversaries. After the latter, when everything starts breaking into pieces, his husband stopped surprising him. Now Baekhyun is confused as to why Chanyeol is back at this again.

   Nonetheless, he sets all his confusion aside and revels himself in enjoying the night; the last night with Chanyeol.

   Chanyeol brings Baekhyun to the table where all his prepared foods are. He cooked all of his and Baekhyun's favorites, which is so unlikely for him to do and is a rarity for almost 3 years. They start eating dinner in silence, both of them feeling the presence of an uninvited guest— tension.

   Chanyeol has a hunch Baekhyun is surprised he's doing this. But, isn't that his purpose for setting this up? That, and Chanyeol wants to him to feel special. Maybe in this way, he'll feel loved again. 

   Without finishing his food, Chanyeol stands up and plays a jazzy, mellow song on his speaker. He goes back to the table and offers a hand to Baekhyun. "Can I have this dance?"

   Baekhyun smiles and takes Chanyeol's hand in his. They move in united motions, swaying to the beat of the music. Baekhyun remembers his first dance with Chanyeol during their Seniors' Ball. He literally ditched his date to dance with him. On that night, Baekhyun knew he's more than in love with Park Chanyeol, and he's willing to give up anything for him. Now, he guesses everything has limits. He has reached his. Baekhyun already gave himself up to save their relationship, and he has nothing left but his love for his husband. He wants to get himself back. In order to do that, he's willing to give up the only thing he thinks he would never trade— his love for Chanyeol.

"Happy anniversary, babe," Chanyeol said, looking down at Baekhyun. Baekhyun looks straight into his husband's eyes and he is lost once again. Is that sincerity he is seeing?

   But he can't find the answer that he wants just by looking at him. So he asks, "Chanyeol, why are you doing this?" Baekhyun's voice cracked and he knows he sounded pathetic.

"Baek, I just want to make you happy. I know what I did all these years was hurt you and I don't know how to forgive myself for that. I don't know how you'll forgive me for that. I have done you wrong and it's so stupid of me to do that when all you did was love me. So I want to make you happy again. Take this as a start."

   Hearing those words from Chanyeol makes his knees go weak, so he clings onto his husband's neck tighter. Baekhyun can feel the lump on his throat growing and his eyes b with tears. He silently cries and thanks the heavens the lights are turned off, or else his husband can see his more pathetic state right now.

"Let's just enjoy the night, shall we?" Chanyeol smiles expectantly. Baekhyun can't resist that smile, he always fails to. And so once again, for the last time, he lets all his guard down. Just for tonight.

//

   The clock strikes 4 and Baekhyun goes out of bed. Today is the day. The start of him moving forward and finding himself again. It will never be easy, but he thinks it's better than being in an unhealthy relationship that slowly destroys him piece by piece.

   Baekhyun crouches down beside the sleeping giant. Chanyeol looks so calm like this. He sleeps so calmly he looks like someone who's not capable of doing anything wrong.

   Baekhyun reaches for his husband's hair and swipes the strands softly. He then whispers, "Chanyeol-ah, I'm letting you go now." His voice cracked again. "Go and find your real happiness, okay? Because I will find mine, too." Baekhyun sobs. "I love you so much, Chanyeol," he said and kissed Chanyeol's forehead goodbye.

   But before he steps out of the room, he puts a letter and a few papers on the bedside table, and glances at the love of his life for one last time.

//

   Chanyeol wakes up to an empty bed. He checks the room, but no sign of Baekhyun is evident. There's also no sound of rattling utensils downstairs. Chanyeol then goes to the bathroom. No Baekhyun. Where the did he go?

"Baekhyun-ah! Where are you?" Chanyeol shouted thrice. He probably just went out to buy something, he thought.

   Chanyeol goes back to his bed and decides to wait for his husband there. Suddenly, the pieces of paper on his bedside table catch his attention. He picks up the letter first, and he immediately regrets it after reading the first few lines.

To: Park Chanyeol

"Chanyeol-ah, it's me. You might be wondering where I am right now ㅋㅋ Don't worry, if you are, because I'm going to a beautiful, safe place. Yeol-ah, I'm so sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry for giving you headaches most of the time. I'm sorry for irritating you with my questions. I'm sorry for not being enough for you. I'm sorry for leaving you like this, for letting you read this ty letter instead of facing you. I can't do that, Chanyeol. I can't bid goodbye to you personally because I know that I once I meet your gaze, the tables will turn. I couldn't leave. Chanyeol, I don't want to leave you. Believe me, I don't. But I figured this is the right thing to do right now. I think I have struggled enough. For 2 years, I tried saving our relationship. But Chanyeol, I can't do that alone. I needed you to fight with me, but I guess it's too much for me to ask.

Chanyeol-ah, thank you for the happy times, the good memories. I would never, ever, regret choosing you. If I were to be born again, I'd still choose to love you and spend the rest of my life with you. And I hope that that time, it'd be for life; that only death can tear us apart. I'm setting you free now, Chanyeol. You will no longer endure the frustration of having me around. Oh and by the way, I forgive you. Don't be hard on yourself now, okay? 

I love you, Park Chanyeol. And I will always, always love you.

Love,

Byun Baekhyun

   Chanyeol stares blankly at the paper, a quarter of it wet from all the tears he shed. Baekhyun just left him and he can't blame him for that. The letter is a slap to his face. But he couldn't take the fact that his husband said sorry for all the things that he himself should be sorry for.

   Chanyeol thought he could still fix things between him and Baekhyun, but right now, he thinks Baekhyun's right. They need to find themselves first. And maybe, just maybe, after that, they'll be back together again and things would be different. He would get the chance to show Baekhyun everything that he failed to show now and he'll cherish him more than he ever did.

   He reaches out to grab the other papers beside the letter. Chanyeol freezes in his spot as he realizes the papers he is holding are actually divorce papers. And his husband's signature is right down below.

Chanyeol thinks it's over.