Time was becoming slippery and before he knew it, another day had passed. The warm sunshine that had held throughout the day was dwindling, reluctant as it retreated behind grey clouds to make room for the night. Yixing sighed, watching his breath escape in a puff of white towards the sky. He was hungry, cold and exhausted, much like he was the first time he wandered these streets. Back then, he was only a child, trailing obediently behind his parents as his eyes danced from one side of the unfamiliar concrete to the other.

Now, he was the one leading the way.

His people followed him:  Assistants mumbling quietly among themselves regarding his schedule for the next two weeks, bodyguard blocking off a crowd of overenthusiastic fans and makeup artist sweeping a final layer of powder across his increasingly prominent cheek bones.

They’ve once again made the mistake of scheduling too tight. A plane delay ate up his dinner and touch up time. The makeup artist was in distress as she had no choice but to scramble and get Yixing ready in the car. It had been a bumpy ride and they both knew her work was not up to the usual standard. Perhaps the powder would hide her mistakes but more likely, Yixing’s tiredness would just show again on camera and make his fans worried.

Many idols shouted ‘I love you’ to their fans and blew kisses with twinkling eyes but it was suspected only a few believed in the words they spoke. After all, love was an emotion too precious to hand off to just anybody. At least, that was what Yixing was told. Still, while he could not claim to love his fans with the same searing intensity as they loved him, he did think of them as highly important. Without them, he would be a nobody playing his guitar on the streets. The melodies that invaded his dreams every night would never be noted down nor would they be played for everyone’s ears. So yes, for giving him the opportunity to share himself with them, he sincerely valued and appreciated his fans. That was why they deserved nothing but the best from him.

Lately, he had been failing in giving them that. His control was slipping and his body silently protested against his determination every day. Between EXO and his career in China, he was working himself to the bones. It was to the point he could no longer hide it and his fans began sending him concerned letters, asking him to rest. However, though Yixing was touched by their kindness, he knew he could not afford a break. The world wouldn’t wait for him and he had to keep marching forward no matter what. That was what he promised himself stepping into S.M. Entertainment.

A few interviews ago Yixing had joked about dying on the dance floor but now thinking about it, fate just might choose to be cruel and prove him right one day. Let’s not hope it won’t be any time soon.

This new game show felt like a mixture of a few popular ones from the past. The director had money, reputation and already proved his success with his other works.  When Yixing received the invitation, he knew there was no way he could let the opportunity pass. A few phone calls were exchanged between the show director and Yixing’s manager. The conversations had not been long due to the busy schedules of both parties but Yixing was able to gather a few pieces of information. Firstly, the show will have seven celebrities, five males and two females. All of them would be young, fresh and relatively popular already to appeal to the juvenile audience the show was aiming for. Yixing was told to prepare himself as there will be some familiar faces for him.

Prepare himself, huh?

Yixing’s lips curved in a smile that was anything but happy. It would appear that the game has begun and he was already falling behind.

Technically speaking, he knew most of the young Chinese celebrities in the circle so all of them should be considered familiar faces. Yet, judging by the director’s wording and that ever curious ‘prepare yourself’ part, Yixing was clearly expected to be surprised by whoever the guest was.

A part of him didn’t want to guess because that would be the only way to give the director that genuine shock the man no doubt desired. After all, Yixing really wasn’t the best actor and the only time he could truly convince anyone that he was astonished was when he actually was. Yet, despite of his efforts, a name still appeared in his mind, drifting lazily across his thoughts like a soft, soothing feather.

Luhan . It had to be him – the person with a perfectly familiar face yet whose presence on the show would surprise him. The director sure was a risk taker, putting the two of them together on the same stage. Yixing just hoped he was prepared for all of the controversies because while he was certain many would be overjoyed to see their reunion, no less others would be ready to trash them with the ugliest words available to men.

People were always watching – that’s something those trying to survive in this trialing industry should never forget. Eyes, ears and cameras followed an idol’s every move, waiting for the opportunity to make or destroy him. Youth Day Gala was aired on CCTV a few months ago and two days after its initial showing, Yixing received a text message from Sehun. He recalled being pleasantly surprised to hear from Sehun because the youngest EXO member was also one of the only ones he kept in touch with even when he was engaged in his own activities in China. They were close – closer than what most people thought because unlike some of the others, Sehun smiled at Yixing regardless of whether or not the camera was on.

This text message was all writing – no emoticons, no stickers and no pictures – which was against the maknae’s usual style:

Hyung, are you asleep? Can I call you?

It was two in the morning in China but since Yixing was awake and this seemed serious, he replied with ‘okay’. Their phone call lasted longer than usual as Sehun rambled on about his day and EXO’s activities. Yixing let him talk and remained a good listener the entire time, but he did wonder where this conversation was going. Clearly, Sehun had a reason for calling and he had been dancing around the real issue for over twenty minutes. When they were drifting close to that dangerous 2:30 A.M. mark and dreamland was sinking its fangs into prey Xing’s neck, Sehun finally found his courage.

“I heard you were on a show with Luhan hyung.” Poor maknae was trying his best to make the conversation transition naturally to this point, but sadly, he failed. “They were talking about it earlier.”

Yixing’s desire to sleep dispersed.  

“Who was talking about it?”

“Everyone,” Sehun replied. “You’ll get a call later. Maybe tomorrow.”

The conversation ceased for a moment as Yixing ran various situations in his head, imagining the how the phone call Sehun described would go. His chest felt heavier, hands felt clammier as he gripped the phone harder and harder. A phone call should not be something to dread. A few exchanged words and laughs with his former best friend should be no ground for trepidation. But with idols, everything was different. He needed to figure out what to say back and how to word everything so the repercussions of his past decision could be minimized as much as possible.

“Hyung?” His knuckles had turned white by the time Sehun’s voice pulled him back to reality. Yixing made himself loosen his fingers slightly and let out a slow breath to calm himself. Quietly too, so Sehun on the other side wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah, I am here.”

“I just…” The other struggled for a second before continuing. “How was he?”

There was no need for him to reconfirm who the ‘he’ was referring to. “He is doing well. Healthy, glowing and energetic. Typical deer, you know.”

“Oh good.” Sehun’s voice on the other side lifted in cheeriness. “Well, I will let you sleep now. Good night, hyung. I’ll message you again!”

With that, their chat concluded and Yixing fell back against his pillow. His mind was still a mess due to the new information he received but the happiness laced in Sehun’s voice before he rang off gave him some comfort. At least Sehun would have a good night's sleep. At least Sehun was still young and simple enough to become joyous from a few words of reassurance. At least Sehun still dared to ask the questions he had on his heart.

At least he still dared…to care.

“Yixing?” A different voice was against his ear, softer but richer, also unmistakeably female. It took Yixing a few seconds to recognize that the voice belonged to his assistant and where he was. “What’s wrong?’ She asked with some urgency in her tone. After all, they were heading to a very important meeeting and it would not do for them to be late.

“Sorry, I zoned out for a second,” he drawled sheepishly, summoning his sleepy charm to reassure her as he picked up his pace.   

xxx

The director arranged a meet and greet for all of the guests, just so he could go over the game mechanics and the cast could become familiarized with each other. Yixing ended up arriving on location ten minutes early  despite of zoning out and was surprised to see a tucked away tea house instead of a conveniently located restaurant.

He was greeted politely at the entrance by a pair of ladies dressed in traditional Chinese silk gown. One of them smiled, emerald hips swaying elegantly as she led his people towards one side of the hall, where they were promised hot tea and cakes as they waited for his return. The remaining lady in violet took Yixing the opposite way, up the creaky wooden staircase until they reached a private room. She knocked on the door twice and announced Yixing’s arrival before showing him in.

A pair of hands, strengthened with confidence, took grasp of Yixing’s as soon as he stepped in. The director’s smile was crinkly but no less charming as he thanked his guest for coming.

Yixing’s back automatically straightened, a smile forming on his lips as he shook the director’s hand back with as much enthusiasm as he could summon.

“As you can see, not everyone’s here yet!” The director’s voice was deep but jovial. “That’s all right, more tea for us. We will make the last person pay the bill.” He laughed at his own words as he gestured for Yixing to find a seat.

For the sake of good manners, Yixing was going to find himself a seat in the back of the room, just so those who came in afterwards could find a seat quickly. He was on his way to do just that when he made his first mistake of the evening – looking up before he was ready.

Dark hair, pale skin. Fine bone structures, perfectly symmetrical features and striking eyes. This was a face destined to make women swoon and men envious. Yixing knew that, ever since the first time he saw it as a trainee of S.M. Entertainment and back then this face had been partially covered by messy bangs.

His smile froze along with the rest of his body. He needed to speak but the words were stuck inside of his mouth. The director had poured Yixing’s tea for him, eyes gleaming as he took in the younger male’s reaction. This was actual shock, just as anticipated. 

“Yixing.” Sensing his inability to speak, the other party decided to spare some kindness.

This was Yixing’s cue to greet back. It should have been a simple task except the remaining EXO member no longer knew how to address the man that sat a seat away from him. No longer was this man his Duizhang, nor did he go by the name of Kris. Yixing could have called him Wu Yifan as he did when they first met but such a greeting would be considered cold and inappropriate for the occasion.

He could call him ge, the way he called the other Chinese celebrities his senior when they met for the first time but this man didn’t feel like a brother to him. He could call him Yifan like he did when they became close friends but that would feel wrong too. And…it would also hurt.

So instead, he just kept on staring.

Wu Yifan stared back.

Their eye contact eventually broke, not of their own accord but because of a cough from the opposite side of the table. The cough sounded familiar and a quick glance at its source told Yixing why.

It was Huang Zitao, holding a cup of tea with his pinky ever slightly raised. His first look at Yixing featured a pair of unfriendly eyes but quickly, the trace of hostility faded.

“Hi, Yixing!” He put down his cup and gave Yixing a smile. It was fake – just as the cough earlier was. Though he had matured some, Yixing was glad to see this one did not change completely. In a way, it almost felt appropriate that he interrupted with that cough when he did. After all, it was what he would have done back in the dorm rooms. Zitao always needed to be in the center of attention, especially when it came to his beloved Duizhang. He was possessive over Yifan in a way that no one else in EXO was over each other. Some said it was childishness but Yixing thought there was something more.

One time, when Zitao was more than a little tipsy, he told Yixing he didn’t like him because he thought there was something going on between him and the EXO-M leader. A few others heard his slur and laughed it off, telling Yixing to ignore their Taozi because he was clearly drunk and being a kid. Yixing nodded at their words and hauled Zitao off to bed so he could sleep it off but he knew the truth as none of those other EXO members did – Zitao was a kid, but it was always the children who had sharper intuitions.

And on top of those good instincts, Yixing also had to admire Zitao for his resilience. Like Sehun, he did not let the world crush his ability to show that he cared.  Look, even now, it was clear that Zitao held onto his emotions. Notice how he chose the seat that was the furthest away from Yifan and made a show of drinking tea when it was obvious his focus never shifted from the man sitting opposite him. He was still Tao and perhaps he'll always stay true to himself. How many others in the entertainment industry would be able to claim the same?

“Good to see you, Zitao.” Yixing sank down on his seat and trained his eyes on the tea menu. He realized that subconsciously, he had put a seat between himself and the former EXO members on either side. The seating arrangement had become extremely awkward because of that but the director did not appear to be interested in changing anything.

Thankfully, others showed up soon. Two female celebrities made their appearance, followed by another male. With them around the table, conversations started again. Zitao chatted with the girls while Yifan spoke with the male actor that was a fellow co-star of his in movie. Yixing was left to sit there with his own steaming tea cup. He should have felt content because anything was better than that awkward introduction earlier. But instead, he felt…lonely.

These faces were just too familiar and he couldn’t help stop the past from flooding back.

In the scene he remembered, Zitao should be sitting next to Yifan, his arms around the older male’s shoulders as he whined for the other to go shopping with him. Yifan, trying to focus on his game match with Chanyeol, would tell him ‘no’. But at the same time, there would be a smile tucked at the corner of their Duizhang’s lips, indicating the ‘no’ was only a playful rejection and that with a little more persistence, Zitao would get what he want and possibly more.

Baekhyun would be there, observing the game match. He’d be cheering loudly for Yifan and giving out helpful hints in hopes of sinking Chanyeol’s team sooner. Chanyeol, realizing that he was losing, would yell at Baekhyun to shut up – an order which the smaller male would casually ignore.  

Minseok and Jongdae would shake their heads at the other side of the room as they set up the table for the evening meal. Kyungsoo would rise to help them, only to be stopped by Jongin’s whine of stomach pains. Over the sound of Kyungsoo’s concerned voice, their not-so-fierce EXO-K leader would be shouting for someone to shut down the television because a horror movie had began playing. Though he seemed unimpressed, Minseok would follow Junmyeon’s request because he knew the other wouldn’t even go near the television set knowing a scary face could pop up on the screen.

Yixing would be at the couch, Sehun seated comfortably on his lap as they both watched the door for the arrival of pizzas and the guy who had volunteered to go pick them up.

Such a beautiful moment.

At that time no one realized just how precious it would be. Now they’ve lost it forever and Yixing wished he could just go back there for an hour or two. All twelve of them around a table, fighting over the best slices of pizza. Even if they didn’t speak, their friendship would be loud and clear. Even if they didn’t smile, the room would be filled with comradery and Yixing would bask in the warmth of their shared affection.

Now, Yixing was just stuck. He was doomed to sit in this room next to familiar faces but feel nothing but icy, cutting cold of their emotional distance.

 “Sorry, am I late?” The door swung open behind Yixing and the final guest of this game show announced his arrival. Yixing felt the warm palm against his back before he saw his face. So his earlier guess wasn’t completely wrong, only he underestimated the depth of the director’s insanity.

“Wow, everyone got here so fast. Here, as the last person to arrive, let me treat everyone to pastries.” Luhan pulled the chair next to Yixing and sat down without hesitation. “How about this red bean and sesame one we tried last time here, Zitao? Not too sweet, you girls will probably like it.” He pushed the menu towards the middle of the table so everyone could have a look. “So what did I miss?” He helped himself to the nearest tea pot and refreshed everyone on the left’s drinks on his way. He smiled when Yifan said ‘thank you’ at the refill and somehow it seemed natural.

Clearly, Luhan had accepted his role as the glue that would pull the rest of them together for this show. To Yixing, though, this felt like an impossible task considering how much tension there already was before they even reached episode one.  

Notes; here's the first chapter, friends. hopefully it's not too long. most of my chapters will be around 2.5k words and i went a little overboard with this one because i wanted to start the flashback train. this fic, btw, is very flashback heavy. the flashbacks will mostly be from yix's perspective and follow the timeline. so since he met yif first, we'll see yif flashbacks first. comment & message me if you have any questions/suggestions.