Jin cooks for me, J-hope brings me flowers. Jimin sings to me, Suga composes me lyrics, V steals the clothes from my closet, and Rap monster stares at me. It’s almost the same as before, but twisted. They all pity me. They pity themselves.

Jin hums as he cooks, he is always cheerful. He tries to cheer me up too, by cooking my favourite dishes and dropping by to leave them on my bedside. They always smell mouthwatering. When Jin was younger, and so was I, he said he would always take care of me. He would smooth my hair down when V ruffled it, making sure I looked nice, he hasn’t changed in that respect. Jin is always cheerful.

J-hope brings me different flowers each day, always more colourful today than yesterday’s. He takes the one-day-old blooms out of a chipped vase each morning – I wonder every day where he puts the old ones. Littered around his dorm? Drying them upside down, hanging until they’re swaying and so stiff they can’t wilt? The flowers in my room never wilt, J-hope makes sure of that. They’re never allowed to wilt, that would mean no one remembered myself or the flowers. It’s what he tells me every time he visits. He promises he won’t every day. His face looks cracked when I see him, as if the progressively bolder flower arrangements he brings cost him only his colour. With dull eyes, he promises he won’t forget me. He says he won’t, ever. He promises every day.

Jimin sings to me so sweetly as he visits, my heart breaks over and over again. I want to reach out and touch his hand and tell him I’m listening. But I can’t, and he’ll never know. I talk to him, inside my head, and I will for him to hear me. Each day, he tells me I had a wonderful singing voice, and I was the best dancer of the members. ‘But don’t tell J-hope’, he requests with a weak smile. He says he’s trying hard, honouring me. ‘But it’s even harder’. I want to remember in peace, and I want him to forget.

Suga doesn’t rap anymore. He gave it up, and he says it’s because he doesn’t enjoy it anymore. He just wants to compose me my songs in peace. He’s not sure where his spark went, his intensity. He says he wasn’t sure why he had it in the first place. He said his favourite moments with me were when we were sleeping, or not doing much in our brief moments of peace and solitude, just enjoying life.

V takes my clothes. And my possessions, the other band members got angry at him for it. That was the last time Suga got mad. V said he didn’t care what the others thought, he said he knew me better than the others and he wants to remember me with my stuff. The others got so angry, because he took it all, wouldn’t let them see them again. V told me he wanted to keep all of my clothes and keepsakes so he never forgot anything about me, no matter what. He wanted to be sad with me, and not support the other members in their grief, because he says his sadness is twice as strong.

And Rap monster stares at me. He hasn’t cried, and he won’t. He told me he would stay strong for me. I know he is crying inside though. The emotional storm inside him is thrashing him. He skips meals sometimes, because he forgets. I only hope he won’t forget to be happy.

Some of my bandmates came to an agreement. Jin and Jimin are moving away. They want to continue with their life. But the other members got angry, and they decided to stay with me as long as they could. Now I’m split into seven, and not one piece of me is my own.