A/N: I'M SORRY THIS HAS SO MANY GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES and simple vocab choice since I'm not fluent in English and I'm too lazy to proofread. Sometimes I feel terrible because I can't tell the story the way I wanted to due to language barrier. But hope you will still understand the feeling when I made this. This is inspired by Kwon Jin Ah - The End song (I borrowed her title) so you should listen to that, read the lyric, and watch the MV to have better understanding. It's really good and sad, just my kind of type.

Anyway, enjoy!

PROLOG

“We should end this here…”

“…Why?”

“I just… don’t feel like it anymore.”

“Jinyoung-a…” Jaebum smiles while sighing, “Sometimes, I really can’t understand you.” Jaebum pats his head and walk away, leaving Jinyoung in the cold outside. It is snowing, and it’s cold, but Jinyoung feels 100 degrees colder.

Don’t go… Jinyoung wishes inside his heart while watching Jaebum take another step away from him. Hug me and don’t let me go…

But Jaebum just walk away from him, and his life.

--

“You’re Jinyoung right?” On a one sunny day, at his campus hall, someone taps Jinyoung shoulders and when he sees the other guy, he holds his breath, trying hard not to squeal. “You don’t remember me?” Jaebum continues, “I’m Jaebum, we auditioned together five years ago, and we got first place together. Woah, I’m hurt…”

Jinyoung snaps his mind back to reality, “Of course I remember, Jaebum hyung!” Jaebum pulls him to a friendly hug, and it will be a lie if Jinyoung didn’t squeal, “Hyu… hyung, you went here too?” Jinyoung asking to break the ice.

“Yeah! Woah, it’s been so long. Look how big you’ve grown! I can’t believe we are college mates now, even though you’re my junior.”

Jinyoung chuckles, “But our height was always the same, Hyung. What are you talking about?”

Jaebum laughs and ruffles Jinyoung’s head, “If you need any help, just ask me okay? I’ll take care of you, as your Hyung.”

Jinyoung nods while smiling.

Of course Jinyoung remembers him. He remembers getting first place together at the audition, and he remembers how both of them doesn’t feel like continuing the idol part and decided to quit together. He remembers how he was entranced by Jaebum, but he doesn’t know what that means. And he remembers, when he needs to move back to Jinhae, he remembers how Jaebum cries letting him go.

“Hyung… It is really nice meeting you again.”

--

On a cold snowy day, Jinyoung and Jaebum are going back together to their dormitory after finishing the dance club activity. It’s funny how they both don’t want to be an idol, but still have this longing feeling for dancing. Jaebum and Jinyoung is basically inseparable, a lot of people are recognizing them from the audition video, but they don’t really care and they don’t really want to attract attention.

Jinyoung likes him. Yeah, it’s true. He realizes this feeling after he spend many times with Jaebum. And he doesn’t want to deny it anymore. He likes him. That’s it. Jinyoung is not sure about how Jaebum feels about him, or even if Jaebum… you know, swing that side. Jinyoung knows that Jaebum once dated his high school friend (a girl), but he doesn’t really love her so he decided to end it. Jaebum told him that he didn’t really know how to love someone, he’s not even sure if he can love someone deeply, like his dad loves his mom. He said again, that he’s too cold hearted and his brain speaks for him, never once, the heart moves to take over the brain.

Jinyoung knows that confessing probably is not the best move he can do. He knows that Jaebum wouldn’t like him back. He knows it, yet, there’s this magic on a snowy day that makes you feel more romantic than ever, that makes you longing for that significant other more than any other season. So…

“Hyung,” They both stop walking and Jaebum turn his face into Jinyoung, “I like you.”

Jaebum looks confused, but then smiles brightly, patting Jinyoung’s head, “Ah my cute dongsaeng, I like you too.”

Jinyoung lets go of his hand, “Hyung… I’m serious. I like you.”

Jaebum squints, “What do you mean?”

“I like you… as a man. I mean,” Jinyoung chuckles nervously, thinking how stupid he sounds, “I… love you.”

Jaebum doesn’t say anything. He just stares at Jinyoung with his pupils goes bigger. Jinyoung likes him? But… he never once thought of him like that.

“Hyung… say something.”

Jaebum clears his throat, suddenly he feels thirsty, “I… I don’t know what to say…” Jaebum looks down, to the snowy ground and he sees the leftover shoes trail they both left and he thinks that Jinyoung is basically with him 24/7, Jinyoung understands him, Jinyoung is there when he feels down, when he is at the lowest. Jaebum feels happy whenever Jinyoung’s beside him, but does that mean he likes Jinyoung? It never crosses his mind, they are both guys for God’s sakes.

“Jinyoungie…” Jaebum calls him and when he looks at Jinyoung sudden red cheeks, he finally notice how he went shy every time he called him by that nickname. Why is he so stupid, not realizing all of that. “I’m sorry…”

Jinyoung nods, and smiles, “It’s okay! Hyung, I really don’t expect anything by confessing to you. It’s just been so tiring hiding all the feelings, and I just want to let it go so I can be at ease. I’m sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable.”

“No… it’s okay.”

“Ah, Hyung, I remember that I have to do… something, at the school. You can go first, I’m going back to campus. See you tomorrow. Hyung!” Jinyoung doesn’t wait for his response and just run away back to the school. “See you tomorrow!”

But he doesn’t see him the next day, or the day after that, even after two weeks.

--

It was a rainy night. Jinyoung was in his flat alone, it’s been 1 month since he stopped communicating with Jaebum. Well, Jaebum did contact him now and then, asking him to hang out again, just like old times. But Jinyoung just can’t. He feels bad though, he feels like a selfish idiotic jerk who can’t accept Jaebum’s decision to say no. He knows that, but he can’t help it. It was hard at first, when they accidentally meet on the hallway, Jinyoung is trying hard to look fine. Maybe too hard. But Jinyoung still needs more time to sort his mind together.

Jinyoung just finish taking a shower, he had barbeque with Jackson and he doesn’t like the smell, so he decided to wash it off. He is sitting on his table with his laptop, determined to finish his part on the group project tonight, when he hears a pound on his door. He glance at the clock, it’s 11 PM. Who knock someone door at this hour?

Jinyoung grabs a jacket and walking to the door and open it, when he finds Jaebum. His heart immediately stop.

“Hyung… what are you doing?” Jinyoung notices that Jaebum are wet from head to toe, probably from the rain, “You’re drenched!”

Jinyoung sees Jaebum smiling wide and his cheeks is super red, “Jinyoung-ie…” he staggers, “I’m sleepy.”

“Hyung, are you drunk?”

“No, what are you talking about?” Jaebum scoffs, “I just had a couple of drink with my friend. I’m super sober, not drunk at all.”

Jinyoung sighs, “Okay, first of all let’s go inside and change your clothes, you must be freezing.” He helps Jaebum walks to his room, and helping him changing his clothes – while trying hard to stay alive because it looks like his heart is going to explode – before making him a warm cup of tea to help him sober. “Drink this.” He also tossed a towel and a blanket for Jaebum at the sofa.

“Jinyoung… sit beside me.”

Jinyoung carefully sits beside him, ensuring a safe distance from Jaebum, because he still wants to be alive. Jaebum who saw the distance squints his eyes and squeeze closer to Jinyoung. He gra