I stared at that guy who sat under the tree without him knowing my presence. Not that I didn't realize his difference. I had been in a relationship with him for four years. It made me knew him really well. Actually it hurt me so much.

I didn't know what was wrong with him nor me. I didn't know why he did change. It just happened like that. Gosh, did he found someone who was better than me? And tell me how I supposed to live without him. This was just killing me so bad.

I walked towards him, wearing my fake smile like I did know nothing.

"Annyeong, Hyunnie oppa." I smiled as I sat beside him.

"Eh ... annyeong Yeonnie." He looked at me for awhile then stared back to the pond in front of us.

I was trying to keep my smile. He used to look at me for a very long time. I remembered how he cried when I said that I will continue my study abroad. He said he would miss me so much. He said that he would wait for me. The first year and the second year, there were nothing wrong with our relationship. He looked so happy when I went home, he always spent his time to be with me every day when I was here.

But the third year until now, everything seemed wrong. He faked his smile and it was not hard to state it. I know which one were his fake smile and his real smile.

"Oppa, has it been long?" I asked him, trying to erase the awkward atmosphere.

"No. I have just arrived for around 10 minutes." I nodded, pretending to trusted him. I knew the fact that he had been here for almost half an hour. He stared blankly to the pond. And I –maybe- knew what he was thinking.

"So, where are we going to today?" I asked him again as we went silent for quite a moment.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked me back.

"How about we go to our favorite café down the street? I want to recall our old times." I said; secretly hit him right to his heart.

"Okay. Let's go." He stood up first without waiting for me. He walked in front of me.

I didn't run after him. I let him walked in front of me. He changed. One thing I've known for these several months. But the fact that he changed still hit me hard. I just missed the old him. Would today be our last day together?

We walked for around fifteen minutes until we arrived at our favorite café. We sat by the window at the corner.

"One green tea lava cake, one mango panacotta with less syrup, one red velvet latte and one Americano, please." I ordered our favorite menu at this café.

"Alright, miss. Please wait for awhile. If you need anything you can call me again." I smiled at her until she left us.

"You still remember my favorites, huh?" He smiled –sadly, and I just nodded.

Both of us remained silent. I recalled our old memories together. He used to be so happy to meet me. He used to be the one who love me the most. He used talked to me without stopping. What was happening now? I felt like I wasn't here.

***

He laughed to my not-funny-at-all jokes, making me think that I was indeed funny. I loved to spend my times with him because of that. I felt like I was loved by someone. I was an introverted person. I didn't even share my stories and problems to my family. But he changed me. He was the blinking star that caught my attention. He was there every time I needed someone.

His small eyes, his fluffy cheeks, his gentle smile and his affection towards me always made me smile like a crazy person. I loved how he loved me.

"I am afraid to lose you, Yeonnie." He held my hands tight. His eyes told me everything. I smiled as I held his hand back.

"You will never lose me, Hyunnie oppa. I promise you whenever I'm here I will always look for you. We will spend our times until I go back to France."

"France and Korea are too far. I am afraid that ...." I smiled as I knew his fear.

"I will never fall in love with anyone there. Trust me. This heart is only belongs to you." He kissed my forehead and I smiled.

"I will always be with you. Until you come back to Korea and I promise, that time, I will ask you to marry me." I hit him playfully as I was blushing because of his words.

***

I cried in silence as I remembered that moment. He didn't even realize. Like how could he fckin realize when he didn't look at me even just for a little while? I erased my tears and trying to speak in a cheerful voice. I told him how I was doing in France. I told him about my friends and my study there.

You know what I got? I got silence from him just like I didn't say anything. He didn't even nod at my stories. The waitress delivered our orders. When she walked away we just ate in silence. Nobody started the conversation. He finished his food first. After I finished mine, I started to talk to him again.

"Hm? Why are you so silent today, oppa? What are you doing? What are you thinking about?" I asked him, trying to see if he was being honest or not.

"Ya!" I yelled slowly at him as he didn't answer me.

"Huh? Oh sorry, I was just thinking about something." He finally answered, looking a little bit flustered.

"Hm? What are you thinking about?" I asked him again.

"Nothing. Nothing much. It's just ... nothing. Do you want to go to the cinema?" I faked my smile again as he trying to change our topic.

"Hm? Okay then, let's watch a movie." I spoke with my cheerful voice.

I knew something was wrong. If today was our last day, I would be ready. Even I know it would still hurt me so much. This time, I ran after him, holding his hand tightly.

"I waited for a long time for this. Let's hurry." I whispered slowly to his ear.

Inside the cinema, I couldn't focus on the movie at all. I was crying secretly, feeling hopeless about our relationship. My hand intertwined with his all those time. I leaned my head on his shoulder, smelling his fragrance for one last time.

As the movie finished, I breathed heavily.

"Oppa. Let's talk for a moment." I asked him for a talk, pulling him to one of the closest park to the cinema.

"Can you please be honest now?" I smiled at him. He still acting like nothing was disturbing his mind.

"What?"

"About your feeling. Don't hide it anymore." I said as I looked down.

"I ... I don't know. I don't know what is wrong with me. You don't change. I am the one who changed. I used to be so happy to see you every day and I in cried when I heard that you will continue your study abroad. I used to be so happy listening to all your stories every time you come back. But now I couldn't focus at all. That's why I just nodded or sometimes I didn't react at all. I loved you more than anyone else could love you. You were the most beautiful girl in my whole universe. I didn't lie when I said that. But now, I don't understand too. My feeling for you is just ... disappearing?"

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Hell, trying to hold my tears is harder tonight. I was still trying not to cry in front of him.

"The last time you went back to Korea, I had just realized my feeling for had changed. I was still trying to convince myself that I still love you. But yesterday, it was getting more complicated. Then I decided to end our relationship today. But this morning, when I saw you walked onto me with your bright smile. I didn't want to hurt you. I was recalling our old times that time. And after thinking about our times before and your sweet smile, my heart melted again. I don't know, Yeonnie. My feeling is the stupid one right now. You're my spring, you're so kind to me, but I am just trying to push you away from me. Before we went to the cinema, I was feeling guilty again. I started to regret that I gave you attention that would just hurt you more. But then you held my hand tightly. And your whisper, it hurt me so bad realizing that I was the one who was trying to hurt you. I'm sorry." I smiled as I heard his explanation.

"Then we should stop hurting both of us."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's ... break up?" I couldn't believe that words were from my lip.

"Yeonnie. But, how about you?"

"Yes. This does hurt me a lot. Breaking up with you is never in my what-to-do list. But being in a relationship with you without receiving your love –or worse, receiving fake love from you, will just hurt me more. I have you but not your heart. So, it's better to break up right?" I forced myself to hold my tears and fake my smile.

"So, are we ... over now?" I caught a little sadness in his voice.

"It's better, oppa. This is the best for both of us right now." Both of us remained silent. He then sighed.

"Okay. Until we meet again. Take care. Loving you will never be the mistake of mine. Loving you will always be one of the things that I'm thankful of."

"You too. Take care of yourself, oppa. Can ... can I hug you for one last time?" I was shocked when I realized that I was in his embrace now.

Once again, I smelled his fragrance, I felt his touch on my waist and his smooth-plump-lip on my forehead. Knowing that this gonna be our farewell hug and kiss. I kissed his chubby cheek for one last time.

"Do I need to walk you home?" He asked me with worry.

"It's better to stop right here. I'm afraid it will be harder to me to forget you if we make another memory." I smiled at him.

"Okay. Just ... tell me if you arrived. I won't reply, I promise. I just want to know if you have arrived safely." I nodded to his words, couldn't hold my tears anymore.

"Thank you, for all these times, for today, for these four years. Especially, thank you for 17 February four years ago, that you made me to be yours."

"Thank you for loving me too. And, sorry for hurting you." I forced my smile. He walked away from me, slowly, leaving me right here, crying for his departure from my life.

I was still standing right there and cry. I cried my heart out. This night, I felt empty again. I couldn't feel any love anymore. He was the only person who love the real me but then he left me too. It was in hurt. I smiled as I realized my days from now on will became so empty. I realized that I will be the old me again. Lee Seoyeon who would never feel love, Lee Seoyeon with low self esteem, Lee Seoyeon who hated her own self so damn much.

My life will never be the same anymore. But one thing for sure, he will always be my favorite blinking star forever.