I did my very best to move on after knowing that my three-year unrequited love will come to an end because the person that I loved one-sidedly is getting married without even knowing about my existence.

Weeks after my first death, my heart got crushed again to ashes when a sad news came in to my inbox – my best friend’s eight year long relationship with my future brother in law was ruined by a third-party betrayal.  I can’t even cry right away. I can’t believe any of this is real. I hoped I can put a halt to the pain that’s smothering me.

Days after that – I was about to attend my close friend’s wedding; she’s more of a sister to me. So even if I will go to a place alone for the first time, I muster my courage and did all my preparation for the occasion.

The venue was located in a remote area. I had a longer journey than expected; I walked a very far distance for the first time in my life again since I am not familiar with the place. I kept in mind that she is worth it.

I even caught a glimpse of the newly wed hugging each other while their photos are being taken. Her smile when she saw me was everything to me. My entire presence served as a humble gift to her special day.

I am not highly confident meeting an acquaintance among the crowd since it was a very private marriage. The people invited are short listed to her relatives and close friends alone. I was just so glad that I was welcomed by her high school classmates and allowed me to sit with them.  The two bride’s maids were so entertaining and left me every once in a while at the table with six empty chairs.

It didn’t take long when the other four came.  He caught my eyes as soon as his figure emerged from the tall shrubs serving as garden ornaments. He still has that slick charismatic look. He looked at me without being surprised as I sit there unable to move because of his sharp smile.

After 8 long years, our paths crossed again. He talked to me casually while the other people with us ignored our unusual fondness. He began catching up with the last story that we talked about the last time we were together. I can’t believe he remembered. He even asked where I am living and can’t believe that it will be convenient for us to go home together since – our routes are almost the same.

During the slow dance, he leaned over me to whisper closely to my ear saying, “You see, I am about to cry.” I did not look at him and just gave him a soft pat on his back as I said “Hold it together.”

He was her best friend. I think I understand how he feels. He must be overwhelmed with happiness that finally his gal found her true love. I strongly feel that I will be like him if my best friends will ever get married.

The wedding ended with a lot of snapped photos and best wishes. The bride’s parents offered us a free ride to leave the vicinity since it’s a private place. The only thing that we need to do is patiently wait at the side of the road while they get their stuff from the hotel.

I was taller than him the last time I saw him, now it was a clear opposite. His slim body still resembles the anime that I watch on television. His physic was a clear advantage since it makes clothes fit him with glamour and class. His silhouette spelled perfection every time the lights of the vehicles that passed by radiates on him. It was the time when he sat on the gutter when I realized that I haven’t spoken anything ever since his other friends left us. All I did was admire him from a far distance as I stood behind him, watching his broad back.

“Can I sit beside you?” – I asked as I held the hemline of my dress.

He didn’t answer. He got his phone and the flash to direct on the ground where I am about to sit. He is still that gentleman that I used to know. I was moved.

As we sit together, we talked about career, plans in the future and a lot of things.  I am fascinated about the fact on how we can completely relate to each other during our conversation.  We, under that dim lit side of the road, humming with silence from time to time because our own loss of words under the moonlight – entertained by the twinkling carpet of radiance from a distant city right within our view.

The game changed when our ride came. We rode the crowded vehicle with all the family’s luggage as our sit mates not to think that there will still be three more people to join us.  He looks tired and sleepy. He kept on telling me about that while we were still outside. I can see the sigh of comfort as we sat comfortably on our designated spots.

We abruptly stopped to pick up the remaining people. He even bothered to go down and make way for the ladies to get in first. It was a complicated puzzle with all the bags piled up on every direction. He suggested for me to go down too so one of them could get in. Our positions can’t be compromised since both of us will be the ones who will be dropped first.

I got off balanced – but I managed to maintain my gravity. I saw his hand reached to mine but my reflexes immediately rejected his flesh. I held on the metal door instead. It was such a waste inside my head. I should have accepted his offer of help; I could have touched that warm soft palm of his compared to this cold and lifeless thing.

It was dark inside the van. I can’t help myself from stealing quick glances towards his direction. I caught him smiling as he supported his head with his hand. He was relatively closing his eyes – trying to pretend that he wasn’t tired. He was still keeping the atmosphere alive. He’s still charming even beneath the shadows; he was shining to me like a sparkling light.

We finally reached our destination and bid our friends goodbye. From this place – our three hour journey together will start. We stopped by a near fast food chain to quickly go to comfort rooms. He even asked me if I would want to go grab something to eat.  He was not at his best condition but he still has the time to think of me.  I went out empty handed – still he suggested for me to grab even just a drink. He was so persistent. I wanted us to go and just take the bus right away because I wanted him to rest as soon as possible but he won’t bend until I get myself something.

We went to a drugstore and I bought a bottle of water. I looked around and he wasn’t behind me. I walked towards the cashier and there he was by the door, patiently waiting without any trace of irritation or hurry.  He was just standing there giving me all the leisure time that I can have.

The bus finally greeted us with a convenient choice of route. As expected from him, he let me get in first. When I am sleepy, I always prefer to seat near the window so I can comfortably rest the side of my body as I take a nap. I offered him that seat, thinking of his convenience but he refused.

“No, you sit there.” He said firmly.

“But you’re tired and you need to sleep” I objected.

“Regardless, you’re still a lady.” He reasoned out and my heart skipped a beat.

We sat right next to each other and as the bus started moving – he suddenly asked me.

“What did you feel when she told you that she’s getting married?” A sound of curiosity was obvious in his words

“I felt a bit shocked? Maybe because I didn’t see it coming this soon or I never imagined that they will get married this way. How about you?” I answered him honestly.

“I – seen zoned her. I cannot face the fact that she’s getting married.” He paused in the middle of his narration and took a deep breath before continuing.

“I cried the entire day feeling betrayed. I replied to her the next day telling her that –I WAS NOT OKAY. It’s because we had a promise to each other that at the age of 35 and we still weren’t able to find partners –we will marry each other.  Now that she got married, I felt like I was left all alone because I honestly waited for her.” He closed his eyes as he reminisced that moment.

“It’s not that I don’t want her to get married to another man but maybe not this way. I wanted her to be more equipped, prepared like with a house and a car. I wanted the best for her. I really sound so selfish right now. I even apologized to her that I might sound like I wasn’t happy that she had a gift of life given to her. I was happy that she’s having a baby but maybe I was just so sad that I am not the one who’s going to be with her.” He smiled desperately.

I wanted to give him a hug, a very tight and warm long hug but my body won’t move. My bruised heart wanted to explode all over again. I remembered he told me he was about to cry  earlier while we were at the reception. I regret not taking him seriously. I feel sorry for him.

I told him that hearing this part of the story gave me my 3^rd heartbreak for this year. This somehow made him laugh. He then instantly changed our conversation. We started drawing out plans going on road trips, eating outside to catch up and even listening to music when we are both free.

We stopped when I was able to convince him to go to sleep first since we still have a long way to go. He asked me if I wasn’t sleepy. I was taken aback once more. I asked him why. He looked at me like he will not sleep if I am going to sleep, he even reminded me that I walked a long distance to reach the venue and was worried that I was tired. I cannot believe what I am hearing from him, this intensity of concern is unbelievable. I told him right away that I am used to long trips and he can take the coupon for sleeping.

The moment he closed his eyes, he dozed off instantly. He wasn’t just tired, he endured going to an event which broke his heart, his dreams – his hopes. I watched him steadily like a baby by my side, what a poor soul.

He woke up just before we can even reach our destination half way. He felt that it was too cold, he even looked at my pull over stretched out to its end and stood up to adjust the air-condition of the bus. I wanted to do that all throughout our travel but I was afraid I might wake him up. When he sat down again I heard him say – “You should have told me that it’s cold.” and I responded with a weak smile.

Our goal never changed in my mind, it was still fixed inside my head that right after we go down, we will split to go on our way home. I know he is still dead tired with two hours of sleep prior to this day. The bus randomly stopped by on the corner of the street to load more passengers and as we stare outside – he asked me “Aren’t you hungry? Do you want to go down and grab a quick dinner?” again I was speechless. Here he goes again, thinking of my welfare before his.

I refused of course but he insisted remembering I just had water when we left. I smiled and told him – it’s okay. I needed to assure him three times that I will be okay before he gave up.

We got off the bus right after a few minutes. The end of our trip together came close as we walked side by side going to the cab stand – I had an impulse to grab his hand. I wanted to give him a proper goodbye. I wanted to tell him I was grateful to see him again. I failed to do that – it was improper and it was awkward.

He got the chance to hail a vehicle sooner than me. He waved his hand to the driver and quickly turned around to my direction. I was surprised when he gave me a quick hug and rubbed his cheek to mine. I stood there frozen as I he shouted to me “SEE YOU SOON!”

Fin.