Jinyoung had a weird feeling. It was Friday evening. School went well. Art club went even better. The students (and Jinyoung) were moving very slowly to finish up the last few things because they didn’t want it to end. Rehearsals had already moved into the auditorium, slowly edging the art students out. Some members of the art club were going to move onto hair and make-up; others were talking about becoming stagehands. One student didn’t say anything at all. That did make Jinyoung feel sad and worried, but not weird. What had put her in a weird mood was dinner and drinks with Sunggyu, Dongwoo, and Yewon. This wasn’t the first time that Yewon joined her and Sunggyu for dinner. No, they’d been dating long enough for it to happen a few times. This also wasn’t the first time Dongwoo had crashed one of their dates. Of course neither of them minded. Dongwoo wasn’t so much ‘crashing’ as he was ‘enhancing’ their dates with his laughter and positivity (which Jinyoung could be surprisingly low on sometimes, even with her cheerful disposition). But it was their first time eating with both Yewon and Dongwoo. And Yewon needed some time to adjust to Dongwoo’s franticness; it had made her flinch. And his tendency towards skinship made her visibly uncomfortable. Because of that, Yewon stuck close to Jinyoung for most of the night and held onto her at some points. So nearing the end of the night, they were divided up by genders, and the two girls hardly talked to the men. Even that was alright, Jinyoung expected as much. Dongwoo was a lot to take in, and Yewon had become excessively skittish around men. But she did well tonight. She didn’t run away, which Jinyoung was afraid of her doing. It made Jinyoung feel proud of her friend for making progress.

So what made her feel weird? Sunggyu did. For some reason, he couldn’t look her well in the eye, and he hadn’t only been acting like that tonight. Occasionally, for the past few days, he’d be incredibly cautious around her, drop his gaze, nervously wring his hands. Jinyoung tried to write it off as nerves for the rehearsals, but that didn’t quite explain why it was directed at her. Tonight, with Dongwoo, he was acting blasé, even when discussing how ill-prepared some of the actors were, who kept forgetting lines, who was literally stepping on everyone’s toes while dancing. He was being his usual self, but when Jinyoung would interject something, Sunggyu would stammer and quickly agree, even if her statement was wrong. He wouldn’t disagree until Dongwoo did so first.

Well then, okay, maybe it was nerves about their relationship. Jinyoung had acted just as crazily cautious at the very start of their relationship. Maybe all Sunggyu needed was some encouragement and affection. It was possible that these past few days, Jinyoung had been acting cool and distracted since she was sad about her job for the musical ending and stressed with all the things that she had left to do, personally and professionally. So when the other two left and Sunggyu was walking Jinyoung to the bus stop, she pecked him on the cheek.

And he yelped out of shock.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung mumbled, hanging her head to hide the embarrassment coloring her face.

“No, it’s okay. I was surprised is all,” Sunggyu muttered back. “Do you want to try again?”

Jinyoung shook her low head. “No, not really.” She didn’t have the will to lift her head now, let alone kiss him again.

They stopped. Jinyoung supposed they were at the bus stop now, but she wasn’t going to lift her head to see. She just stood there and sighed.

“Jinyoung-ah,” he called to her, but she still didn’t move. He gave her a slight shake. She moved now, but stiffly and with her eyes still downcast. “Don’t act like this. Don’t be sulky!” he begged.

“I’ll be sulky if I want to,” Jinyoung wagered that she deserved to be sulky now with the way he was acting. “You…”

“Please raise your head so that we can say good night,” he pleaded, putting on a cute lilt. He then lowered his own head to look her in the eye. “Please?”

Jinyoung couldn’t manage to stay defiant for long. She raised her head, wished him good night, and gave him a kiss. “What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked. Perhaps if she wasn’t able to figure out what was going on with Sunggyu today, she could do it tomorrow. They had the day off, which would give her plenty of time to annoy him until he cracked and confessed whatever it was.

“Tomorrow?” his voice drifted off along with his gaze and smile. “Tomorrow, I, um…Oh! It’s your bus! It’s the last one for the night, right? You can’t miss it. Come on, let’s get you on that bus. The Hyuns would be mad if you came home late again. We can’t have that. Text me when you get in. You didn’t do that last night. I couldn’t fall asleep…”

“Don’t lie. You did.”

“Okay, I did, but it wasn’t good sleep. Text me, okay? Good night, Jinyoung. Take care!” with that rapid-fire speech, Jinyoung couldn’t manage to slip in more than four words. Sunggyu talked quickly and loudly. He pressed another kiss to her lips before shoving her onto the bus. She wasn’t able to say anything more, not even good night before the bus doors closed. She could only wave at the other in a daze.

And he knew it. He knew exactly how weird she was feeling at that moment. He had a hard time holding the smile on his face and he left before the bus did.

Tomorrow, Jinyoung thought to herself. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

It was a lie. Jinyoung had lied to herself that ‘tomorrow’ would happen. In her gut, she knew it wouldn’t.

Jinyoung: What are you doing today?

Sunggyu: I’m meeting with a student.

Sunggyu: I’ll be gone for most of the day.

Jinyoung: Okay.

But it really wasn’t okay. It wasn’t sitting well with Jinyoung. But why? Sunggyu told her what he was doing. He could’ve avoided her question last night because he didn’t want to see her be let down. That could be it, right? Or…

Jinyoung didn’t like where her mind was going. So instead she went to the Hyuns; she’d spend the Saturday with them. That would take her mind off of things.

“Shouldn’t you be not here right now?” Woohyun asked when he came from his morning jog to see Jinyoung sitting on his living room floor, trying to piece a mobile together with Hyunae. “Or are you going out later tonight?”

“Why do I have to go out at all?” Jinyoung raised her voice. “Why can’t I spend time with my best friends?”

“You can,” Woohyun quickly yielded to Jinyoung’s temper with a soft voice. “I’ll wash up and help you guys in a bit.” He had an excuse to run away and so he took it, but a moment later, he did come back into the room. “We’re glad you’re here. Hyunae wanted to pick out some more clothes.”

“I can only fit into three things,” Hyunae confessed to her friend. “I’m too big.”

“You’re not big, honey,” Woohyun shot back. “The baby is.”

Hyunae laughed. “Okay, go shower. Jinyoung and I will probably go out once this is finished,” she told him, and Woohyun was already retreating into their bedroom again. He shouted back ‘okay’ before closing the door.

Jinyoung sighed when she heard it. Woohyun was a little too astute and a little too tactless. Hyunae knew something was wrong, but she also knew not to ask questions. When Jinyoung walked through the door, Hyunae fed her and then put her straight to work. After all, they were best friends. She knew exactly what Jinyoung needed. And at times like these, Woohyun was more of her best friend’s husband rather than a best friend in his own right, which was probably why he placed the Jinyoung-problem entirely into Hyunae’s hands and suggested that they go shopping. Jinyoung was well aware and grateful. She needed as many tasks today to keep her busy and thinking about others rather than herself.

Starting now. “Do you have anything in mind that you want to get?” Jinyoung asked.

“Not really and that’s most of the problem,” Hyunae answered. She then gave a very tired chuckle. “My problem is that I have a problem with everything. Everything makes me too hot or too cold. Everything is too tight or too loose. And I try to make compromises, like I gave up on looking cute at this point. All I want is functional, but the problem with that is that the only function I want is for this,” she gestured at the baby, “to get out.”

“Pregnancy sounds great,” Jinyoung joked.

“Oh it’s just lovely,” Hyunae replied. She then let go of a deep breath and confessed, “I had honestly liked it all the way up to this point.”

“But now you hit your breaking point,” Jinyoung filled in.

“I did, like a week ago,” Hyunae confessed. “Did you know most first pregnancies go past their due date? Jinyoung, I don’t think I can last that long!” she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

“I wish you could be like a seahorse and pass the kid off to Woohyun,” Jinyoung joked. “He’d be great at it.”

Hyunae raised an eyebrow. “Who are you talking about?” she challenged. “He’d be the worst pregnant man! He gets sulky enough as it is, and it’d take him a whole day to tell me that he was having contractions because he didn’t want to bother me in case they were fake.”

“You guys are lucky that you’re the one who can get pregnant,” Jinyoung agreed. “If it was Woohyun, he’d be nonstop eating and…” And they proceeded to talk about a hypothetical pregnant Woohyun until they finished the mobile and Woohyun had gotten out of the shower, who asked them what they were laughing so much about. They giggled and refused to tell him, and they soon left to go shopping.

Shopping went as well as Jinyoung thought it would. Hyunae tried on a few clothes and then had a breakdown, which was to be expected. Her nerves were already raw and the clothes rubbed them all the wrong way. With some encouragement, they were able to buy a few things, and now they were at a café celebrating their success. At this stage in her pregnancy, nearly everything should be celebrated because she couldn’t even wear proper shoes with her newly widened feet and inability to bend over. Nothing was simple for her or any pregnant woman for that matter. Even celebrating wasn’t simple with the dietary restrictions.

Although she had been craving caffeine, Jinyoung got some herbal tea like Hyunae did. And maybe it was the lack of caffeine that made Jinyoung fall back down into the funk she was in earlier that morning. She couldn’t smile or laugh for long.

“Can I ask about it?” Hyunae finally asked.

And it had been long enough that Jinyoung was finally able to admit, “Sunggyu’s hiding something from me.”

“Why do you think that?” her friend pressed.

“Well…” Jinyoung told her how he’d been acting these past few days, his jumpiness the night before, and the messages that she received this morning. As she was saying all of these things and watching Hyunae soak it all in, Jinyoung wondered if she was overanalyzing things again. It felt like she was picking apart his behavior and looking for faults. Was that what she was doing? Then Hyunae finally spoke up.

“He’s definitely hiding something from you,” she replied. “But what it is, I couldn’t tell you.”

Jinyoung actually let out a sigh of relief. She wasn’t going crazy. She was right to be suspicious. “I can’t figure it out either,” she confessed. “I wanted to talk about it with him today.”

“But he’s with a student, all day,” Hyunae jumped in. She then leaned over the table and dropped her voice. “Did he tell you who it was?”

Jinyoung shook her head. “There’s a good chance that I wouldn’t know the student anyway,” she’d give him that much. “He has a lot students that I don’t.”

“Do you think it’s related to the musical?” that was a good guess.

“It could be,” Jinyoung had that thought too. Sunggyu might want to respect the privacy of a student who needed extra lessons in order to keep up with the rest. Heck, he could even be meeting with Daeyeol finally to talk about idol stuff. But even considering that, everything didn’t rest well with her. The fact that he was hiding something to start with put her on edge. “What do you think is going on, Hyunae? I really don’t know what to think right now,” Jinyoung lamented.

“I don’t know what to make of it either,” Hyunae agreed. She was thoroughly puzzled, judging by the deep frown on her face. “It’ll all come out eventually. I always does.” And it was that part Jinyoung dreaded: the discovery. How was she going to find out? Who would tell her? Why won’t he just tell me? I can handle it, I think.

“But I’m secretly glad that you’re suspicious,” Hyunae added. Her face had softened, still laced with worry but warmer. “Don’t gasp like that!” Jinyoung didn’t realize that she had. “You said the same thing to me years ago!” Hyunae argued. “You still might be in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, but you can still think clearly.”

A new thought just entered Jinyoung’s mind: I’ve had people turn against me because I’m different from what they imagined.He had told her that much before. Was this what he’d meant? “What if we’re out of that phase and this is just how he is,” Jinyoung tried to relay what was going on in her mind to her friend. “He’s weirdly jumpy and cautious.” She looked at her friend with hope. This explanation Jinyoung could handle. If it were true, Jinyoung could tolerate it. Jinyoung liked Sunggyu so much that she could tolerate him being weirdly shy. It could be cute. It had been cute until Jinyoung started to suspect him.

But Hyunae shrugged. “Well, the honeymoon has to end at some point in time,” she didn’t sound convinced that it was the answer, but she wasn’t going to say it outright. Jinyoung, however, could read in between the lines. “It really could be many things. But I’m pretty confident that he’s not cheating on you.”

Jinyoung groaned all too loudly for a small café. “Why did you have to say that?!”

She had tried her best to avoid thinking about the c-word all day, but now it was the only thing flooding her mind: cheating.

Sunggyu: Where are you?

Jinyoung had returned from her ‘date’ with Hyunae a few hours ago. She’d gotten sulky in the café, and so they went home afterwards. Jinyoung said she wanted to be alone for a bit and maybe try calling Sunggyu, which she did do as soon as she got to her apartment. But it went to voicemail. Straight to voicemail. He wasn’t taking calls from anyone right now, or at least not taking calls from her. She decided then not to be alone anymore and went out to buy a bottle of soju to keep her company.

Slightly drunk and watching the Saturday night variety shows, Jinyoung hadn’t noticed when the message rolled in, but she had heard her phone ring a little while later. Not having read the caller ID before she answered, she was shocked to hear his voice on the other side.

“It’s Sunggyu. Where are you?” he asked after she said ‘hello.’  

Jinyoung tried to sober up quickly. “Where am I?” she repeated his question and looked about her as if to confirm her location. “I’m at home.” And I’m not leaving, she had wanted to add. But she wasn’t that drunk to throw a hissy fit over the phone. Instead, she took in a deep breath and then asked, “Did you have fun with your student?” She forced a smile on her face as she did so, trying to hide her irritation.

“Yea, it was fun. I haven’t seen that girl in a while,” Sunggyu rushed through his answer, but Jinyoung was still able to pick out ‘girl.’

“Would I know who she is?” she pressed him.

“No, it was before you came,” he replied. Jinyoung knew that was going to be his answer but was still sad to hear it. Her sadness was soon replaced with confusion when he added, “I’m nearby. Can I stop over?”

“Nearby? Me? You’re close to me?” That didn’t make much sense. Sunggyu didn’t live near here. The school wasn’t anywhere near here. There was barely anything worth going to near Jinyoung. Why would he be closer?

“Yes,” he answered her questions. “I can be there in 10 minutes.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung, dazed, agreed to meet with him.

 “Great! I’ll see you soon,” he said and then ended the call.

It took Jinyoung a few minutes to process that Sunggyu was coming over, several minutes to tidy herself and her apartment up, and no time at all to run down the stairs to see Sunggyu already waiting for her outside.

“Jinyoung-ah!” he called her name, loudly and excitedly. He had a large smile spread across his face. But he was sober, which Jinyoung was almost surprised to see, glad but surprised. His arms flung open wide, waiting to receive her.

And they did. She walked into his arms and held onto him. “Thanks for seeing me,” she mumbled. While she was still upset at him, she was very happy to see him.

“Thanks for meeting with me. I know this was sudden, but I was in the area,” he replied. Then, pulling her in closer, he sniffed. “Have you been drinking?” he asked with a slight laugh.

“Yes,” Jinyoung pulled away as she answered. Her head was hanging out of shame. “I was bored and alone.”

“Sorry,” he sounded just as guilty. His hand reached down to hold hers. “Come on, let’s go do something together.” With a tug, he began to lead her down the street.

The wave of happiness she had in seeing him finally washed away, and Jinyoung was left with the discomfort and confusion that she’d been feeling all day. She still followed him but asked “Are you okay?” She didn’t know how else to surmise the thousand things she wanted to ask him.

Sunggyu glanced back at her for a second. “Hm? Eung. I’m hungry,” he answered, looking down the street. “Is there a place open nearby?”

“Yes, over there,” Jinyoung said and pointed behind her. Sunggyu then spun them in the other direction and continued to lead her down the street. He only had to lead because Jinyoung was dragging her feet, fighting sides of herself. She wanted to be with him, to follow him, but she had so many reservations. If she did nothing but follow him, then where would it lead? Well, to Jinyoung’s favorite late-night spot for one, but also towards dangerous territory, potentially. So she wanted to take the lead from him. She quickened her step to be in front of him and she asked, “What did you do today? You must’ve been busy if you couldn’t eat.”

His eyes met hers. “There was a lot to do and not a lot to eat,” but his words were avoidant. It left Jinyoung more confused.

“Did you have a good time?” she tried again.

He shrugged. “I guess,” he replied but then shot her a smile. “I’m having a better time now.” Okay, she knew exactly what he was doing. He did it last night. She was obviously still sulky, and he was trying to cute his way out of this situation.

Jinyoung stopped and let go of his hand. “Sunggyu.”

“What?” His smile was fading away. He knew he was in trouble.

“What did you do today?” Jinyoung came out with it.

“I told you,” he insisted. “I met with an old student of mine.”

“All day?” Jinyoung questioned. He nodded, lips pursed, not giving a reason why. She wouldn’t let him get away with that. “Were you helping her with something?”
“Yes, you could say that,” he tried to wiggle his way out once again.

“What would you say that you did?” Jinyoung’s voice grew louder. “Who is she?”

“She was an old student, I promise!” his voice matched hers. After he noticed it did, he cleared his throat and his eyes flitted around, scanning their surroundings. Even though few people were outside (and those who were, were also drunk), he stepped closer to Jinyoung and lowered his voice, “We just had a lot to talk about. She’s a professional singer now, and we haven’t met since she started her career. Honestly, I thought it was weird that she asked me to meet with her in the first place, but she still sees me as some sort of mentor, I guess.” Jinyoung kept silent, waiting to see if he’d add anything else, but all he said was, “It’s really nothing to worry about. Really.”

If it was nothing, then why didn’t you tell me?  Jinyoung held herself back. Instead, she was going to try her best not to worry for the rest of the night. She just wanted to enjoy her time (however much she had) with him. And above all, she just had to trust him and his word (for now). “Okay,” she mumbled as she walked back up to him and took him by the arm.

“Okay?” he repeated, trying to catch her eye.

But Jinyoung kept her eyes on the street. “Eung,” she hummed. “Let’s get you some food.” And she pulled him down the streets towards her favorite spot.

“You look pretty,” there he went again, trying to pull her out of her sulkiness.

“Thank you,” she wasn’t going to be pulled out of it easily. But it didn’t stop him from trying. While they ate, he was making all of the eye contact with her, being overly affectionate with his words, and he even sat on the same side of the table as her. On one hand, it was almost suffocating. She was still annoyed with him and wanted him to stop. But on the other hand, she didn’t want it to stop. She liked him. She liked getting attention from him, so much so that by the end of their meal she was smiling again. But she wasn’t completely pulled out of her funk, though; reservations still dogged her mind. While what Sunggyu told her seemed to be truthful, it wasn’t the entire truth. And the night ended before she could try to pry it out of him. “I didn’t realize that it was so late,” Jinyoung mumbled as they walked to the bus stop. The last bus would be leaving in a few minutes.

“I wish it wasn’t. I just got here,” now he was growing sulky too. He looked over at her. “Will you wait here with me?”

“Of course,” Jinyoung probably sounded more excited than she had all night. Maybe that was why Sunggyu’s gaze had shifted into something she’d never seen before. It’d looked almost regretful. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m not looking at you any differently!” Sunggyu argued and blinked like mad until his eyes shifted back. “I’m not!” He then huffed, “How am I supposed to look at you?”

“Forget it,” Jinyoung really didn’t want to fight with him, in spite of everything, especially when she could be making a mountain out of a mole hill. “I’m the one being weird.”

“Well, we knew you were weird already,” he , causing her to pout. He then sputtered into a laugh and hugged her. It still made her feel better, a bit. She felt even better when she hugged him back and he settled into her hold. “I don’t want to go,” he admitted.

Suddenly feeling pressured, Jinyoung muttered, “I’m sorry.” Should I invite him over to stay the night? Do I even want to? Was this why he came so late so I wouldn’t have a choice but to…

“Don’t be. It’s just the way things are today,” he dismissed those worries at least. He’d always planned on going home, but like herself, he just wanted to spend more time together. She felt that and more in the way he kissed her that night. There was something odd about it. It almost felt final, like they were doing this for the last time.

Or was that just Jinyoung’s mind going crazy with worry again?

Finally, she caught sight of something to save her. “Your bus,” she whispered.

“Is it coming?” he asked as he turned back. He saw it. “Aish.” He walked up to the curb and looked back at her. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Jinyoung said back. “I’ll see you in school, right?” For some reason, she doubted that she would.

“Of course, I’ll see you then,” Sunggyu spoke like it was a fact. And it was. Jinyoung was just questioning everything that night, including if that bus would actually take him home.

She watched him get on and waved to him when he sat down, like he often did for her. And she watched the bus take him away.

Jinyoung really didn’t like the feeling it left her with. Not at all.

The truth came out, like it always did. Sunday night as Jinyoung was getting ready for bed; there was a knock on her door. Unsurprisingly, it was the Hyuns. It wasn’t unusual for them to visit this late at night to borrow something or to settle a silly dispute they were having. This time, however, they came with news.

“I think I know what Sunggyu was doing yesterday,” Woohyun said as he handed the phone over.

The thing is, as much as Woohyun gave Jinyoung crap for being a fangirl, he regularly kept tabs on girl groups. He said that he developed the habit during his service, but they knew it was a lie. One of the girl groups he casually followed was fairly popular, although some members more so than others (but isn’t that how it normally goes). Jinyoung liked them too, even after she saw the picture.

Technically, Sunggyu didn’t lie. She was a famous graduate from their high school, and she was a professional singer. But he hid the fact that she was an idol and that they weren’t just meeting but filming a variety show together. Jinyoung could believe her eyes while looking at the picture of the idol and her former teacher or reading the caption below of the idol telling her fans to anticipate the upcoming show. She couldn’t rectify this Sunggyu with the one she knew.

“He probably couldn’t talk about the filming, for some reason,” Hyunae guessed. “It happens a lot, right?”

“Yea on shows like Masked Singer,” Woohyun argued. By the edge in his voice, Jinyoung could tell that they were debating this amongst themselves before bringing the matter over to her. “Going on this show is hardly a secret. They even put out a press release of the guests already.”

“But Sunggyu wasn’t included! And people have signed NDAs over sillier things,” Hyunae retorted. “Jinyoung-ah.”

“Huh?” Jinyoung finally snapped her head back up from the phone.

“See? It isn’t anything to worry about. It’s just a show. He’s done several of them before,” Hyunae reasoned. “He probably didn’t think it was something worth mentioning.”

“Oh that’s right,” Jinyoung muttered as she just realized, “He knows that I’m a fan.” Here Sunggyu was, engaging in idol-behavior, and she was just a fan learning the news first through Instagram. Her stomach churned with the same feeling she had when she first saw the photo.

“Well, of course he does,” Hyunae mumbled through that, not quite knowing how to respond.

“We were thinking,” Woohyun interjected. “Maybe he wanted to surprise you because you are a fan. That’s why he didn’t tell you.”

“Eung, that could be it,” Jinyoung accepted that theory along with the many others in her mind. Truth be told, learning the truth gave her some relief. She was okay with this. She was just fine with Sunggyu doing things like this. What she wasn’t fine with was the fact that Sunggyu thought it’d be better to hide it from her even though he knew it made her upset. Jinyoung wore her emotions. She showed them before she could feel them. Therefore Sunggyu knew she was upset and still kept it from her.

Did he think I wouldn’t be fine with it? Or maybe he really wanted it to be a surprise?

While she was debating in her mind, Jinyoung’s phone rang. “That’s probably him right now,” Hyunae guessed. The couple waited in anticipation until Jinyoung picked up the phone.

“Eung, it is,” she mumbled.

“Then we better go,” Woohyun replied. They wished her good night and then left.

Jinyoung answered her phone: “Oh, Yewon-ah, what is it? Oh, you saw the photo too? Yes, yes, he looks very handsome, doesn’t he?” Jinyoung tried to act proud of her boyfriend throughout that whole conversation. Doing so did lift her spirits, and she did become proud and excited. To her recollection, Sunggyu hadn’t appeared on a show since Heartthrob’s disbandment. It was a great thing! As a fan, she was so proud. As a girlfriend, however, when she noticed that Sunggyu was trying to call her, she ignored it and kept talking to Yewon. “Tell me how your weekend was, Yewon. What did you do?”

It got worse when Jinyoung came to the school. First of all, she was already groggy and had a headache. She barely got any sleep the night before. Her eyes were glued to the Instagram post and was reading every comment that she could find. Whether the comment was good or bad, she was left with the same dysphoric feeling as she had before. To add to her misery, Heartthrob’s original fans found the post and were leaving comments about their beloved leader. Sunggyu’s secret was out. The whole entire school was abuzz, gossiping about Snuggly the Heartthrob. Not only were they exchanging as much facts and materials as they managed to scrounge from last night and this morning, but some students were even shipping him with the idol already.

“Why would they be hanging out outside of school?”

“It was for a program. Don’t be silly. Besides, she’s a former student.”

“But still they looked awfully close. Anyway she’s an adult now he could…”

Jinyoung put in her earbuds. She couldn’t listen to the gossip anymore. She also couldn’t listen to anything other than Classical music or else she’d get unconsciously agitated. She hated it. She hated this feeling so much.

Sunggyu did he know that this would happen? He had to have known it would. He’s so careful with everything. So that means he did this without talking to me about it…but did he need to? It’s his own life!
Jinyoung let her head fall against the wall outside of the teachers’ office (she didn’t want to go in for obvious reasons). And she let it fall again and again. She hated this.

“There you are.” Jinyoung rolled her head along the wall and there was Sunggyu standing in the threshold to the office. She rolled her head back the other way. “Why didn’t you answer my call last night?” he asked.

Jinyoung scoffed and lifted herself from the wall. Was he really going to give her crap for not communicating? “I was on the phone with Yewon,” she replied.

At which, he let out a very loud and a very disappointed sigh. “Of course, you were,” he responded. “So why didn’t you call me back?”

“It was late. Did I have to?” Jinyoung snapped back.

“Jin…” Sunggyu cut himself off. He heard his old song echoing out throughout the hall. When he looked over, he saw a gaggle of students giggling as they kept glancing back and forth between their phone and their teacher. “Come inside and follow me.” And Jinyoung did so. She wanted to yell at him just as much as he wanted to yell at her, and so the only venue suitable enough to do that in was the copyroom attached to the office. Sunggyu let Jinyoung walk in first and then closed the door behind him.

“So you know,” he clumsily started.

“I do,” Jinyoung said, crossing her arms over her chest and resting on the copier.

“That’s why I called last night,” Sunggyu stated. And then he said what he probably would’ve said over the phone: “Look, I didn’t think she’d post the photo so soon. I thought she’d wait longer after the casting for the show was announced, when I’d have enough time to tell you about it.”

“I didn’t answer your call because I needed time, and I’d really rather talk in person,” Jinyoung confessed. She thought in time, she’d cool down. If she talked to Sunggyu in person, she’d be less likely to say things that she might later regret. Ultimately she was glad that she did. She was still upset, but it was more at a simmer than a bubbling boil. And she could tell that Sunggyu really meant what he said. He was going to tell her, eventually. But she still needed to speak her piece: “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why didn’t you tell me everything from the start? I don’t mind you going on shows, or you meeting with old students. I want you to do those things. I don’t even mind what the kids are saying about you and her. But I do mind you hiding something from me.” It made her assume the worst of Sunggyu and that was what she hated the most. She wanted to be able to trust him. When he did things like this, trusting him was hard. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

What he said cut her deeper than she thought him saying it would: “I was afraid that you’d tell someone else. No one was supposed to know. We were encouraged not to tell anyone.”

“I can keep a secret,” Jinyoung insisted. “I can!” she raised her voice when Sunggyu looked far from convinced. “Did you think that I couldn’t because she was an idol? Do you really think that I am that much of a fangirl that I can’t control myself?”

“I don’t!” he argued. “I don’t think that way at all!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you can’t keep a secret!” he combatted. He then lowered his voice. “It has nothing to do with you being a fan.”

Jinyoung closed her eyes. She felt lightheaded now, from the lack of sleep, from the shouting, from everything. Usually, it was a joke: Jinyoung can’t keep a secret. Even when good friends like Hyunae or Woohyun kept things from her, citing that as a reason, Jinyoung was okay with it. She found it valid and still found it funny. But coming from Sunggyu, it hurt. Sunggyu wasn’t just a friend. He was someone that Jinyoung could picture spending her life with, but she didn’t know if she could if he really felt that way about her.

“Are you just not going to tell me anything then?” her voice was barely above a whisper. If it had been any louder, it would’ve cracked.

“Jinyoung,” Sunggyu pleaded. “It’s not like that.”

She opened her eyes and stared at him. “Then what is it like?”

At that moment, someone knocked on the door to the copyroom. Both of them remembered where they were. “We can’t do this here,” Sunggyu muttered as he held back the door from the person trying to get inside.

“I know. I know,” Jinyoung relented. She made her point. If he was done, then she was too. She walked over towards the door.

“Jinyoung.”

She moved him aside and opened the door. The Math teacher stumbled into the room. “It’s fine,” Jinyoung told Sunggyu and then left the office.

Things weren’t fine and everyone knew that.

“What’s with Hyong?” Jaehyun asked. The art club was assembling the sets and getting ready for the rehearsal that would happen soon.

“I don’t know,” Sujeong spoke with a sigh. Her and Jiae were going to see how many of the student actors that they could practice hair and make-up with. They had set up a station for that in a wing offstage. But right now, she was sitting on the edge of the stage, waiting for the actors to come. “She said that she was gonna see how the sets would look like from the audience’s perspective and just never came back.” She then waved to her teacher sitting in the ‘audience.’ But Jinyoung was still in a daze. “She’s out of it.”

“I think we finally broke her,” Jaeseok joked. Everyone giggled.

“Hyong! Hyong-saem!” Daeyeol called out to her. But their teacher was still unresponsive. “Jinyoung-ah!”

Jaeseok jumped over a bench to slap a hand over his friend’s mouth. “Daeyeol! Are you insane?” he hissed.
“Huh? Did someone call my name?” Jinyoung finally answered and stood up.

“Uh, how do the sets look?” Jiae asked as she gestured towards them.

Jinyoung began clapping and plastered on a smile. “Great! Fantastic! It really...looks like a filthy prison,” she praised them. “I’m proud!”

Sujeong whispered over to Jiae. “She’s forcing it again. What can we do to cheer her up?”

Jiae’s eyes sparkled. “Hyong-saem! Can we practice on you again?” she shouted.

“O-oh sure,” Jinyoung answered, hesitant remembering what happened last time.

Jinyoung stayed for the entire rehearsal. It was awkward at times, of course. But Sunggyu and her were professionals. They could be cordial in front of the students. Besides, the both of them were too busy with their own tasks. Jinyoung was managing the art club students, and Sunggyu was directing. After some time, she had to upkeep her promise with Sujeong and Jiae. They practiced a few looks on her, cleansing her face until it felt raw. But after they were done, the two of them put in their best effort to make her look pretty. And Jinyoung really did feel pretty after they were done, even though she was wearing dirty, paint-stained clothes.

Eventually, the art club students left, except for the few that were helping with the sets. So Jinyoung felt obligated to stay and watch over them, but she did from a distance. She was sitting back in the audience, back in a daze. Every so often, Chilgoo would call to her and ask her how some blocking looked. Jinyoung would snap back into it and respond. So she was still working, still helping, even if her mind was often in another place.

She hadn’t even noticed that rehearsals had ended until a flood of students were greeting her on their way out of the auditorium. Tailing that flood was Sunggyu.

“Hello,” Jinyoung greeted him first.

And he looked relieved that she did. “Hi. Can I sit here?” he asked. Jinyoung only nodded. He slid into the seat next to her. “How are you?”

“Fine,” she answered, eyes still on stage.

“Something tells me that you’re not fine,” Sunggyu stated calmly. “Please don’t say that you’re fine because from the looks of it, you’re not.” When Jinyoung still didn’t say anything, Sunggyu added, “I know you’re not.”

Jinyoung sighed and turned in her seat towards him, but she still couldn’t look at him. “I want to be fine, but…” she paused. Her voice was shaking, and it was having a hard time passing through her tight throat. She was passed mad at this point. When she lifted her eyes to his, she felt too much. “Why didn’t you just tell me about it? I didn’t know what to think.” She was crying now, not quite to the point of sobbing, but tears were rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling like this.” She had half a mind to apologize for all of the horrible things she thought about him for the past few days. He didn’t know about it, but she really felt horrible for doubting him so much.

“Don’t,” Sunggyu whined as he brushed the tears from her cheeks. Jinyoung pulled away from him and roughly rubbed away her own tears, sniffing loudly all the while. She tilted her head back, trying to let the tears flow back into her eyes. It was silly; she felt so incredibly silly for breaking down like this. Is this even something worth crying over? Whether it was or not, Sunggyu was still trying to comfort her, the back of her head. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t know what to say beforehand because I didn’t know what to expect, and I did  tell you that I was meeting with a former student. I planned to tell you on Saturday, but…I couldn’t.”

Jinyoung looked at him again. “Why?” she mouthed more than talked.

Sunggyu was now the one facing the stage; he slunk in his chair, nestling his chin into his chest. “She confessed to having a crush on me while we were filming” he confessed. “To get her more screentime, there might’ve been a love-line.” He then groaned. “I was embarrassed that I went along with it.” His head hung low.

Jinyoung, however, still kept her eyes on him. “How nice of you,” she remarked. “And how nice of you to tell me about it.”

“I am telling you, before it airs,” Sunggyu pointed out and glanced over.

Now Jinyoung turned around. Agitation overcame her again. Her eyes were hot. Why was all of this so hard? “No, I really mean it, but…” she stopped and let out a groan while she kicked out her feet. It was hard because Jinyoung couldn’t figure out how upset she could rightfully be with Sunggyu. It was hard because no matter what her mind would reason, her heart would still be upset. But mostly, it was hard because she really didn’t want to be upset with Sunggyu. Neither of them deserved it.

“What does that mean?” he asked, studying her carefully.

“I’m upset, and I don’t know what to do about it,” Jinyoung was honest. She turned back around and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I don’t want to be upset with you.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized.

She lifted her head and told him, “I don’t like not knowing things, especially things about you.”

He nodded. “I get it. If I were in your position, I’d be upset too,” he concluded. Jinyoung gave him a short smile. Sunggyu could see her side. That was all that she could ask for. But he gave her a bit more. Sunggyu placed a hand over hers in her lap. “So…how about...I tell you secret. A big one,” he offered teasingly.

Jinyoung really liked the sound of that. “I love secrets,” she replied. She then shot him a suspicious glance. “It’s a really secret, right? You aren’t just teasing me?”

Sunggyu shook his head. “It’s a real secret and a really good one,” he insisted. Jinyoung leaned in closer so that he could whisper it into her ear. But instead Sunggyu patted her hands and got up from his seat. “Come on. Let’s go.” With that, he started to leave.

“Go? Go where? Why? Can’t you tell me here?” Jinyoung shot off those questions and stayed in her seat as she watched her promised secret walk up the aisle.

“No,” Sunggyu answered with a cheeky grin. He had turned back around to talk to her but was still walking up the aisle. “I actually have to show the secret.” He finally stopped and reached out a hand towards her. “Come on.”

“Fine,” Jinyoung grumbled as she pulled herself up out of her chair. She didn’t like the idea of having to work for her secret, especially when it was supposed to be some sort of apology. For that reason, she wasn’t in a hurry shuffling up the aisle towards her boyfriend, who was trying his best not to laugh at the suspicious look on her face. Once she reached him, Jinyoung took Sunggyu’s hand and asked, “Where is it? Can you at least give me a hint?”

“No,” Sunggyu chirped. “It’s a surprise. You’ll like it. I promise.”

Jinyoung just had to trust him, in more than just this respect. So she did her best to put her suspicions aside and just follow his lead.

And follow him she did. After picking up their belongings, Jinyoung followed him faithfully, step by step and hand in hand, out of the school and down the street. As they moved further and further away from school, and from everything, Jinyoung’s heart was lighter. Perhaps a bit too light, because her mood swung from being upset to jovial. In fact, she had to stop walking to double over in laughter. It was just so funny. Now she could find everything funny after the fog of her anger had lifted. Sunggyu really couldn’t lie to her; he was having a horrible time hiding the filming from her. Jinyoung knew something was up from the start. Guilt had dogged his every step. It truly was nice to be with someone who wore his emotions as easily as she did. More than nice. It made her really happy.

Sunggyu stopped alongside of her and watched her with a worried expression as Jinyoung kept laughing. “What? What’s so funny?”

“You,” Jinyoung wheezed out. She then straightened up and held his hand again. “You really can’t lie.”

“Well, it’s not like I want to hide things from you,” Sunggyu mumbled.

“Then don’t,” Jinyoung chirped up before he could say anything else. “It doesn’t make either of us feel good. What’s the point?” She then tugged on his hand and began walking down the street again. “Let’s go.”

Sunggyu followed her. Judging by his expression, he was still wary of her and her drastic change in mood. And it was confirmed when he said: “Don’t hide things from me either, okay?”

“I don’t!” Jinyoung quickly denied. But as soon as those words slipped out of (and after seeing the pointed look Sunggyu gave her), she knew it was impossible. There would be (and already were) things she’d hide from Sunggyu that he’d want to know, especially when it came to how she truly felt about some things. Jinyoung could be more honest too, so she promised, “I’ll try not to.”

“I’ll try too,” Sunggyu’s voice sounded softer now. The smile re his face. He knocked his shoulder into hers, playfully. “But some things are fun to hide, like surprises.”

“What’s the surprise? Can you please just tell me?” Jinyoung begged, pouting. “You know it’s killing me!”

“Then you’ll just have to die,” he lamely joked back and then sputtered into a laugh. “If I told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise!” he argued.

Jinyoung huffed. If Sunggyu wasn’t going to tell her, then she’d just have to guess. And then pester him with guesses until he eventually cracked. “The surprise is in your house?” she picked up on that pretty quickly.

“Yes,” he answered, followed by a warning, “Don’t ask any more questions. You’ll see it in a bit.”

And Jinyoung ignored it. “Do you have a cat? Is that a surprise?” She skipped slightly ahead of him to get a good look at his expression, trying to find any trace of a hint that she could.
There was nothing except the usual smile on his face. “No.”

“An actual skeleton in your closet?”

“What part of ‘no more questions’ did you not get?” Sunggyu chided her. They slowed down their steps because they’d reached his building.

“All of it,” Jinyoung answered honestly.

Sunggyu chuckled at that. “The funniest part is that you’re not even guessing the most obvious thing,” finally he gave her a hint!

“Most obvious,” she repeated under her breath. Jinyoung finally got a hint but it ! Once she heard that it was ‘obvious,’ every thought left her mind. Her mind was a blank.

“Yea,” Sunggyu spoke with a sharp nod. They were now inside of his lobby, heading towards the elevator. “I’m not going to say anything else because that was a big enough hint.” And he zipped his lips shut as emphasis.

Jinyoung frowned, let go of his hand, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Sunggyu, that wasn’t a hint at all,” she argued. “Give me one more, please.”

Sunggyu shook his head. “When you see it, you’re going to hit yourself,” was all that he was going to say on it. “It’s that obvious.”

“If it was, I would’ve thought of it,” Jinyoung snapped back and stuck her tongue out at him. Sunggyu found her frustration cute. He chuckled and dug for her hand, which was tucked under her arm.

“Come on. Follow me,” he said and led her out of the open elevator doors.

When she saw the hallway of apartments, that was when it hit her: she was going into Sunggyu’s apartment for the first time. Actually, this would be the first time either of them stepped more than a foot in each other’s apartments. And they were dating.

Now Jinyoung really didn’t know what to expect as her ‘obvious surprise,’ especially when Sunggyu was leading her to his bedroom.

If she wasn’t anxious already because of the ‘surprise,’ she certainly was now.

She slipped her hand from his and stopped before the bedroom door. “Where are we going?” she asked even though it was obvious.

Sunggyu had already stepped inside of his bedroom and pointed behind him. “The secret. It’s in here,” he stated plainly (that should’ve been her first hint that the surprise was more innocent than what her mind was coming up with, but Jinyoung was already lost in the haze of her anxiety).

“Do I want to see it? I’m not sure anymore,” she muttered under her breath and hung her head. It felt like an invasion of privacy to even look into his bedroom. She hadn’t even sat on his couch or used his toilet. And now he wanted to…

“Oh yea, you want to see this. Just stay there. It’s a bit messy in here,” Sunggyu broke into her thoughts and closed the door a bit, hiding a pile of clothes behind it. He then went deeper into his room but kept talking to Jinyoung as he rummaged through his closet: “You really do get anxious when you don’t know things, don’t you? Even for something as little as this? It kinda makes me feel bad for wanting to surprise you. But only ‘kinda.’”

“I have an overactive imagination, I guess,” Jinyoung reasoned. “When I don’t know what to expect my mind comes up with all kinds of scenarios and kinda settles on the worst of them.”

“I see,” Sunggyu muttered as he was still searching for the surprise. “Did you think I was going to lure you into my bedroom and kill you then?” he joked.

Jinyoung laughed. Hearing him say stuff like that really showed her how silly her own thoughts were. Sunggyu was really a good guy, and she should stop assuming the worst.

“Well, you did say it was obvious,” Jinyoung joked back. “What else was I supposed to think?”

“I’m not going to kill you, but you might want to kill yourself when you see it,” Sunggyu played along. “Ah, here it is!” He pulled out a garment bag from the dark corners of his closet. “It’s really obvious.” Jinyoung narrowed her eyes on the bag as Sunggyu came closer, but there was no brand name on it, no insignia. It was just a plain, black garment bag. “Can you really not guess? My company gave it to each of us as a parting gift. They couldn’t use them anymore, but I still don’t see why they gave them to us. It’s not like we’ll wear them.”

“Oh my gosh!” Jinyoung exclaimed. She finally understood what the surprise was. Her hands flew to as she gasped again. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Yup,” Sunggyu chirped, happy to see her reaction. “These are…wait a second, this will be easier if I put these on my bed. Come on in,” he ushered her inside and unceremoniously tossed the bag onto the bed. As he pulled down the bag’s zipper, he announced, “These are my stage outfits!”

“Oh my gosh!” Jinyoung really had no other words! She kept saying that same phrase over and over and over again as she walked up to his bed. Her eyes kept darting back and forth from the outfits being carefully laid onto the bed to the guy who was doing it.

Earlier, when she saw the Instagram post and heard the rumors about Snuggly the Idol through the hallways of the high school, she had some dysphoric feeling, like she only knew Kim seonsaeng-nim but she’d never really know Kim Sunggyu the idol in the same way. Like there were parts about her boyfriend that she’d never be privileged enough to know about. But now, watching him lay his old clothes out for her to see, Jinyoung was able to reconcile the two sides of him together. She felt special, so special. And she was looking at him now more than the clothes, which was probably why Sunggyu said:

“Look at them! I can’t believe I used to wear these!”

“Can I touch them too?” Jinyoung asked. Her eyes were finally on the outfits alone. She could recall most of them and what songs he performed in them. But some were still new to her, probably from some year-end festival of days-gone-by. Her hands played with the button and pins added to make ordinary clothes pop on stage. These were idol outfits in her hands! She couldn’t believe it! Teenage Jinyoung would’ve never dreamed that one day she’d touch outfits that she’d only seen on tv! “I can’t believe it,” she ended up muttering. “I can’t believe they let you keep these! Amazing!”

“‘Amazing’ isn’t the word that I’d choose for it,” Sunggyu remarked. “I mean, look at this one,” he retched as he picked up a pair of pants with a drop crouch, made of bright red fabric.

“Those were the trend back then though! You probably looked really cool,” Jinyoung declared and took the pants from him. “What did you wear with these?” she asked. Sunggyu picked up a tank top that was just as bright as the pants and a hat that could’ve even swallowed his large head. “Oh, well,” she mumbled. She knew that her face had fallen when he showed her those things, but she was going to salvage her reaction the best that she could: “Onstage you would’ve looked cool. It’s not like people wore these things in real life. The stage is what’s important! And that kind of outfit probably looked really cool when you danced. And you guys were really good dancers.”

“The best,” Sunggyu bragged. “Some of our dance moves became famous even though we didn’t. A bunch of other groups started to copy us.”

“Yea,” Jinyoung’s voice drifted away as did her eyes, back down to the clothes. She could picture it well now, Sunggyu dancing and singing in these clothes with the rest of his group. They really were cool.

“Look, at you!” Sunggyu and poked at her smiling cheek. “Your inner fangirl is showing.”

“Of course, I am a fan of Heartthrob now,” Jinyoung confessed without shame.

“Thank you for being a fan after we disbanded,” he teased.

“Don’t worry. I regret not being a fan sooner,” Jinyoung admitted. Before Sunggyu could anymore for being a fangirl in her thirties, she asked him, “Which one is your favorite?”

“I’d have to go with this one,” Sunggyu answered pretty quickly. This time, Jinyoung could see the obvious answer. It was the outfit from their debut.

“Oh, I remember this!” Jinyoung exclaimed. She picked it up and put it up to him. “You looked really cool in like a tough way back then.”

“Really?” Sunggyu eyed her suspiciously. “Because after the first week of stages, I had to give up my center position to Myungsoo.”

“Why would they make you do that?” Jinyoung asked, shocked, draping the vest over her arm.

“You know why,” Sunggyu didn’t want to say it.

And indeed Jinyoung did know why. “Kim Myungsoo is too handsome for his own good,” she declared. “You did a fantastic job. I love watching this performance.”

Sunggyu sputtered into a laugh. “Yah, are you trying to butter me up so I won’t notice that you’re fixing to steal this?” His hand grabbed at the vest on her arm. “What are you going to do with it? Sell it? Frame it?”

“Actually,” Jinyoung started and gave him a big smile. “I was hoping that I could convince you to put it on. You did say that it was your favorite.”

“Wh-what?!”

“Put this on! For me, please?” she begged. “Just once. I never got to see you guys…”

“Whose fault was that?” Sunggyu interrupted her.

“Mine,” Jinyoung freely admitted. “But now my crushed dreams are your fault.”

“I’m not sure that I can fit into the entire outfit,” he argued under his breath. But it was the way he said it that showed to Jinyoung that he considered it for a second. Another push and she could probably get him to do it.

“Just this then,” Jinyoung offered and showed him the vest again. “I’ll help you put it on.” She walked around him, threaded his limp arms through the vest, and pulled it up. She then came back around and straightened out the vest with a perfectly content smile. The vest was a little tighter than it used to be, but he still looked just as cool in it.

“Happy?” Sunggyu asked as he watched her fuss with it.

“Eung.” Jinyoung nodded. She was distracted with the task of smoothing out the vest. “You look like an idol.”

“I am one,” oh, that’s interesting. He sounded almost offended.

So Jinyoung pushed her luck and met his eye. “Was one.”

And he took the bait: “I can still do it.”

“Prove it.”

They were in his living room because Sunggyu said that he needed more space to dance in, but now he looked as if he were second guessing his entire life with Jinyoung sitting down on the couch in front of him playing his debut song.

“Ah, wait, start again! I wasn’t ready,” he excused himself.

“Do you wanna watch the stage to freshen your memory?” Jinyoung asked. “It’s been years since you last did this.”

Sunggyu considered it for a second but declined. “No, I can do this. I’m an idol.” Something inside of him had to do this. Whether it was because of his pride or to impress Jinyoung, she didn’t know (and was okay with not knowing this). But she did know that he was being incredibly endearing, and she really felt like a fan girl again. She had to bite her lips in order to fight back from cheering when the song started again.

After bopping around a few times, Sunggyu started to dance, naturally, as if his body was moving on its own to the music. And it might’ve been. This was a song that he practiced for hours on end, years ago, but time could not erase his muscle memory. He was also mumbling along to the song. Jinyoung couldn’t fight it back anymore. She began to clap her hands and cheer.

Sunggyu’s head had been down this entire time, but he raised it when he heard her cheering. And he stopped in his tracks. Jinyoung did too, with her hands flushed together. They stared at each other for a second. “This isn’t my part,” he blurted out.

“I know,” Jinyoung replied in a small voice.

Sunggyu then shuffled over to the couch and sat right next to her, leaning against her. “See. I can still do it,” he murmured as he tried to hide his reddening face in the couch cushions and her shoulder.

“You can,” Jinyoung admitted. “You’re still an idol. You did very well,” she praised him. “But…”

Sunggyu lifted his head. “But what?” Jinyoung didn’t answer that question. Instead she started to run her fingers through his hair, gently pulling it upwards. “What are you doing?”

“Doing your hair, like you were when you were an idol,” Jinyoung answered as if it were an ordinary thing to do. Sunggyu’s eyebrows raised in silent question. Jinyoung smiled at him softly and used both of her hands to ‘style’ his hair now. She started again, “I’m a fan. I want to see you as you were, in person. There. You look just like you did back then.” Or he did until Jinyoung removed her hands and his hair fell flatly against his head. And her gaze fell with it, and onto his face. He was grinning up at her.

“So this is like a dream come true for you, isn’t it?” he .

Jinyoung giggled, more out of nerves than anything. “In a way, yea,” she mumbled as her head tried to search for a comeback, and then she had it, “Except I had imagined this situation with Shinee’s Minho.”

Sunggyu’s face shriveled into a frown. “I knew Minho. Minho wouldn’t like you,” he grumbled. Jinyoung bit back her smile forming from that flash of jealousy.  

Jinyoung leaned forward and dropped her voice, “I don’t want him to anymore. I have you.” She tapped his chest with her forefinger. “You like me.”

Sunggyu did the same to her. “You like me too. And I always knew that you liked me.”

Jinyoung retracted her hand into her lap. “Everyone likes you,” she mumbled a retort and looked away.

His finger traveled up her, and now it was twisting into her hair. The slight tugging brought Jinyoung’s attention back down to him. “Not like you do. You really like me. A whole lot,” he replied. This time his tone was less teasing and softer, even when he said, “More than anyone else.”

“I do,” Jinyoung replied with an exasperated sigh. That was what a girlfriend was, right? Someone who liked their boyfriend more than anyone else? But at times, Jinyoung felt like she liked him too much. How could she not when he dressed up for her and did a dance that he hadn’t done in years? These were literally moments that she dreamed of having as a teenager. It really was a dream come true for her. But…Jinyoung sighed again and her fingers toyed with the patches on his vest, reminding herself of what Hyunae said before: Look at him. Sunggyu wasn’t doing these things because she liked him. He did these things because he liked her. The smile returned to her face, bigger than before. “I’m really happy that you showed me all of this,” she said with a slight tug at his vest. “It was the perfect secret.” And it was so perfect because it was more revealing about Sunggyu’s character than any silly show was. These clothes were important to him. Sunggyu must have moved many times since his disbandment, and these unwearable stage outfits traveled with him.

“Right? I thought you would like it,” Sunggyu responded while retracting his hand and resting his head against the couch. “You know, I don’t get to share this side of me with people.”

Jinyoung placed her head close to his. “Really?”

“Eung,” Sunggyu grunted with a slight nod. “I don’t really bring it up with my family because it’s kind of a sore subject. I became a singer against my parents’ wishes.”

Jinyoung propped her head with her hand. “What about your sister?”

He shook his head with a sad smile. “I don’t see her too often without my parents.”

“I guess that makes sense. I’m the same with my siblings,” Jinyoung replied. “What about your friends?”

“Aish, no,” Sunggyu cursed as if the thought of doing that pained him. “I don’t want to be made fun of. They always tease me about it.”

Right, Jinyoung reminded herself, he hadn’t even told Dongwoo. He must be really afraid of getting teased for it. Because of that, she knew his next answer would be a ‘no’ too: “Girlfriends?” He shook his head. “Are you afraid of them teasing you too?”

“No,” Sunggyu answered with an anxious laugh. His gaze dropped down to their hands, which he was now playing with. “Not everyone is as proud about a failed idol as you are, Jinyoung. It gets treated like my dark past. You know that I don’t tell many people about it. I usually don’t like talking about it.”

She held onto his hand and lowered her head to catch his eye. “I am not forcing you, am I?” Jinyoung asked. “You don’t have to talk to me about it.”
Sunggyu looked at her straight on. “No, I want totalk about it, with you. You make me feel good about it, like I’m an idol again,” he explained.

“Really?” she asked, excitedly, to which he nodded. Overcome with joy, Jinyoung leaned over to kiss him, but she didn’t have to move too far. Sunggyu moved to kiss her too. However, Jinyoung soon pulled away, making a shocked noise. She just realized something: “Speaking of which, you might actually be treated like an idol soon because the whole school knows. How do you feel about that?”

Sunggyu let out a soft whine before saying, “I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. It’s honestly not as bad as I thought it would be.”

He was grinning as he spoke, so Jinyoung took it as a good sign. But she had to ask just to make sure: “The kids are still nice to you? You’ll tell me if they give you a rough time, won’t you?”

He snorted. “If they do, what would you do about it?”

“Give them a pop quiz or something,” Jinyoung suggested with a light laugh.

Sunggyu patted her arm. “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. The worst the kids have done is tease me with old photos,” he assured her. And it did put her a bit at ease, but now she was wondering about something else. Old photos? Which ones? Would it be weird for her to ask? Before she could, Sunggyu’s laughter broke into her thoughts. “You know, sometimes you get a crazy, intense look in your eyes when you want to know something. It’s amusing.”

Jinyoung frowned. “I’m sorry for taking an interest in you,” she grumbled and moved away from him a bit.

“Such a fangirl,” he again. When he saw her frown deepen, he moved closer and gave her an apologetic side hug.

After he pulled away, Jinyoung right back, “Then do your job and give me some fan service. Cutie player, go!”

“Eh hey,” Sunggyu brushed it off. “That’s so old. I danced for you! Wasn’t that enough?” he argued.

“It was. I liked it a lot,” she gave in. However she just had one more request. “But…can I try this on? Please?”

Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?” Jinyoung nodded. After seeing how serious that she was, Sunggyu gave in and removed the vest. “Here,” he handed it over to her. “Do you want to try on the whole outfit?” he offered as a joke.

“Don’t tempt me, Sunggyu. If we do that, then I’d want to try on everything, and I’d be here all night trying on all of your old clothes. So for now this is enough,” Jinyoung spoke in a light, joking tone, but she was deadly serious. Sunggyu was making her slip into fangirl-mode too easily. She needed to practice some restraint somewhere. And he was indulging her bad habits too much. For now, it was safe to stop here. Jinyoung looked down and admired herself in the old vest. “It’s warm.”

“Well, I was just wearing it,” Sunggyu replied with a chuckle. He then scanned her up and down while nodding. “It looks good on you.”

“Really?!” Jinyoung exclaimed. She then excitedly spat out, “Do I give Kim Myungsoo a run for his money? I’m at least better looking than Lee Hajoon…Don’t tell him that I said that.” She redacted her statement as soon as it left . It wasn’t appropriate to bash the other members in front of their leader, even though they disbanded years and years ago. Sunggyu probably still had a strong attachment to them, and judging by his facial expression, he did. His brows bowed and his eyes grew distant. And it took him a few seconds before he responded.

“I won’t. I don’t really talk to him anyway.”

“Oh, right,” that slipped out of Jinyoung’s mouth automatically. Her brain was still processing what he’d said. After all, fangirls don’t like to hear about discord among their favorite bands. And girlfriends don’t like to hear about their boyfriend having trouble with friends (or work associates, however Sunggyu viewed those members). Jinyoung’s mood plummeted, as did her smile. And all she could say was, “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? It’s not like I talk to everyone who I used to be friends with in school.” Was that comforting to say? Did he need to be comforted right now? Jinyoung couldn’t tell.

Especially when he cocked his head and remarked, “Hm, it’s a bit different from that.” His gaze finally flitted over to Jinyoung again, and he burst into a laugh, which completely took her by surprise. “There’s that look again!” he jeered while pointing at her face.

“What look?” Jinyoung feigned innocence as she tried to remain as stone faced as possible. But even she knew how intense her gaze was seconds prior. “I wasn’t giving you a look. Other than a one a girlfriend normally gives her boyfriend,” she grumbled.

At that, Sunggyu’s laughter abated and he sighed while still looking at her. Jinyoung wasn’t the only one with an intense gaze. Sunggyu had one too, whenever he was trying to make sense of a situation, whenever he was trying to arrive at a conclusion. He stared as hard as he thought, and Jinyoung had no idea what would make him think that hard. It put her on edge again.

But then he asked, “Jinyoung, that blackhole thing, if I told you something personal, will you really not tell anybody?”

“I…Yes,” she nearly said ‘I think so,’ but she knew that this is her chance to prove herself, to show Sunggyu that she could be trusted with secrets. And if the blackhole thing had worked for Yewon, it could work for anything. Sunggyu was her confidant. “I won’t tell anyone, not even the Hyuns,” and that promise was as serious to her as swearing on a grave.

And Sunggyu knew it. That’s all he needed to start telling her this big secret: “Okay, so we’d just finished promoting our last album…”

It was a story that he had never told anyone before, or at least told in so much detail: the story of how Heartthrob broke up.Jinyoung, previously, had read and heard in interviews from Kim Myungsoo that their company went bankrupt with their last promotion. It was a last ditch effort on their company’s behalf. And while they did well, better than they had done in their previous promotions, it still wasn’t enough for the company to break even. So the company and the band dissolved before they could dig themselves into great debt. That was the story that everyone knew.

But what the public didn’t know was that there was another company, a bigger label, that was interested in Heartthrob. That company was willing to sign all seven of them. Heartthrob’s old boss was willing to sign them over too. He’d been like an uncle to them, and he didn’t want his own failures to result in their own. They had a second chance!

But not every member wanted to take it. One in particular wanted to try his luck on his own and had been talking to other agencies, while the other members had been just talking to the one. He was offered an opportunity to become an actor, with a role already lined up for him on a cable drama. And he took it.

“Who do you think that member was?”

“Kim Myungsoo,” Jinyoung answered. “He’s an actor now.”
“Ddaeng!”

“Ddaeng?! What do you mean? If it wasn’t Kim Myungsoo than who was it?”

“Lee Hajoon,” Sunggyu revealed. “Myungsoo, he loved Heartthrob more than anyone. Probably more than me. The two of us were the last to leave the dorm.”

That was a surprise. From the things that she had read, many fans thought that Myungsoo was the first to leave. It seemed like a fact. He was the handsome visual, the one that had it all, the only one who was still a celebrity. But that wasn’t the real Kim Myungsoo; it was only a theoretical one. The real Kim Myungsoo loved Heartthrob more than its own leader.

And now Jinyoung was reevaluating everything she’d ever thought about that actor. The actor who had to give up his own idol career not by choice.

Sunggyu gave him the chance to. He’d given them all the chance to. He announced that he’d be signing with the company, and the rest of them could follow him if they wanted to. Myungsoo followed, as did a few others. But once Hajoon went his own way. Some of the others stopped. The member that was closest to Hajoon, Rowoon, didn’t know if he wanted to continue on without his best friend and on top of that, Hajoon wasn’t an insignificant member. He stood out more than some of the others, more than Rowoon. And once Rowoon brought up his doubts, a few others started doubting too. Not only did they doubt, but they started to fantasize about a ‘normal life’ without day-long schedules, 3 hours of sleep and 18 hours of practice. One by one they left Sunggyu’s side until only three of them showed up at the company in order to sign a contract: Sunggyu, Myungsoo, and their maknae Lee Sungjong. Myungsoo was the only one to receive a contract that day, an acting one at that. The company wasn’t interested in Sunggyu or Sungjong without the others. Without the other members, they weren’t valuable.

And as a leader, that fact hit Sunggyu hard. He knew that, very well, even before coming into the company that day. He felt like a failure for showing up with only two other members, and he felt even more like a failure when Sungjong almost cried in the office when he was passed over for a contract. Sungjong was just a kid, in his last year of high school. He didn’t need this.

But his heart soon swelled up with pride when Myungsoo rejected the offer and left the office just as unemployed as the other two. Of course he accepted an offer from another company soon afterwards, but he also waited with Sunggyu to see Sungjong get settled back at home with a plan to apply to colleges in the following year.

And that was the end of Heartthrob.

“Do you think if Hajoon stayed, there’d still be a Heartthrob today?”

Sunggyu let out a heavy sigh. “I think about that a lot. If there was anyway that I could’ve persuaded him to stay.”

Jinyoung doubted it. From what she’d heard, it sounded like Hajoon only saw Heartthrob as just a boy band, just one opportunity out of many. He’d wanted to do music, and so that was the most viable way for him to do it. In the end, it wasn’t the music he’d wanted to do, and he didn’t want to pretend like he enjoyed it any longer. But to the rest, Heartthrob wasn’t just a boy band. Over the years, through promotions, it became more than that, more than themselves. It was their careers, not just for the members but for everyone involved. It had been potential for greatness that they felt like they were on the verge of grasping with every single release, with every fan gained. It had been family. Heartthrob became the beat of their own hearts. It was their life.

And while being an idol was just a job, and Heartthrob was just another failed band. To see that member become disinterested and slowly lose faith in Heartthrob broke Sunggyu. Heartthrob was something it was his job to protect, but he couldn’t even inspire the will to fight in Hajoon.

Jinyoung could tell that Sunggyu didn’t have a doubt in his mind. If they had gotten that second chance, Heartthrob would still be beating today.

Sunggyu didn’t say so much to Jinyoung, but she understood through the pregnant pauses, heavy sighs, and all of the “I should’ve.” She’d seen many bands come and go, including her own biases’. As a fan, she always wondered what she could’ve done to make them stay (the answer was nothing), what she could’ve done to appreciate what she had before it was too late. If that was the turmoil she experienced as a fan, it was only a small raindrop in the storm of emotions Sunggyu must’ve felt.

And he was telling her about it, candidly, which made Jinyoung feel grateful that they had gotten so close to do this. She felt important. And also incredibly sad.

“Sunggyu, I…I had no idea,” she managed to say after he was finished.

“Well, you weren’t supposed to have an idea,” Sunggyu attempted to twist it into a joke. “No one knew except for us. Well, I’m sure some of the others told people, but still not many know. Fans aren’t supposed to know these things.”

“I guess,” Jinyoung muttered. “I just feel so  bad, for all of you.It’s more than just, I don’t want to say it, but ‘failing’ at a job. It’s…” she still didn’t know how to put it into words.

But it was fine. “Yea, it’s complicated,” Sunggyu interjected.

“At least I know why you don’t talk about it a lot. I’m understanding how you feel about it better,” Jinyoung could say that with full confidence, even though there was a frown on her face. “I feel like I’m forcing you to talk about it though. You don’t have to just because I’m nosy or a fan or I give you a crazy look.”

“I’m not!” Sunggyu insisted. “I want to share this with you, seriously. I like talking about things with you.”
“Me too,” Jinyoung chirped back. “I just wish I had something to tell you back.”

“You will,” Sunggyu predicted. “There’s always something.”

“That’s true” Jinyoung replied with a light laugh. Sunggyu laughed with her, even though there was nothing really funny about what she said. It must have been because the two of them wanted something to smile about. So Jinyoung asked him, “Sunggyu, tell me a happy memory. Tell me a good, happy memory of Heartthrob.”

“Well,” Sunggyu started as he tried to think of one. And once a good memory came to mind, he snorted at it before sharing it with her, “When we debuted Minhyuk ripped his pants.”

“What? No way,” Jinyoung exclaimed.

“Yes! He was dancing so hard and the pants just split  right in the middle,” Sunggyu was growing more excited as he spoke. “He did it right at the start too!”

“What did he do?”

“What else could he do? He carried on as if he hadn’t. You can see his pants flapping around during the whole performance. You didn’t see it?”

“No! Show me!”

Sunggyu showed it to Jinyoung, along with several other videos that she didn’t know existed and variety shows that she forgot did. Some of them she’d seen before. Jinyoung had watched those shows for her old favorite idols, and in the background, there Sunggyu was with the rest of Heartthrob. It was odd to realize just how long Jinyoung had actually been ‘watching’ Sunggyu whether she knew it or not. But it was a comforting sort of odd, unlike the unsettling feeling that she had last night while looking at the Instagram post. Fate, in general, is an odd thing, but it was also a nice thing, since it brought the two of them together like this.

And Sunggyu wasn’t sharing those videos, those stories, to show off himself but to introduce her to his old dongsaengs and his memories with them.

Wow, Jinyoung thought while laughing at the story Sunggyu was telling her about all of the silly things Sungjong used to say with complete confidence. Some things really don’t change.He was talking about his dongsaengs just like he talked about his students.

Or at least he was. Sunggyu stopped suddenly. Something had caught his eye.

“Oh,” he muttered. “I didn’t realize it was this late.”

“Woah!” Jinyoung exclaimed after looking at the time herself. “When did that happen?”

Sunggyu shrugged. “Do you want to eat something?” he suggested. “I don’t know about you, but I’m seriously  hungry.”

“Yea, me too” Jinyoung readily agreed. She didn’t want to leave so soon even though it was getting deeper and deeper into the night. Not only the night was getting deeper but so was their conversation, their bond. Jinyoung was curious about how much progress their relationship would make in one night.

But she didn’t think that they’d get this far.

“You should just stay the night,” Sunggyu offered while they were eating food that they’d ordered in. And Jinyoung nearly choked on it.

“Huh?” she croaked out after a hard swallow.

“Stay,” he repeated. He wasn’t looking at her but nudging a glass of water closer to her. “It’s really late. You’re probably going to miss the last bus, and I don’t feel like driving you back. It’s so long. You live so far away,” Sunggyu whined softly and finally raised his gaze up to Jinyoung’s guilt-ridden face. She was planning on either bolting in five minutes for the bus (and just barely making it) or asking him to drive her home (and spend the last few moments of the night together). Never did it cross her mind to stay. And there was a reason why it hadn’t. She wasn’t ready to…

“I have a guest room,” Sunggyu added.

“Oh?” Jinyoung perked up. “You do?” Sunggyu nodded. Jinyoung quickly shot back, “You wouldn’t mind?”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I did,” he answered with a soft smile. An uneasy smile? A knowing smile? Jinyoung didn’t know. She was too busy weighing her options at the moment. But once she threw her heart into the equation, the scales tipped.

“Okay,” she answered.

“You’ll stay?” he was surprised.

“Yes,” Jinyoung restated, with her full voice and heart. She was completely ready for this, to spend the night with Sunggyu, while in another bed in a separate room. It might seem like one of the smaller steps out of all of the progress that they made that night. But for Jinyoung, it was one large leap of faith.

Did he know that? Eh, probably not. Sunggyu probably knew that their relationship was still too fresh for that one mature step.

Whatever the case, Jinyoung was comfortable there, with him, and in the clothes that he gave her to change into.

“Comfortable?” Sunggyu asked when Jinyoung came out of the guest room, dressed in the sweats that he’d given her.

“Hm,” Jinyoung hummed as she walked the small stretch of the hallway, separating them. She leaned up against his bedroom’s doorframe, still pursing her lips. “I still like the vest better, but…yea, I’m comfy.” She giggled. “Very” She then lifted herself up from the frame. “Are you?”

“Eung, these are my clothes,” Sunggyu replied. He then gestured at her to come inside of the bedroom. When she didn’t budge, he verbalized it, “Come here.”

“Why?” Jinyoung mumbled as she leaned against the frame again, pressing her check hard against the wood. “It’s comfy here. I could fall asleep right here,” she argued as she let her eyelids droop shut.

“You don’t need to wash up?”

“Huh?” Jinyoung opened her eyes and saw Sunggyu picking up a fresh towel from the laundry basket in the corner of his room. Jinyoung huffed, frustrated at herself. He just wanted to give me a towel. Why did I assume?  Sunggyu was coming closer to her now, but Jinyoung still made no move to take the towel. Instead she just clung onto the doorframe harder, still acting as if she’d sleep right there. “No, I’ll just be dirty forever.”

Sunggyu then stopped in his tracks and threw the towel at her. “Just wash up.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung grumbled as she took the towel off from her head. He didn’t sound happy. He just sounded tired, very tired.

“Well,” he mumbled, still standing only a few steps away. “Good night.” And he had meant to turn around and walk away, but Jinyoung stopped him

“Hold on,” she begged. She then came closer to him, going into the bedroom, and threaded her arms around his waist into a hug.

Sunngyu wrapped his arms back around her. “I’ll hold,” he replied. His head came to rest on top of hers. And she could feel his laugh breeze through her hair. “Could you fall asleep here too?”

“Of course.” Jinyoung really could. Her eyes were already closed, and his hold was warm, while it lasted. Sunggyu’s arms soon fell away from her.

“I can’t,” his tone was light again, and he laughed when Jinyoung frowned. “Just go wash up.”

“Fine,” she gave in and dragged her feet out of his room. Why? Why was she so reluctant to enter and to leave it at the same time?

It was too late to dwell on that. She could barely remember to wash up properly. Jinyoung nearly left the bathroom without brushing her teeth, which she would’ve quickly regretted it. After all, they had yet to say good night to each other. And Jinyoung wanted to do it properly.

So when she was done, Jinyoung walked out of the bathroom and peeked into his bedroom. Sunggyu was on his phone, scrolling through a webpage. Jinyoung leaned against the doorframe again, wondering if this is how he normally spent his time before he went to bed or…“Are you done?” Sunggyu asked, not even lifting his eyes from the phone.

When did he notice that she was there? Jinyoung lifted herself from the frame. “Yes,” she answered in quiet voice, ashamed that she’d been caught staring. But he didn’t seem to mind. He placed the phone on his stomach as he turned his head to look at her with a slight smile. This was awkward. Jinyoung did want to wish him a good night ‘properly,’ but she didn’t know how to go about it. It was so awkward. Once again, she couldn’t bring herself to cross that threshold, so she gave up on it and said, “I guess I’ll go to bed now. The room is over there?” She pointed across the hall.

“Yes,” after he gave that answer, Jinyoung had turned around to go to bed, but she slowed down as soon as she heard a soft groan and sheets rustling. Seconds later, Sunggyu’s hand was on her back. “Let me make sure that it’s set up.”

“Thank you,” Jinyoung responded as they walked down the hall together. “You’re such a good host.” After he shot her a sharp glance, she added. “I’m serious! Thank you so much for letting me stay.”

“Don’t mention it,” Sunggyu was mollified again and opened the door for her. “Do you have enough blankets?”

Jinyoung nodded. “This is perfect,” she replied with a bright smile (or as bright as she could during this dark hour) and made her way towards the bed. Jinyoung was surprised to see that Sunggyu was still just a step behind her and even helped her to pull back the comforter. “Are you tucking me in?” she was just joking.

“Yes,” Sunggyu, however, was serious and was seriously tucking her into the bed. He even kissed her on the top of the head once her head was on the pillow. And this was it. This was the moment for her ‘proper’ good night. Jinyoung slipped her arms out from under the comforter and reached for his cheeks. Gently she brought his head down and kissed him.

“Good night, Sunggyu,” she whispered. “Sweet dreams.”

“Good night, Jinyoung.”

The following morning, Jinyoung was disoriented, waking up in a strange room to a strange sound (an alarm clock), but as soon as Sunggyu languidly stumbled into her room to wake her up, she felt aright again. It was their first time spending a morning and traveling to work together, yet it didn’t feel like it. It felt natural. It felt routine. And that made Jinyoung feel elated.

And that elation didn’t fall even when the Bull stared at the couple suspiciously after they entered the faculty office together or when she overheard her keen-eyed art students argue whether their teacher was wearing the same outfit as the day before. The gossip of Snuggly and the idol was still hot, yet it didn’t burn Jinyoung’s ears.

Jinyoung wasn’t going to let the words of others bring herself down again.

“Ah, I can’t watch.”

Sunggyu was whining and tugging relentlessly on Jinyoung’s sleeve. “Do I have to?” he sounded so pathetic that Jinyoung had to bite her lip to hold herself back from laughing. It was the weekend, Saturday night to be exact, when all of the best variety shows were on, which was why they were there on the couch of her apartment. Jinyoung had asked him to come over and watch his comeback to variety with her. And even though Sunggyu had initially agreed, ever since he’d walked through her door, all that he’d been doing was trying to get out of it. He was practically begging now. “This is weird. I never watched myself even when I was an idol. It’s embarrassing. Do you want to see yourself fail at ridiculous games? You don’t! I know you don’t. So do we have to watch it? Do we? Let’s do something else, please.”

Jinyoung was now laughing. Sunggyu had gotten so worked up that he was spitting and his ears were red. He looked so desperate to get out of it. But what could she do? The fangirl inside of her wanted to watch the show.

“Just be with me, please,” it was her turn to beg now. “You don’t have to watch it. You can play one of your phone games or whatever. Just be by my side. I’ll keep the volume down low. You won’t even hear it, I promise.”

“But I’ll hear you laugh. Heck, I’ll feel it,” well that was true. They were sitting right next to each other. Jinyoung could feel his anxious, shaking legs up against hers. Sunggyu really didn’t want to watch the show. Jinyoung felt guilty for being so stubborn, especially when Sunggyu let out that pathetic sigh. He realized that he couldn’t convince her. “Why do you want me here?”

“Because…” Jinyoung didn’t quite know how to say it. Was there a way to admit to something like this without sounding crazy? Probably not. Luckily, Sunggyu appreciated honesty, so Jinyoung just spilled out her heart. “You said that there was a love-line. With you here, I’ll be reminded that you’re with me. You like me. And so I won’t get irrationally jealous. Is that weird?” Not only that, but it will help further cement in Jinyoung’s mind that idol Sunggyu and teacher Sunggyu were one in the same. And not only did she know about those sides of him, but she knew what sick Sunggyu was like, tired Sunggyu, silly Sunggyu…She was familiar with them all, and because of that she was becoming one of the people who knew him best.

And she just needed to be reminded of that.

“The fact that you’re so honest about it is weird,” Sunggyu . His fingers were poking at her cheeks. He probably sensed her getting lost in her own thoughts. “Why are you watching then if you might get upset? I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Because it’s you! I wanna support you, and you’re fun to watch!” Jinyoung raised her voice but did so with a smile. She was well aware of how ridiculous that she was sounding. “I watched a lot of old Heartthrob shows. I like them, a lot. The fangirl in me isn’t going to miss the chance to watch new content.”

“I’m more concerned about the girlfriend in you,” Sunggyu replied and gave her an extra hard poke. Jinyoung pulled away from him and moved to face him head on.

She placed a hand on his knee and looked him in the eye as she assured him, “The girlfriend in me will be fine. I know in my heart that you care for me, and you don’t want to hurt me. Even though she’s a pretty idol, there’s no need for me to be jealous, even though some parts of the internet are already shipping the both of you together because of the teaser.” She patted his knee and forced a smile on her face. “It’s fine.”

“Shipping,” Sunggyu repeated with a snort. He muttered something inaudible beneath his breath. Jinyoung almost asked him to repeat it, but he placed his hand over hers and told her, “Yes, she’s pretty and is an idol. But she’s too young for me, she’s a former student, and her personality…leaves much to be desired. She’s not you.” Hearing Sunggyu assure her like that did make her realize how ridiculous her thoughts could be, but it also warmed her heart. It made Jinyoung laugh and blush at the same time.

“I’ll stay,” Sunggyu finally gave in. “I’ll play one of my phone games or whatever,” he mimicked what she had said moments earlier.

“Thank you,” Jinyoung spoke with a sigh of relief. And it was a genuine relief to know that he was accepting her crazy-side so well. She would have to keep this in mind whenever Sunggyu’s crazy-side came around. And it would come to see her eventually. They were getting know each other very well and very quickly (well, they did have a three-year head-start).

And all of those crazy thoughts, all of these precautions, were for naught. The show was fun, not just because of the hilarious MCs and the games but because Sunggyu was his usual funny and easy-going self. Jinyoung’s sides hurt from laughing too much. And real-life Sunggyu was very self-conscious about it. He still refused to watch, but he would shift in his seat and watch her for a moment or two before returning to his game. Eventually, he became more comfortable with the situation, when he was lying on the couch, fully extended, with his feet on Jinyoung’s lap. She rubbed them mindlessly as she watched the show.

One thing did take her back. No, it wasn’t when the MCs made Sunggyu and his partner reenact a famous scene from a drama. It was when the script mentioned that Sunggyu was the leader of Heartthrob. Everyone on the show was surprised, including his former student. Sunggyu, on the other hand, seemed proud and readily talked about his old idol days, even singing a bit of his debut song.

It was surprising. Usually, Sunggyu had talked about those days with much sadness and regret. He’d avoided talking about it and hid it for as long as he could. But now on national television, Sunggyu was boasting about his idol past, and the word ‘failure’ never passed his lips.

Jinyoung was proud.

And selfishly, that pride grew at one of the behind the scenes clips attached to the end of the episode. It was probably added to squash any rumors of him and the idol dating that had been circulating around internet forums. One of the MCs asked if Sunggyu was dating anyone, and he confessed that he was. “Will your girlfriend be okay with what you did today?” another MC jumped in and referred to the love line.

Although he had looked apprehensive for a second, Sunggyu confidently responded, “Yes, she’s a fan of idols.”

“Girl idols too?”

“Yes!”

“Is that why she’s dating you? Because she likes idols?” an MC .

Worry was written all over his face. It was obvious that the thought had never crossed his mind before. His “no” then wasn’t as confident as everything else he’d said. Jinyoung chuckled and played with the feet on her lap. She wasn’t the only one with ridiculous worries now.

“Is it over?” real-life Sunggyu asked.

“Eung,” Jinyoung replied. The feet fell from her lap as Sunggyu sat up properly in order to talk to her.

“And?”

“I liked it. You’re funny. You heard me laughing, I know it,” she answered. The large, proud smile had not faded in the slightest on her face since the show started. “You said that you were a part of Heartthrob,” she revealed the reason behind her grin and patted his head.

Sunggyu, on the other hand, didn’t look prideful at all. The usual regretful look appeared, and he moved his head away from her hand. “I didn’t really have much of a choice,” he grumbled. “One of the staff members did some research on me and told the MCs.”

“I know, but,” Jinyoung paused to scoot in closer to him and she took his hand. “You looked proud when you talked about it.”
He raised his head. “Of course! It’s something to be proud of! We were a great band!” There it was. Jinyoung had been waiting a long time to hear that from him.

And because of that, she couldn’t contain herself anymore. Her hands grabbed his cheeks. “Wait! NO!” Sunggyu whined, but Jinyoung didn’t listen. She squeezed his cheeks together and gave him a quick peck before letting him go.

“I’m proud of you,” she remarked, as the other rubbed his cheeks. “And the love-line was innocent. I didn’t feel anything. Nothing at all.” And that was completely true. Had it been weeks earlier, she might’ve been plagued with doubts after watching it. But now, she knew him far better and trusted him and his words even farther.

“Good. Like I said, it’s nothing for you to be concerned about,” Sunggyu was growing more at ease. He’d been tense for most of the night, and so it was good to finally see him relax and open up. “This stuff happens on variety shows all the time. It’s just work.”

“Oooh, youreally sound like an idol now,” Jinyoung remarked. “I bet you also used to say that all fans were your girlfriends.”

“No,” Sunggyu quickly spat back. “I called them my friends. If you were really a fan, you’d know that.” He then faked a sigh of disappointment.

Jinyoung knew exactly how to retaliate: “Well, I’m not really fan. I’m a…”

Sunggyu clapped his hand over and cut her off, “Myungsoo akgae, I know.” He moved his hand from there and tugged slightly at the collar of her shirt. “But shouldn’t you be a Sunggyu akgae? Hm? I’m handsome too. You think I’m funny. And I sing better.”

“Sometimes it’s not about how well a person sings but how they make you feel,” Jinyoung refused to give in so easily.

And neither did Sunggyu. “Then how do I make you feel?”

“Um,” Jinyoung was getting flustered. “When you sing or in general?”

“Both.”

It was getting to be too much. The tension had to be cut. So Jinyoung slapped him playfully. “What? Why are you fishing for compliments?” she joked.

“Because I want them,” Sunggyu answered honestly. He wasn’t willing to turn this serious conversation into a joking one. “Tell me, please. I think you’re pretty and nice and smart,” he tried to exchange compliments with her.

And Jinyoung had been indulged enough this evening. It was time to give into his wants. “You’re seriously cute,” she praised him.

“And?”

“I like to hear you sing,” she finally confessed. It should be obvious by now that Jinyoung liked his singing, but something inside of him craved to hear it. The grin on his face was proof of that. Jinyoung grinned too and continued, “More than that, I like seeing you do what you love.” With a quick peck, she added, “I like you.”

“You like to hear me sing, so does that mean that I’m your favorite singer?” Sunggyu was still fishing. However, this compliment, Jinyoung couldn’t give. “Is it not me?!” he gasped. Not only was Jinyoung’s face was betraying her, but her whole body was speaking for her. She was frozen solid and terrified to answer. But Sunggyu already knew the truth. “I’m not. Wah! It’s seriously not me?! It’s written all over your face! I can’t believe that I’m not even your favorite. I’m your boyfriend!”

There it was: Sunggyu’s crazy-side.

Just like he did earlier, Jinyoung knew what to say to calm him down: “Exactly! You’re my boyfriend! You’re my favorite person in the whole world.”

“Whole world?” that piqued his interest. “You like me better than them?” he nodded towards the front door, referring to the Hyuns at the other side of hall.

“Yes,” Jinyoung confessed with an anxious smile. This was her first admitting this, both to him and to herself: “I don’t only consider you my boyfriend but my best friend.”

“Best friend?” he repeated. Jinyoung nodded. Sunggyu smiled broadly at that and took her hand. “But I’m still not your favorite in Heartthrob?”

Jinyoung hit him with a pillow. There was only so much one could indulge someone else’s crazy-side before having to (physically) knock sense into them.

But at least they were willing to do both for each other.