On Call

My feet like stepping on the sand,

Swamped in that summer with you.

A soft, gentle summer breeze murmurs something right into his ears, whispering a song of melancholy, full of untold memories. Lu Han closes his eyes as he indulges himself more, listening to the beautiful white noise that nobody could hear, that only he, himself could hear. A small sigh escapes from his mouth as he let himself drowning into whispering breeze. There is something alluring behind the soft murmur of ocean wind, that makes Lu Han wants to hear from it for more.

Lu Han remains in that state of tranquillity for some time, stands still there alone, in the middle of the shoreline. He just lets the shy ocean wave gently grazes his bare foot, as it swipes the white sand and slowly return back to ocean. He just loves the sensation of ocean wave on his skin. It tingles, but there is unspoken softness of the sea wave, as if it tried to sooth and calm his restless soul. Occasionally, he takes a deep breath, inhaling the usual scent of summer beach that permeates the air. It’s endearingly salty, but Lu Han just loves it the most.

And, the endless ocean wave is like his own memory with certain someone, that keeps flipping back to him….This is the same beach where he had met Junmyeon for the very first time, almost six years ago.

Lu Han was in his own merry way, just enjoying the carefree walk besides the sea shore. From far away, he shouldn’t have notice the small figure who stepped mindlessly into the sea, but the fate did the miracle thing because Lu Han somehow did. The small figure is total stranger to him, Lu Han reminded himself, he shouldn’t mind other people business, but there was other thought pondered into him that said, the other guy probably intend to take his own life. In that fleeting moment, he run toward the guy without hesitation.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Lu Han asked, almost scowling, once he got a hold on the stranger. The water level almost reached the level of his nose. Lu Han wondered what would happen if he was another second late.

“Huh..?” The other guy didn’t exactly reply, but he looked dumbfounded as well. It was just for a while before he came to his sense. Lu Han wasted no time dragging the other to safety.

“Yah, you , you almost drowning yourself!!” Lu Han scolded the guy once more time once they reached the shore. He placed the other down and flop himself exactly next to him.

“I’m sorry for the trouble…I also didn’t know what exactly I was doing…” the stranger finally mumbles.

Lu Han’s heart softened a bit after hearing the other’s voice. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” the stranger answered, uncertain. “It’s just that…I felt like, as if I had been pulled toward it by certain whisper and I just followed it. Before I even realise it, I almost drown myself.” He explained. “Thank you for saving me…”

The stranger smiled to him. Lu Han didn’t get any chance to have proper look to the shorter male’s face before, but now he had. The stranger was actually blind, but other than that, he was perfect behind the imperfection. White porcelain skin, small pointed nose, well rounded eyes and gentle, thin lips graced his visages. Lu Han really can’t tear off his eyes from the other. But Lu Han wondered what was there behind that bitter smile, that seemed to hide heart break and unspoken pain. The smile that didn’t sit well on his graceful face. The mere thought of it made Lu Han decided, from that moment, he wanted to change it.

“I might be a stranger to you, but, please love yourself…” Lu Han trailed off. His words came out a bit weird, even to his own ears and he didn’t know why he said that kind of thing to a complete stranger. Just maybe, he wanted to protect the other even before he knew it. “I’m Lu Han by the way,“ he introduced himself.

“I’m Junmyeon....Kim Junmyeon. Can I…can I touch your face, Lu Han?” Junmyeon timidly asked.

The request sound a bit odd, but nevertheless, Lu Han easily complied, as he brought Junmyeon’s hands to cradle his face. Junmyeon’s face was full of concentration, as his delicate fingers trailed every corner of his face, they lingered on his skin a bit longer than expected. Lu Han presumed, Junmyeon wanted to remember his face by his own little way.

“Thank you for saving me, Lu Han…”

For the first time, he saw Junmyeon genuinely smile, and he looked breathtakingly beautiful under the soft glow of evening sunset.

Perhaps, on that day, God had decided to send someone to him, for him to protect by his own life. He didn’t know Junmyeon’s past, but he decided to offer his present and future to Junmyeon.

Over the years, Lu Han has learnt many things about Junmyeon but he feels like he knows only a little. The younger guy doesn’t open up to him that easily at first, but Lu Han believes that patience is the key. Everything needs time. He learns from his younger brother, Jongin, that Junmyeon had tragic car accident few years ago. He went into comatose stage for several days and had lost some of his memory, or perhaps he wants to lose certain part of his memory but unable to get rid off them. Lu Han realizes that Junmyeon, although doesn’t talk much about his past love, still holds into it and seems refuses to let it go. He understands the void of feeling that Junmyeon feels, that why he never pushes Junmyeon or further more to confess his feeling.

And as the years pass by, they share so many memories together. Gyeongpo beach, and its sunset, have witnessed it over the years their shared moments – how lovingly Lu Han holds Junmyeon’s hand to guide the other, how secretly Lu Han add ‘Loves’ in between their names written over the sand, or simply collecting the most beautiful corals.

Time doesn’t really heal Junmyeon’s heart, but at least Lu Han knows that, Junmyeon can genuinely looks happy when ever he spends his time with him at beach in every summer.

Lu Han slowly opens his eyes back. The horizon in front of him is just spread open – taking various shades of oranges, as the evening sun shyly kisses the skyline, as if it returned to its resting place. For a while, he admires the scenery just before him, because the reflection of sun set on the calm water with the dark shadow in between is really something to behold.

But then Lu Han realizes that, the beautiful scenery of the summer beach is meaningless, because Junmyeon is no longer with him. The person he used to share every moment of summer beach is on the other side of the world. Today, Lu Han is here alone….

Lu Han bends down a bit, attempting to take the tiny foams of sea water. They don’t last longer in his cupped hand. Soon they return into the widest ocean, silently into nothingness. But Lu Han satisfied. At least, they listen a bit to his silent longing that locks inside his heart. Lu Han wonders, if at this particular moment, Junmyeon was doing the same thing as he did. Did the other miss him as much as he does? Or did the other remember him as much as he does in his silent pray? Lu Han just wants Junmyeon to be happy, even if that person didn’t mean to be him.

The last image of Junmyeon at Incheon airport just before his departure is played like a roll film in his mind.

“I’ll be missing you, Junmyeon…”

“Me to….”

“You know…If you ever need me, just give me a call…I’ll always be there for you”

“I’ll do that. Thank you for everything, Lu Han..”

“I really miss you, Junmyeon. Why didn’t you give me any call?” Lu Han mumbles into nothingness, that only the ocean wave could hear. “You know, I’m always on call for you….”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Milan; 18 th April, 11. 30 pm

“Good morning everyone. I’m Yoona lim, your host for ‘Kick The Morning’. I will be with you guys for the good two hours. Today, 19th April we have special guest with us….”

Junmyeon pays no particular attention to the radio show. The cheerful voice from the radio car reverberated across the space of the confine car, accompanying the otherwise silent journey to their apartment. Chanyeol was concentrating on wheel, and Junmyeon really has no idea what to talk. Junmyeon really lets every word that comes from the host slips off from his mind until ---

“Any guess for our guest today? Pardon…once again…I can’t really hear you guys…Ahh, yeah…our super handsome, Lu Han…”

The mentioned of that particular name rang into his ears. Junmyeon feels like his heart has been shaken by wave of mixed emotion. He feels goose bump.

It’s Lu Han…

“As we all know, Lu Han just releases his new album this summer. Lu Han-shi, what do you think about your new album?”

“My new album is called ‘Imagination.’ It has many new flavour and colour in it. I also actively participate in the making of the album, so I gain many new experiences. Along the way, there are still so many new things that I have to learn but it is fun. The album kinda give more mature vibe, and most of the lyrics are more meaningful than my previous albums. ‘Imagination’ reveals the other side of me. So, I hope this album will receive a lot of love from you guys. “

“Ahh, our Lu Han-shi works hard for this album. Let give him a lot of love. By the way, I heard that, there is special song in ‘Imagination.’ Is that true?”

“Yes, and it’s called ‘On Call.’”

“Do you mind to share a bit with you fan, what makes ‘On Call’ special compares to the rest of the album? Is there anything personal behind the song?

<…………………….>

“I dedicate this song to somebody special in my life, who is currently far away from me. I hope you’re doing fine there. Did you already have your dinner? Are you sleeping well, right now?….”

Lu Han sounds genuinely concern. Junmyeon’s heart squeezed enough to choke him a bit. There is something stirring up inside him after hearing Lu Han’s voice. Lu Han is not even here with him right now, but it feels like, as if he was here, with him, talking directly to him.

I already had my dinner, thank you Lu Han, Junmyeon mutters to himself.

Junmyeon’s knuckles squeeze his knees hard that they go white. Tiny drops of tears start to well up at the corner of his eyes.

“I want you to know that I’ll always on call….”

Junmyeon never realises that, Lu Han has always been kind and patient to him. His pure dedication is irreplaceable. He has been selfish all these years to even realise how selfless, and kind hearted Lu Han is as human being. He has been blinded by his own self and his past, little that he considers others. He has been inconsiderate toward Lu Han.

His breath hitch, he knows he is going to sob in shame and