"Never again.

Never again will I go through that pain again.

Never again will I watch my beloved die while I watch on the side, helpless.

Never again will I have my heart broken.

Never again will I doubt death.

Never again will I watch the love of my life gasping as the life leaches out of him.

Never again will I go back."

Those were the promises Youngjae swore to when he ran away.

His lover, shot in the stomach.

The paramedics said he wouldn't survive.

Jaebum had pleaded him to stay, his last request to Youngjae.

But Youngjae had been a coward.

He wept his goodbye from behind a veil of tears and then he ran. 

Too scared to face the pain as he watched Jaebum fade away.

He ran that night, and he promised never to go back.

To this day, he regrets not being there in the last moments of his soulmates life.

And the pain took root in his heart, the festering wound growing deeper, a plant of agony growing in his soul, a river of tears watering it and the light of lost love feeding it.

It grew into a tree, a pillar of pain.

A flower, with petals of remorse.

A vine, something that could be a lifeline but instead choked him.

A piece of betrayal. 

-------------

Youngjae rolled over onto his back.

Outwardly he appeared calm, sleeping.

On the inside he was raging battles of war.

'Should I go today...? ....if I do then I'll regret it tomorrow... but I can feel the water calling... Old Man will be lonely... but I should be sleeping.... JB will kill me tomorrow...'

 Making up his mind, Youngjae rolled over and quietly climbed out of his bed.

He collected his stuff and slipped his shoes on, making sure he was presentable enough for 11:00 at night.

As he opened the door, Coco lifted her head and looked at him sleepily.

Youngjae froze, sure she would bark, but she just put her head down and started dozing again.

Youngjae readjusted his watch, making sure he had his phone in his bag and then he set out of the dorm into the chilly Seoul night.

Youngjae didn't dare to take a car.

He walked around ten blocks, shivering, looking for the right house.

Eventually he came to it, a quaint, green-and-brown traditional house with a stone path leading up to the door.

Youngjae walked up it and knocked without any hesitation. 

While he waited, he took a mask out of his bag and slipped it on.

And as usual, the door opened twenty-five seconds after he knocked.

"Ah! It's you again, Masked One." 

An old man peered out from behind the door, lines of age showing on his face and his voice gravely.

Youngjae laughed softly. "Who else?"

Old Man's eyes crinkled as he opened the door wider to beckon Youngjae to come inside.

While Youngjae was getting into his swimsuit, Old Man pittered around, making tea for them.

When Youngjae was done, he slipped outside and stood at the front of the pool.

He raised his arms around his head, locking them into a perfect streamline position.

One...

Two...

Three!

Youngjae ran the short few steps up to the pool and then jumped, slipping under the water with barely a splash.

He kicked for a few seconds and then picked up with freestyle, executing a perfect flip-turn at the other end of the pool, and then speeding off towards the other side of the pool.

You can feel the water... you can move with the water, but most importantly, you can be the water!

Youngjae pushed himself to go harder, the echos of the cry reverberating in his brain.

Be the water...

---------

When Youngjae climbed out of the pool an hour later, dripping with water, Old Man was there, watching as he had been doing.

Not even glancing at the huge scar that marred Youngjae's hip and stomach, Old Man sat forward and waved his hand.

"Tea?"

Youngjae nodded and gratefully accepted the steaming hot mug, shivering in the chilly breeze.

He took a sip and then set it down, toweling himself off and then excusing himself to the bathroom to change.

When he came back, Old Man had already packed his stuff into his bag for him and set his swimming supplies on the shelf where they usually stayed.

Youngjae took his usual seat on the lounge chair, Old Man preferring to sit in the chair, fashioned similarly, by its side.

For a while, they sipped at their tea, before Old Man decided to break the silence.

"Are you still beating yourself up after what I told you last time?"

Youngjae tipped his head back and let out a long breath. "You know it isn't that easy."

Old Man took a long look at him. "Wounds of the heart hurt much longer than wounds of the flesh... you would know."

Youngjae flinched and stole a glance at the scar marring his skin. "What can I do?"

Old Man took another drink of his tea. "You need to face it, Masked One. You need to visit the place he died, find his obituary, something, anything."

Youngjae shook his head. "It's not that simple."

Old Man drained the rest of his tea and stood up. "You need to find a way, or you'll never be able to live fully. I know that whatever your job is, it isn't easy on you, plus the other Jaebum can't be easy. It's probably like a constant reminder everyday."

He paused. "You can't move forward if you keep looking backwards."

And when he walked away, Youngjae heard him say under his breath.

"Heartbreak can break more than just those experiencing it."

----------

Youngjae walked back to the dorm in silence, the last words Old Man had spoken still ringing in his mind.

'What could he mean by that?'

He only passed a few people on the way, most of then probably college students going home from late-night study groups.

He pulled out his phone and smiled to see the notifications lighting up his screen.

His watch buzzed with them, but he payed it no mind and open the first series of messages from his friend, Iraida, who he had met online in a swimming forum and had since become a huge friend to him.

Her message was the usual, checking up on him.

 

>UZ_UY<

11:04

Hi sweetie~ huu

 

>UZ_UY<

11:04

How are you? Heehe

 

>UZ_UY<

11:05

Make sure not to keep overworking yourself sweetie~ ^^

 

>UZ_UY<

11:05

Stay healthy~ Huhuu

 

Youngjae smiled and typed out a quick reply to reassure her that he was doing well, and then he exited the chat and tapped on the second.

 

 

> ~Lion~ <

1:49

You practicing now?

 

 

> ~Lion~ <

1:49

I have to go to work early which so I'm sleeping early and I can't finish that video game I was talking about ;-;

 

 

Youngjae laughed at his friend, who was in a different time zone than him, and at the moment it would be around 7:00 where he was.

Youngjae typed out a quick reply to that as well and then stowed his phone in his bag, increasing his pace.

By the time he got to the dorm, he was shivering.

He fumbled with the door knob but made sure to set his stuff in the normal place under his bed before falling, curling under the blankets and not even bothering to change before the blackness tugged him under.

-------

Youngjae had been right.

JB hat berated him about being too tired and Youngjae shrugged it off as sleeplessness but inside he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

The real panic came two days after that last night.

GOT7 had been called by JYP to his office.

There were all as tense as a drawn bow string, because being called to the CEO's office usually wasn't good news.

But they all breathed a sigh of relief and maybe a few small celebrations when JYP announced that they would be practicing swimming at a private location for their next comeback.

Everyone was happy to be getting away from their hectic schedule for a while.

Except Youngjae.

Youngjae had stood stock still in the middle of the room, paralyzed by the thoughts plaughing his mind.

And it got even worse when JYP announced that they would be going tomorrow.

All day.

So Youngjae had stepped up, and in a small voice, asked "Where this private location was, exactly?"

JYP had excitedly explained that a nice elderly man was lending him his pool for the day, and since it was his house, he had only one regular visitor but he said he only came at night so he wouldn't be there.

Youngjae had laughed to himself bitterly at that.

That person would be there.

Not that anyone would know.

--------

It was only two days later, Youngjae sat in the back of the van, that the panic began to set in.

What of Old Man recognized him?

What if he had to take his shirt off?

But the most prominent worry was that Youngjae didn't want s to see him swimming.

He wasn't Michael Phelps, but even then he was pretty fast and had the kind of style that came from years of practice.

Youngjae made the resolution to be the sloppiest he could and hope not to up.

Even then, he was still tense.

Yugyeom, who was sitting next to him on the ride, seemed to notice, for he wrapped a hand around the back of Youngjae's neck and began messaging lightly.

Youngjae smiled at him and leaned his head on his shoulder for the short remainder of the ride.

When they got out of the van, Youngjae was relieved not to see any camera staff with them, which meant that they weren't going to be filmed.

His manager informed them that he would be waiting in the living room for the most of the day.

At that moment, the door opened and Old Man peered out.

His face crinkled into a smile that Youngjae had learnt by heart. 

"Ah! You must be... Got7?"

The boys nodded and the manager introduced them one by one.

"This is Mark, and Jinyoung, and Bambam, and Yugyeom, and Jackson, and Jaebum..."

Youngjae heart stopped when he heard their manager say Jaebum's name.

Old Man squinted at him and for a second he looked suspicious but then it passed and Youngjae thanked all the deities in the world that he hadn't shown Old Man any pictures of this JB.

"...and this is Youngjae."

Youngjae bowed slightly to him and kept his eyes on the floor.

After a moment of silence, Old Man grinned and swept his door open.

"Come inside."

---------

Youngjae set his bag down where Old Man instructed them all to and then followed him out to the pool.

They already had their swim trunks on, and Youngjae, Jaebum, and Jinyoung opted to keep their shirt on, even if it would slow them in the water.

Old Man had looked them over and announced that he would be testing them to see what they needed to improve.

They would dive in and swim to the end and back while Old Man timed them.

The first five weren't eventful, swimming like someone who had some experience but had never really been coached.

Jaebum was next, and he was faster than Youngjae had anticipated, but he still needed improvement.

When it was Youngjae's turn, he stepped up with trepidation, mind plagued with worry.

He dived in, though, and Youngjae made sure to do the sloppiest he had ever done.

When he pulled up at the end, Old Man was glaring at him through slitted eyes. "That isn't your best."

Youngjae stiffened and a trail of ice slipped down his spine.

Youngjae shook his head, denying. "I'm -"

Old Man pointed at him accusingly. "You aren't even breathing hard."

Youngjae in a breath at Old Man's next words.

"Take off your shirt. I want to see you really swim."

 Youngjae looked up at him. "What?"

"Take off your shirt."

Youngjae in a breath and whipped his t-shirt off, turning around quickly enough that nobody was able to get a glimpse of his stomach.

But when he looked up at Old Man, he saw a glint of suspicion in his eyes.

Youngjae set his t-shirt onto the cement of the floor.

Old Man locked eyes with Youngjae. 

"You better do your best or I'll know."

Youngjae nodded weakly.

He was still in the water and just positioned himself to push off the wall when he heard the signal.

3...

2...

1...

"Go!"

Youngjae shot off the wall like a coiled up snake lunging for its prey.

He let himself go, and swam like he usually did.

When he pulled back up at the wall, all his friends were gaping at him, but Youngjae didn't notice them.

His attention was purely on Old Man.

He had gone stock-still and was staring at Youngjae as if he was a ghost.

"Oh.. my god." He whispered.

He motioned for Youngjae to get out of the pool.

Slowly, dreading the inevitable, Youngjae slowly climbed out of the pool.

When he straightened, Youngjae heard gasps coming from his bandmates and one of them asking something but he didn't care.

He watched Old Man piecing it all together, never looking away.

Old Man's glance flitted from Youngjae to his torso to his bandmates.

Youngjae watched him stumble, and then he said, 

"It's you."

Youngjae nodded. "Does it make sense now?"

Old Man looked shell shocked, completely different from his stern attitude before.

Suddenly, someone interrupted them.

"You two know each other?"

Youngjae turned his head. 

Jinyoung had stepped forward, but Youngjae's attention was drawn to behind him.

Jaebum was standing there, looking more shocked thsn Old Man.

Youngjae sent him and inquisitive glance and he stepped forward, walking briskly and then grasping Youngjae by the shoulders.

"How did you get that scar?"

Youngjae looked up at him, at the unknown expression that had settled in JB's eyes.

"Um...."

Old Man stepped forward and fixed at Youngjae with a stare that burned with intensity.

"Tell them the truth."

Youngjae looked at him, hesitating. "Are you sure?"

Old Man nodded.

"Do it."

Youngjae took a deep breath and looked back at Jaebum. 

"It was a shooting. My former boyfriend... he-"

Youngjae stopped and wiped his eyes. 

"He died in the shooting. A bullet in his chest. I got this scar from a bullet that grazed my side deep enough to leave a mark."

Jaebum gripped Youngjae's shoulder tighter. 

"You said your boyfriend died in the shooting?"

Youngjae nodded. 

"Youngjae."

He looked up at his name.

"Your boyfriends name was Jaebum, right? You two swam together every Saturday. You were joined at the hip. You guys did everything together. And that night, you ran away so you didn't have to watch Jaebum die, right?"

Youngjae nodded slowly.

"How do you-?"

Jaebum gripped Youngjae's shoulders tighter.

"Youngjae. Jaebum never died."

Youngjae inhaled sharply.

Everything narrowed into focus onto JB's face.

Youngjae was faintly aware of his bandmates watching and Old Man standing right behind him, but all other sounds were blocked out except for JB's next words. 

"Youngjae. It's been so long since that night. I spent this entire time searching for you. I became an idol so I'd be more exposed to the public. I hoped you'd see me and recognize me. But you were right there the entire time..."

Youngjae, who had been paralyzed before, suddenly lept up and grabbed Jaebum's lips in a kiss.

And their lips finally touched, after countless miles and sleepless nights, two lovers reunited like a broken charm to its other half.

---------

It was only twenty years later, with a ring on his finger, a loving husband, and the brightest, most loving daughter with the prettiest brown, wavy hair with the name of Munhee, that Youngjae realized that maybe, just maybe, he believed soulmates were real.

---------------

A/N:

Um

This happened XD

This is I guess a commemoration of my year anniversary on AFF X3

Please excuse the horrible everything

;-;

I wrote it all in less than 23 hours T^T

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful day~~ ^^

-WingedWarrior